Round 15: A Real No-Brainer

A combination of the absence of a number of elite players and teams, inclement conditions and a failure to take very good opportunities on the part of a number of lower-ranked teams meant Round 15 in the NRL was one of the poorer rounds in recent memory. While several significantly weakened, upper echelon teams gained important wins, even they were not immune to the outbreak of shoddy play.

However, Round 15’s aesthetic unsightliness was far more than just poor execution of strategy or mistakes due to the wet weather. Much of this was – put simply – dumb play: dumb play from lowly ranked teams, whose chances for success against weakened better teams were ruined by shameful ignorance of what should have been less threatening strengths. But, as the mostly close final results of the weekend’s matches suggests, the better teams also played dumb, in not fully capitalising on their initial advantages.

Therefore, the most apt form for this week’s Roast is a list of the dumb, the dumber and dumberest happenings from each game, prefaced by suitably stupid quotes from the 1994 movie Dumb and Dumber. Bake it away, toys.

Bulldogs v. Penrith

Harry: Well, I used to have a parakeet, but my main area of expertise is canines: that’s dogs to the layperson.

Mary: Thanks. I love dogs too. So how are you involved with them?

Harry: Oh, I’ve trained them, bathed them, clipped them, I’ve even bred them.

Mary: Really? Any unusual breeding?

Harry: Nah, mostly just doggie-style.

Dumb: Despite their opposition being without a number of important players due to State of Origin and to injury, the Bulldogs still appeared to take Penrith too lightly. This was despite Penrith’s record of success in recent years against the Bulldogs in similar situations (i.e. when Penrith was expected by most to lose).

Dumber: Even allowing for this game being a night game and being played in rainy conditions, the error count in this game was very high. One sequence late in the first half had them rolling in the aisles: a Penrith last tackle passing movement resulted in a dropped ball after the pass was broken up to Walsh. Goodwin picked up the ball for the Bulldogs and ran down the sideline, but his pass was broken up and fielded by Sammut for Penrith.

Sammut looked to drop the ball, but it was just an awkward pass to Graham, who found Emilio, but pressure from El Masri forced Emilio’s pass to go several metres forward. From the ensuing scrum, Holdsworth dropped the ball while trying to pass, then Emilio dropped the ball first pass from the next scrum and the ball was picked up by Andrew Ryan, who proceeded to drop the ball when tackled. The whole game wasn’t this bad. Really. But both teams struggled in the conditions to say the least.

Dumberest: Luckily for the Bulldogs, their slight complacency was not fully punished by Penrith. It was apparent very early on that Penrith was highly motivated for a win, but they had two major failings: 1. their emphasis on attacking via their left-hand side and 2. their poor last tackle plays. They often attack down their left-hand side, but they normally have dynamic attacking players Pritchard and Jennings. Emilio and Cooper never really worried the Bulldogs’ defence.

But Penrith would have been very disappointed with a number of poor last tackle plays in this game. Just before the half hour mark, Penrith threatened to extend their lead into double figures, but consecutive last tackle options (a Sammut dummy half run that went nowhere and a Walsh running of the ball that eventually conceded 20 metres) allowed the Dogs to keep their line intact. Their next possession, the Bulldogs scored. The Bulldogs’ second try also followed a poor Penrith last tackle play. Not a good sign at all for a team that was supposed to have solved their playmaking problems.

North Queensland v. Sydney Roosters

Lloyd: That’s it – I’ve had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pet’s heads are FALLING OFF!

Harry: Ok, just calm down!

Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here Harry? We gotta get outta this town.

Harry: Yeh and go where? Where are we gonna go?

Lloyd: I’ll tell you where: someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.

Harry: I don’t know Lloyd, the French are a$$holes.

Dumb: Brad Fittler. I’m not sure what’s more amazing: his misdemeanour or the fact that the Roosters played almost exactly as they did in their last game (when there was no pre-game controversy). The clock is ticking as the Roosters wait for Fittler to depart with some dignity.

Dumber: After falling behind 10-0 very early on, the Cowbores recovered quite quickly and put on three tries with very little effort, despite having almost no playmaking ability in their halves without Feral Thurston. These easy tries came from strong forward running and the excellent play of Aaron Payne at dummy half. They followed it up with another easy try before half time (despite being one man down) – yet they couldn’t score one point in the second half and probably should have lost. While the Roosters’ effort in defence was very good, there is little question the Cowbores should have won this game easily.

Dumberest: The Roosters’ defence after getting to a 10-0 lead. Paper-thin is a cliché when it comes to describing poor defensive lines, but it was almost literally correct here. Even worse was that the Cowbores had NO threats in the halves or outside backs and so the Roosters’ defence could have almost focussed exclusively on the Cowbores’ forwards. Luckily, they still have heart, as evidenced by their effort and that they almost won the game, but that doesn’t excuse their woeful middle defence.

Melbourne v. Wests Tigers

Lloyd: Can’t you just feel it Harry? This is our big chance, man! All we got to do is show a little class and a little sophistication and we’re in like a dirty shirt.

Harry: That’s no problem, Lloyd, we can be classy and sophistic…oh look at the fun bags on that hose-hound.

Lloyd: I’d like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti!

Dumb: Melbourne might have been missing a number of important players, but their forward pack was largely intact. They should have done more with their early opportunities and done a better job of consolidating. Cooper Cronk having to fire up his team-mates after Melbourne’s second try showed this was a fairly flat team.

Dumber: Tigers again lost a close game. Their forwards (led by the shock return of Gareth Ellis) matched the highly rated Melbourne pack, but two well-constructed tries came with a number of blown chances. Their backs had an edge over the young/crap Melbourne backs, but the Tigers again couldn’t capitalise.

Dumberest: Daine Laurie. Yes, he has potential, but he had potential last year too and he’s not exactly a spring chicken (although he is in terms of experience). Bombed a try, gave up what became an important penalty (leading to Melbourne’s second try) and these were probably the difference in the end. Teflon Sheens is probably bringing him along at the right pace though. Laurie wouldn’t be playing much if it wasn’t for injuries, but Sheens and others have to cop the blame for over-paying some marginal forward talent so as players like Laurie are part of the Tigers’ forward pack ‘depth’.

Manly v. Canberra

Harry: Huh, I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.

Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of $hit, man.

(Next scene)

Lloyd: I’m only human, Harry. Anybody can make a mistake. C’mon, stop being a baby, so we backtracked a tad.

Harry: A TAD?! A TAD Lloyd?! You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don’t have enough money to get to Aspen, we don’t have enough money to get home, we don’t have enough money to eat, we don’t have enough money to sleep!

Dumb: Manly should never have let Canberra back in after their very good first half. Their almost second-string forward pack had the better of Canberra’s monsters and they did so partly by skilfully negotiating the heavy conditions, but for Manly to nearly give up a 20-point lead was criminal. Also, Adam Cuthbertson showed how far he had fallen: from City Origin in April to being replaced in an Origin-weakened line-up by an 18-year old five-eighth (Foran) on debut. Foran had a great first game and Coach Hasler would have been proud that his more mobile team dominated the bigger Raiders, but this was no thanks to Cuthbertson, who had a patchy game.

Dumber: Many assumed Canberra’s Terry Campese would be smarting after his Origin omission and would be keen for a very good performance. However, it was more of what has become largely the same for him this season. He had 10 or so excellent games late last season and parlayed that into a Kangaroos jersey and a five-year contract extension. He may end up being a great player, but his game has slipped this season and his self-confidence has suffered: he is not the type of player (yet) to play well in tough situations. Also, Campese’s usually solid goal kicking also let him down late in this game and hurt Canberra’s chances.

However, Canberra should have at the very least given Campese a chance to tie the game: after scoring three tries in a short space of time to cut the 20-point lead to just 6, Canberra had two excellent chances to score again, through David Milne (why did he not back his pace to go around Robertson instead of chipping him?) and a huge overlap which was botched.

Dumberest: Most importantly though, given their embarrassing loss to Cronulla last week and their dire need for points to put life back into their premiership chances, how could Canberra have NOT started this game with a massive determination to succeed? Instead they started like…well, the best description I saw stated ‘why was Canberra told the game was to start at 4pm instead of 3pm?’ They appeared flat and disinterested to dig in and fight back against the challenge from the under-strength Manly. Finally, they stopped the bleeding, but allowed one more soft try before they finally – but ultimately futilely – played at somewhere near their best. Too little, too late – it could end up being the catchphrase to describe Canberra’s season.

Cronulla v. Brisbane

Lloyd: Hey! Why don’t we get busy and deliver the briefcase to Mary? If I know her as well as I think I do, she’ll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

Harry: Good plan, where does she live?

Lloyd: I don’t know.

Harry: What’s her last name? I’ll look it up.

Lloyd: Ahh…you know I don’t really recall. Starts with an S! Swim, Swamy, Slippy, Slappy, Simmon, Sommon, Simmon, Som, Swan, Swinson, Swanson?

Harry: Maybe it’s on the briefcase. Look on that.

Lloyd: Oh yeh! It’s right here! Samsonite – I was way off! I knew it started with an S though.

Dumb: Cronulla’s sloppy defence in their own 20 during the game’s first 45 minutes. Brisbane – with a very young fullback and halves combination – was not likely to ask too complex questions of the Cronulla defence and with Cronulla dominating field position for much of the game, Brisbane could have been in major trouble. Instead, they rather easily crossed the line a number of times once they finally got good attacking field position. They scored two easy tries, had another try confusingly disallowed and threatened to do more while the score remained close.

Dumber: Brisbane’s generally poor approach to this game. Only Corey Parker and Nick Kenny could hold their heads high after what was a thrashing at the hands of a terribly inexperienced side with a forward playing at five-eighth. They were never going to be great with youth in such important positions, but their effort and intensity was very poor, especially from several notable off-season signings.

Dumberest: Ben T’eo and Lagi Setu (again) had terrible games. You know someone is rubbish when the Tigers don’t re-sign them; T’eo has hardly made a positive contribution for Brisbane so far this season and his curious bat-back probably denied Brisbane a try in the first half. Meanwhile, Setu’s poor attempted tackle on Millington was the start of Millington’s thirty-metre try-scoring run. Why did Brisbane sign these two but release Dave Taylor? The mind boggles.

New South Wales v. Queensland

Harry: I can’t feel my fingers anymore, Lloyd, they’re numb!

Lloyd: Maybe you should wear these extra gloves, my hands are starting to get sweaty.

Harry: Extra gloves? You’ve had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?

Lloyd: Yeh, we’re in the Rockies.

Harry: I’m gonna kill you!

Lloyd: What?

Harry: I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna kill you Lloyd! Right now, I’m gonna kill you! I know what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna do something I should have done a long time ago.

Lloyd: Don’t do anything foolish, Harry!

Harry: What? Foolish? This isn’t foolish? I’m gonna toss this damn curse right into that damn pond!

(Struggle ensues)

Lloyd: (shrieks) Harry, your hands are freezing!

Dumb: Yes, they’ve now won four series in a row, and yes, they might be considered one of the best Origin teams ever, but Queensland can never put a heavy defeat on NSW, no matter how poor NSW is playing. Granted, NSW had some luck with low-percentage plays, got a number of helpful calls from Chann...I mean the referees and Queensland had a number of hurt or sick players, but NSW had no right to be in the game at half time and some of the blame for this must lie with Queensland and their close, courageous win culture.

Dumber: NSW’s start to the game. It wasn’t just the errors (some of which we due to excellent Queensland tackling) but more so their whole approach. So flat, so lifeless: where was the urgency? Loose balls fell to Queensland, poor tackling made Queensland’s task much easier and this new combination of New South Welshmen looked about ready to collapse completely. But luckily for them, Queensland wasn’t much better: it was a horrible first half-hour. AFL, if you want the ANZ Stadium, please, take it and keep it for yourself. It is the worst stadium for big games for so many reasons.

Dumberest: NSW looked a real chance to take an unlikely lead late in the game, led by Manly’s brilliant back-rowers Watmough and Stewart. Queensland’s tiredness led to NSW coach Craig Bellamy deciding to put Robbie Farah back into the game with Gidley to play a double dummy half (much like he did with Farah and Wing in Game 1) but in doing this, he substituted Stewart. Not surprisingly, with Stewart went much of NSW’s attacking threat. The Manly back-rowers combine size, speed and intensity in a combination rarely seen in the NRL. Farah was having a poor game and never really worried Queensland; Bellamy basically gave away NSW’s chances to win by replacing Stewart.

Of course, Rugby League is blessed with such *talented* individuals that a Dumb and Dumber Roast could be done almost every week, but one final example of dumbness was seen on a sign at last night’s game: “Bowraville is in NSW you cheat”. That says it all really. See you next week.

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Round 14: Here's One I Prepared Earlier

While St George Illawarra and Newcastle are the only teams yet to have a bye, the Tuesday Roast has also powered through 13 rounds of NRL action without a week to recharge the batteries. So, as the boffins from the Curiosity Show might say, here’s a Roast I prepared earlier. Luckily, it is a highly informative and extremely relevant Roast: an actual transcript of Steve Mortimer on SKY News (Sportsline) on Sunday 7th June and his perspective on Swine Flu. With Benny Elias no longer on television, it doesn’t get much better than this and he is ably assisted by SKY “journalist” Craig Norenbergs. Sit back, relax and enjoy.

Craig Norenbergs (SKY News Host): The State of Origin has been thrown into turmoil with revelations that one of Queensland’s star players has contracted Swine Flu. SKY News has learned that Bulldogs prop Ben Hannant came down with the symptoms last week just after the Origin first game. It’s not known how he caught the Flu, but it has obvious ramifications for the second game due to be played in Sydney next week considering he had contact with players on his team and the opposition.

And joining me now is SKY News Rugby League Expert and former Bulldogs captain Steve Mortimer. G’day Steve, good to see you.

Steve Mortimer: Ohhh ohh… got some tough questions I guess to ask…

CN: Yeh this, this is a difficult one, we’re entering into the kind of area of medcine (sic) here, ahh but obviously Ben Hannant ok, let’s say, the day after the Origin, he came…came down with this thing…

SM: Sure yeh…

CN: What should they do now?

SM: Well look, can I just say I’ve heard read the Swine…about the Swine Flu, I think it is eight hundred and something Victorians have got it and a hundred and something in New South Welshmen and so on, but have we had a death from it at the moment? No ok, well, ok that’s fair enough. Look can I just tell you, I’ve had a flu injection every year…for flu…and even when I was playing in my football career, I’ve played with the flu a number of times and got through the game. Now having said that, and I can understand, I guess, the attention that this might bring, but I’m sure that Ben Hannant and all those eight hundred and seventy four other Victorians in there would have received a vaccine or whatever it might be. Do you think they would have been isolated from their work um workplace? I don’t think so. So look you know, sometimes it’s certainly to be addressed sincerely but sometimes I think it can be overplayed too. It is a Flu, I don’t know about the…all I’ve done is read about it, so I understand your questions but I just think there’s been a lot of footballers that have played with flu and unless I guess the NRL can go to the Medical Institute and say well ‘what are the ramifications?’ or whatever, so be it, but umm I think we just move on.

CN: I guess it comes to what the other players, his opposition players and I guess his team-mates have to say, because it’s actually the connotations of the name ‘Swine Flu’ and…

SM: Yeh…

CN: …what happened obviously in Mexico, people died from it over there but it has a reputation, doesn’t it?

SM: Well that…it does have a…yes, yes and that’s in Mexico and we’ve got to respect that as well, but…and I guess it is Australia, it’s a very serious…I guess…issue to address, but umm I think until the NRL speak with the…the umm…the Australian Medical Institute or whatever the appropriate organisation is and the ramifications, as I said, I read there’s eight hundred-odd Victorians umm maybe getting a vaccination or whatever, but will they be isolated from work? I doubt it very much, so guess what? Rugby League is also a sport and work too for these professional footballers.

CN: Ramifications obviously, with Origin just…just…

SM: Well, very much so, umm I’m just trying to think, has Melbourne sort of come up with this so Origin doesn’t continue? (laughs) I don’t think so, no, but uh look it needs to be treated seriously, but as I said before, if people are dying and falling down in Australia, certainly needs to be addressed even more severely, but yes, we’ve got to show the respect, NRL does that, but quite frankly, Craig, I’ve played with the flu a number of times over my thirteen years playing for the Bulldogs and yes I might have given it to other players, but I took a vaccination and I guess that’s life, you know, so. You know, that’s probably the best answer I can come up with.

In Round 14 action:

* Brisbane was gutsy, but ultimately the Bulldogs were far too good on Friday night. The Bulldogs – and Ben Roberts, in particular – showed the Rugby League World just how much Lockyer is missing Tonie Carroll.

* It was rainy and freezing in Auckland, so you know what that means…yep, a low-scoring Warrior win. Newcastle was unlucky to lose McManus early on, but the Warriors got an early lead and kept Newcastle scoreless.

* The Roosters continued to improve and should have beaten the flat Titans, who struggled after their battle with the Dragons on Monday. Gold Coast had one chance to snatch a late win and the fearless Chris Walker did so by putting put the ball down inches before hitting the corner post.

* It was a large crowd at Penrith and everyone enjoyed their noble efforts, but really, wearing pink on a rugby league field was never going to work. Seriously, Manly put in a very solid effort and had the better of most of this game. Wolfman’s pink beard could never be described as better, but his amazing rundown and try-saving tackle on Lachlan Coote was one for the ages.

* Melbourne outlasted Souths in a shootout in the Wild West. Souths’ effort was much improved, but Melbourne always looked like they could do enough to win the game: a notable achievement for them during the Origin period.

* Canberra and Cronulla battled furiously to see who could make more mistakes. Cronulla looked set to win, but an amazing Canberra fightback saw them steal the victory in the dying minutes. In other words, Canberra really should have won this one, but they failed to kill the gallant Sharks off and 20 minutes of sloppy then tired play allowed Cronulla to win.

* In Wollongong, the Dragons and Cowbores produced one of the games of the season. This was a ferocious battle and the Cowbores threatened to stand up to the Dragons: a rare event this season. Ultimately, the Dragons’ long-range try ability was the main point of difference (with Feral Thurston finally cooling off coming a close second) between the teams.

* Last night, Wests ended their near-five year period of futility against Parramatta. At times it appeared as though there would be more Parramatta success, but the Tigers’ efforts to pressure the Eels’ inexperienced halves into poor play were ultimately pivotal and the Tigers came home strongly for an important win.

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Round 13: Coaches Always Say The Darndest Things…If They Were Allowed To

There are few more difficult occupations than head coach of an NRL team. The long hours, the travel, the (general) struggles to execute plans and strategy on game day as discussed and rehearsed over hours and days on the training field, the rigid salary cap (and how it makes ongoing success very difficult to achieve) are all frustrating enough. Only the very best coaches can overcome this have a genuine shot at early October glory; everyone else has to hope for a relatively well off club to help re-tool the team for next season, and that this re-tooling does not involve the signing of a new coach. Job security is certainly not a reason to get into coaching.

However, there is the possibility of respite for these beleaguered men. They have the opportunity – in theory – several times a week to vent their many frustrations about referees, officials, perceived injustices from various sources, soon-to-be or previous opposition coaches or players, the scheduling of matches….any number of things.

But as we all know, coaches look upon these media commitments with about as much joy as major dental work. They know that media commitments are necessary to give the club (and their sponsors) valuable exposure, but they also know they can’t speak out of line about officials, they can’t speak poorly of a recent or future opponent and that they can’t do anything but praise individual players on their team.

The result: cliché filled, monotonous, cue-it-up-and-play-it-again, 7-second sound bites from some of the sharper minds in the game (with the possible exception of Brad Fittler).

How interesting, how entertaining could NRL press conferences be if coaches always said what they felt? Well, this week’s Tuesday Roast will attempt to provide something of a snapshot into the minds of a number of coaches after the just-completed round of matches.

“Geez, I don’t know how we butchered that game tonight. Even though we gave them stacks of ball in the first half, we were still in it then we dominated but could only get one try (and even that was dodgy as). Then we just capitulated against them like we did last time. Tuiaki, what on earth was he thinking going for that intercept? But it’s all good. We’re bad at winning 50/50 games, we haven’t made the finals since 2005, yet you all love me, neutrals love watching us and my job is safe. Cheers!” Tim Sheens, Coach Wests Tigers

The first of an intriguing round of NRL was at Leichhardt on Friday where Penrith took on the Tigers. Penrith have dominated the Tigers over many years, but the absence of Michael Jennings and Jarrod Sammut – as well as the Tigers desperately needing a win to keep in touch with the top 8 – meant a very even first 70 minutes.

Ultimately, the game was won by Penrith’s ability to absorb sustained Tigers pressure then respond similarly (which seemed to surprise the Tigers). The absence of Jennings and Sammut meant Penrith found it a little difficult to cash in on a number of Tigers errors in the first half, but Penrith’s desperate defence (especially two try-saving tackles by Elford) was pivotal. On the back of this, players such as Aiton, Waterhouse, Tighe and Luke Walsh willed Penrith down the field time and time again in the final 10 minutes, where 3 late tries saw the scoreline blowout.

A final word: has the video referee pendulum started to swing in the other direction after the Jarryd Hayne no-try from last Wednesday night? Robbie Farah’s try in this game was given despite massive doubt: Benji Marshall’s last-tackle desperation pass to Farah probably belonged at the SFS on Saturday night. His right arm or the ball may not have touched the ground before the pass to Farah, but his left arm – which assisted the pass to Farah – was definitely on the ground. Nevertheless, the try was allowed. Was this the start of a ‘benefit of the doubt’ plague? Or was it once again the continued application of an extremely pedantic view of the rules? It could argued that both of these have an element of truth to them, but the awarding of some dubious tries in this game and in the Monday night game suggests ‘ohhhh just give the damn TRY!’ brigade will be happier in coming weeks.

“Geez that was easy. Like I said, at the end of the day, when Locky’s not playing, again youse know you’re basically certainties against Brisbane. And we even did it with our main forwards all starting off the bench. Even though Wayne has gone, like I said, that one was sa-weet.” Craig Bellamy, Coach Melbourne Storm

It was a Storm win from the 2006-2008 era in the other Friday game. Most impressive perhaps was the display of Storm depth, especially in the forwards, but also with the impressive young reserve winger Joseph Tomane. But the fragility of Brisbane was somewhat alarming. Lockyer, of course, is a big loss for Brisbane, but they still had the NSW halfback and most of their available forwards, yet Melbourne thrashed them. The cross-kick to Folau does not solve everything…

“Finally – FINALLY – the boys pulled their finger out and played something like how they can! I suppose at least it didn’t come after I got the sack, small consolation I guess, but geez guys, might have been nice if you showed some signs of it a few months ago! Surely they didn’t just play like that because Big Artie’s here? Even though we lost by 20, Manly was pretty scared there for a while, so yeh hopefully we can do this a bit more often and scare some more good teams, but seriously I won’t be holding my breath.” Brad Fittler, Coach Sydney Roosters

This game looked like being a fairly routine Manly win until the Roosters burst out of their six-week torpor and made this a very competitive game. Manly realised they were in a game (when perhaps they weren’t expecting to be) but it was a rare situation for them this season: they were in a contest with a team many expected them to defeat easily. They found this task to be fairly difficult and if it wasn’t for some fortunate plays (the loose ball bouncing to Wolfman, some dubious penalties and Matt Awful actually executing several kicks as he intended), the Roosters could very well have won the game.

They certainly deserved a better outcome than to lose by 20, as they provided some of the more entertaining tries seen this season. They put on two tries involving long runs, some deft passing but most importantly an attitude to attack wherever possible. Shaun Kenny-Dowall was a consistent threat down the left; his body shape is not dissimilar to Greg Inglis and occasionally he makes a play which reminds you of Inglis.

This shows how even the NRL is: even the team running last has players more than capable of making excellent plays. The Roosters might even threaten the Dragon-killing Gold Coast this coming weekend, especially if injuries/illness significantly affect the Titan line-up.

“Just wanted to say to all my critics – where are you now? Thought it was a bit quiet in here. If any of them were here, they might say I’m riding JT’s coattails, but you’d have to be blind to not see how much better everyone in the team is playing. I don’t want to jinx us but we are SSSSSSMOKINGGGG right now!” Neil Henry, Coach North Queensland Cowbores

The winning run of North Queensland continued on Saturday night when they thrashed Souths. This game had a number of potential danger signals for the Cowbores: after a few very good games, it is difficult for any team to maintain a good run in the NRL (especially during representative season), also Souths has been a bogey team of the Cowbores the last few seasons and they have performed quite well against good teams this season.

But another Souths trait has been poor play when backing up 5 days after their past game and this continued on Saturday night. Meanwhile, the Cowbores’ great run continued. Feral Thurston was once again at his best, O’Donnell was also very good and their unsung forward heroes (Tronc, Bolton, Payne etc) continued their excellent form. After a slow start, the Cowbores are perhaps the best team at the moment: Neil Henry is not usually prone to public shows of emotion, but he must be tempted to unleash on those who attacked his coaching in recent months.

“Coaching the Warriors has to be the hardest job in the NRL, luckily I am a man of infinite patience (this must be why my contract was extended last week, surely it can’t be for my performance). I’ve got no idea when the boys are going to turn up. We only hammered home the importance of this game ALL WEEK LONG and that Cronulla would be desperate after having crapped the bed at home since Round 2, but still we put in that pathetic excuse of an effort in the first 20 minutes and basically cost ourselves the game. The second half was great; I reckon we would have come back against a number of other teams but Cronulla wanted it too much, well done to them. But who knows how we’re going to play against Newcastle. We might fire up, we might not. I have no idea.” Ivan Cleary, Coach New Zealand Warriors

It probably wasn’t a surprise that Cronulla started strongly against the Warriors, but it was something of a surprise that Cronulla looked vaguely like a team that knew how to score tries (after not doing so all season) and that the also-desperate Warriors did not also start strongly. There was an element of luck to Cronulla’s first two tries but they fully deserved their 18-nil lead; their play was open and positive, which suited the good conditions and the (relatively) large crowd of locals.

The game started to turn around from about the half hour mark, due to the Warriors realising the extent of their problems and Cronulla not having led anyone by 18 points in the first half since John Lang coached them. Cronulla’s increasingly inexperienced team made this lack of familiarity with their wonderful situation even worse. The increasingly maligned Stacey Jones played his best game since returning to the NRL and, in doing so, lifted the Warriors almost single-handedly back into the game (although Steve Price’s effort to play almost the whole game after Origin cannot go unmentioned).

The Warriors have long been a threat to comeback on sunny afternoons away from home after conceding a big lead, but Cronulla’s enthusiasm and effort in defence proved too much and they ultimately triumphed in a highly entertaining game. The ship has almost sailed on the Warriors’ annual second-half surge but the arrival of Newcastle to Auckland next Friday night could be the challenge they need to resuscitate their season. Meanwhile, Cronulla could be a f#$%^ good chance at playing spoiler for much higher teams from now on if they can reproduce this effort.

“Everyone will accuse me of talking our team down by me saying this, but it’s true, go and look and the scores, ladder positions at the time and the match reports: people say we’re a good chance to win the comp, but we can’t string two good games together. I love our team (I should, I put it together) so I reckon we’re going to start with a run of consistency soon, but it’s pretty annoying. Parra tried hard, but if we’re near our best, Parra aren’t close to us. I guess I got a bit arrogant by not starting De Gois or Hilder and resting Simpson and that might have given Parra the confidence boost to start the game they needed to get them over us, but still…disappointing. We were so bad I can’t even seriously blame the various refereeing mistakes that went against us – now that’s saying something.” Brian Smith, Coach Newcastle Knights

While the conspiracy theorists might suggest that the Newcastle – Parramatta fixture was ‘manipulated’ by Channel 9 to ensure a close contest and hence improve ratings, in hindsight a close game between these teams should not have been a surprise. Newcastle – for some reason – continued their streak of unusually poor play in odd-numbered rounds, while Parramatta’s ‘off-on’ habit which started in Round 8 was seen again (impressive efforts against North Queensland, Souths and Newcastle were interspersed with poor play against Manly and Cronulla).

Despite the wildly divergent performances by these teams, this was another very entertaining game. Parramatta’s great play went largely unrewarded for much of the game, which kept the struggling Knights in with a shot. Finally, more Parramatta attacking enterprise was rewarded (albeit with a perhaps dubious penalty) before the victory was sealed by second-gamer Mortimer’s chip kick and subsequent regather.

Interestingly, the NRL clubs faring worst on the ladder have all responded with much improved efforts in recent weeks. Unfortunately for Parramatta, their next opponent is the team due to experience a turnaround (if the trend continues), the Wests Tigers. In addition, Parramatta’s ‘off-on’ habit might come into play, as they haven’t lost to the Tigers since about 1975: complacency could make an appearance next Monday night. But speaking as a many times scarred Tigers supporter, I’ll believe this when I see it.

“Just quietly, we had this game circled on the calendar for a while, especially after they bashed us up in Wollongong earlier in the year and I’m stoked we dominated such a highly regarded forward pack (even though they were missing a few important guys). But most importantly, ever since I had a cry about the refs a few weeks back, now we’re getting most of the 50/50 calls. The system works!” John Cartwright, Coach Gold Coast Titans

It would not be a surprise if the swine flu uncertainty leading up to last night’s game is how this game will be remembered in the months and years to come, but it would also be unfortunate, since this was probably one of the more significant games in the (short) history of the Titans. On occasion, their forward pack and their intensity across the park has been at a high level, but in general, their reputation as a soft-ish team is well deserved.

However, the line was clearly drawn in the sand before last night’s game: the Titans had had enough. Enough of being called soft. Enough of losing to the Dragons (this feeling was no doubt strengthened with the sight of several thousand Dragons supporters – including the GST guy – at one end of the ground). Enough of being flashy and not the bully. The Titans’ first 25 minutes or so was not only one of the more dominant displays in recent years, but one of the most unbelievable (given that it took place against the previously stingy Dragons’ defence). They dominated almost every contest, which meant fast play-the-balls, a retreating defence and hence a great platform for the Titans’ attack.

That said, the Titans were somewhat lucky, with some fortuitous bounces from kicks as well as receiving the benefit of what looked to be a massive doubt (and also with the Dragons being denied what would have been the game’s first try for what looked to be a dubious penalty). But they were by far the better team and thoroughly deserved their 22-2 half-time lead.

The Dragons did just enough to stay in the game and made the most of a tiring/injured opposition and some dubious refereeing calls to come back into the game, although they always looked like being a little short of time. In the end, despite their best efforts, the Dragons had only one play to win the game and that came following a kick-off.

It was a great comeback for a team regarded as having a fairly barren attack, but the Titans’ efforts to almost demolish the Dragons in the first half and then hold on amidst a growing injury toll deserved the most praise.

That ends this week’s Roast. With any luck, we will see some press conferences similar to the fictional ones described above; perhaps the coaches can blame Swine Flu (and light-headedness) for any irrational outbursts! See you next week.

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Round 12: This Week in Rugby League according to At The Movies

“Ohhh Gallen’s dead set taken a dive there, give him an Academy Award!”

David Stratton: This week on At The Movies, the next instalment in film’s most famous franchise premieres in Melbourne, a megalomaniacal, autobiographical, but ultimately feel-good look at a former star enjoying a career renaissance after learning the error of his ways and a touching story of a hard working, socially awkward, loner’s efforts to win over a conservative regional town.

Margaret Pomeranz: Other new releases this week include a sequel to Once Were Warriors, a low-budget re-make of West Side Story and the winning entrant from the Canberra Short Film Festival titled Easy Peasy Without Campese.

But first, it is the much-hyped release of Fourward and Upward…? – the newest in the Star Wars series. David, you were at the premiere last night in Melbourne, what did you think? Did it live up to the hype? Did it give you hope that the rather disappointing instalments of recent years would be a thing of the past?

DS: You’re right Margaret, this franchise has become somewhat stale in recent years, although it must be tough to put so much effort into producing these works year in and year out for almost 30 years. However, to the directors’ credit, the infusion of much new talent for the Blues gave those behind the relentless hype machine a somewhat easier task. The angles of youth vs. experience and potential vs. proven performers gave the media much to discuss in anticipation of this premiere.

I won’t give too much away, but the youth (New South Wales) vs. experience (Queensland) theme plays a pivotal – and perhaps controversial – role early on in the battle and it appeared Queensland was about to exhibit major dominance over their hated foe, but it didn’t quite turn out like that. While the battle perhaps didn’t reach the heights of some famous past instalments – such as the first episode in 2005 or the third episode of 2002 – the directors must be given credit for an ending which leaves plenty of options for subsequent instalments later in the year.

However, I’m not sure about the neutral venue of Melbourne – I know the directors have used Melbourne before and they have their reasons but there was something of an…empty feel for much of the game. Perhaps it’s just that Melbourne is more of a Star Trek city, who knows? Margaret, what did you think?

MP: At the end of the day – channelling my inner Craig Bellamy here, David, heh heh heh! – I agree with you, the directors have to be praised. Keeping this aging franchise alive year after year for so very long and sustaining such significant interest is a noteworthy achievement.

But the potential vs. experience angle was identified early on, was present throughout this instalment and given its success, I’m sure will be used again later on in the year. Another time-honoured theme was refereeing mistakes and the passion this creates amongst rival supporters. It’s quite amazing, David, there have refereeing mistakes in Star Wars since we were at SBS heh heh heh but they still are such an effective means of engaging (or should that be enraging?) the audience.

While some have called for an end to Star Wars after such a long run, this latest instalment – and the fervour with which it was received – shows it has plenty of life left in it yet, especially as long as I can watch Greg Inglis gracefully striding down the field. Four stars from me.

DS: I’m not quite as big a Star Wars follower and fan as you, Margaret, but as much as I try and tune out of it and ignore the hype, the intensity of each battle draws me in. Four stars here too.

MP: Now it’s on to our second release of the week – Citizen Dell. David, you mentioned the relentless hype machine for Star Wars; perhaps they ought to engage the promotional talents of the producer, director and star of Citizen Dell – Wendell Sailor – in the future. Despite being released in the same week as Star Wars, Citizen Dell has still received significant publicity.

For the few people out there who have avoided the self-promotional blitz in recent months, Citizen Dell is an autobiographical account of Wendell Sailor’s turbulent career. However, it is mostly focused on the last few years, where he endured a two-year suspension for cocaine use but overcame the naysayers and doubters – or “haters” as he calls them several times during the film – to resurrect his career at NRL club St. George Illawarra.

For those who can handle Sailor’s consistently brash demeanour and are not entirely put off by Sailor referring to the film many believe is the best ever in the title, this is something of a feel-good story. Much of the film looks at Sailor’s role in a recent win for St George Illawarra over Penrith, where Sailor “carried the team on my back” to a win. Look out for Morgan Freeman as St George Illawarra coach Wayne Bennett and cameos from Pauly Shaw (as former Dragons coach Nathan Brown; although this is somewhat demeaning – to Shaw) and Brad Chard (as passer-by on Pitt Street Brad Chard whose brief early morning exchange helped motivate Sailor).

I’m going to give this three and a half stars. David, what did you think?

DS: As you know Margaret, I’m not much of a sports follower, but I am aware of Sailor and I am also aware of Anthony Mundine. I find both of them to be highly objectionable characters. Some may accuse me anti-American feeling for this, but there are many fine concepts, ideas or products which emanate from the United States. I’m afraid that loud, boorish, excessively confident sportsmen are not one of them, especially when they name their films after Citizen Kane. Two stars from me.

On to our next new release for the week: Mr. Smith Goes to Newcastle. Whereas Wendell Sailor’s puff piece had nothing in common with the masterpiece from whence its name was borrowed, this film has a number of similar elements to the 1939 film Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, which of course starred Jimmy Stewart.

In both films, a replacement official is required to take over after a death. In Newcastle, the “death” was of the local team – the Newcastle Knights – as a premiership threat. If the decision for a new coach of the Knights was made as other decisions were in the mid 2000’s – at the whim of declining superstar Andrew Johns – the Knights would have recruited another Yes man, another lackey to coach the team, but those in charge knew that riding the coattails of Johns and one or two others could not continue. The signing of Mr. Smith – Brian Smith – was specifically undertaken to revitalise and transform what was an ailing club in a rugby league town.

Smith’s reform process of the Newcastle Knights was fast-tracked after the sudden retirement of Andrew Johns after just three games of the 2007 season. Smith knew he was at a club where home-grown talent was important, but he also knew how important reform was. These outcomes were quickly shown to be mutually exclusive and supporter and player discontent was rising. Poor on-field performances only made Smith’s position more tenuous.

However, during 2008, once the first wave of reform had begun and Smith was able to secure much of his new talent from elsewhere, the first signs of the transformation became apparent.

There has been much controversy over this film, as Smith has won few friends in rugby league circles despite a career spanning four separate decades. Smith’s enemies claim the turbulent 2007 season has been glossed over and key facts regarding certain events are omitted or altered, but I think this film has a strong enough story that the non-sport follower such as myself can really become involved.

The film ends midway through the 2009 season, where further development of the Newcastle Knights playing roster has seen a much improved performance, including victories over a number of successful teams, the last of which came against the Bulldogs. Look for a hilarious cameo by Stevie Wonder as video referee Paul Simpkins; Simpkins’ small involvement gave Newcastle a brief advantage over the Bulldogs, but one is left feeling good for Smith and for Newcastle. There is a feeling of satisfaction, where Smith can see the benefits of much hard work paying off.

Smith’s somewhat anti-social and workaholic qualities are beautifully captured by Tom Cruise, while others to watch for include John Candy (as former Newcastle player and now board member Paul Harragon) and a brick outhouse (as Newcastle player Junior Sau).

Margaret, I’m going to give Mr. Smith Goes to Newcastle four stars.

MP: A brick outhouse?! Ohhhhh David you’re too much. I also enjoyed this film, but I can’t help but think this was released too soon and failed to adequately go over much of his past. Yes, he enjoyed long stints at a number of clubs, but ultimate success – a grand final win – has always eluded him. While those behind the film may feel the story is in Smith winning over Newcastle after the turbulent 2007 season, for most other followers of the game, a much bigger story would be if Smith ever won a premiership.

Still, I enjoyed the film – I wonder if Smith’s career could sustain a number of films actually. Three and a half stars from me.

On to several new releases with much lower budgets and/or aimed at a much smaller segment of the movie-going public. Firstly, the winner of the Canberra Short Film Festival was the rugby league film Easy Peasy Without Campese. This film looked at the exploits of the local rugby league team, the Canberra Raiders, who struggled mightily during the first 11 rounds of the 2009 season with their supposed superstar Terry Campese.

Campese’s absence from Canberra’s team in Round 12 was thought by many to leave Canberra rudderless and vulnerable, but they developed an excellent gameplan and thrashed South Sydney. There is a mix of entertainment (from the pleasing Canberra play), humour (as David Caruso plays the parts of both Alan Tongue and Joel Monaghan) and mystery (as the Canberra players ponder why they couldn’t perform at this level previously and wonder if Campese was to blame).

A very nice short film, three and a half stars from me.

DS: From New Zealand comes our next film Always Were Mudrunners (a sequel to Once Were Warriors). Strangely enough, this sequel looks at a rugby league team called the Warriors. This film is part drama, part comedy, part excitement thanks to the high number of emotionally volatile but usually brain-dead Maori or Islander players who play for the Warriors. In truth, this documentary would be interesting enough without the Mudrunners tie-in, but watch for the Warriors transforming from inconsistent, erratic players into machines once rain falls in Auckland. The impact of this has been historically felt by their opposition in the featured game, the Wests Tigers, a team from Sydney (but interestingly with a high number of Kiwi players) who thrive in dry weather.

All in all, an interesting addition to films in 2009, but a bit specialised for my liking: two and a half stars.

MP: The final new release this week is a local low-budget remake of West Side Story. How low-budget is it? Well…it was shot on a mobile phone by a member of the passionate Cronulla Sharks Supporters Club! Heh heh heh – I guess you’d have to be passionate to still attend Cronulla games!

Anyway, I believe this Cronulla Sharks supporter has been filming every game from their vantage point in the crowd since news of the Sharks’ financial problems was announced, praying for a win and the ensuing celebrations to showcase that good can still come from Cronulla. Bless them…but while you can’t help but become involved in the emotions of the Cronulla supporters, their win against Parramatta was very much a struggle, containing very little in the area of excitement or drama.

Parramatta at times looked like exerting more of an influence on the game’s outcome, but their famous habit (so I’m told) of playing down to their opposition when favoured to win once again came to the fore. Cronulla stayed close (thanks to a rare highlight by Luke Covell) and basically fell across the line – well, Mitch Brown did at least. And Trent Barrett’s field goal was as ugly as they come.

That said, it might be worth going to see West Side Story just for the post-game celebration. For a club which has never won a premiership, Cronulla’s loyal supporters sure do know how to celebrate!

DS: Margaret, that’s cruel!

MP: Heh heh I know, David, I know. Anyway, for the battle between the Sharks and the Eels (not the Jets unfortunately), I give three stars.

On that note, we’ll leave Margaret and David. Hopefully something resembling normal Tuesday Roast transmission will resume next week.

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Round 11 - Referees, Rebirths and Roasts: A Pre-Origin Review

As this most chaotic of NRL seasons is about to enter a several-month period of major flux for the line-ups of the best teams, it seems an appropriate time to take stock as well as outline what will no doubt be a pathetic attempt at the eventual outcome of season 2009.

Parramatta: Despite 2009 being a season thus far of major upheaval, player disenchantment and largely poor form, it can be argued there is light at the end of the tunnel for Parramatta. Yes, they have some gaping holes in their squad but there are signs of a team that cares, that wants to play at its best no matter who might be missing. They will lose a high number of the season’s remaining games, but you get the impression that the Parra army wouldn’t mind this if the players continue to have a dig more often than not.

Their effort against Souths on Friday night was top-shelf and they were very unlucky to come away from the game with just one point. Their games may not be very pretty for much of the next few months (perhaps until Mateo comes back) but an honourable 12th to 14th place finish looks likely.

Souths: On balance, Souths have enjoyed a solid season to date. Sure, their effort against Parramatta was poor – they have struggled for form in general in situations where most expected them to play well – but this has been offset by some extremely gutsy performances. Souths had little to no right to be anywhere near victory against the Warriors, Tigers and Titans, but that they picked up 4 points from these games could be very useful later on in the season.

Of course, how you fare against the better teams will eventually determine your fate, but points accumulated after playing the lower teams determines the difficulty of your September fixtures. Look for Souths to do enough to have a shot at success (especially with the signing of Crocker): 6th to 8th should be about right.

Wests Tigers: So near and yet so far: the Tigers have played some of the best rugby league seen this season, defeated or threatened a number of high-flying teams and could well be in the top 4. Their poor luck was seen again on Friday night, where, even without Robbie Farah, they came very close to defeating Brisbane. Much has been said about the refereeing in this game, but the Tigers again lacked someone to finish off much of their good work.

Farah and Marshall will, of course, return in combination in State of Origin off weeks and for the remainder of the season (injuries notwithstanding) but the Tigers’ ultimate standing is one of the more difficult to figure. A premiership run or a (weak) challenge for the spoon are both somewhat likely. I’ll say 9th to 11th for now, but this really could go either way.

Brisbane: A real enigma of a team. A major roster overhaul over the last few seasons has seen the average age of the roster fall markedly, but accompanying the increased youth is, strangely, greater complacency (or more correctly, doing the bare minimum needed to win). This was again seen on Friday night, where they generally failed to match the enthusiasm of the understrength Tigers, but took enough chances when they got near the Tigers’ line to sneak home with the win.

While they are not really playing anywhere near their potential at the moment, their talent level and ongoing generous scheduling (due to Channel 9’s desire to screen Brisbane on Friday nights, the Broncos have a consistency and routine to their draw which is the envy of many teams) as well as their very good start to the season should ensure that Brisbane finishes in the top 2. But whether they can win big games in September with a forward pack of questionable quality is another matter entirely.

Cronulla: The seeds of their disastrous season were probably sewn several years ago, where allowing the status quo at all levels of the club to continue has been shown to be an extremely poor decision. For all of Ricky Stuart’s tenure at Cronulla, his team has been under-resourced and the club’s reputation amongst players has remained low (hence the high number of rejects Cronulla has been forced to accept). Also during the entirety of Stuart’s time at Cronulla, the Sharks have been a hard-working team; this is not in question. Again on Saturday night, they gave the Dragons a tough game. But while in 2007, they lost a heap of close games, and in 2008, they won a heap of close games, it has fallen apart in 2009. The loss of Kimmorley, Bird, De Gois and Kearney really haven’t been covered and given their lack of depth, Cronulla has struggled mightily in all areas in 2009.

There is a risk of the whole operation going belly-up and Cronulla losing the plot over the season’s final few months, but the more likely outcome is for Cronulla to continue to fight hard but for only perhaps a handful (if they’re lucky) of gutsy wins. A bottom 2 finish looks a certainty for Cronulla.

St George Illawarra: If there was ever any doubt as to the coaching credentials of Wayne Bennett, this must have been erased given his brilliant work transforming the Dragons. What many Dragons supporters saw as a risky game against Cronulla on the weekend was a comfortable win, as the Dragons absorbed Cronulla’s best before Soward inspired his team to a number of tries early in the second half.

Speaking of Soward, his playmaking and kicking will always be important, but it might be his speed which is his most valuable asset. Soward, Brett Morris, Boyd and some others possess blinding speed; this has and will lead to a number of tries, which will help to alleviate the Dragons’ relative lack of playmaking ability. Of course, the Dragons’ size, toughness and intensity will take them far this season: they will finish between 3rd and 5th but represent a serious threat for this year’s premiership (given their semi-final style of play).

Bulldogs: Speaking of transformations, an even greater transformation has taken place with the Bulldogs. While their work in signing a number of very good players was very important, the way they have come together as a finely-functioning team in a short matter of time has been extremely impressive. A great example of the resilience of the Bulldogs was seen on Saturday night when they thoroughly defeated Melbourne but where all their points came after the injury to Brett Kimmorley. The collective lift in the Bulldogs’ level of play and intensity was extremely obvious in the minutes after Kimmorley’s departure and they were able to sustain this during the second half for a great win.

Even if the Bulldogs experience a prolonged period of struggle over the remainder of the season, they are extremely well placed given their current high standing and relative lack of Origin representation. They seem set for a top 2 finish and have a great shot at premiership glory.

Melbourne: The stage was set on Saturday night for a return to the status quo; for Melbourne to build on their thrashing of Canberra with a win over the upstart Bulldogs on Saturday night and in doing so, confirming their premiership intentions before the Origin period. But the usually well prepared Storm didn’t seem to factor in how hungry the Bulldogs would be. Also, the Storm reacted poorly to the loss of Kimmorley for the Bulldogs. The Storm’s highly predictable style of play has seen them labelled robots by some; well, these wags would have taken joy out of Melbourne’s failure to react to a significant change in their opposition’s line-up.

That said, Melbourne’s prospects have improved markedly over the last month. The return of several important cogs of their forward pack has been important (especially with much reduced depth in this season’s squad) while the signing of Brett Finch has given them a much-needed alternate playmaking option. They will struggle during Origin, but look for them to make a bit of a run after Origin: 3rd to 5th for the Storm.

Penrith: Finally – finally – it appears as though the pieces are coming together for Penrith. Their much-vaunted youngsters have improved, their sizeable forward is playing with a good level of consistency and the signing of Luke Walsh at halfback might just be the icing on the cake. Similar to the old Dragons, the old Panthers might have played poorly against the Roosters on Saturday night. Instead, they turned up to thrash them: a stark contrast to a number of pathetic home displays when expected to win in recent years.

Penrith’s rise has been confirmed by the Origin announcements, with Jennings and Lewis (18th man) receiving overdue recognition and Penrith should continue their growth throughout the remainder of this season by sneaking into the top 8: a 6th to 8th finish will cap an amazing turnaround, led by Matthew Elliott.

Sydney Roosters: Similar to Cronulla, the Roosters have fallen away badly in 2009 after a strong 2008, which, in hindsight, saw them overachieve with relatively little talent. The loss of Shillington and Tupou without replacement and the aging of O’Meley, Mason and Fitzgibbon have seen the Roosters’ pack diminish, while their backline, which was never much good to begin with, has regressed further. Braith Anasta at fullback, while potentially the shake-up the team needed, looks destined to be remembered with the one-marker theory as Roosters’ innovations which were never meant to work.

Sadly for the likeable Brad Fittler, it appears the writing is on the wall for his coaching career, but unfortunately for whoever takes over, the ingredients of a turnaround similar to when Fittler started at the Roosters in mid 2007 seem to be lacking. They will fight with the Sharks for the wooden spoon.

Canberra: While Canberra stopped the bleeding on Sunday with a big win over the Warriors, they still seem a long way away from their blistering form of late 2008. Much like the Roosters and Cronulla, Canberra lost several good players from 2008 including Colin Best, Todd Carney (as well as Michael Dobson) and Lincoln Withers and never adequately replaced them. They just haven’t….clicked so far this season and now with Terry Campese being named as NSW five-eighth for at least one game, Canberra’s chances of a turnaround seem further doomed. They will still be nuisance value for teams on a cold day or night at Bruce, but a 12th to 14th finish seems most likely for the Green Machine.

New Zealand: A huge disappointment. There is a significant risk in writing off their season because in each of the last three seasons, the Warriors have endured a long spell of poor form before turning it around and storming home, but this season looks more like 2004 (when their slow start deteriorated into a terrible season) than 2006-2008. Their lack of intensity and passion against similarly struggling opponents Canberra on Sunday was their worst yet. They miss Brent Tate, but they have more than enough talent, experience, speed and ability to be on a far higher ladder position than their current 12th.

Like a game on a sunny Sunday afternoon where the Warriors fall behind by 16 with 20 to go and they all of a sudden turn into the Harlem Globetrotters and post 4 tries for a shock win, I’m wary of writing the Warriors off for season 2009 then watching them win 10 in a row to make the 8 but their problems seem too deep and resolutions seem too far away. It will be a 12th to 14th place finish for the Warriors in 2009.

Gold Coast: There’s no doubt that the Gold Coast possess some of the very best players in the NRL but…in their first two seasons, they started strongly only to fade late in the season and finish out of the top 8. Despite a quite amazing effort to just hold off the physically dominant Manly team on Sunday, it appears as though history might repeat once again and that the Titans might be one of the unlucky few good teams to miss the 8 this season.

The main reason for this lies in Sunday’s game against Manly: they struggle against the larger, physically dominant teams. Of course, their strengths of dynamic attack, experience and speed can always neutralise size (the ’05 Tigers showed this) and players such as Preston Campbell and Nathan Friend can often play well above their size, but unfortunately for the Titans, a finish just outside the top 8 is the prediction here.

Manly: The loss of Brett Stewart for potentially the rest of the season has been a huge blow for Manly, but they (belatedly) seem to have adjusted. Their thrashing of Parramatta last week was impressive and they threatened to overwhelm the Gold Coast yesterday.

However, they lost to the Titans long before Matt Cecchin’s controversial decision against Matt Orford. Orford’s play for the ball ahead of a grubbering Preston Campbell was harshly called a penalty, but much of the rest of his game deserved some sort of punishment. While Manly’s forward pack dominated, they didn’t quite dominate to the extent that Orford had a day out. He still had to make a number of significant plays: kicks, passes, generally steering his team around. His overall mark was…somewhat unsatisfactory. His choices were often poor, his execution was lacking despite a dry day and good conditions.

In short, Manly’s slow start will be a major factor behind their eventual finish just outside the top 8, but the ongoing absence of Stewart and Orford’s sub-par performances will prevent Manly from winning enough games over the remainder of the season.

North Queensland: The Cowbores usually start the season strongly, struggle over the Origin period and beyond then finish strongly, but their adjustment to new coach Neil Henry’s system and the ongoing return to form of Matt Bowen has seen them improve steadily over the season.

They showed some glimpses of form in the opening weeks of the season, but generally were quite poor. Their win over an understrength Dragons appeared to be quite lucky, but in hindsight, this helped to turn their season around. Since then, they have been very impressive in defeating New Zealand and Newcastle. Not only has Feral Thurston lifted his game considerably, but most importantly, the much-maligned Cowbores forwards are playing at a much higher level. For them to hold their own against the usually very good Newcastle pack last night was a key foundation for their big win.

After a slow start, the Cowbores have found form in recent weeks and look a likely top 8 team at season’s end. It is within the realms of possibility that they will crack the top 5, but it’s hard to see their forward pack playing so well for most of the rest of the season, so let’s give them a 6th to 8th finish.

Newcastle: A glowing review of Newcastle’s first 11 rounds was already to go before last night’s game (before last night’s second half even) but their capitulation to the Cowbores meant some second thoughts were had. It must be kept in mind that is still largely a very young team (which is why the contributions of veterans Simpson and MacDougall are so important) who have had and will have consistency issues over the course of the season, but nevertheless this is a very good up-and-coming team with one of the NRL’s best coaches.

They have so many of the bases covered: playmaking, size, speed, depth, athleticism. The fruits of Brian Smith’s recruitment have paid off handsomely this season and are bound to keep doing so in the years to come. Consistency is probably their only weakness, but this should start to come through over the remainder of the season, which will help to steer the Knights to a top 5 place by season’s end.

Feel free to agree or disagree with any or all or the above: in such an even competition, it would be a major surprise if there weren’t a number of different views of where the season will end up amongst the learned brethren of tipsters.

Enjoy the many upcoming exciting stories from the two Origin teams preparing for next Wednesday’s game and see you next week.

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Round 10: Nostalgia Ain't What It Used To Be: A Look Back On the Heritage Round

Given Rugby League’s long and turbulent history – as well as its current position a fair way away from its roots – the concept of a Heritage Round is somewhat open to interpretation. This is probably why the NRL went with ‘Heritage’; the most generic of adjectives (as opposed to past themed rounds: Rivalry, 80s, 70s or 60s, where the new/merged teams have little relevance).

As a tribute to the contradictions and confusion in the ‘Heritage’ Round, below is this week’s Roast: a painstakingly researched and in-depth exploration of the state of Rugby League in Australia today and where the game is headed. And by that, I mean here is an adaptation of a widespread email forward (interspersed with game recaps) – enjoy!

You know you’re a Heritage Rugby League Supporter if…

You not only collected but still own several sets of Scanlens Footy Cards (extra points if the backs of these cards form a giant picture of a player and more extra points if you kept any chewing gum sticks).

You could run on the field after a game (possibly after entering the ground for free after half time).

You remember when grass was generally only seen on a footy field in March, maybe April, before dirt and mud took over.

You appreciate the irony of Bulldogs’ supporters feeling as though their team was heavily disadvantaged by a key refereeing decision (especially at Kogarah by Steve Clark).

Much has been said already about video referee Steve Clark’s abhorrent decision in the game’s final minute to deny the Bulldogs what would have been a famous win, but perhaps the most salient point left unsaid in the game’s aftermath was that allowing Idris’ try to stand would have been the first step in ending the pedantry which has enveloped officials’ decision-making in recent years. There might have been a very minor obstruction on Soward by Eastwood as Patten made the break, but to allow this decision to prevent a match-winning try…it left a bad taste in the mouth of Bulldogs’ supporters and most neutrals.

This was especially the case given the stirring nature of the Bulldogs’ comeback. They absorbed much pressure from the Dragons in the first half (although were let off the hook somewhat by a struggling Dragons’ attack) and slowly forced their way back into the game. They had to endure a questionable sin bin on Kimmorley before continuing the comeback. A memorable finish was building and did eventuate – but not as most anticipated.

However, the Bulldogs have long been beneficiaries of controversial refereeing decisions in big games, the most relevant of which came from Steve Clark – the video referee on Friday night – during his on-field referee days in a controversial semi-final at Kogarah in 1998. St George (note the exclusion of Illawarra here) with long memories (a tautology if ever there was one) would also be quick to note the Bulldogs’ good fortune in their 1985 grand final win, while most rugby league followers would also recall the unease at various refereeing blunders when the Bulldogs defeated Manly in 1995.

But for Steve Clark to help the Dragons out in such a big way: the Tuesday Roast could have been knocked over with a feather when this was realised. It just goes to show that everything with refereeing decisions does even out in the end (assuming you take a sufficient time horizon).

You fondly remember the ABC TV Saturday afternoon game, where characters such as John Peard and Debbie Spillane patrolled the sidelines.

There was a time in your life when a radio commentator going ‘around the grounds’ meant receiving scores from a host of games (not just one).

You remember when night games were exclusively played at Leichhardt Oval (and involved various players smudging black under their eyes).

Queensland was only a source of players for the Sydney competition and an opponent during State of Origin and not almost the epicentre of the game’s development and growth.

Brisbane and the Gold Coast met in the other Friday night game, at the stadium once known as Lang Park with (yet another) massive crowd. The size and growth of the game’s support across Queensland has seen Brisbane become a frequent fixture on Friday nights, while the Titans and Cowbores also enjoy huge support and there is growing momentum for perhaps several more Queensland-based teams: it’s hard to believe Queensland was ignored for so many years.

This fixture has delivered some excellent games since the Gold Coast’s re-introduction; while this one wasn’t quite as good as some others (and also not as controversial as the Bulldogs game), it was not without a fairly high level of play, despite both teams struggling somewhat in recent weeks.

Brisbane’s cause was helped somewhat by the loss of Bailey and Laffranchi from the Titans, but it still took Brisbane until well into the second half to ultimately seize control of this game. Was Brisbane’s cause helped by the late withdrawal of Justin Hodges? Perhaps, but it is unlikely that Hodges and his lackadaisical style would have been as successful as Israel Folau was in this game. Surely Brisbane has to find a way, when both are healthy, for both to be heavily involved in the game (and not for Folau to catch bombs on the wing).

You remember when judiciary hearings usually didn’t involve video evidence and sentences sometimes ended in months.

Quaint (read: dilapidated) grounds such as Lidcombe Oval, Pratten Park and Henson Park formed a part of your rugby league experience.

You can remember when didn’t need a degree to figure out the finals system.

The Roosters were called Easts and they had a coach not called Gibson, Gould or Stuart who had good job security.

You can remember a time when Cronulla wasn’t in some form of financial trouble (extra points for this one).

It was Easy Target night on Saturday. First up, the Roosters were once again easily beaten, although few would have beaten a rampant Newcastle on this night. Their affable coach Brad Fittler remains under pressure, as many Roosters coaches have over many years.

Finally, Cronulla once again tried hard but once again fell short, this time to Penrith. Penrith have long been guilty of playing down to lowly teams at home, but even they couldn’t lose this one (the Roosters on Saturday night will provide another challenge for Penrith). Many of you would have seen the Sharks jokes in recent days, but there are many laughs to be had with even a casual glimpse at the history of the Sharks. You’d imagine the Dragons will aim to take great joy in making things a bit worse for them this weekend (although why oh why does Justin Poore want to leave such a great situation to play with Cronulla?)

Under 20’s didn’t play before first grade, or reserve grade, or even third grade and they certainly weren’t on TV.

You remember when positions and numbers on the back of jerseys actually meant something.

Sunday’s big game was at 6.30pm (not 4pm) and you were always interested to see each try-scorer’s occupation.

You remember when running with the wind was actually an advantage (i.e. when players developed smarts and were not just athletes).

There was a howling gale and rain at Auckland on Sunday afternoon, but what should have boosted the Warriors’ chances of success was having experienced Stacey Jones at halfback. The Warriors ran with the wind at their back in the first half, but rarely looked like knowing how best to utilise such an advantage. A long Jones kick in about the 5th minute was chased through well by Kemp but a try just eluded his grasp. After that, it was a brainless half of play by the Warriors.

Meanwhile, Feral Thurston was nothing short of brilliant. His kicking game into the wind was exceptional, he was given excellent support by a much-maligned forward pack and he scored yet another try with a dummy close to the line. However, the Warriors somehow found their way to within four points of the Cowbores, partly due to increased rain gifting the Warriors some excellent attacking possession and partly due to some refereeing mistakes.

A combination of poor Warriors attack and still-solid defence saw the Cowbores escape with their line intact before a flying finish saw them thrash the Warriors. The Warriors made Ashley Graham look like Israel Folau then an amazing try by Farrer and one to Bowen ended the scoring. However, each of these tries became six-pointers thanks to the Feral, whose brilliant goal-kicking in difficult conditions was another highlight.

Players of Maori or Islander descent were a novelty, not four or five to a team.

You remember when there were far fewer contracts but far more loyalty.

You remember when the game’s governing body cared more about people going to games rather than how many of them watch games on TV.

Players were in Tooheys ads, not Gatorade ads.

How the mighty have fallen: once upon a time, Manly against Parramatta was worthy of a beer commercial but was almost always a Channel 9 game in recent years. The slow start for both of these teams saw them relegated to Fox, but for Manly, they might just be in line for more Channel 9 games in coming months.

Why is this? In short, they finally appear to have learnt how to play without Brett Stewart. Their forwards looked angry, which allowed Orford to play at a higher level (admittedly it would have been tough for him to play any worse), while Bailey and Shane Rodney also performed well.

But most importantly was that Michael Robertson seems to have finally figured out how to play as a Brett Stewart clone. He’s not nearly as good as Stewart, but Stewart’s game is not a difficult one for any half-decent player to mimic. However, Manly’s progress will need to be confirmed, as Parramatta was not near their best and lost two players to injury in the first half.

You remember when betting on Rugby League meant trying to make a motza by picking the winners at the TAB, not being bombarded by betting agencies’ ads during games.

You didn’t need to apply for a loan to attend a game complete with food and drinks, or buy some merchandise.

You remember when players wore shoulder pads and loose jerseys.

The SCG was home to ALL the big games.

The final game on Sunday saw Wests Tigers and Souths clash at the SCG. This game probably would have been better off at the SFS, given the major changes at the SCG in recent years and the fact that Wests Tigers didn’t exist in 1969. Nevertheless, it was a fairly entertaining game, as the flamboyant Tigers took on the more traditional Rabbitohs.

For much of the game, it appeared as though Souths’ efforts would count for little. The Tigers’ defence was solid but Souths’ defence mostly failed to prevent several staples of the Tigers’ attacking game. As a result, Robbie Farah had an excellent game…but the Tigers failed to put the game out of reach, despite several excellent opportunities to do so in the game’s final 15 minutes.

This allowed Souths a small hope to come back; this hope was made smaller when their halfback Sandow sustained an injury. But somehow Souths found two converted tries to eliminate the Tigers’ lead. Golden Point looked set to favour the Tigers given greater depth in field goal kicking, but incredibly Souths stole the win in the final seconds before Golden Point after a field goal from…Nathan Merritt?!?!?! Merritt’s long-range wide-out field goal could not have been hit more sweetly. For Souths, another come-from-behind win, but for the Teflon Tigers – who escaped criticism for their attractive but frustrating loss – they really should have won this one.

There were Kangaroo TOURS not just Kangaroo matches.

There were clubs and teams, not brands.

There were jerseys made out of cotton, not thin bits of polyester with colours and sponsors splashed around.

There was Sydney and there was Melbourne, each with their code of football. Melbourne’s only purpose was to host occasional exhibition games.

I guess you could last night’s game in Melbourne was an exhibition game; Canberra was not nearly in the same class as the Storm. Canberra started strongly and looked keen for an upset and a very rare win over Melbourne, but once Melbourne responded, Canberra’s challenge fell to pieces. It took longer than some might have predicted, but it was a very easy win for the Storm.

And so ends the Heritage Roast. Feel free to add your own Heritage memories, otherwise see you next week.

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Round 9: That's Straight Outta The Text-Book!

Round 9 was the first of 7 short rounds (due to representative games) this season. Rugby League is game where the word ‘short’ has a number of uses: just short of the line, short kick, career cut short by injury, attack down the short side, short turnaround (from Monday night), short-priced favourites and, most appropriately this week, short of cash. And that’s without considering the high number of players who are shorter than average or just plain short.

But the newest addition to the ‘short’ lexicon has been short message service, known as SMS or text. Whether it’s Brian Smith’s frequent texting to his players, Greg Bird texting his flatmate on a Sunday morning, the ‘ding, dong, the witch is dead’ text sent around by a Cowbores player after Graham Murray’s contract was not renewed or the abusive text supposedly sent by Lance Thompson to Justin Poore on the morning of their preliminary final loss to the Tigers in 2005, the text message has become significant in the world of rugby league controversy.

Hence, here is the recap of each Round 9 NRL fixture within 160 characters.

“Yeh we lost bro but it didn’t really matter ay, we’re on the rise…and next time, we won’t have Isaac, J Smith n Frankie out either” – Benji Marshall

Another ‘ANZAC’ Test and another fairly comfortable win to Australia, but Benji is (partly) right here. Gone are the days when New Zealand needed reinforcements from England (who were never worth the cost of plane fare anyway); now their team is based entirely in the Southern Hemisphere and new leaders are emerging to take over from Stacey Jones and Cayless.

“Awesome mate. Absorbed their best then carved them up. Showed that knob Ennis who is best. Now just have to beat Parra…and shut that Chard guy up for once” – Robbie Farah

Most experts thought Country looked to have the edge over City in their annual match-up and this seemed the likely outcome in the first half. But City’s defence remained largely solid (despite a significant advantage in possession to Country) and when this advantage was reduced, City – led by Farah, Peter Wallace, Michael Jennings and others – finished extremely strongly.

“Heard the bad news, unlucky boys, even worse your stuck in T-ville. Loving France, these French chicks…they fire up! At 20 to 4, whenever! FIRE UP!” – Mark Gasnier

Alas, Gasnier’s infamous drunken communiqué was not a text but a voice message, but the Dragons would have felt pretty bad after their close loss to the Cowbores. Despite having most of their team either backing up from Friday night (and having to travel far just to get to the game) or carrying an injury, they had a great chance to defeat a fairly poor Cowbores team.

Well…they would have won were it not for Feral Thurston, who once again backed up from a representative game extremely well. He scored 3 tries, each one slicing through the Dragons’ weakened right-side defence and (just) offsetting the dominance the Dragons had every time they attacked the Cowbores’ right-side defence. Brett Morris had 4 tries but amazingly could have had more. The Dragons could have come back from 10 points behind in the final few minutes if Matt Prior could pass (although the huge gap Hornby ran into appeared to come from an obstruction) but it wasn’t to be: a second straight extremely lucky home win for the Cowbores.

“Boys. Just checking you made it home ok. It was a win but can’t be happy, we were lucky. See you at warm down 0700. Text you with dinner instructions soon. Bye” – Brian Smith

Newcastle was a touch lucky to escape with a win over the Gold Coast, but they are likely to get the message (hoho) drilled into them about taking teams lightly (if Smith’s notorious texting habits and school-teacher mentality are true). It appeared as though Newcastle’s defence was going to be the difference; both teams dominated possession early on, but Newcastle put 3 tries on during their turn, while the Titans could only come up with 1. But the Gold Coast responded, came up with important plays when needed and almost stole the game from a lazy/tiring Newcastle team.

The much-discussed refereeing obviously played a role in the result (assuming Prince converted Zillman’s late try) but it was going to be a controversial call whatever decision was made. While Gold Coast coach Cartwright was annoyed by the Prince-Sau outcome, his anger at the refereeing in general was misguided. Chris Walker’s attempt was not a try (the ball touched a Knight foot) while everything else was the result of ill-discipline, not refereeing mistakes.

“Nice one Jamie, just like my Origin effort in ’06. Also heard you said it was a fair try – brilliant. Keep fighting the good fight against video refs buddy. Hogdo” – Brett Hodgson

The second Sunday game saw Manly come back from a 16-0 deficit to defeat an uninspiring Brisbane, but the post-game talk was about Jamie Lyon and his controversial tries. The second of these was fine; he clearly tapped the ball forward to control it (if Jarryd Hayne didn’t breach this rule two weeks ago, this try wouldn’t have been in doubt), however his first try was much worse.

Lyon’s first try saw him chase a kick, play at the ball with his hip/torso then fall on the ball with his hip/torso across the line. There is a rule that the torso can ground the ball for a try, but surely if the torso can ground the ball, the torso can knock it on too yes? There is no “rule” which says a torso can knock the ball on, but the third State of Origin game in 2006 provided a precedent here.

NSW put up a bomb, which Brett Hodgson aimed to catch the ball but lost sight of it. The ball hit off his torso and went forward but was regathered by NSW, who passed it to Eric Grothe for a try. The video referee, citing the ‘can’t knock the ball on with your torso’ rule, awarded a try, which the Tuesday Roast approved of at the time. However, the swift and unanimous denouncing of this decision by the rugby league community meant that any future torso knock-ons would not result in tries…yes? Apparently video referee Paul Simpkins was keen to re-write history, but amazingly no one has mentioned the Hodgson incident in the aftermath of Lyon’s hip/torso knock-on.

“Freddy. Saying O’Meley was accidentally left off sheet and not playing Kouparitsas – brilliant. Nearly as bad as my last days there. All the best mate. Opes.” – Chris Anderson

In last night’s game, Melbourne hardly looked like a team with 8 players backing up from Friday night. This was evident after 15 minutes. The Roosters had almost all the ball and scored a try, but the Storm looked quite untroubled defending them. Initial suspicions about the Roosters were confirmed during the rest of the game. Melbourne scored several soft tries and won comfortably.

How bad are the Roosters going? Aside from their patchy play, inconsistent intensity and high error count, coach Brad Fittler is starting to feel the heat. He left Mark O’Meley out of his team, as many expected, but this makes the explanation from early last week (that O’Meley’s name was left off the team sheet by mistake) look ludicrous. Also, Nick Kouparitsas played his first game for the Roosters last night – but was on for about 3 minutes. This meant the Roosters used one big forward replacement for almost all of the game: every other team uses at least two big forwards.

For the Roosters, this situation is reminiscent of 2007, when the much-loathed Chris Anderson was coach. In his last few games before resigning, he didn’t (forgot to?) play forward Nigel Plum in a game against Newcastle (at Gosford – the same venue as for last night’s game) and the club used another pathetic lie (a press release to announce that Anderson’s frequent turning away in disgust during their 56-0 loss to Manly was actually so he could view a TV replay).

Brad Fittler is far more liked than Anderson and not nearly as decrepit, but he also is not as good a coach as Anderson was (in his Bulldog years) so could be in trouble if results don’t improve. Losing to the Storm is not so bad, but the ease with which Melbourne won had to disturb Fittler.

See you next week.

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