Tuesday 31 March 2009

Round 3: A Gathering of Minds: Discussion between the NRL’s intellectual elite

Welcome to a special edition of the Tuesday Roast. Some of the finest minds in the NRL have been summoned to the Tuesday Roastoffices at short notice to provide expert analysis of Round 3 action.

The consensus amongst those who follow the NRL closely is that faster is better, so I won’t hold things up any longer. This NRL brains trust will be co-ordinated by Andrew Voss: Andrew, take it away.

Andrew Voss: Thank you and welcome to this week’s edition of the Tuesday Roast. It’s a larger than normal gathering for an NRL panel discussion, so of course this will see the traditional clichés receive something of a hammering, but as will be seen, the brain cell count in the room will not be much higher than normal.

Round 3 saw some of the more extreme weather of earlier rounds start to abate, but the first game in Round 3 – where the Wests Tigers “hosted” the Sydney Roosters – contained two teams still suffering from adverse weather conditions and the increased speed resulting from two on-field referees.

Our reviewers for this game are Matthew Johns and Wayne Pearce and gents, what did you think of this high-scoring and exciting – if at times low quality – game?

Matthew Johns: I think it can be summed up in one simple phrase: the coming-out party for Benji Marshall at halfback. The kid’s done it so tough since 2005, the injuries, the expectations, the burden of an excited rugby league public wanting more and now he has to deal with the complexity in steering his team around. But I think you saw how, despite the Tigers falling behind 12-nil, Benji didn’t panic. His kicking game was excellent, his decision-making was right up there and that pass which helped set up rampaging Taniela Tuiaki – ohhhh what a pass!

Takes me back to 05 at Shark Park, c’mon Vossy, you commentated that day, talk me through it mate! How did it go again? “Back for Marshall, the footwork the footwork...Benji Marshall, now the speed, the footwork again, away from Peachey, passes without looking, away for Richards back to Fitzhenry!” C’mon Vossy, finish it off! Or maybe the 05 Grand Final and that pass to Pat Richards. C’mon Rabs, I know you love reminiscing……

AV: Yes, yes, Matty, we know you love Benji, but you have to acknowledge the platform set by the Tigers forwards, don’t you? Backing up after a game in steamy Townsville to dominate the Roosters forwards takes some doing, doesn’t it?

MJ: So true Vossy. I don’t think Tim Sheens gets enough recognition as one of the upper echelon coaches in the game today. His plays from set starts: I know I mention it every time they have a set start after a penalty and nothing ever happens, but you know Sheensy has a million plays drawn up. The team speed, the ball-handling at multiple positions: big Toddy Payten, Heighington, Johnny Morris is having a solid year, Timmy Moltzen at the back…I tell ya, this is a team on the rise.

AV: So you’ve been saying since 2005. Perhaps we need a more balanced perspective here: time to welcome Wayne “Junior” Pearce on. Junior, tell us your thoughts.

Wayne Pearce: A really good game for sure. The Tigers I mean Roosters got off to a strong start but the Roosters I mean Tigers came back strong and utilised some of the weapons Matty discussed. For the Roosters I mean Tigers to beat such a courageous, proud and well-prepared teams as the Tigers I mean Roosters…well, the Roosters I mean Tigers have to have the hat taken off to them.

AV: For someone with a pretty face and a good head after so long playing this great game, Junior, you sure do talk some sh….

WP: But just on to Benji for a second, it’s just hard for most people to relate to what he had to go through with all his injuries. The shoulder is a ball-and-socket joint that has a large range of movement but not a lot of stability, which makes the shoulder joint prone to dislocation. The shoulder is particularly unstable when it is rotated outwards and the arm cocked back or 'abducted'. Any additional force in this position will cause the head of the Humerus (arm) bone to come out of the joint in a forward direction. This is referred to as an anterior dislocation.

In Benji’s case, it’s been well-documented that his shoulders were unstable to begin with. Because of the damage to the structures surrounding the shoulder, there is a high chance of recurrent dislocation. Surgery on an unstable shoulder is usually required after four dislocations.

AV: I tell you, Junior, there’s been plenty of miracles in rugby league, but the fact that you’re such a guru with anatomy but can hardly string a sentence together otherwise and believe the Roosters are not an incoherent rabble at the moment is one of the best.

Anyway, I was at the other Friday night game where the Bulldogs travelled to the Gold Coast. Aspiring media analyst Brett Kimmorley joins us for his review of the game. Brett, you’ve had a long career but not in the forwards: let’s hope you’re not as brain dead as Junior.

Brett Kimmorley: Haha good one Vossy um but yeh erk ahem Titans won by eight or ten or so I read. I think dfhkjhf Prince’s injury lkhfhhfkj a bit you know but kjkfjp umm yeh and then I put the kick through and Ainscough almost took his head off kufjkhhflj and geez Ricky Stuart was tough to play for but I had to leave because Joey was always going to be ahead of me ya know?

AV: Umm sure…

BK: Yeh and umm….Campbell and Rogers: umm klhfkhkf the Sharks? Umm I was pretty confused. What year is it again? *shakes* ummmm yeh I guess media training can’t overcome the massive loss of brain cells and the early onset of dementia can it?

AV: You said it Brett. I think the major point to be taken from this game was that the Bulldogs are still coming together as a team. They were white-hot against Manly a few weeks back but have struggled since then: give them a few more weeks. Meanwhile, the Titans obviously lacked without Prince but their general level of play and effort was still very good. They probably should have had a safer lead before the Bulldogs came back late, but it was a good win nevertheless.

On to Saturday’s action and three results not many punters expected. First up was New Zealand hosting Brisbane and we’re joined by Sky Sports New Zealand announcer Jason Costigan. Jason, what was your take on Brisbane’s impressive victory?

Jason Costigan: You’re on the mark there, Vossy, the Warriors tried hard I thought but were just not in the same class as the rapidly transforming Broncos. Still, it was an exciting night for me: I hail from Central Queensland (a big hello to all readers across the ditch, especially those from my old stomping ground, the Mackay Cutters, and old Bill Cudgell from Gladstone) and with both teams almost completely made up of Queenslanders and New Zealanders, I was in my element.

While I love to drop anecdotes about my background and insert plenty of clichés into my commentary, one common commentator’s trait I don’t share is the glossing over (or nice wording) of mistakes made on the field. In that respect, it was a shame that Manu Vat-u-vei was absent from proceedings: his propensity to demolish tacklers on a barnstorming run or inexplicably drop a simple pass gives my tonsils a major workout! Jesus, you’ve never seen someone with worse hands, he might as well have stubs for all the use they are.

AV: As a special unannounced guest here on the Tuesday Roast, Jason, I’m sure you have plenty to discuss with Mr. Manu Vatuvei!

Manu Vatuvei: (grunt grunt grunt) You think Manu can’t catch? I show you Manu can CATCH!

AV: That should be the last criticism of a player heard in NRL commentary. While the Warriors had some bad luck – especially the loss of Brent Tate with a(nother) season-ending knee injury – they were outclassed by Brisbane. Darren Lockyer and Peter Wallace built on a solid display from Brisbane’s forwards and carved up for some very well-worked tries.

Next up on Saturday night was Parramatta taking on Canberra. We’ve asked Ray “Rabbits” Warren, the doyen of Channel 9’s commentary team, to cover this game for us. Rabs, was this another bad old display of complacency from Parramatta or were the injury-hit Raiders really so resurgent?

Ray Warren: You know Andrew, I was so heartened after the boys’ huge effort against Souths last week and once again (after they’ve teased me with big efforts in the past) I fell for it again and expected them to thrash Canberra….wait, why are you asking me about this game? Channel 9 didn’t cover it and you know I’m not a Parra supporter, everyone knows that!

AV: Carry on Rabs, you’re doing well.

RW: Ahh kids today! Well anyway, as I said, I thought they’d win easily, but I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when they started slowly. They do this to me every bloody time!! Wait…you know I don’t support Parra don’t you?

AV: Yes, yes, Rabbs, we know. Continue…

RW: Good, just wanted to clear that up. But geez we stunk! Canberra was very unlucky not to be much further ahead and probably should have sealed the win early in the second half, but then Hayne took the intercept AND HAYNE STRODE ACROSS THE 20, THEY WEREN’T GAINING ON HIM, HE NEARED HALFWAY AND ACCELERATED, JARRYD HAYNE, THE TRYLINE IN SIGHT, HERBERT AND CARNEY GAINING GROUND BUT JARRYD HAYNE!!!! This was purely practice, of course, not that I was cheering for him.

Anyway, after this the boys finished strongly and had a bit more luck to finish with the win. Canberra was desperately unlucky and I felt for an old mate, John Smith, from the nation’s capital. John is 106 and been a mate of mine for 75 years. He’s been behind rugby league in Canberra since day 1 and is doing it a bit tough at the moment. But I know he was watching and I felt for him when we….I mean they…secured the win.

AV: Excellent work Rabs – now if we can just get you as excited for games that don’t involve Parramatta. Finally on Saturday, this one looked a bottler on paper: another trip into Queensland for the more vulnerable looking Melbourne Storm, this time to the far north. Matty, can you give us an account of Melbourne’s impressive win without too much dribble this time?

MJ: Hahaha you love it Vossy. Anyway you know I’d be able to be more balanced with little Matty Bowen playing for the Cowboys, but was he even playing in this game? I didn’t see him once.

AV: He certainly played Matty, but it wasn’t his best game. I’m surprised he’s near his best at the moment after that complicated almost experimental knee surgery, but you don’t suffer from the curse afflicting most commentators do you Matty? Where you’re unable to talk about an exciting player unless they do something exciting? I noticed you failed to mention Benji Marshall’s unforced turnover immediately after “that pass” from Friday’s game.

MJ: Nah not at all Vossy, anyway enough about that excitement machine Matty Bowen and onto my Storm. I admit they did look a bit sluggish in Brisbane last week, but they came within a whisker of beating the Broncos (which in hindsight looks like a great result) and they always seem to have success in Townsville. The Cowboys failed to hold enough possession to really test Melbourne’s defence (which, while not as strong as last year, is still very good) then Melbourne’s attack looked the best it has all season.

I spoke with Craig Bellamy about his side’s improved attack after the game:

“Yeh Matty at the end of the day like I said we retained many of the core elements of our attack but lost some important complemenry pieces like big Izzy and Matt Geyer so we had to like I said do a bit of changin things round ya know like I said. Youse are startin to see that now with Billy havin more of a role, Cam playin more of a halfs role but at the end of the day like I said we’re not far off we’re we was last year”

Even though I was on the phone to Bellyache, I still had to wear a raincoat HA HA HA!

AV: Ahh very good…geez it wasn’t THAT funny MG! But another rugby league wordsmith there in Melbourne coach Craig Bellamy. It was a very impressive showing by Melbourne, especially after looking somewhat vulnerable in the opening rounds.

Sunday’s first game featured Souths and Newcastle. Newcastle also looked quite vulnerable in the opening rounds of the season, due to a combination of heat and injuries, but their expansive attack surprised the somewhat flat Bunnies and threatened to take the game away from them. It was only some desperate Souths defence which kept the lead to 8 points, but both teams were suffering in the warm conditions. Eventually Craig Wing was the catalyst behind Souths’ first try; once the seal was broken, others such as Luke, Sutton and Fa’aologo finished off the good work.

It wouldn’t be a review of Sunday afternoon rugby league without the self-appointed champion of this timeslot, Mr Phil “Gus” Gould. Gus, even though many couldn’t see it, tell us all the good things that happened at Kogarah on Sunday when the Dragons hosted Cronulla.

Phil Gould: Vossy, if I told you all that was good about SUNDAY AFTERNOON – got to LOVE Sunday afternoon at the footy! – we’d be here until next Wednesday. The ‘ground full’ sign at Jubilee, the packed hill, the local derby, warming up at the school next door, not being able to park anywhere before Hurstville, beer queues stretching longer than beer snakes….I know Suncorp and ANZ are good for the big games, but this is where rugby league connects with its history, with its park footballers. You haven’t lived until you are crushed between 28 other guys on the hill and can only see the game if you’re above 6’5”!

Anyway…the game was an intriguing one. Two excellent defences and rare opportunities to score, but the scoreline was still lower than I expected. The Dragons have a steely new resolve under Wayne Bennett and, even without much of an attacking structure, had more than Cronulla in most positions, yet the game went right down to the wire. The game probably belonged more in the 80s than today, but who cares: SUNDAY AFTERNOON I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MJ: I feel you Gus, but you know Jubilee is now known as WIN Jubilee Oval. This fits nicely with WIN Stadium in Wollongong: the Dragons are clearly in a WIN-WIN situation! HAHAHA!

AV: Ok ok don’t encourage him anyone…I said don’t encourage him MG! Anyway, we’ve saved the best for last. Manly and Penrith are still well below their best based on Monday night’s game. We’ve dredged up Rex Mossop to go with Mark ‘MG’ Geyer to discuss which team was worse. Sit back, relax, get comfy and try and make sense of these two boofheads.

Rex Mossop: Well firstly I’m DISGUSTED that I’ve been kept off television for almost 20 years! Geez, I’m getting on a bit, but surely I’m no worse than some of these HACKS who preceded me!

Anyway, I’m absolutely FLABBERGASTED about Manly’s disgraceful effort against Penrith. Sure we don’t have young Stewart for a while (the less said about that filthy young man, the better) but we created so many chances, especially in the first half. Penrith put in a good effort, but we had them on the back foot many a time, but bloody Orford….how the hell did he win the Dally M? He should have split it into 9 pieces and given it to his forwards! He’s not a playmaker, his kicks are so-so, he’s a patchy goal-kicker and his lack of nous and direction was glaring. I’m DISGUSTED!

Mark Geyer: I dunno Rex, youse should be pretty happy I reckon. We shoulda murdered you guys. I’d have Orford every day of the week, Lewis and Sammut or whoever the f*** we had in the halfs was just useless. At least Orford can tell the big salt-and-pepper forwards where to go, with our guys you never know what your going to get.

RM: Salt-and-pepper: that’s pretty racist, I like it. Can I use it?

MG: No wuckers. I’ve got some sexist stuff too if you like.

RM: Ahh no son, I’ve got more than enough material in that area. You don’t know who you’re talking to……

MG: Anyway, we had Dumb and Dumber in the halfs and so many useless forwards except for Petro. Frank Pritchard, he’s fat and slow, luckily he can still play despite this handicaps. I dunno Rex, you guys are just going through a slump, we’re this bad all the time (even though we can be better). Matt Elliott, what a rubbish coach he is, sitting there with those stupid looks on his face. We need a good coach. Is Roycie Simmons available?

RM: You might be right Mark, but we’ve got half a team of State of Origin and/or Kangaroo representatives. We’ve now got a legitimate five-eighth we don’t know what to do with, Ballin and L’Estrange are making everyone pine for Michael Monaghan again….ahhhhh! I dunno, bring back Mal Cochrane or Max Krilich or Fred Jones….or Cliffy! I’m FLABBERGASTED!

AV: Some fine work there gents. That just about wraps this edition of the Tuesday Roast: regular service will resume next week.

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