Round 26: Tuesday Roast™ People's Choice Awards

As many rugby league supporters would know, the major end of season awards - the Dally M's - will take place on Tuesday night. But as with most awards nights, the Dally M's are rather bland (save for some excerpts of unintentional humour and the must-view post Dally M's Powerpoint presentation).

So here are some awards the average punter might enjoy a little more...

The Palm Motor Inn (where Julian O'Neill notoriously "sh*t in Schlossy's shoe" in March 1999) Award for the best off-field incident

This is perhaps the most coveted of the People's Choice Awards...or at least it once was. Off-field behaviour in the NRL has improved markedly in 2010, with a number of previous bad boys seemingly having turned their lives around (Carney, Bird, Friend etc.).

But there was a clear winner (or winners) of this award: Danny Wicks and Chris Houston (formerly of the Newcastle Knights). Why two well-paid rugby league players allegedly felt the need to run a major drug-dealing operation continues to boggle the mind. The game is probably better off without the portly Wicks, but for a player of Houston's ability to be out of the game indefinitely is a shame. (What is it about Newcastle? The clear runner-up for this award - Andrew Johns, for his drunken racist slur of Greg Inglis - but to be fair, Johns' transgressions were brought to light by fellow Novocastrian Timana Tahu. But in Tahu's case, this was about the only good thing he did all season).

Newcastle could have used Houston, Wicks and probably a few more big bodies as they took on the Storm yesterday. Newcastle had a great run to the end of the season, but after losing to the Dragons in a brave effort last week, taking on the Storm in the Storm's final cheating game was never going to be easy. Newcastle did well to stay close, but the Storm finished strongly to close the book on one of the more unusual seasons ever seen.

Speaking of Tahu, he's not left out when it comes to awards....

The Chris Walker Award for the Worst Off-Season Signing

The nominees are Adam Cuthbertson, Jason Cayless, Justin Poore and Tahu, and it's an easy win for Tahu. Tahu ticks all the boxes: expensive, inconsistent, disrupts a team's rhythm (from late 2009), preventing a youngster from coming through (the impressive Jonathon Wright looked very good in Tahu's absence) as well as perhaps the most stupid blow-up of 2010 (at Newcastle). Granted this came after his drama with Andrew Johns, but for this to affect his performance so much was thoroughly unprofessional.

Just quietly, it looks all but certain that Parramatta will retain this award next year thanks to their signings of has-beens Reni Maitua and Carl Webb.

Parramatta's poor finish to the season was confirmed as they were well beaten by the Warriors on Saturday night. Parramatta had a chance to send Nathan Cayless out of the game with a win, but it was lost due to a massive error count, mostly from exuberant offloads. The Warriors deserved their strong win and are a definite dark horse for the premiership.

The Cowbores would be doing cartwheels; not only did they get rid of Webb, but also Luke O'Donnell and Willie Mason! As a result, they are comfortable winners of the next award...

The Darren Senter "Addition By Subtraction" Award

This award is named after Wests Tigers stalwart and overly competitive but marginally talented loser Darren Senter, who retired from the Tigers in 2004 without having played a semi-final and watched on as his old team won the premiership in 2005. Previous winners of this award include Canterbury 2008 and the Roosters 2009 (who went on to enjoy great seasons after their purging). The Cowboys could benefit in a similar way, especially with the signing of great player and leader Brent Tate from the Warriors.

The Cowbores and Roosters met in Townsville on Saturday night to share a discussion on addition by subtraction....or maybe about memories of fixing games from late last season??? In a somewhat uninspiring game, the Roosters did enough to secure 6th spot with a 10-point win. Playing his final game for the Cowbores was (too) long-serving outside back Ty Williams; his retirement should also help the Cowbores.

It would have taken a brave - or stupid - player to try and undertake any sneaky gambling plays in the Cowbores - Roosters game....but the now much-discussed event from the Cowbores - Bulldogs game a few weeks back deserves recognition for its (probable) stupidity...

The Luke Carroll & Anthony Prince Dumb & Dumber Award

Carroll & Prince were young Australian men living in Vail, Colorado in 2005, when they decided to rob their local bank. Balaclavas may have hidden their appearance, but their distinctive Australian accents meant their identity was well known to employees of the bank and they were easily apprehended. Bulldogs forward Ryan Tandy looks likely to be similarly caught after his clumsy play at the start of the Cowbores Bulldogs game a few weeks ago coincided with a significant betting plunge on a penalty goal for Tandy's opposition to be the game's first scoring play.

Not helping Tandy's cause - apart from the lack of subtlety in the vision - was the reporting in the media last week of his friendship with former Sharks player and noting gambling fiend Michael Sullivan. The fact that Sullivan believes his mate's plea of innocence suggests guilt on the part of Tandy more than any piece of footage or any other potential incriminating evidence.

The possible last game in the NRL for Tandy was perhaps the best game of the weekend, as Canterbury overcame a desperate but rapidly deteriorating Manly side. Canterbury jumped to a 28-16 lead but Manly came back after Michael Ennis left the field due to a Steve Matai cheapshot. The game went down to the final play as Manly attacked, but the failure of Manly winger Michael Robertson to dive low for the corner meant he was easily shoved out of play by retiring Bulldogs fullback Luke Patten.

It was not a good weekend for Manly - or even former Manly players....

The Ali Lauitiiti Award for the Most Stupid Offload and The Adam Brown Award for the Most Useless Half or Five-Eighth in the NRL

Both of these awards were claimed by former Manly players in the Penrith v. Cronulla game on Saturday night. Cronulla's Adam Cuthbertson - who has been known to like an offload almost as much as a meat pie - ran the ball up late in the first half before catapulting the ball out the back about 15 metres and away from his team mates. Luckily, Penrith's Michael Jennings was on hand to clean up the mess and convert it into points. Cuthbertson is a perennial contender for this award - when he plays, that is - and is a well-deserved winner.

Jennings was likely mobbed by team mate Travis Burns after his try; celebrating tries is about the only good thing Burns does (apart from whingeing and starting fights). His inept play when forced into the halfback role on Monday night against the Bulldogs was hardly a surprise: why does Penrith persist with him?? If they don't want to play the soon-to-be-departing Wade Graham, then put Luke Lewis at 5/8th and someone else at lock. Burns is a clear winner of the Adam Brown (one of the last halves used by Manly before their merger with Norths in 1999) Award.

Cronulla had clearly played their grand final last week. Apart from a brilliant Nathan Gardner bomb-return try (his 2nd for the season), Cronulla had nothing. Penrith won easily, sealing 2nd place on the ladder.

Two awards were also given out at the Brisbane v. Canberra game on Friday night...

The Andrew Johns Can't-Win-Without-Them Award and The John Quayle Hanging-On-Too-Long Award

These awards both had clear winners: after his rib cartilage injury, Darren Lockyer (once again) proved his value to Brisbane as they looked almost incapable of scoring points without him. Despite his age and some emerging young talent, the Broncos are probably more reliant than ever on Lockyer (although maybe not at A Johns level from 2001-2005).

And with the next award, Terry Campese is a clear winner of the John Quayle Hanging-On-Too-Long Award. Many of you will know John Quayle from his administrative role with the ARL but few would remember or even have seen old footage of John Quayle from his playing days. A quick glance at this footage shows Quayle sporting the 70s 'Horse Shoe' hair do. In other words....he'd lost all his hair on top but hung on to what was left (as was the style at the time). Campese keeps a close cut around the sides, but is fighting (he has admitted this) a losing battle on top.

The big crowd for this game was left largely disappointed. It took Brisbane over an hour to get going and show some urgency in this game....and they almost won (although left it much too late to win by the necessary 15 points to jump above Canberra on the ladder) while Canberra showed signs of nervousness or more likely mental fatigue from their great run of wins lately. Canberra did enough to make the top 8 - an amazing achievement given their predicament 2 months ago - but another big game for them looks a bit of a reach.

Benji Marshall and the Tigers were once strong contenders for the Andrew Johns award but now Benji is a perennial contender for another award...

The Shaquille O'Neal Star-player-with-large-hole-in-his-game Award

NBA player Shaquille O'Neal was the most physically dominant in his league from the mid 1990s to the mid 2000s....but his free throw shooting was (and still is) awful. Similarly, Benji Marshall puts the fear of God into opposing defences with his sleight of hand, sidestepping ability and array of flick passes. But his goal-kicking ability is patchy at best - amongst the bottom few in the NRL for regular kickers.

Benji Marshall was given easy goal attempts on Friday night in the Tigers' game against the Gold Coast, so this can't be blamed for the Tigers' three-point loss. Instead, the Tigers threw away a good opportunity to finish second by inexplicable errors and a poor kicking game late in the second half after the tiring and beat-up Titans gave up a 13-point lead. For the Titans though, to secure an important win given injuries and their history was important....although they may have paid too big a price in wanting this win. Time will tell...

The best has been saved for last: the final People's Choice Award for 2010...

The Wayne Bennett Award for Coach of the Year

Not surprisingly, this goes to Wayne Bennett for taking the Dragons to a second consecutive minor premiership. After the Bulldogs helped out their neighbours by pushing Canberra into 7th position with their win over Manly, Wayne Bennett took the opportunity to rest a number of players with minor injuries and give chances to peripheral players to prove themselves. Not surprisingly, this worked wonderfully well (until Souths started playing properly in the second half anyway) and the Dragons won quite comfortably in the end.

That ends the awards ceremony and the tipping season. Thanks for your participation and see you in 2011.

4th Annual Tuesday Roast Team of the Year

FB: Preston Campbell
W: Manu Vatuvei and Akuila Uate
C: Chris Lawrence and Jamie Lyon
FE: Todd Carney
HB: Scott Prince
L: Micheal Luck
SR: Gareth Ellis and Nate Myles
P: Mick Weyman and Petero Civoniceva
H: Nathan Friend

Bench: Luke Lewis, Sam Thaiday, Keith Galloway and Josh Miller
18th Man: Dean Young
Coach Wayne Bennett

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