As many rugby league supporters would know, the major end of season awards - the Dally M's - will take place on Tuesday night. But as with most awards nights, the Dally M's are rather bland (save for some excerpts of unintentional humour and the must-view post Dally M's Powerpoint presentation).
So here are some awards the average punter might enjoy a little more...
The Palm Motor Inn (where Julian O'Neill notoriously "sh*t in Schlossy's shoe" in March 1999) Award for the best off-field incident
This is perhaps the most coveted of the People's Choice Awards...or at least it once was. Off-field behaviour in the NRL has improved markedly in 2010, with a number of previous bad boys seemingly having turned their lives around (Carney, Bird, Friend etc.).
But there was a clear winner (or winners) of this award: Danny Wicks and Chris Houston (formerly of the Newcastle Knights). Why two well-paid rugby league players allegedly felt the need to run a major drug-dealing operation continues to boggle the mind. The game is probably better off without the portly Wicks, but for a player of Houston's ability to be out of the game indefinitely is a shame. (What is it about Newcastle? The clear runner-up for this award - Andrew Johns, for his drunken racist slur of Greg Inglis - but to be fair, Johns' transgressions were brought to light by fellow Novocastrian Timana Tahu. But in Tahu's case, this was about the only good thing he did all season).
Newcastle could have used Houston, Wicks and probably a few more big bodies as they took on the Storm yesterday. Newcastle had a great run to the end of the season, but after losing to the Dragons in a brave effort last week, taking on the Storm in the Storm's final cheating game was never going to be easy. Newcastle did well to stay close, but the Storm finished strongly to close the book on one of the more unusual seasons ever seen.
Speaking of Tahu, he's not left out when it comes to awards....
The Chris Walker Award for the Worst Off-Season Signing
The nominees are Adam Cuthbertson, Jason Cayless, Justin Poore and Tahu, and it's an easy win for Tahu. Tahu ticks all the boxes: expensive, inconsistent, disrupts a team's rhythm (from late 2009), preventing a youngster from coming through (the impressive Jonathon Wright looked very good in Tahu's absence) as well as perhaps the most stupid blow-up of 2010 (at Newcastle). Granted this came after his drama with Andrew Johns, but for this to affect his performance so much was thoroughly unprofessional.
Just quietly, it looks all but certain that Parramatta will retain this award next year thanks to their signings of has-beens Reni Maitua and Carl Webb.
Parramatta's poor finish to the season was confirmed as they were well beaten by the Warriors on Saturday night. Parramatta had a chance to send Nathan Cayless out of the game with a win, but it was lost due to a massive error count, mostly from exuberant offloads. The Warriors deserved their strong win and are a definite dark horse for the premiership.
The Cowbores would be doing cartwheels; not only did they get rid of Webb, but also Luke O'Donnell and Willie Mason! As a result, they are comfortable winners of the next award...
The Darren Senter "Addition By Subtraction" Award
This award is named after Wests Tigers stalwart and overly competitive but marginally talented loser Darren Senter, who retired from the Tigers in 2004 without having played a semi-final and watched on as his old team won the premiership in 2005. Previous winners of this award include Canterbury 2008 and the Roosters 2009 (who went on to enjoy great seasons after their purging). The Cowboys could benefit in a similar way, especially with the signing of great player and leader Brent Tate from the Warriors.
The Cowbores and Roosters met in Townsville on Saturday night to share a discussion on addition by subtraction....or maybe about memories of fixing games from late last season??? In a somewhat uninspiring game, the Roosters did enough to secure 6th spot with a 10-point win. Playing his final game for the Cowbores was (too) long-serving outside back Ty Williams; his retirement should also help the Cowbores.
It would have taken a brave - or stupid - player to try and undertake any sneaky gambling plays in the Cowbores - Roosters game....but the now much-discussed event from the Cowbores - Bulldogs game a few weeks back deserves recognition for its (probable) stupidity...
The Luke Carroll & Anthony Prince Dumb & Dumber Award
Carroll & Prince were young Australian men living in Vail, Colorado in 2005, when they decided to rob their local bank. Balaclavas may have hidden their appearance, but their distinctive Australian accents meant their identity was well known to employees of the bank and they were easily apprehended. Bulldogs forward Ryan Tandy looks likely to be similarly caught after his clumsy play at the start of the Cowbores Bulldogs game a few weeks ago coincided with a significant betting plunge on a penalty goal for Tandy's opposition to be the game's first scoring play.
Not helping Tandy's cause - apart from the lack of subtlety in the vision - was the reporting in the media last week of his friendship with former Sharks player and noting gambling fiend Michael Sullivan. The fact that Sullivan believes his mate's plea of innocence suggests guilt on the part of Tandy more than any piece of footage or any other potential incriminating evidence.
The possible last game in the NRL for Tandy was perhaps the best game of the weekend, as Canterbury overcame a desperate but rapidly deteriorating Manly side. Canterbury jumped to a 28-16 lead but Manly came back after Michael Ennis left the field due to a Steve Matai cheapshot. The game went down to the final play as Manly attacked, but the failure of Manly winger Michael Robertson to dive low for the corner meant he was easily shoved out of play by retiring Bulldogs fullback Luke Patten.
It was not a good weekend for Manly - or even former Manly players....
The Ali Lauitiiti Award for the Most Stupid Offload and The Adam Brown Award for the Most Useless Half or Five-Eighth in the NRL
Both of these awards were claimed by former Manly players in the Penrith v. Cronulla game on Saturday night. Cronulla's Adam Cuthbertson - who has been known to like an offload almost as much as a meat pie - ran the ball up late in the first half before catapulting the ball out the back about 15 metres and away from his team mates. Luckily, Penrith's Michael Jennings was on hand to clean up the mess and convert it into points. Cuthbertson is a perennial contender for this award - when he plays, that is - and is a well-deserved winner.
Jennings was likely mobbed by team mate Travis Burns after his try; celebrating tries is about the only good thing Burns does (apart from whingeing and starting fights). His inept play when forced into the halfback role on Monday night against the Bulldogs was hardly a surprise: why does Penrith persist with him?? If they don't want to play the soon-to-be-departing Wade Graham, then put Luke Lewis at 5/8th and someone else at lock. Burns is a clear winner of the Adam Brown (one of the last halves used by Manly before their merger with Norths in 1999) Award.
Cronulla had clearly played their grand final last week. Apart from a brilliant Nathan Gardner bomb-return try (his 2nd for the season), Cronulla had nothing. Penrith won easily, sealing 2nd place on the ladder.
Two awards were also given out at the Brisbane v. Canberra game on Friday night...
The Andrew Johns Can't-Win-Without-Them Award and The John Quayle Hanging-On-Too-Long Award
These awards both had clear winners: after his rib cartilage injury, Darren Lockyer (once again) proved his value to Brisbane as they looked almost incapable of scoring points without him. Despite his age and some emerging young talent, the Broncos are probably more reliant than ever on Lockyer (although maybe not at A Johns level from 2001-2005).
And with the next award, Terry Campese is a clear winner of the John Quayle Hanging-On-Too-Long Award. Many of you will know John Quayle from his administrative role with the ARL but few would remember or even have seen old footage of John Quayle from his playing days. A quick glance at this footage shows Quayle sporting the 70s 'Horse Shoe' hair do. In other words....he'd lost all his hair on top but hung on to what was left (as was the style at the time). Campese keeps a close cut around the sides, but is fighting (he has admitted this) a losing battle on top.
The big crowd for this game was left largely disappointed. It took Brisbane over an hour to get going and show some urgency in this game....and they almost won (although left it much too late to win by the necessary 15 points to jump above Canberra on the ladder) while Canberra showed signs of nervousness or more likely mental fatigue from their great run of wins lately. Canberra did enough to make the top 8 - an amazing achievement given their predicament 2 months ago - but another big game for them looks a bit of a reach.
Benji Marshall and the Tigers were once strong contenders for the Andrew Johns award but now Benji is a perennial contender for another award...
The Shaquille O'Neal Star-player-with-large-hole-in-his-game Award
NBA player Shaquille O'Neal was the most physically dominant in his league from the mid 1990s to the mid 2000s....but his free throw shooting was (and still is) awful. Similarly, Benji Marshall puts the fear of God into opposing defences with his sleight of hand, sidestepping ability and array of flick passes. But his goal-kicking ability is patchy at best - amongst the bottom few in the NRL for regular kickers.
Benji Marshall was given easy goal attempts on Friday night in the Tigers' game against the Gold Coast, so this can't be blamed for the Tigers' three-point loss. Instead, the Tigers threw away a good opportunity to finish second by inexplicable errors and a poor kicking game late in the second half after the tiring and beat-up Titans gave up a 13-point lead. For the Titans though, to secure an important win given injuries and their history was important....although they may have paid too big a price in wanting this win. Time will tell...
The best has been saved for last: the final People's Choice Award for 2010...
The Wayne Bennett Award for Coach of the Year
Not surprisingly, this goes to Wayne Bennett for taking the Dragons to a second consecutive minor premiership. After the Bulldogs helped out their neighbours by pushing Canberra into 7th position with their win over Manly, Wayne Bennett took the opportunity to rest a number of players with minor injuries and give chances to peripheral players to prove themselves. Not surprisingly, this worked wonderfully well (until Souths started playing properly in the second half anyway) and the Dragons won quite comfortably in the end.
That ends the awards ceremony and the tipping season. Thanks for your participation and see you in 2011.
4th Annual Tuesday Roast Team of the Year
FB: Preston Campbell
W: Manu Vatuvei and Akuila Uate
C: Chris Lawrence and Jamie Lyon
FE: Todd Carney
HB: Scott Prince
L: Micheal Luck
SR: Gareth Ellis and Nate Myles
P: Mick Weyman and Petero Civoniceva
H: Nathan Friend
Bench: Luke Lewis, Sam Thaiday, Keith Galloway and Josh Miller
18th Man: Dean Young
Coach Wayne Bennett
Monday 6 September 2010
Round 26: Tuesday Roast™ People's Choice Awards
Tuesday 31 August 2010
Round 25: 20 to 1: NRL Edition (no, not the odds Ryan Tandy got for giving away a penalty, but the TV show)
Bert Newton: Hello and welcome to 20 to 1. This week, it's the top 20 players in the National Rugby League in season 2010. It's not well known, but I've long had an interest in Rugby League....although I must say, most of this has been of uninspiring quality - Don Lane introduced me to South Sydney back in the 60s.
At Number 20, it's a newcomer to the NRL who has done his bit on the entertainment and drama side - especially with me as he plays for South Sydney....
20. Sam Burgess (fresh reserve)
Vince Sorrenti: Yep, Sam Burgess, you know, a biiiiiiiiig forward, love his style. But I can't understand a word he says! And that's coming from a wog, the kings of broken English. I've not understood a word my dad's said in the last 30 years!
Brad Fittler: BIG SAMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! Reminds me so much of Morley!
Sam Burgess: Oh eh oh y'know oh eh oh giv it a shot but oh ah eh oh eh oh ah.
BN: I couldn't agree more Sam! On to Number 19 and I want to be in that number.....
19. Dean Young (fresh reserve)
Karl Stefanovic: Big Deano, the Deanster....ummm...I've got nothing to say. They told me I had to be on this stupid show and I've got no idea who he is, sorry.
Peter Sterling: The Dragons have been the best team of the last two years without many star players. Obviously Wayne Bennett has been a big factor here, but it's the on-field leaders such as Dean Young who make the Dragons the great team that they are. Such a consistent player, so versatile and he is rarely noticed except when he doesn't play.
BN: I don't remember asking for anyone who knew what they were talking about on this show! Anyway, Number 18 and it's a golden star of the game still producing in his latter years...
18. Mat Rogers (fresh reserve)
Daniel McPherson: Yeh, gotta love the Rat you know? He's a Shire boy like me and even though he's with the Titans now, he's still going great.
Richard Wilkins: Rogers has to be one of my favourite players, because he looks older than me but is still relevant. Hey I can dream, can't I?
BN: So much to say to that, but so little time....On to number 17 and the first of the bench players. He's a frequent candidate for a concusssion given his hard running style, but luckily for him, his post-concussion brain scans reveal nothing...
17. Josh Miller (bench)
Barnaby Joyce: Josh Miller! What a nut job! I think he'd run into a concrete wall if asked to! Bloody crazy!
Peter Fitzsimons: Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
BN: If only he was the real Peter Fitzsimons! Number 16 now, and this guy puts the BIG into BIG...
16. Keith Galloway (bench)
BF: BIG KEEFYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him!
Mikey Robins: Yep, big Keith, a great player, reminds me a bit of me before I lost about 1000kg and most of my audience. Someone watch Good News Week please??
BN: Mikey, the secret is to do TV that costs nothing to do and assumes nothing of your audience. On to number 15, and you won't be able to tackle this guy without a good Thai....
15. Sam Thaiday (bench)
Deborah Mailman: What?! I so don't look like him!
Sam Backo: ....whereas I do. Killed it for much of the season but is sinking with the rest of the Broncos minus Captain Lockyer.
BN: Number 14 now and the best place to find a utility player is at the foot of the (Blue) mountains...
14. Luke Lewis (bench)
BF: BIG LUKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! Penno boy and havin an awesome year!
Mark Geyer: One of my favourites players is Lukey, if I had to pick a team to represent the Solar System right now, he'd be captain/trainer/coach/CEO/all-round legend.
BN: And they say there's a drug problem in the AFL! Now we're into the starting team for 2010, number 13 didn't have much Luck at Brookvale last week, suffering a nasty cut, but has had a Lucky 2010...
13. Micheal Luck (lock)
Robbie Buck (ABC Radio): Luck sounds like a nice enough guy, so I definitely share his pain. Not from his bad cut last week, but in having a last name which rhymes with a swear word.
Michael Witt: It could be worse. Lucky's had a great year, captain and leader of the team. Apart from him though, they can all go to hell! We had such a good year in '08 and they sacked me.....
BN: What a 'wit! Number 12 now and this Tiger is an Ell of a player...
12. Gareth Ellis (second row)
SB: Oh eh oh ah eh oh he's my idol like ah oh eh oh eh ah oh main reason for coming over oh ah eh oh.
Tony Greig: Ellis the hord borsted, he's really made an impact in the lorst year and a horf. He never goes in horf horted, I'll tell you that!
BN: If only Jarrod Saffy made the list! On to number 11 and he would run 500 Myles if it meant chasing down a breakaway winger....
11. Nate Myles (second row)
BF: BIG NATEYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! Sorry about getting you on the drink last year when you had the runs old mate, your great year this year has made that a distant memory!
Midget: Yeh he does look like an oversized version of me, you're right! Hahahaha
BN: Now we're on the lower half of the countdown and number 10, and this big man will always get his Wey...
10. Michael Weyman (prop)
Laurie Daley: Mick's had a 'uge year, 'e gits plenty of metres up the middle for the Dragons and I can't wait to pick 'im in my first NSW Origin side in 2011.
BN: I think we just lost several million viewers in NSW due to shock. Anyway, number 9 is a Friend in need for the Titans.
9. Nathan Friend (hooker)
PS: Why do I only talk about the less exciting players? Anyway, Friend has been a rock of consistency for the Gold Coast since their inception. Brilliant in defence and does enough with the ball to keep defences honest.
Barry Ward: An absolute little terrier is Friendy, but I love him coz he's the 5-time winner of Rugby League's ugliest man, eclipsing my 3-year stranglehold on the crown.
BN: Where's Anthony Mundine when you need him?? On to number 8 now and he's a real metre-eater and has been for over a decade...
8. Petero Civoniceva (prop)
Ita Buttrose: Civoniceva's all about success. It's that simple. He's simply stunning at winning, so successful and straightforward. What a sexy superstar!
MG: Can't believe Brisbane stupidly let this guy go in 2007. If they were picking a team of all-time legends, Petro definitely be on it.
BN: Now the money positions and Number 7 has been in Prince-ly form for the Gold Coast this year...
7. Scott Prince (halfback)
Paulini: Princey's one of my faves. He's been playing forever and still looks good - black don't crack hey?? Haha. Truthfully though, as long as any footy player's not named Naiqama, I'll like him.
BF: PRINCEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! I love his pin-point accurate kicks and the way he looks umm.....lost my train of thought. WOOOOO!
BN: Now onto number 6 and plenty of people asked "Can he?" after his year in the wilderness but he told them "Carney"...
6. Todd Carney (five-eighth)
PS: Finally someone not boring! Carney's been a revelation this year, not in what's he doing, but in that he's disciplined enough to do it without the silly off-field stuff. Could very well cap it off with a Dally M medal.
Mitchell Pearce: Yeh Toddy's 'avin' a great year ay, me and him play off each uvva so well, is just garn great ay.
BN: Ummm...surely he doesn't always talk like that....does he? Number 5 now and Uate know better if you're thinking of stopping this guy...
5. Akuila Uate (wing)
Andrew Johns: Awesome player but also awesome athlete, I mean he has a backside you could sit a drink on!
BN: Ummm....ok.....why did we keep this immoral brother and get rid of the other immoral brother? On to number 4 and he'll cross the Lyon with ease...
4. Jamie Lyon (centre)
Paul Vautin: Go Menly! He's pretty much carried Manly on his back this year, scored about 1000 tries and kicks goals at about 1000000% success rate!
SB: Oh ah eh oh St Helens oh ah eh oh oh ah oh eh Man of Steel oh ah eh oh.
BN: The countdown moves to number 3 now but you wouldn't know it if we didn't tell you. Introducing "Rowdy"...
3. Chris Lawrence (centre)
Matthew Johns: Love the Tigers and love Tim Sheens' set plays, many of which are run for Chris Lawrence, maybe the quickest player in the game. Rowdy, you're on my show a bit, tell me about your 2010.
Chris Lawrence: Um yeh.... it's been ok.
Benji Marshall: Can't shut him up eh bro?
BN: Two to go and introducing....the Beast
2. Manu Vatuvei (wing)
Megan Gale: Two to go, surely I can win the award for most obscure celebrity commenter?? But yeh, big Manu, he's a sight to behold when he gets going!
PS: That's right Megan, possibly the hardest player in the game to tackle since the Tigers' Tuiaki suffered injury. But most importantly, his hands have improved significantly from a few years ago.
BN: Number one now and one of the most popular players in the NRL, hey Presto here he is!
1. Preston Campbell (fullback)
MG: Presto, what a player, so small yet keeps going in hard. If there was a team of small guys named Preston, he'd definitely be in it.
Ernie Dingo: I just love the fact that Presto sounds a lot like my almost pretend Aboriginal voice, it's definitely extended my career. Oh, do I count as more obscure than Megan??
BN: Sorry Ernie, but sorry Megan, the winner is Ita Buttrose. See you next week.
Tuesday 24 August 2010
Round 24: Live from the NRL Tally Room in Canberra
Kerry O'Brien: Hello and welcome to the NRL Tally Room in Canberra for what promises to be an extremely engrossing night of viewing. Whereas previous election nights only focussed on a handful of key seats with the outcome in the remainder known well in advance, on this night, a close contest is expected in most seats, with a number of underdogs threatening to steal victory. As usual, I'm joined by the ABC's Election Analyst Antony Green, and Antony, how's the computer predictions looking thus far?
Antony Green: Well Kerry, there has been somewhat of a swing towards the sitting members in Penrith and Townsville, but not much else to report at this early stage. This is of course, hardly surprising, as we've received less than 5% of the vote so far, mostly from the outer booths at the north end of CUA Stadium. To borrow a Rugby League metaphor, we're only a few minutes into the contest, with a good 75 minutes still to play.
KO'B: Thanks Antony, now let's welcome our more interesting guests for tonight: left-wing and right-wing stooge. Welcome gents.
Left Wing Stooge: Thanks Kerry and it's looking good in Penrith! My information is that our lead out there has extended further! So much so that I'm almost calling that seat for us!
AG: I wouldn't be quite so confident at this stage....hang on, I can confirm the information from left-wing stooge and can also confirm another very strong result. Approaching 25% of the vote counted, this seat can almost be given back to the sitting member for Penrith.
Right Wing Stooge: Let's not count our chickens yet, Kerry, the pre-poll and postal votes out Penrith way would probably favour us, but on to other matters and we're looking very good in Townsville! The big-name candidate for Townsville recently of south-western Sydney might have thought he was a chance in this tight seat but it's a big lead for us early on!
AG: History tells us the early booth results from Townsville are notoriously poor predictors of the final outcome, I'm not sure why this is the case, but I won't be calling anything here for a while.
KO'B: Let's move on to some of the key seats and firstly Newcastle.
AG: This has long been a left-wing stronghold despite the poor quality of candidate since the retirement of the very successful sitting member in 2007. Internal fighting and criminal charges threatened to take this seat away from the left in recent months, but a late turnaround in fortunes for the left has seen their polling results improve markedly in recent weeks. The big-name right candidate, who grew up in Brisbane, is under real pressure here.
RWS: I'm not sure about that Antony, I've heard we've started well in early polling and my scrutineers tell me there was a significant officiating error but it was dismissed. We might here more about that later. Anyway, we're on top in early polling.
AG: I can confirm this, with about 25% of the vote counted, the candidate from Brisbane is favoured to win from here, according to the computer prediction.
LWS: We won't give up Newcastle without a fight, this is a loyal community, I'm confident they'll stick with the local.
RWS: Didn't you hear Antony? I think you've got too much pink batts stuck in your ears...
KO'B: And now onto another key western Sydney seat and Parramatta, where the popular sitting member is backed to retain his seat but is at risk after a difficult campaign riddled with very public whispers of in-fighting. His opponent is also popular, also leans to the left (despite representing a merged entity) and has taken on the sitting member in numerous contests over the years but almost never comes close to a victory.
AG: This is true, Kerry, but recent polling suggests the sitting member is at risk. One wonders why he didn't decide on staging the election at night and hence denying the merged opponent his preferred timeslot. Early booths suggest this seat is still too close to call, although our exit poll suggests it would not be a surprise to see the challenger take an early lead.
LWS: This is my information Antony, the local member could be in trouble here.
KO'B: Now the seat of Canberra, where the local left-wing member has seen better days but has an uncanny record of success against challengers from the far-right Red V Party. Red V has enjoyed a very successful last few years, but ultimate success continues to elude them and of course, they've not had a win in Canberra since 2000. Antony, how is it looking?
AG: Well the computer is predicting a Red V win, only a fairly small swing is required and the widespread support for Red V could very well deliver this. My early information is that Red V has infact taken a lead and with counting nearing 50%, has maintained this edge, despite pressure from the local member. Maybe a drought-breaker here Kerry?
LWS: Hahaha we're very confident here, we'll finish strong, our recent momentum should mean the pre-polls and postals are favouring us, I'd be surprised if we lost this one.
RWS: I'd love to argue this, but I've been burned too many times calling Canberra for us. Anyway, on to better news, and some right-wing strongholds: we're looking solid in Manly and Bondi against some tough opposition in the early going.
AG: Yes, the computer has you guys predicted to get up in these right-wing seats, but the early results are somewhat unexpected: the Polynesian candidate for Manly surprised in all the pre-surveys and is holding his own here, while the Party Party Party candidate for Bondi (formerly of the Gold Coast) is also faring well, it's roughly neck-and-neck approaching 50% of the vote counted in Bondi.
LWS: That's a great showing there by those two candidates in tough-to-win seats. I thought they both ran excellent campaigns.
KO'B: Back to Newcastle, and Antony, I understand there's been some developments there.
AG: Certainly has, with 65% of the vote counted now, the local member has pulled well in front and I can't see him losing from here. A massive swing of over 10% when only about 2% was needed. However, the merged candidate has pulled further in front in Parramatta, important to note here the local member's margin was diminished after the redistribution and computer is now predicting a merged victory.
RWS: Good to hear, I also hear we're slowly getting control in Manly in a real arm-wrestle, while the member in Townsville has a strong lead also.
LWS: Here we come in Canberra, back in front according to my sources, I don't know how Red V will come back from here, while the local Penrith member is on the way to a huge victory! Throw in the Party Party Party candidate now in the lead in Bondi and it's a great night for the left-wing of Australian politics!
KO'B: I'm not supposed to be happy about this, but on the inside I'm doing cartwheels! Let's summarise for the night, Antony, a wrap-up please.
AG: Ok, as was said, a huge swing and an easy win for the local members in Penrith and Newcastle, it looks like the member for Manly will hold on although this outcome probably won't be confirmed until the pre-poll and postal votes are counted, an easy win for the local member in Melbourne....I've just heard the Townsville member has shockingly fallen behind, proving again the fallibility of relying on the early booth results, that one will probably go down to the wire.....the Red V looks like recording another solid defeat in Canberra, while it's a surprise defeat for the member for Bondi and........the member for Parramatta has had a late surge of support, but NO! Two votes which would have seen them retain the seat have been deemed informal!
KO'B: On that note, it's good night from Canberra.
Tuesday 17 August 2010
Round 23: Get Me 1 Good Stat from each game...STAT!
On Friday night, the winning runs of two of the NRL's better teams came to an end...
Parramatta was not at their best, but an excellent game from soon-to-be-ex-Eel Feleti Mateo, another strong game from Jarryd Hayne and a solid debut capped off by a late try from Anthony Mitchell was enough to get them home over the Broncos. Brisbane missed Darren Lockyer, but possibly also suffered delayed effects from the tough game against the Dragons and tricky Cowboys game from recent weeks.
STAT!: Friday the 13th has not always been so unlucky for Brisbane and the Roosters. Brisbane had a 3 win, 2 loss record in their 5 previous Friday 13th games, winning all 3 at 'home' (one loss came against the Titans at Suncorp, but this was a Titans home game). Meanwhile, the Roosters had never lost on Friday 13th, winning all 4 games. However, these had all been home games. For Cronulla, their win was a (small) measure of revenge against the Roosters for a Friday 13th loss in week 1 of the finals in 2002. For Parramatta, this was only their second Friday 13th game after winning at Penrith in 2007. Avid followers of NRL scheduling will watch for which teams are drawn to play on Friday 13th May 2011...
On Saturday night, the Gold Coast looked to be doing it easy against an understrength Cowbores, before the Cowbores shockingly struck back with 3 tries in 10 minutes. Ultimately, the Gold Coast won well but it wasn't as easy as it might have been. In Sydney, the understrength Bulldogs somewhat surprisingly reached a 14-6 lead against a Canberra side which looked far better on paper but had to overcome the obstacle of backing up from Monday night. A mounting Bulldogs injury count and strong play from the Raiders saw them come back strongly and record an impressive win.
STAT!: Steve Michaels played only his 4th game for the Titans after switching teams mid-season from the Broncos, but at the risk of reaching a premature conclusion, Michaels has transformed his game significantly. In 59 games for the Broncos between 2005 and 2010, Michaels scored 22 tries and enjoyed a win-loss percentage of just above 50%. In his 4 games with the Titans, he has scored 4 tries and the team won all 4 games (after losing their previous 3 games). But his renewed career can't be expressed in tries and wins. Michaels was a defensive blubbering mess in his final days with the Broncos, routinely being abused by even medicore right-sided attacking players. Now...he is a defensive hitman and is playing a key role in a team which was searching for defensive intensity and guys to play centre competently. He might not yet be 'buy of the year' but he is probably great value for money for the Titans.
For Canberra, this was their 5th away win of the season: only the third time they have passed 4 away wins in a season since 1999. Usually, whenever a Canberra team wins close to half its games away from home, they're a lock to play in September, but their scratchy home form (just 5 wins and 5 losses; their equal 3rd worst home record after 10 games in their history) means they probably need to win each game until the end of the minor premiership. Lucky for them they play the Dragons this weekend...
On Sunday, the Warriors got a much better game from Newcastle than they were expecting but the Warriors did just enough - thanks to a bit of help from some dubious refereeing decisions and a lucky bounce late in the game - to get away with the win. Next up, Melbourne gave another brief reminder of better days as they looked on track to soundly defeat Souths, but the resilient Rabbitohs almost made it two huge comebacks in a row. The tired Storm held on for the win. Finally, Wests bounced back nicely from their embarrassing play of recent weeks to dominate Penrith in the forwards - a rare feat - and win comfortably.
STAT!: New Zealand's Manu Vatuvei continued his great run of form with 3 tries. He now has 11 tries in his last 9 games and 10 tries in his 10 career games against Newcastle. Melbourne continued their pattern of home wins and away losses since news of their salary cap breaches: they have won their last four games in Melbourne and lost their last 5 away from Melbourne. For the Wests Tigers five-eighth Benji Marshall, Sunday's game was his first success against Penrith after 7 losses. This game was also Benji's 37th consecutive NRL game - a noteworthy achievement for a player who has suffered so much injury.
Finally last night, the Dragons were clinical in their 32-10 defeat of Manly. Manly enjoyed some good field position but their limited attack and some excellent Dragons defence made it difficult for them to cross the line. Meanwhile, Manly errors meant the Dragons scored much too easily.
STAT!: Despite suspicions of Mark Gasnier's try not being legitimate due to the bouncing of the ball just before the line, under-fire referee Bill Harrigan has assured the Tuesday Roast this was the correct decision. Hence, the stat from this game is Bill Harrigan's self-confessed error count over the course of his career - zero.
See you next week.
Tuesday 10 August 2010
Round 22: Haiku Roast
An unwelcome consequence of ongoing increases in the speed and intensity of NRL matches ― as well as the stagnant salary cap and its meagre concessions ― has been a phasing-out of the canny veteran, the wily older player. He may have lost a step or two and may slur his words every so often but can still be highly valuable for young and impressionable team-mates.
If you look closely, some teams still have these older players, and while they are almost always highly appreciated on their teams, the game as a whole probably doesn’t give them the respect they deserve. One only has to look at the relatively poor recognition for Brett Kimmorley’s 300th game a few weeks back or that still-valuable players such as Colin Best, Luke Priddis, Mat Rogers, Luke Patten and Adam MacDougall will struggle to find a club (or be forced to play for Cronulla) next season.
These players deserve far better. Every team should have a few such players, if not in first grade then at the very least mentoring up-and-comers in the lower grades. No-one wins when these older players run off to England or start media careers prematurely. There’re only so many comic talents like Brad Fittler out there…
Hence, this week’s Roast will draw from the culture which is perhaps the most respectful towards wisdom, age and experience: the Japanese. Yep, it’s Haiku time.
Gold Coast v. Parramatta
Parra started strong
But Gold Coast’s play was regal
Hayne Plane on tarmac
The round started with a potentially riveting match-up between the desperate Eels and the resurgent Titans. A 12-nil lead to Parramatta suggested a bounce-back for one of the NRL’s most enigmatic teams, but Gold Coast responded with 34 unanswered points, many of which came from the boot of Scott Prince. Prince’s speed and elusiveness may have waned but his craftiness hasn’t, nor has the accuracy of his kicking game.
After looking unlikely a few weeks ago, the Gold Coast is now back in contention for a top-4 spot, while for Parramatta, they are increasingly swapping scenarios with the Gold Coast…
North Queensland v. Brisbane
Brisbane’s task was tough
After Saints, but Feral’s loss
Helped; an easy win
Of the teams who have beaten the Dragons this season and played the next week, only the Gold Coast had won in their next match. Throw in a short turnaround and a ‘local’ rival keen on disrupting solid momentum and this match in Townsville was quite a prospective challenge for the Broncos.
However, the Broncos confirmed their standing as one of the most improved teams in the NRL with a robust performance. The injury to Feral Thurston probably lowered their motivation, if anything, and made this game closer, but Brisbane was not a risk of losing.
Manly v. Melbourne
Storm away from home
Put them out of their misery
Yawn – they just don’t care
After repelling some early Storm attack, Manly crossed for several well-worked tries…and this game was basically over. Melbourne clearly couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to stop Manly’s solid but hardly world-beating attack (with the possible exception of Jamie Lyon) and showed few signs of mounting a comeback.
Sadly for the gallant Rabbitohs, Melbourne will probably put in a better effort this Sunday and deprive a hard-working, popular, legal team of points.
South Sydney v. Wests Tigers
Injuries galore
For Souths; but Tiges’ focus gone
SS marches on!
The incredible run of success for Souths’ coach John Lang against Tigers’ coach Tim Sheens looked set to come to an end on Saturday night, with Souths missing almost a full team of regular first grade players, while the Tigers were almost at full strength and in need of a strong performance.
But Souths still had their ‘spine’ and although they allowed the Tigers to score some hilariously easy tries, they gave some easy tries back to stay close enough. With about 20 minutes to go, the Tigers’ focus slipped terribly and Souths started their comeback. They were aided by numerous Tigers’ errors, missed tries and premature field goal attempts and incredibly eliminated a 16-point deficit with 3 minutes left in normal time.
The usual mess that is extra time ensued, with missed or charged down field goal attempts and several thousand offences not penalised by gutless referees, and a draw seemed certain. But then Rhys Wesser – of all people – somehow broke through a tackle on what looked to be one of the slowest line breaks in history to set up an incredible match-winning try.
This was one of the more famous victories in Souths’ long history and especially so because they had shown nil signs of getting a win under pressure in recent years. But for the Tigers, the charmed run they had pulling lucky wins out despite playing poorly against struggling or under-strength teams finally came to an end (and deservedly so).
Cronulla v. Warriors
Sharks were due a win
For new coach, but still rubbish
Warriors too good
After some very bad luck received in last week’s loss to the Tigers, many looked at Cronulla’s first home under new coach Shane Flanagan as a great chance for a rare win. This was especially so with the Warriors looking poor against the Gold Coast last week after their long run of wins.
But after a solid start, Cronulla fell away in this one and the Warriors cruised to an easy win. It’s hard to see how, even with heaps of salary cap cast-offs from other teams, that Cronulla can be competitive on a consistent basis any time soon.
Newcastle v. Canterbury
Newcastle’s good form
Continued; these Dogs appear
To have had their day
It may end up being a case of ‘too little, too late’ but Newcastle’s overdue run of form continued on Sunday as they thrashed the Bulldogs (whose run of form appears to be over). Many teams struggle to back up after a Monday night win and also to back up after playing Manly, but Newcastle achieved both of these in style, putting the game out of reach by half time.
Sydney Roosters v. St George Illawarra
Attack v Defence:
The classic battle, Roosters
Lost but not shamed
It was to be the toughest test yet for the white-hot Roosters; cracking the best defensive team (by some margin) in the NRL. Ultimately, they probably lost this game not by failure in the points-scoring area of the field but due to too many errors in possession. Still, it was a brave effort, especially in defence, where much Dragons possession only rarely led to points.
It has been an unfortunate mix of circumstances for the Dragons in the last month: the loss of Weyman, the return of Gasnier as well as the draw serving up four teams either running into form or at/near their best against big-name teams. That the Dragons have come out of this stretch with a solid buffer intact should give them strong impetus for the remainder of the season.
Canberra v. Penrith
Two strong teams Monday
While Penrith impressed; the win
Given to the Refs
This game featured some entertaining moments and some strong periods of play, more so from Penrith than Canberra, but it left an unsavoury taste in the mouth: referee decisions played a significant role in this game. Not necessarily the final score or the winner, but the momentum shifts in the game were mostly driven by penalties given.
Canberra certainly lifted their game after half time, with the end of the season staring them in the face if they lost, but they certainly received a solid leg-up from the referees. Penrith failed to cope with a more desperate Canberra, but they benefited somewhat in their excellent first half from dubious referee calls.
Once it became apparent that Canberra was on a roll in the second half, their comeback was almost expected; as such, Canberra probably can’t take as much from the game as Penrith, who looked very strong against a good forward pack and at a difficult venue.
See you next week.
Tuesday 3 August 2010
Round 21: Thanks Jason Robinson
Those rugby league followers in attendance or watching Saturday night's game between Wests and Cronulla have been unable to properly function ever since, due to one of the most bizarre refereeing decisions being given.
Cronulla's Ben Pomeroy was tackled just short of the try line but maintained some sort of momentum for a few seconds. This momentum slowed, when referee Jason Robinson called held, but it didn't stop completely. Just after the 'held' call, Bryce Gibbs joined the tackle and pushed Pomeroy towards the try line, when Pomeroy reached out for an apparent try.
Incredibly, Robinson penalised Pomeroy for attempting to reach out for the line after the 'held' call, rather than penalising Gibbs or realising his mistaken call and awarding the try. The stunned Leichhardt crowd could barely believe their ears. Any subsequent attempt to rationalise Robinson's thought process or logically discuss these events has left the sharpest minds of today in a state of torpor. Fermat's Last Theorem, The Big Bang, The Monty Hall Problem....these are now well and truly superceded by Robinson's Blown Call to confuse brains the world over. This is a truly amazing accomplishment from the code which brought you Mander's C**k-up on the Israel Folau "try" just 10 days ago.
Regular service will hopefully resume next week.
Tuesday 27 July 2010
Round 20: Masterchef Bye Week
This week's Roast was all ready to go before we learnt we would be shafted by the timing of the Masterchef grand final and there was no alternate timeslot available. Sorry guys.
So here's a brief summary of last weekend's events:
* Was it a train? Was it a plane? It may very well have been SuperHayne as Jarryd helped the Eels to a smoking start on Friday and despite a Bulldogs comeback, this was a strong win to Parramatta.
* The injury-hit Titans shocked the Dragons with a golden point win. The inclement weather probably helped the underdog but the Dragons must now prove themselves as being able to win big games late in the season.
* Cronulla started strongly coming off a big loss and a coach resignation but Canberra did enough to eke out the win.
* Both teams struggled in Melbourne, but ultimately the Storm was too much for the patchy Panthers.
* Newcastle made a late surge to force extra time, but the Cowboys scored the golden try (albeit from a pass which looked much less than golden) to get the win.
* Souths produced a brilliant second half and some desperate late-game defence to score a morale-boosting win over the streaking Warriors.
* The Tigers started strongly, but Manly held their nerve and exposed Wests' defensive frailties on their way to a fairly convincing win.
* Finally, Brisbane took an hour to get going but get going they did, overwhelming a huge Roosters' lead. But the Roosters hardly flinched and scored the match-winning try with more of their eye-pleasing play.
See you next week.
Tuesday 20 July 2010
Round 19: Rivalry Round - Best Round of the Season (so far)
“I tell you what… this competition, and we flower it up all the time and we love the superstars, they’re great players, this is the weakest competition I’ve seen in a long long time alright. Anyone can win this, because our no. 1 team is only a very average team. But they look so much better than everyone this because at least they’re consistent and they’ve got some intensity. This is crying out for a Tigers 2005, for someone to get on a roll now and they’ll just beat everyone….it’s baying for one team now to stand up and get it done, they’ll win the comp…”
Phil Gould’s brutally honest – but quite unpopular – assessment of the NRL on Sunday could have sent many followers of the game into the foetal position. They might have wondered why they waste their time following a season for close to 30 weeks, when all that is required is to tune in sometime in August to find which team is building momentum best for a late-season run to the premiership. They may also have wondered about the ongoing prospects of a competition which has lost a good portion of its depth to England and a worryingly high portion of its star power to other sports, whilst pursuing an agenda of expansion in the not too distant future.
However, Rugby League has a long history of producing entertaining product to make its followers (temporarily) forget about the game’s deep-seated problems and Round 19 – Rivalry Round – was just another example of this. There were some cracking games, high scores, great comebacks and just enough spice to make things interesting without invoking the Helen Lovejoys (i.e. vested interests in the media pushing the AFL perspective) of this world.
The game of the round saw Penrith take on Parramatta. Most expected Penrith to bounce back after their loss to the Warriors last week, with their attack to lead the way. The Warriors kept one of the NRL’s highest scoring teams to just 6 points, which gave voice to the growing number of critics of Penrith’s attack, who accuse it of being one-dimensional (relying too much on kicks).
While Penrith’s attacking game probably needs some variation to minimise the possibility of a point-scoring drought in a key late-season game, Parramatta’s generous defence against the kick was not going to encourage any Penrith attacking innovation any time soon. Penrith led 22-nil after 20 or so minutes, with several tries coming off a poor defensive response to fairly standard Penrith kicks.
Many who wondered whether the Eels’ effort against the Cowbores last Monday night was the start of a late-season run or an easy win against pathetic opposition were answered in the remainder of the first half on Saturday night, as Parramatta cut Penrith’s lead to just 10 and probably should have cut it even further. They clearly had a great momentum and continued it after half time as Wright and an extremely calm Inu crossed for tries to give Parramatta a lead.
Most importantly, however, for Parramatta, was that their often-dormant superstar Jarryd Hayne had woken up and was involved in everything; a danger sign for whoever the opposition is when this rare event takes place. He played a key role in each of Parramatta’s first four tries then broke the game open with his spectacular 80-metre kick return. It probably didn’t deserve the orgasmic reaction it got from the commentators, but it marked the start of what Parramatta supporters hope will be an eruption lasting several months.
Penrith responded (via a kick) and some errors gave them chances to re-take the lead, but Parramatta held on for a famous win. This was one of the better games so far this season, but it was made even more memorable by a ground record crowd packed into CUA Stadium at Penrith. Sadly, this may end up leading to more Penrith-Parramatta games moving to larger stadiums, but hopefully there can be room for games – and crowds – like this at suburban stadiums as well.
Other notable games from the Rivalry Round saw the Roosters and Bulldogs square off as well as the Tigers host the Cowbores. The perplexing Roosters – who struggle against lowly teams, defeat good teams and rarely string similar results together – should have had the goods to beat the Bulldogs, but the Bulldogs’ recent momentum and confidence gained saw them jump to a strong lead after early back-and-forth of tries in the opening 30 minutes.
The Roosters – and especially Braith Anasta – seemed to lose their way as they suffered from several refereeing errors and became increasingly frustrated. Anasta already gave away a penalty for dissent after a dubious forward pass call, then he looked like he’d have a stroke when correctly denied a try soon after.
Somehow during this time, the Roosters dominated possession and mounted a comeback against the gallant but tiring Bulldogs. Eventually the Roosters re-took the lead and held on for an unlikely win. While Anasta gained (eventual) satisfaction, fellow milestone gamer Kimmorley added to his legacy of crapping the bed in big games, thanks to numerous errors and penalties conceded. Afterwards he complained of not being recognised for reaching 300 games. Hey Brett, here’s a statue of you throwing the intercept pass to Bowen, now go away.
On Monday night, the Tigers took the resurgent Cowbores far too lightly and woke up to find themselves 16-nil down. Luckily Feral Thurston missed his first conversion, perhaps due to his nasty black eye. Apparently one of his victims fought back this time…
Once the Tigers got going from late in the first half, the 16-point deficit was quickly rubbed out but the stalemate continued for far longer than expected despite both teams having numerous chances to take the lead. Actually, the Tigers had about eleventy hundred chances, most of which were Benji Marshall missed goal or field goal attempts. But then he sets up a try with a brilliant chip and chase and all is (seemingly) forgotten. Until he costs them a finals game with his erratic play that is…
Finally, the surprisingly impressive Fulton sealed the win for the Tigers, who after winning 7 of their last 8, must surely be due for a loss against Manly on Sunday.
The Warriors and Melbourne have had a somewhat heated rivalry over the years and despite Melbourne’s season rapidly losing relevance, this game stoked the rivalry to greater heights.
The Warriors backed up well after their Herculean effort to defeat Penrith last week to jump to 12-nil lead early on against the Storm, but the Storm slowly fought their way back. The Warriors’ newly found defensive resolve continued and maintained their lead, but eventually Melbourne scored. Rather than suppressing the crowd, this made them louder as a chorus of “CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT” rang around Mt Smart Stadium as Cameron Smith lined up the conversion attempt.
Melbourne almost scored in their next set of six, but ultimately couldn’t score again and the Warriors held on for their fifth win in a row – a difficult feat in the NRL this season. The next Melbourne v. Warriors game should be one to look forward to…
Friday’s game might have been more memorable in a normal round: Souths gave a very good account of themselves in almost defeating the Dragons, while Brisbane slowly but surely overhauled the Titans, with a run of 24 straight points after the Gold Coast had a 10-nil lead. The Titans were somewhat unlucky though to suffer from a dubious sin-bin for the second straight week. To rub salt in the wound, they lost Bird and Harrison to injury.
The final two games of the round were closer to Phil Gould’s description of the game than the standard from the better games of this round: Manly and Canberra jumped to massive first-half leads over insipid opposition in the form of Cronulla and Newcastle respectively.
See you next week.
Tuesday 13 July 2010
Round 18: NRL Bizarro World
Hope you enjoyed that look back over a very weird round of NRL. See you next week.
And allow them they did – 24 in under 20 minutes between late in the first half and early in the second half. To the Cowbores’ credit, they didn’t capitulate and might have had a chance at winning if one or two things went their way, but in the end, it was a solid, although still far from impressive (from an overall perspective) win for the Eels in one of the weirder Monday night games of recent times.
The round finished on Monday night with Parramatta triumphing over the very un-boring Cowbores in a shootout in the Wild West of Sydney. Both teams’ attack has stuttered significantly of late but both teams enjoyed breakout attacking performances and, most importantly, brought aggressive attitudes to the game. Early on, any result looked possible, but once the errors returned to the Cowbores’ game, it was only a matter of time before the worst defence in the NRL would allow points.
This was in spite of a massive penalty count in Penrith’s favour. Perhaps Penrith was in shock; they are almost always on the wrong end of penalties, only the Dragons have any idea about how to get the most benefit out of a run of penalties. In the end, the Warriors grimly held on for a famous win. Only the great Melbourne defence of early 2008 recorded a win under similar circumstances.
From here on, Penrith had the better of the game and gradually dominated possession and field position – but could get no closer than 6 points. Penrith’s successful air attack, their kicking arsenal fired blanks all afternoon as the Warriors’ defensive intensity never wavered.
The weird happenings continued in Sunday’s late game at Penrith. It became quickly apparent that the big efforts in recent weeks – both at club level and at Origin – had taken their toll; it was a flat start from the Panthers and the Warriors jumped to a 12-nil lead. Their second try, to Vatuvei, was quite strange. Vatuvei ran through and caught a bomb almost unopposed to score in the corner (not unlike the famous Steve Gearin try from the 1980 grand final).
First up on Sunday, Newcastle recorded a solid win at home, while Cronulla struggled to perform away from home. Those outcomes are weirdness enough thus far in season 2010, but two of the game’s better performers are Ben Rogers (Newcastle) and Ben Pomeroy (Cronulla) well….Halley’s Comet will probably come again before these two hacks play another good game.
The Bulldogs took a solid lead to half time, as they had the past two games, but came close to relinquishing it as Melbourne came back strongly. Ultimately, it was a crazy ending as time expired when Billy Slater poked his head up from the clock-stopping scrum formation. A grin from Slater confirmed the weirdness of this match.
It’s an even crazier round and game when Billy Slater makes a number of mistakes at the back. Slater is usually so reliable but the Bulldogs found him out on several occasions. Admittedly, he would have done brilliantly well to stop the steam train that is Jamal Idris from scoring.
A rugby league game being played at Adelaide Oval for the first time since 1998 is bizarro enough. However, when that game involves the car crash that is the 2010 Melbourne Storm and the Storm, against all expectations, show fight and heart to come back into a game given the hopelessness of their situation, you know it’s a crazy round of rugby league.
With that said though, Canberra did put on two tries from close to the opposition line – where they had failed so miserably in previous weeks – to take a match-winning lead. Manly’s struggles and very poor home record since their awesome win against the Dragons a few months back continued.
The craziness got worse on Saturday night as Canberra turned around their abysmal performances from the last two weeks with a close but well deserved win over a still-scratchy Manly at Brookvale. We’ll never know if Canberra was going to sort out their diabolically poor attack because Canberra’s first two tries were gifts from Manly intercept passes.
The Tigers scored the game’s next 15 points – including an incredible field goal from Benji Marshall just before half-time – to grind out a match-winning lead: if they could only like this in the myriad of other games when Ellis plays a lone hand. A late try to the Titans made Benji’s field goal that much more important as the Tigers held on for the win.
Across town, the Tigers looked likely to fall well behind to the overdue Titans, but the usually sure-handed Titans outside backs dropped several passes where the try-line was in close proximity. The Tigers desperately needed such a leg-up as they were missing their best player in Gareth Ellis, but it became clear that the motivation to perform without Ellis and beat a hated rival in the process was strong.
Late penalties for relatively insignificant offences are perhaps not quite as rare as hens’ teeth, but are not much more prevalent. This was a surprisingly good game, but a slightly fortunate win for the Roosters.
Despite the Roosters coming back and dominating much of the remainder of the game, a try to Talanoa in the corner and subsequent conversion to the erratic Sandow saw Souths re-take the lead, a lead they seemed likely to hold onto until a crucial penalty to the Roosters led to the match-winning try to Mitch Aubusson.
The madness started on Friday night when Souths looked destined to score a significant win over the Roosters without their best player Issac Luke. Souths started very strongly, overcoming the physical Roosters and the difficult conditions to take an 8-nil lead.
Even in a league where consistency is rare and volatility much too common, the happenings of Round 18 were still difficult to comprehend. The downtrodden fought back, in the unlikeliest of situations, the favoured and in need struggled mightily, while those in a drought spectacularly farewelled dryness…but welcomed instead a severe loosening of standards, and finally many found they could perform despite the absence of crucial inputs.
Tuesday 6 July 2010
Round 17: NRL Teams Explained to the International Football (Soccer) Supporter
The Australian professional sporting landscape has changed markedly over the last decade. After years of lying dormant with massive participation at the recreational level but little interest for the local elite competition, association football – better known as soccer to most Australians – came to life after a major remodelling and infusion of funds and corporate support.
The Australian men’s team’s qualification for the 2006 World Cup Finals – and their somewhat unexpected journey beyond the first round – saw public interest swell even further. This interest has been sustained by a much greater number of national team games (brought on by the shift to the Asian Confederation) and an unlucky, but still quite spirited, effort at the 2010 World Cup Finals.
Not surprisingly, given out penchant for hosting major events and desire to be noticed on the world stage, Australia has signalled its intention to bid for the right to host the 2018 or 2022 Football World Cup Finals. Our chances for 2018 seem doomed as all-powerful Europe is overdue for its turn to host again, but 2022 could be our time.
Unlike the xenophobic AFL, Rugby League is not openly hostile towards the possibility of Australia hosting a World Cup Football Finals tournament and could benefit considerably, with the construction and upgrade of a number of NRL-capable stadia. However, another benefit of the potential hosting of the World Cup Finals for the NRL would be to expose our great game to a huge new market. Let’s face it: if Rugby League can dominate a city as fickle as Sydney then surely anything is possible.
However, the football supporters of the world will have to come up to speed with over 100 years of Rugby League history and culture. In this week’s Roast, the first steps along this road are taken, with each NRL team’s history, accomplishments and qualities explained in terms of a similar international football team.
Brisbane is a lot like Brazil: Brisbane is the dominant team in the NRL’s second state. For long parts of its history, it had access to many of the best players in that state. Brisbane has a brilliant record in tournament finals and a long history of success, although many feel they should have done even better.
Wests Tigers > Spain: The Wests Tigers are often expected to be a great chance of success but usually fail miserably. Apart from a recent surprise triumph, their last success came many decades ago. Despite enjoying great support, they enjoy two distinct groups of followers, between whom there is much dislike and tension.
Friday night’s match featured these two teams, where an Origin-weakened Brisbane played well above themselves but failed – barely – to push home this advantage on the scoreboard. The Tigers hung on bravely to a chance of victory and somehow won in the dying minutes.
Cronulla > Scotland: Cronulla is the poor neighbour of their region’s dominant team and has never won anything of note. In fact, they rarely even qualify to play in the big matches. Some of their few devoted fans remember back to a few tournaments in the 1970s when they….weren’t quite so bad, but really, they are the laughingstock of the competition.
Canterbury > Italy: They are known as the “family club”. Hence, there is usually much tension and drama around the club, which manifests itself in the boom-bust cycle of ultimate success (or something very close to that) and crashing back to Earth with a thud. Their success is often associated with cheating or (at the very least) ‘gamesmanship’ and stretching the rules as far as they’ll go.
The lone Saturday night match saw these two clubs battle at the unfamiliar venue of Gosford, but it was Cronulla’s unfamiliar team which suffered. The Bulldogs continued their strong form from Monday night with an easy win. Ben Barba enjoyed another impressive game for the Bulldogs as a starting minute player.
Canberra > Denmark: Canberra burst on to the scene in the mid 1980s and revolutionised the way the game was played. However, by the time this once-in-a-lifetime generation of star players had aged or moved on, this small-town club fell back in the pack and now struggles for the most part. They will occasionally produce a special effort and threaten some of the very best, but for the most part, they have disappointed since the mid 1990s.
Sydney Roosters > France: This team with red, white and blue colours and a rooster as their emblem have a long, but not always distinguished history in the game. A roll call of their stars over the last 100 years is impressive, but periods of success for them have been interspersed with lengthy dry spells. Disliked almost universally by supporters of other teams and their supporters are notoriously quick to drop off when times are tough.
If Rugby League was scored on field position only, Canberra would be near the top of the competition, but sadly for them, rugby league requires some sort of proficiency at putting points on the board. Without anyone of note to organise their attack, Canberra have squandered record amounts of attacking field position over the last two games. It was a second straight shocker for Terry Campese, possibly the worst half in the game at the moment. The Roosters were solid in defence, absorbing Canberra’s ‘best’, and put enough points on for a comfortable win.
New Zealand > Portugal: The Warriors are always an entertaining team, even if frustrating to their own supporters or just plain bad. Their moment in the sun came in the early 2000s when they had several chances for ultimate success but their big-game confidence and charisma was not quite there as it was in less meaningful contests.
Parramatta > Argentina: Parramatta has one of the more unique cultures in the game today. Despite a fairly high turnover of players, their relatively fragile, potentially brilliant, often lazy style of play remains a constant. Their golden period was from the late 1970s to 1986, although their genius at the time hung around for a few more years, but with his body rapidly failing him. Their large supporter base remembers the halcyon days well and turns on their current stars and coach if the team is struggling….but will be right behind the team if they turn it around. Bookmakers always expected this team to have a great chance of success.
Parramatta’s task last weekend was very tough: travelling to Auckland in the wet minus four of their biggest stars. They probably did fairly well to stay close with the Warriors for an hour, but the Warriors ultimately thrashed Parramatta after running in four late tries.
St George (Illawarra) > England (Wales): This team which wears white and red is perhaps the most famous in the game…or at least that’s what their supporters think. Their supporters also have an amazing ability to remember rare events from decades past as if they were yesterday…but they conveniently forget about their (very) junior partner which graciously provides a nice stadium for them to play in from time to time and also a number of their players. But St George Illawarra’s most famous trait is failing to live up (usually severely over-hyped) expectations, often placed on them by the media and their prominent supporters.
Penrith > Netherlands: Penrith’s initial claim to fame was one of rugby league’s more bizarre uniform designs, but after a long time in the wilderness, they rose to prominence in the late 1980s and early 1990s with a wonderful generation of players. Brief success was experienced, but so much more was lost in a quite sad manner. A major nursery of rugby league talent, Penrith usually finds its way near success once a decade or so – but struggles somewhat in intervening years.
Both teams were considerably weakened for this game by State of Origin, but even with inclement weather, this was quite an intriguing contest. On another night, the Dragons would have found an early lead and made life difficult for the Panthers to come back, but some uncharacteristically poor Dragons attack and a Penrith try meant Penrith played from in front. With some strong defence, greasy conditions and the Dragons looking a bit out of sync missing so many players and welcoming back one former star from a two-year break, one more try for Penrith was enough for an important, but probably not ultimately significant win.
In case you were wondering, here’s the remaining NRL teams and their international football counterparts. See you next week.
Manly – (West) Germany
Melbourne – (East) Germany (or maybe Juventus)
Gold Coast – Ivory Coast
North Queensland – Turkey
Souths – Uruguay
Newcastle – Colombia
Tuesday 29 June 2010
Round 16: Repetition On A Theme (Or How Lazy The Rugby League Media Can Be)
Round 16 of the 2010 NRL season may have been the very popular Women In League round, but for far too many media types, their “concerns” (fixations is probably a better word) were with the makeup of a group who would have struggled to beat a team of young girls in their last two games: the New South Wales State of Origin team. Here is how a collection of standard Round 16 match reports in the media from over the weekend might have sounded…
“In the first of last night’s NRL matches, Jamie Soward pushed his State of Origin claims with a dominant effort as the Dragons finished with a wet sail late on to comprehensively defeat the Wests Tigers 34-10. The Dragons took a while to get going as the Tigers threatened to open the scoring, led by some incisive work from Robbie Farah, who surely must be threatening to usurp his former NSW number 9 jumper from Michael Ennis after his recent run of good form, but typically excellent Dragons’ defence and a penalty goal by Soward saw the Dragons take an early lead.
The Tigers fought back with a try to Chris Lawrence, who must be a chance for the left centre position for NSW left vacant by the injured Matt Cooper, but the Dragons pulled away again. The Tigers responded thanks to Lawrence again while a break by Wade McKinnon forced Origin prop Michael Weyman into a dangerous tackle, which will see him miss Origin 3.
But the Dragons were ultimately far too good as the likes of Soward, Morris, Scott, Creagh, Prior, Merrin, Hornby, Green and Gasnier all reminded NSW selectors of their class.
The other game saw Penrith unleash the razzle dazzle in defeating Manly. Penrith became the Pink Panthers on this night, but they may as well have been wearing blue given how many of them could force their way into the NSW line-up for Origin 3. Michael Jennings continued his great run of form, while Coote, Gordon, Lewis, Waterhouse, Walsh and Purtell will make the selectors’ jobs very difficult. Gordon’s combination of great wing play and goal kicking will make him especially hard to ignore; his 1st half try was one of the tries of the season and featured slick passing and player movement.”
“In tonight’s NRL games, Brisbane outlasted Parramatta, Cronulla came from way back to defeat the Cowbores and Souths showed the people of Perth how it’s done as they defeated Melbourne.
At Parramatta Stadium, Jarryd Hayne scored the Eels’ only try, reminding selectors of his rare combination of size and speed, while Tim Mannah made life tough for Brisbane’s forwards. Nathan Hindmarsh, as ever, was consistent; he will never be out of place in the elite level. Meanwhile Brisbane scored a solid win, despite only one player of note: Peter Wallace, who put his hand up for the uncertain NSW halfback position with a strong effort guiding the Broncos around.
In Townsville……nuh, I can’t do it. The Cowbores’ players from New South Wales are all absolute garbage, they can’t even make my pretend abnormally large group of players vying for Origin selection. Anyway, they took an 18-nil lead before the Sharks somehow fought back despite the gaping absence of Origin candidate Kade Snowden. Gallen was tireless and always lifts before Origin selection, Tupou reminded those in charge of his Origin experience and Barrett must have shown some sort of captaincy experience – or is he just old? Anyway, NSW could do worse than having a utility like John Morris on the bench, his and Barrett’s field goals got the Sharks home.
It was almost apt that the final game of night was played in Perth, because only a handful of players were eligible for the coveted NSW Origin jersey in this game. Brett Finch’s career renaissance in Melbourne continued here; selectors would remember Finch’s Origin heroics well. Meanwhile, for Souths, Colin Best had his best game in sometime. His combination of size and speed could give Inglis problems in Origin 3. Ultimately though, Souths’ traditional combination of John Sutton and Luke Stuart pushed their claims for Game 3 by leading Souths to a solid win.”
“To the NRL and upsets were the order of the day. Perhaps some were too concerned about the looming selection of the NSW Origin team for game 3? We will never know.
Earlier today, the Roosters took their home game to Christchurch to take on the Warriors and we had our first glimpse of a possible NSW halves pairing. Todd Carney and Mitchell Pearce played their first game at 6 and 7 and weren’t put off by the difficult conditions to record a strong outing. Phil Graham showed some blinding pace to help set up Carney’s try here; Graham would certainly not look out place in that hard-to-fill right wing slot for the Blues. Another performer for the Roosters was Mitch Aubusson, whose pace and utility value could come in handy for NSW.
Ultimately though the Warriors snuck home. Ian Henderson helped the Warriors stay close in the second half and his tenaciousness and speed out of dummy half could be just what NSW need.
After their Monday night struggles, Newcastle made it two wins this week as they lifted their effort and received a little luck to defeat the Titans. Kurt Gidley was brilliant as fullback and captain. Needless to say, Origin selectors would have been watching closely. Another contender for the NSW halves positions was Jarrod Mullen, who had a hand in most of Newcastle’s attack and already has had his Origin initiation.
For the Titans, Greg Bird played a virtual solo hand and would be stinging to add to his Origin man of the match awards.”
“In the NRL tonight, it was the Bulldogs who triumphed in the upset win over a disappointing Canberra. Michael Ennis proved his Origin credentials with an inspired – and typically irritating – effort, while the Blues selectors could have done worse than look to steady veterans like Kimmorley and Andrew Ryan for some consistency. Idris proved his versatility by starting this game in the forwards and giving his team some early bite against the giant Canberra pack and Steve Turner….wasn’t completely rubbish.
Canberra dominated field position thanks to the likes of Miller, Tilse and Thurling; these players get forgotten by the selectors it seems. Finally, each rubbish Canberra effort like this makes the long-absent Alan Tongue and his leadership more and more valuable.”
Meanwhile Queensland picked basically the same team (again) to no fanfare, even from Queensland media (again) and should win (again).
See you next week.
Tuesday 22 June 2010
Round 15: Surreal-ly Misused
Despite claims from rival codes that it is monotonous and predictable, Rugby League provides plenty of drama, uncertainty and excitement. How can this be stated as fact? Because it comes ‘straight from the horse’s mouth’ so to speak; it’s the players who confirm the game’s ongoing novelty factor. Here are some recent examples…
“Looking back on it now that's how it was a bit, but I'm confident in my football at the moment. Last time it was all just a bit surreal and real nerve-wracking. It's still surreal this time but I feel like I've worked for it a bit more this year." Roosters halfback and noted wordsmith Mitchell Pearce describing his return to the NSW Origin team a few weeks ago.
“That’s the first I’ve heard that ... I’m pretty happy about that. I’m still getting over that (scoring three tries). It’s a bit surreal. I’m pretty excited about it.” Manly rookie Dean Whare was quite excited after his three-try debut against the Cowbores in May.
“I didn’t think a tornado could build up on the east coast of Australia. To me it was an American thing. But now we all know it can happen and the damage it can do is surreal.” Canberra forward Tom Learoyd-Lahrs after the recent damage at Lennox Head.
Hmm…something’s not quite right here. I’ll let comedian Adam Hills explain:
“If I can only teach my god-son one thing, this is what I want to teach him: I want to teach him to learn to use the word ‘surreal’ only to describe things that are actually surreal. That is my major bug-bear with the English language, are you on board with me ma’am and fellow pedant down the front? Surrealism is like Salvador Dali pieces of art, it’s like a melting watch hanging over a tree branch that looks like a skeletal fist. It messes with your head so that you when you look at it, you walk back out in the real world and look at everything differently ’cause your sense of reality has just been altered. That is surreal! It’s not standing at a pub at 2 in the morning and some boofhead comes back from the bar and goes ‘Oh you wouldn’t believe it, just went up there to get a beer, there was already one waiting for me hohoho…so surreal’.
I read an article written by a British Airways stewardess in which she described how drunk they used to get on overseas flights. I kid you not, the article finished with her using the phrase ‘At one point, I found myself slumped over the toilet bowl, in a stewardess outfit with a captain’s hat on my head and an empty bottle of tequila next to me and I thought ‘my god, this is so surreal!’’. No it’s not! That’s just not classy! If there’d been a hippopotamus there cooking toast, that would’ve been surreal. Spreading on marmalade going ‘My god, how much have you had to drink?’ and the toilet’s going ‘Seven vodkas!’
There’s a kitchen design store outside of Galway in Ireland called Surreal Kitchens. Now I’m assuming they don’t make truly surreal kitchens, but my god I wish they did, ’cause that’s a conversation I want to hear in an Irish pub. ‘So Paddy, how’s the new kitchen going?’ ‘Oh you wouldn’t believe it Jerry, there’s a revolving head of John the Baptist in the oven’
With that, let’s take a look back at Round 15 in the NRL in language NRL players can understand:
Brisbane v. Penrith: Brisbane’s bubble burst on Friday night as the hangovers from their great win over Souths last Sunday and Queensland’s demolition of NSW (the hangover was likely more literal than metaphorical here) led to a tired effort against Penrith. Penrith was not at their best, but did enough and secured the win in the dying minutes.
Soooo Surreal: A surprisingly flat game at Suncorp Stadium. Michael Gordon had a poor night with the boot, Folau was largely unsuccessful with his AFL practicing and Lockyer and Thaiday struggled to back up in close to ideal conditions after an Origin.
Gold Coast v. Canterbury: Another week, another disappointing start by the Bulldogs and another comeback which doesn’t start soon enough. Also, another poor Bulldogs effort against vulnerable opposition, the Titans lost Bailey, Harrison and Campbell before the game and Scott Prince during the game and still got to a 24-6 lead.
Soooo Surreal: A Gold Coast team functioning quite well without Prince and Preston Campbell. With that said, however, a surrealist depiction of the Bulldogs’ defence as droopy turnstiles would not have been out of place – this made the rudderless Titans’ job much easier.
Melbourne v. North Queensland: The Melbourne season since April could be classified as Soooo Surreal, a bizarre mix of extravagant attack and thrashing less talented, constrained oppositions as well as indifference and loss of players resulting in thrashings in return. Unfortunately for the Cowbores, they have been on the end of two care-free Melbourne demolitions since late April. After Melbourne capitulated to the Roosters last Monday, their stars decided to try this week and they toyed with the Cowbores, winning easily.
Manly v. South Sydney: A see-sawing game from Brookvale, where both sides oscillated between brilliant and so-so. Both teams were looking to bounce back from losses, but Manly’s injuries problems and subsequent lack of depth resurfaced, allowing Souths a wonderful chance to come back and sneak the win. However, some blown chances and two late Manly field goals saw the home team triumph.
Soooo Surreal: This was the first game in the NRL with three field goals since Round 3 2008. This is only the 7th time in the last 20 seasons a top-level game has had 3 field goals, where each of these games split the field goals 2 to 1 (except John Simon’s 3 field goal-effort for Parramatta against Manly in 1997). This game included the equal most field goals in a match since Peter Sterling and Michael Hagan engaged in a field-goal shootout in Newcastle in 1990 (4 field goals – 2 each – between them).
Cronulla v. St. George Illawarra: This potentially tricky game for the Dragons became even more so when Weyman and Young were late withdrawals. However, despite a tight score-line for much of the game, the Dragons were always in control and padded the score late on. For Cronulla, the failure to apply (cliché alert) scoreboard pressure to the Dragons meant they had next to no chance of winning.
Soooo Surreal: Paul Gallen having a whinge – but actually being in the right. His dummy-half lunge with about 10 minutes to go was rejected as a possible try by the on-field referee but the ball was later revealed to be on the line. There might have been a double movement but a try was the likely outcome.
Wests Tigers v. Canberra: This was an unusually tight game for a Sunday Leichhardt game, although not for the lack of trying by both teams; this could have been a high-scoring shootout but for a high number of near misses. Canberra threatened another high-profile victim to further frustrate their coach and supporters (who wonder why they can’t play so well against lowly teams) but the Tigers finished strongly on the back of the home crowd for the win.
Soooo Surreal: The total match score of 26 points was the lowest at Leichhardt for a day game in over 10 years. But the most surreal sight had to be of slow-legged, ancient Daniel Fitzhenry turning back the clock in racing 70 metres for the game-sealing try.
Newcastle v. Parramatta: After the much-discussed Timana Tahu brain snap, this game reached new depths for long periods. Finally, Parramatta scored and 4 points looked to be enough. But somehow the Knights came back; an attacking kick took a lucky bounce and the game was equal. Gidley’s sideline conversion found its way over and incredibly Newcastle had the win.
Soooo Surreal: The comical, farcical cavalcade of mistakes in the lead-up to halftime. A close second was Newcastle’s inability to change the basics of their game for the conditions. Expecting forwards to hold onto short passes with the defence in very close proximity and wide-running players to hold onto long cut-out passes is most optimistic in the wet and frequently meant errors. Also, Ben Rogers: this was an awful game from him, even by his usually pathetic standards, mistakes and dumb decisions throughout. He was hooked after his umpteenth terrible cut-out pass and Newcastle went on to win without him. Rogers has the last laugh, however, this waste of space recently extended his contract with the Knights. Now that is soooo surreal!!
See you next week.
Wednesday 16 June 2010
Round 14: Treading Carefully Around A Difficult Subject
Round 14 of the NRL was another pre-Origin weekend. This meant a shortened round but also the absence of many of the game’s best players. Not surprisingly, the quality of play largely suffered.
Despite frequent disappointments with pre-Origin rounds, the NRL remains stubbornly committed to the idea of forcing many teams to compete for points without many of their best players. There have been variations over the years, but all look remarkably similar. It’s as if the NRL is borrowing from Henry Ford’s famous catchphrase: “they can have any colour they want so long as it’s…..” umm…the one colour he made it in. I forget which one that was.
The round kicked off on Friday night on the Gold Coast, where the locals were looking to avoid a fourth straight loss. Normally Manly have success against the Titans, but with a number of key players missing and coming off a tough defeat against Brisbane, the Titans were well favoured to end their losing streak.
However, Manly started well and should have taken an early lead; only some desperate defence pushed Farrar across the line before he could put the ball down. It was the Titans who scored first, but incredibly it came in a very similar manner to how they took the lead when they played Manly earlier this season. On both occasions, a Manly dropped ball was picked up by flying winger Kevin Gordon, who ran over 70 metres each time to score. I’m sure the Titans would be more than happy to make long-distance Gordon tries the new…..umm….fashionable colour for their game starts from now on.
A rather acrobatic try from Mark Minichiello soon followed and the Titans had a 12-point lead they probably didn’t deserve. From here, the under-strength Sea Eagles were always going to struggle and despite Minichiello giving up an 8-point try in the second half (a terrible decision; referee Cummins was a real…..umm…..sheep who was a different colour to the rest of the flock after this call), it was a relatively comfortable win for the Gold Coast.
The Titans’ opponents from last week, Canberra, were next up in Round 14 as they were presented the tricky task of a trip to Townsville. While the Cowbores were without Feral Thurston, they were coming off a thrashing by Souths and they were due for some success at home. Meanwhile, Canberra is usually very shaky away from home and has struggled with favouritism this season.
Not surprisingly, this game had few highlights; the Cowbores struggled but put forth a great effort to bounce back from their hiding to Souths. However, this was enough against a Canberra team uncomfortable with the burden of favouritism, not having learnt from their impressive efforts of recent weeks and missing Josh Dugan and Joel Monaghan to injury and Origin respectively. Yep, this was certainly another…..ummm….negative-coloured mark against Canberra and their chances in 2010.
On Sunday, the first game saw Newcastle host the Warriors. Neither of these inconsistent teams could pull away from the other in this relatively high-scoring game until late on when the Warriors took advantage of a penalty goal to establish an 8-point lead. Newcastle threatened a comeback when they cut the Warriors’ lead to 2 and had the ball in attacking field position but threw away this precious opportunity. Matt Hilder threw the game away with an awful long pass returned for a try by James Moloney.
For the Warriors, this was a fairly impressive effort; to bounce back from a potentially crushing defeat to the Dragons last week with an away win was commendable. However, the Knights’ baffling season continues. They have now won just 1 of their last 6 games at home; quite pathetic, really, for one of the more talented rosters in the NRL. Coach Rick Stone must be wondering if a…..ummm…..hole that sucks everything away has taken up residence at Energy Australia Stadium since Brian Smith left the team.
The late Sunday game saw Brisbane without their Origin stars take on South Sydney, who was missing a host of forwards due to Origin, representing England, injury and suspension. However, their starring backline of recent weeks was intact.
What looked like being a tightly fought game became a mismatch very early on. While the Cowbores bounced back from last Monday night, Souths suffered the opposite fate from this game (made worse, of course, by missing so many key forwards). Meanwhile, Brisbane flourished despite the absence of Lockyer and Thaiday. Parker, Gillett and Te’o were all brilliant as Brisbane tore Souths to shreds in the forwards and on the edges, while Hoffman and Yow Yeh continued their recent form.
Souths could have been forgiven for struggling without much of their imposing forward pack but what started poorly became worse, especially for their up-and-down halves combination. In particular, Chris Sandow had a terrible game, especially his attacking kicks, which almost always missed the mark completely, often fuelling Brisbane counter-attacks. He would have been forgiven for calling the……ummm…..depression hotline which is named after a dog following such a poor display.
On Monday night, what appeared to be a very even and high quality game between Melbourne and the Roosters shifted sharply towards the Sydney side from about the 20 minute mark. Melbourne was missing all of its superstars but they folded rather meekly once they fell behind on the way to a thrashing by the impressive Roosters.
However, the Storm’s capitulation – which will likely become much more commonplace as the season goes on and their massive punishment for accessing Rugby League’s …..ummm…. market where illegal player payments can be made hits home even further – was not the major talking point after the game. Instead, several baffling video referee decisions against the Roosters received post-match focus.
One could (maybe) see why the seemingly legitimate try to Shaun Kenny-Dowall was disallowed in the first half – the referees love a rule which is completely……ummm…..white and the colour completely opposite to white – but for them to allow Melbourne’s sole try when Sika Manu looked certain to have interfered with the marker was…..completely lacking in any logic.
Finally, last night’s State of Origin confirmed what has been coming for several years as Queensland belatedly put the cleaners through an abysmal, totally lacking in cohesion New South Wales line-up. The highlight of the match was probably Greg Inglis giving us one of the three or four matches where he actually tries each season. The much-discussed racism controversy may have played a role here, but probably a greater contributing factor was the insinuation that the New South Wales debutante Beau Scott had a chance of slowing Inglis down (or even shutting him out of the game).
Inglis scored very early on and took every opportunity possible to beat up on poor Scott, both in the run of play and literally as the game went on and the widening discrepancy between the teams allowed Inglis even more latitude to dominate and even embarrass Scott (and those who may have thought Scott could do the job). No doubt this annihilation will enjoy a spot in Inglis’… umm… little book where he keeps notes of opponents he has owned.
On that note, the Tuesday Roast will…ummm… fade to a close. See you next week.
See you next week.
Tuesday 8 June 2010
Round 13: A Mid-Season Report Card
After perhaps the craziest first half of the season since 1995, it is probably a good time to take stock and sum up how each team has fared thus far.
St George Illawarra (current position: 1st): in contrast to most other teams and the game itself, the Dragons have delivered another stellar first-half of the season, with their ongoing consistency placing them safely at the top of the table. And given they are the only team yet to have a bye, this makes their effort even more worthy of praise. They have overcome the loss of Wendell Sailor, Nathan Fien and Jeremy Smith for most of the season so far as well as a number of other injuries to continue to produce their highly disciplined but very productive standard of play. They had a tougher than expected challenge on Sunday in Auckland, where the locals were motivated by their thrashing last time out and always play better in the wet, but the Dragons held their nerve.
Of course, the major challenge for them is to win in September, but they should cruise to a top-2 spot. Score: A+
Penrith (2nd): Penrith have continued on from their promising form seen for much of 2009, but some significant obstacles are ahead. Their draw has been on the kind side, they will have to produce without Petero Civoniceva for the next few weeks or so and they risk becoming over-reliant on their thus-far quite productive attacking kicking game. Teams are unlikely to hand them victories like Newcastle did on Saturday night (and even with Newcastle's charity, they struggled to put the Knights away).
With that said, however, surely they can't fade as badly as they did in late 2009; a finals appearance looks a certainty. Their combination of size and speed makes them a dark horse, but it's still difficult to tell just how dark they might be. Score: B
South Sydney (eq 3rd): After a slow start, Souths are rolling fairly nicely at the moment. They have struggled to puts wins together (apart from their initial recovery and last night's overwhelming of the Cowbores) but have shown strong signs of promise, especially if they can find some consistency. This has been the issue for Souths for some time, but you'd have to say progress is being made here.
You can never to be too sure with Souths, and their supporters have seen many a forecast of Souths' resurgence end in tears, but playing in September looks quite likely. Their depth (especially up front) may become an issue, but their size and skill should be too good to keep them out of the finals. Score: B-
Manly (eq 3rd): A difficult one to pick: they started the season very strongly, especially once Hasler put Hodkinson into the halves and Lyon in the centres. But a combination of some injuries, the heavy Brookvale Oval surface, representative honours for numerous players, a difficult schedule and a number of key players getting a significant number of miles on the clock have taken their toll on Manly over the last month or so. They could have jumped to a strong lead on Sunday against Brisbane, but they appeared unable to lift their game when Brisbane showed resistance. Ultimately, it was a rather meek defeat.
You'd imagine things should improve for Manly, but perhaps not before they get worse. Depth is an issue (especially given their extended time at/near the top due to subsequent salary-cap-related player loss) and their young halves have struggled (not surprisingly) when the forwards aren't dominant. Their experience means they are a great chance to win the comp....but getting there (and not using too much energy in doing so) could be the toughest part. Score: B
Wests Tigers (eq 3rd): How do you spell inconsistency? Apparently the letters WESTIG and R are in there somewhere. Surely this is the most inconsistent team in the NRL. Or to put it another way, they can look brilliant and shocking....and back to brilliant in less than a month. The Tigers board and Tim Sheens must thank whoever their deity is multiple times each day they have a consistent, hard-working forward in Gareth Ellis, otherwise their problems would be far worse. But even with him, this season could end up anywhere. Injuries may end up a factor, but their recent form minus a number of good players suggests it doesn't have to be.
Put simply, this team could finish anywhere: another ninth, another premiership or an honorable fifth, anything is possible. Score: C+
Gold Coast (eq 3rd): In last year's mid-season outlook, the Tuesday Roast picked the Titans to miss the finals. Great call there. But it does appear to be a new Titans in 2010, they do not seem so focused on playing at/near their best on a regular basis. They seem to have learnt to pick their moments (like the premiership winners of the last 5 years or so have). Wins against Melbourne (pre-crisis), Manly (at Brookvale), Penrith (just 5 days after beating Manly) and Souths suggest they will be hard to beat in September, but losses to the Cowbores, Roosters and Raiders mean they may enter September in the lower half of the 8.
A somewhat patchy start to the season, but if they can continue to pick their moments, their relative lack of Origin workload could see them make a strong run at the premiership. Score: B+
Brisbane (eq 7th): An amazing first half for them. At times, they were the worst team in the NRL but since Round 9, they have looked....awesome at times. Sam Thaiday has been brilliant leading the forwards, the team's improvement has made things easier for the still-very-good Darren Lockyer, Israel Folau's embarrassment of Greg Inglis in Round 9 was one of the highlights of the season so far, while several young Broncos (Hoffman, Gillett etc.) are emerging quickly.
Their great run will likely end soon, but it's hard to see them not making the quarter finals somewhere, if only because of the importance to the NRL and Channel 9 of a strong Broncos. Another one for the NRL Dark Horse handicap. Score: C
Parramatta (eq 7th): Play it again, Sam (or, in this case, Nathan): inconsistent team, some excellent wins, some astounding losses, a dark horse. The fear for Parramatta supporters (and those who love the entertaining game Parramatta play when they're at their best) is that the lazy Eels will think a run to the grand final from 8th is nothing too difficult and not lift their game consistently until August.
Perhaps this might work: they have a 3-1 win-loss record as outsiders with the bookies this season, so who am I to tell them how to run their season? Score: B-
Sydney Roosters (eq 7th): The Roosters have struggled after a very good start in the early-season heat. While any Brian Smith-coached team is a threat to knock off highly fancied opposition (their win against the Gold Coast was impressive), their general level of play and lack of consistency will probably see them fall short of the finals in 2010. Score: C-
Canberra (eq 7th): A bizarre Canberra season so far, led by their quite good record away from home, but very poor play in Canberra. They have won just 2 out of 5 at home, despite being in winning positions in 4 of these games. But they were excellent in winning at Parramatta and at Wollongong.
By this logic, their home-dominated remainder of schedule should see them finish near last, but this should turn around soon. Hard to see them making the 8 though, with Alan Tongue set to miss much of the season, with the petulant Terry Campese in a position of on-field leadership and rumours continuing to circulate about Josh Dugan and his dissatisfaction in Canberra. Score: D+
New Zealand (11th): To be fair, the Warriors have looked better than they did in 2009, although this has not been hard. Still, they have looked ok at times despite some key injuries (Vatuvei, Price, Rapira, Seymour). They will always be a threat to win on their day (which usually involves rain in Auckland) but the loss of Brent Tate is another nail in their 2010 coffin. Score: D
Newcastle (12th): Possibly the most difficult team to support this season. With much of the same team which was in the upper part of the table last season, the Knights have descended into a highly inconsistent rabble. But then they perform brilliantly (as they did against the Roosters recently) and you wonder why they're not winning far more often.
The Knights are probably best personified by Kurt Gidley: capable of brilliance, not sure what position they're playing and often wondering if they should play a different sport. Score: D-
Cronulla (13th): Cronulla is a weird team, in that they have a number of big names, they have looked atrocious for long periods of the season, but have put together two very strong performances in recent weeks (against Parramatta and the Roosters). Granted, these opponents were backing up soon after tough games, but Cronulla should be able to produce this form more often.
Much like the US economy, Cronulla went off a cliff late in 2008, had a horror 2009 and have exhibited some 'green shoots' in 2010. Much like the US economy, Cronulla is probably going to be in financial poo for a very long time to come Score: E+
Canterbury (eq 14th): On to the major disappointments for 2010. Well, in Canterbury's case, they probably overachieved in 2009, but they probably shouldn't be equal last. They did lose a few important players from last season and have had a few injuries, but the greater culprit of their 2010 failures thus far has probably been Kimmorley, Ryan and Patten all showing their age much more so than last year.
You'd have to imagine they'll do better in the second half of the season, but a fairly good indicator since 2005 of whether a Bulldogs season is going to be rubbish is hard-working, loyal but far too small forward Brad Morrin. He played his first game in 2010 last week. Score E-
North Queensland (eq 14th): While it is true that Feral Thurston's presence on your team means you're always a chance, the Cowbores are carrying more dead wood than a Tasmanian logging truck. And that's with Willie Mason having a fairly good season so far. The likes of Webb, O'Donnell, Payne, Rovelli, Bani, Graham and Ty Williams - most of whom are regular first graders - means the Cowbores are giving most teams a significant leg-up.
Things aren't all bad with some promising youngsters coming through (Tamou, Morgan, Thompson and Tupou) and some reliable older players (Scott and Bowen), but when Feral Thurston takes up 65% of your salary cap, this doesn't leave much room for new talent. Score: F-
Melbourne (16th): Enough has been said on Melbourne administration's offences (crimes?), but surely every game of theirs now is required viewing. Frustrated players, creative players playing without the constraint of Bellamy's discipline, some very good young players getting a chance, souped-up opposition crowds, uncertain opposition players, super-motivated opposition players and perhaps later in the season (when some teams join Melbourne in the 2010 Losers' Lounge) the chance of some thuggish play or some huge fights. There's every chance we'll never see anything like this again (not a team caught cheating the cap, but a team whose season is made irrelevant by punishment) so it's probably investing in some popcorn, getting comfy and watching some great action, one way or the other. Score: n/a.
See you next week.
