Round 25: 20 to 1: NRL Edition (no, not the odds Ryan Tandy got for giving away a penalty, but the TV show)

Bert Newton: Hello and welcome to 20 to 1. This week, it's the top 20 players in the National Rugby League in season 2010. It's not well known, but I've long had an interest in Rugby League....although I must say, most of this has been of uninspiring quality - Don Lane introduced me to South Sydney back in the 60s.

At Number 20, it's a newcomer to the NRL who has done his bit on the entertainment and drama side - especially with me as he plays for South Sydney....

20. Sam Burgess (fresh reserve)

Vince Sorrenti: Yep, Sam Burgess, you know, a biiiiiiiiig forward, love his style. But I can't understand a word he says! And that's coming from a wog, the kings of broken English. I've not understood a word my dad's said in the last 30 years!

Brad Fittler: BIG SAMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! Reminds me so much of Morley!

Sam Burgess: Oh eh oh y'know oh eh oh giv it a shot but oh ah eh oh eh oh ah.

BN: I couldn't agree more Sam! On to Number 19 and I want to be in that number.....

19. Dean Young (fresh reserve)

Karl Stefanovic: Big Deano, the Deanster....ummm...I've got nothing to say. They told me I had to be on this stupid show and I've got no idea who he is, sorry.

Peter Sterling: The Dragons have been the best team of the last two years without many star players. Obviously Wayne Bennett has been a big factor here, but it's the on-field leaders such as Dean Young who make the Dragons the great team that they are. Such a consistent player, so versatile and he is rarely noticed except when he doesn't play.

BN: I don't remember asking for anyone who knew what they were talking about on this show! Anyway, Number 18 and it's a golden star of the game still producing in his latter years...

18. Mat Rogers (fresh reserve)

Daniel McPherson: Yeh, gotta love the Rat you know? He's a Shire boy like me and even though he's with the Titans now, he's still going great.

Richard Wilkins: Rogers has to be one of my favourite players, because he looks older than me but is still relevant. Hey I can dream, can't I?

BN: So much to say to that, but so little time....On to number 17 and the first of the bench players. He's a frequent candidate for a concusssion given his hard running style, but luckily for him, his post-concussion brain scans reveal nothing...

17. Josh Miller (bench)

Barnaby Joyce: Josh Miller! What a nut job! I think he'd run into a concrete wall if asked to! Bloody crazy!

Peter Fitzsimons: Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

BN: If only he was the real Peter Fitzsimons! Number 16 now, and this guy puts the BIG into BIG...

16. Keith Galloway (bench)

BF: BIG KEEFYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him!

Mikey Robins: Yep, big Keith, a great player, reminds me a bit of me before I lost about 1000kg and most of my audience. Someone watch Good News Week please??

BN: Mikey, the secret is to do TV that costs nothing to do and assumes nothing of your audience. On to number 15, and you won't be able to tackle this guy without a good Thai....

15. Sam Thaiday (bench)

Deborah Mailman: What?! I so don't look like him!

Sam Backo: ....whereas I do. Killed it for much of the season but is sinking with the rest of the Broncos minus Captain Lockyer.

BN: Number 14 now and the best place to find a utility player is at the foot of the (Blue) mountains...

14. Luke Lewis (bench)

BF: BIG LUKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! Penno boy and havin an awesome year!

Mark Geyer: One of my favourites players is Lukey, if I had to pick a team to represent the Solar System right now, he'd be captain/trainer/coach/CEO/all-round legend.

BN: And they say there's a drug problem in the AFL! Now we're into the starting team for 2010, number 13 didn't have much Luck at Brookvale last week, suffering a nasty cut, but has had a Lucky 2010...

13. Micheal Luck (lock)

Robbie Buck (ABC Radio): Luck sounds like a nice enough guy, so I definitely share his pain. Not from his bad cut last week, but in having a last name which rhymes with a swear word.

Michael Witt: It could be worse. Lucky's had a great year, captain and leader of the team. Apart from him though, they can all go to hell! We had such a good year in '08 and they sacked me.....

BN: What a 'wit! Number 12 now and this Tiger is an Ell of a player...

12. Gareth Ellis (second row)

SB: Oh eh oh ah eh oh he's my idol like ah oh eh oh eh ah oh main reason for coming over oh ah eh oh.

Tony Greig: Ellis the hord borsted, he's really made an impact in the lorst year and a horf. He never goes in horf horted, I'll tell you that!

BN: If only Jarrod Saffy made the list! On to number 11 and he would run 500 Myles if it meant chasing down a breakaway winger....

11. Nate Myles (second row)

BF: BIG NATEYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! Sorry about getting you on the drink last year when you had the runs old mate, your great year this year has made that a distant memory!

Midget: Yeh he does look like an oversized version of me, you're right! Hahahaha

BN: Now we're on the lower half of the countdown and number 10, and this big man will always get his Wey...

10. Michael Weyman (prop)

Laurie Daley: Mick's had a 'uge year, 'e gits plenty of metres up the middle for the Dragons and I can't wait to pick 'im in my first NSW Origin side in 2011.

BN: I think we just lost several million viewers in NSW due to shock. Anyway, number 9 is a Friend in need for the Titans.

9. Nathan Friend (hooker)

PS: Why do I only talk about the less exciting players? Anyway, Friend has been a rock of consistency for the Gold Coast since their inception. Brilliant in defence and does enough with the ball to keep defences honest.

Barry Ward: An absolute little terrier is Friendy, but I love him coz he's the 5-time winner of Rugby League's ugliest man, eclipsing my 3-year stranglehold on the crown.

BN: Where's Anthony Mundine when you need him?? On to number 8 now and he's a real metre-eater and has been for over a decade...

8. Petero Civoniceva (prop)

Ita Buttrose: Civoniceva's all about success. It's that simple. He's simply stunning at winning, so successful and straightforward. What a sexy superstar!

MG: Can't believe Brisbane stupidly let this guy go in 2007. If they were picking a team of all-time legends, Petro definitely be on it.

BN: Now the money positions and Number 7 has been in Prince-ly form for the Gold Coast this year...

7. Scott Prince (halfback)

Paulini: Princey's one of my faves. He's been playing forever and still looks good - black don't crack hey?? Haha. Truthfully though, as long as any footy player's not named Naiqama, I'll like him.

BF: PRINCEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh love him! I love his pin-point accurate kicks and the way he looks umm.....lost my train of thought. WOOOOO!

BN: Now onto number 6 and plenty of people asked "Can he?" after his year in the wilderness but he told them "Carney"...

6. Todd Carney (five-eighth)

PS: Finally someone not boring! Carney's been a revelation this year, not in what's he doing, but in that he's disciplined enough to do it without the silly off-field stuff. Could very well cap it off with a Dally M medal.

Mitchell Pearce: Yeh Toddy's 'avin' a great year ay, me and him play off each uvva so well, is just garn great ay.

BN: Ummm...surely he doesn't always talk like that....does he? Number 5 now and Uate know better if you're thinking of stopping this guy...

5. Akuila Uate (wing)

Andrew Johns: Awesome player but also awesome athlete, I mean he has a backside you could sit a drink on!

BN: Ummm....ok.....why did we keep this immoral brother and get rid of the other immoral brother? On to number 4 and he'll cross the Lyon with ease...

4. Jamie Lyon (centre)

Paul Vautin: Go Menly! He's pretty much carried Manly on his back this year, scored about 1000 tries and kicks goals at about 1000000% success rate!

SB: Oh ah eh oh St Helens oh ah eh oh oh ah oh eh Man of Steel oh ah eh oh.

BN: The countdown moves to number 3 now but you wouldn't know it if we didn't tell you. Introducing "Rowdy"...

3. Chris Lawrence (centre)

Matthew Johns: Love the Tigers and love Tim Sheens' set plays, many of which are run for Chris Lawrence, maybe the quickest player in the game. Rowdy, you're on my show a bit, tell me about your 2010.

Chris Lawrence: Um yeh.... it's been ok.

Benji Marshall: Can't shut him up eh bro?

BN: Two to go and introducing....the Beast

2. Manu Vatuvei (wing)

Megan Gale: Two to go, surely I can win the award for most obscure celebrity commenter?? But yeh, big Manu, he's a sight to behold when he gets going!

PS: That's right Megan, possibly the hardest player in the game to tackle since the Tigers' Tuiaki suffered injury. But most importantly, his hands have improved significantly from a few years ago.

BN: Number one now and one of the most popular players in the NRL, hey Presto here he is!

1. Preston Campbell (fullback)

MG: Presto, what a player, so small yet keeps going in hard. If there was a team of small guys named Preston, he'd definitely be in it.

Ernie Dingo: I just love the fact that Presto sounds a lot like my almost pretend Aboriginal voice, it's definitely extended my career. Oh, do I count as more obscure than Megan??

BN: Sorry Ernie, but sorry Megan, the winner is Ita Buttrose. See you next week.

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