Round 10 – Players That Only A Mother Can Love

The biggest story in the NRL this week – and quite possibly for some time – was the demotion of Penrith centre Michael Jennings to the current day version of reserve grade.

Jennings had not broken any team rules for off-field behaviour nor had he committed any illegalities or been accused of doing so. His offence was one that happens fairly often across the NRL but is rarely mentioned in public: Jennings simply wasn’t putting enough effort.

Usually, players such as Jennings would be given much more leeway for poor performances because of their superior talent level and the possibility that raising such a potentially volatile issue could prompt an ego-centric star player to want to leave the club.

While few players can get away with not putting enough effort in, coaches and players across the NRL rarely engage in public displays of highlighting any instances of poor performance. In the rare instances when this is done, it is almost done in a collective context (i.e. we were rubbish in defence today).

The far more common outcome is one where the offending player is spoken of in delicate terms, where great care is taken not to say anything that could possibly embarrass or disrespect.

This is not dissimilar to a mother’s blind love towards her children, where she will not hear of any suggestion that they have done wrong.

Here’s a look back at Round 10 in the NRL with the main offenders in each game being staunchly defended by their mothers.

Brisbane v. Manly – with thanks to Corey Parker’s mum

“Oh yes I know Corey missed a few shoots at the goal but bless him, he knew I accidentally traded him out of my Supercoach team this morning and he promised me he’d wouldn’t have one of his usual amazing games because of this. What a darling son!!”

Incredibly, the usually reliable Corey Parker missed four shots at goal on Friday night, all in a very similar way (to the left side). This was the first time a kicker missed four straight attempts on a Friday night since Lachlan Coote in his debut match for Penrith in 2008[1].

There were few other mistakes in a brilliantly played game where the winner was not going to be who played best, just who was lucky enough to be in front at the end of 80 minutes. After a slow start, Brisbane played an excellent attacking game, a combination of up-tempo with a victory for the most part in the battle of the forward packs.

But Manly stayed close enough and cashed in on relatively few attacking chances. Their go-to play with their right-side attack must be the most difficult to stop in the game today; teams know where Manly will go but are usually unable to stop them.

In the end, Manly’s Steve Matai made up for a tough night defending Corey Norman’s cross kicks with the line break which ultimately led to David Williams’ match-winning try.

Canterbury v. Gold Coast – with thanks to Bryson Goodwin’s mum

“What are you talking about? Bryson had an excellent game. He did the best he could given that everyone else in that so-called team was sh!t. It’s not his fault he had to do all the defending all the time. And if Steve Turner didn’t slip and do an owww-y then Bryson wouldn’t have to be trying to kick the goals. I told Des he’ll do it if he has to but he’s a much better team captain.”

This game, the second of the Suncorp Stadium double-header, was nowhere near as good as the first game but not as bad as some may have expected. A slow first-half, where the Bulldogs perhaps cruised a little, gave way to a livelier second half, where Gold Coast tries woke the Bulldogs from their slumber.

A Bulldogs comeback ensued but they had left themselves with too much to do; Gold Coast was the worthy winner in this one.

New Zealand v. Sydney Roosters – with thanks to Braith Anasta’s mum

“Braith’s such a good boy, he did that ad where he said all nice things about me, he dumped that b!tch Erin McNaught after she cheated on him and then he backed it up with an inspirational effort on Saturday night. I mostly loved his passion when speaking to that pathetic excuse for a human referee. He stood up for his mates and laid down the law! Then he deliberately missed those goals so as to challenge his team-mates to lift their game and they almost won!”

Both of these teams have improved markedly in recent weeks; not surprisingly, this game lived up to expectations. It was evenly fought for much of the time and while they were never out of contention, this one always had the feeling of a game the Warriors would win. But that didn’t mean any fall-off in the entertainment levels, with plenty of big hits, soaring, swirling bombs and athleticism on display.

The game ended on a somewhat sour note with the Roosters’ comeback coming to an abrupt halt after Anthony Minichiello was temporarily dazed in a (legal) tackle and played the ball much like Martin Bella tried to in the 1994 grand final. The game deserved a better finish, not the whinge-fest which started in the ensuing scrum and continued in the post-match media conference.

Newcastle v. North Queensland – with thanks to Darius Boyd’s grandmother

“I’m still so proud of Darius that he got so involved in last week’s game against the Roosters that his emotions got the better of him. He’s such a loyal boy, he’ll do anything that’s needed, he’ll for fight wars for…..ummmm”

“His team-mates?”

“Yes Wayne that’s right. Wayne Benson his coach. Wayne took him first off in his Toastmasters class in Brisbane many years ago now and how they’ve grown together! Not sure how he performed tonight but Darius sounded pretty positive but couldn’t elaborate, he had to go to the post-match function where he said he was going to get players’ player again!”

Newcastle’s Darius Boyd had perhaps his best game of the season against North Queensland on Saturday night – but his cry-baby display during last week’s game against the Roosters (which largely escaped attention until midway through last week) had to be brought to attention.

Newcastle as a team also had their best game in sometime here, but it was nowhere near good enough to match it with the Cowbores. The Cowbores always looked in control, even though the score remained tied into the second half, and eventually finished strongly for a comprehensive win.

Newcastle coach Wayne Bennett has never lost to Brian Smith in a grand final and obviously didn’t want to lose to him in the whingeing stakes (to divert attention from his team) on Saturday night. He launched a bizarre rant about players simulating injury in order to attract a penalty. While this topic is worthy of discussion, it barely featured in this game where his team was soundly beaten. Much like his rant about wrestling, Bennett is the master at picking at sores in the game, knowing the attention they inevitably receive will mean less on his struggling team.

Canberra v. Parramatta – with thanks to Chris Sandow’s mother

“Ah yeh Gday everyone oh hahaha d’ja see that how farking funny oh what a pissa, yeh umm so Chrissy played again this sarvo and CMON CMON get home you mongrel dog CMON THE 5 CMON THE 5!!! Oh crap, shuda gone the each-way, ok kids no food until next Thursday, you shouldn’t have let me have access to your accounts again haha suckers. Who are you? Oh yeh Chrissy that’s right, well his team had to play on Mothers Day, I told him to ask why couldn’t play in Sherby, it’s as a much of a sh!thole as Canberra is and oh yeh hang on mate, yeh two schooners of XXXX and I’ll have a burbi and coke as a wedge for the long walk back to the table cheers mate…..what do you mean I have to pay, just put it on my tab cheers so yeh Chrissy played against Canberra and he starred, he set up stacks of tries, scored one himself but they just lost apparently, I dunno I didn’t see the final score myself, 80 minutes apparently the game is, a bit long for me that is, I can only do 10 minutes at a time……unless I’m at the pokies, hang on, might be on to something here……SCORE!!!......yeh ok kids, I’ll collect in a sec…..gimme another…..just one more…..geez, you’d think you really need to eat or something!!!”

Chris Sandow is a very easy target at the moment (his last-minute attempted tackle on Jack Wighton was nothing short of pathetic) but the attention span of ALL players (not just Sandow-now) in this game was awful. Both teams have talent, as evidenced by passages of excellent attacking play, but the bursts of points surrendered during the game would not have been out of place in Toyota Cup (or in a bad Super League game 15 years ago).

You know it’s a bad game when Fox Sports mouthpiece and almost universal promoter Laurie Daley refers to the commitment of the teams as “atrocious”. He tried to be polite, initially calling the game “weird” (while colleague Matt Russell called it “remarkable”) but Wighton’s last try was the final straw for Daley.

Cronulla v. Melbourne – with thanks to Billy Slater’s mother

“Yes yes, I know William had to go in the sinners bin but he has done so well to control his anger. I think it comes from his father’s side, he has a horrible temper. He does two hours at home every day to control after he stamped out like a horse against John Skandalis’ face in 2006. I know it’s given him a voice that sounds like he’s inhaled helium, but really that’s a small price to pay. I was just disappointed Paul Gallen couldn’t play because people don’t notice Billy’s grubbiness when Gal is playing”

With both of these teams accumulating wins in recent weeks, this game was looming as a top-of-the-table clash. However, with Souths’ win over Cronulla on Monday, which looked to have been a physically taxing game but also resulted in an injury to Paul Gallen, the consensus opinion swung dramatically in favour of a Storm victory.

During the week, Gallen suggested he might be able to play but in his exclusive tipping preview for Round 10[2], Tuesday Roast believed Cronulla’s chances in this game were better if Gallen did not play. The reasoning here being that Cronulla would be more likely to be motivated to win if the consensus opinion was that they had little chance, while Melbourne would find it a little more difficult to get prepared for the game knowing Cronulla did not have Gallen in their team.

(That said; Tuesday Roast gave Cronulla no chance either way, based on the low chance they could play well after Souths bashed them on Monday).

Cronulla started well. Melbourne looked the better side, but Cronulla was right in the contest physically, which was really all they could hope to do. They were down 4 at half time, but lifted the pressure on Melbourne early in the second half and a Jeff Robson grubber into an empty in-goal area forced Slater to foul Robson off the ball and spend 10 in the bin.

The in-goal area was empty, but the kick looked long and Cooper Gronk was ahead of Robson – in other words, Slater’s act was incredibly stupid and unnecessary. There was an argument that the sin bin could be avoided but an act borne solely out of frustration deserved to be punished.

Still, Cronulla’s effort never really looked like amounting to points. Melbourne calmly defended their feeble attack, even with one less defender, until Jeremy Smith (Gallen Lite) had enough. Smith’s run from dummy half tied the game and Carney’s conversion gave Cronulla the lead for good.

Penrith v. St George Illawarra – with thanks to Mitch Rein’s mother

“You know it’s funny, I was watching the game with Bev Vidot and Bev’s son Darren was jumping around so much, I was quite impressed and told Bev so. It was also pretty good how he made it look like he was looking into the lights every time he dropped the ball when none were shining on him. Then Mitch put down a try and Saints almost won! He went very well young Mitch. I know he’s very keen to impress Mr. Hornby the captain and his big effort in tackling this guy saw Mr. Hornby give Mitch a big pat on the back! I gave Bev a big hug and cried at this point! Unfortunately I had to put coins in the meter and missed golden time but I assume Mitch kept playing well, he’s such a star!”

It was quite the battle in this game between Daniel Vidot and Mitch Rein as to which Dragon had the worst game. Vidot’s early blunders under the high ball were not as crucial after the Dragons’ late comeback, but while Rein scored the try which tied the game, he gave up two penalties late in regulation time (one of which led to Hornby pushing Rein in disgust) and botched a last-tackle play sandwiched in between. Penrith was very enthusiastic in this game, but they still are the least talented team in the NRL for some years, so they were unable to punish Rein’s errors.

Golden Point was decided by another penalty, with a quick Penrith play-the-ball forcing Trent Merrin to make the tackle while offside. A few plays later, Lachlan Coote hit the winning field goal.

It was good to see Penrith’s big-hearted effort rewarded and their decision in shaming their superstar to be vindicated, but it left a sour taste in the mouth for the Golden Child aka Coote to receive the Man of the Match award in this game[3]. Coote was solid, but Kevin Kingston has made the difference for Penrith after coming back last week, while Josh Mansour was excellent in only his second game. Also, Mansour didn’t try a field goal two minutes from full-time as Golden Child did which travelled about 35 millimetres and gave the Dragons excellent field position. The commentators glossed over this for the most part, of course.

One wonders what might have happened at Penrith if Tim Sheens rejoined the club as coach. With Teflon as coach and the Golden Child as star player, who would get the blame for poor form? One thing is for sure, Michael Jennings must be wondering how Coote can be such an ordinary player yet still be regarded so positively in Penrith’s abomination of a season. You’d imagine Jennings will be doing this wondering at another club next season, just like Michael Gordon and Jarrod Sammut, other victims of the Golden Child.

See you next week.

[1] I do not know if this is true; someone may have missed four straight kicks on a Friday night apart from Coote but I just wanted to bring up Coote’s train-wreck of a debut (which won him the greatest charity Man of the Match award in history) again.

[2] This was so exclusive in fact that no-one received it. In saying that, ‘preview’ does sound better than saying ‘hastily typed informal email’.

[3] Just as the man of the match award in his debut game was wrong. Quite amazing that footnote 1 and much of the Roast was written before last night’s game, yet life provides another example of this.

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