Round 17 - Tuesday Is Serious Mum: Another Lyrical Roundup

Despite it being the final shortened round of 2008, Round 17 of the NRL offered a solid number of points for discussion: how well the Origin players backed up (or didn't back up), teams continuing to fail to get anywhere near their immense potential, the ongoing problems with referees / officials and several teams continuing to perform well above expectations.

While all teams have now enjoyed 2 byes, the Tuesday Roast has plowed on through all rounds to this point. To that end, offbeat Australian band / social commentators TISM were brought out of hiatus to provide a unique take on the games over the weekend and hence ease the Tuesday Roast workload heading into the last part of the season.

TISM may be as Malbournian as AFL, hook turns and nondescript CBD bars, but they jumped at the chance to take the piss out of Rugby. Once they were reminded that NRL and Rugby are different sports, they were all right to go.

Round 17 kicked off on Friday with the understrength Gold Coast hosting the table-topping Manly Sea Eagles:

"The last time I saw Roger was last year at the Boxing Day Test / He'd turned into such a fat, normal, yobbo ****. "The wife nearly didn't let me out today" he said / and he did all that chanting yobs do, like "Ooh, Aahh, Glenn McGrath" / "It got you in the end" I thought to myself, as I looked at Roger. "Life got you in the end, pal / You were such a cocky, successful winner when we were 16, but now you're just another sad fat pr*** sitting in the M.C.G high-fiving in self-congratulation, as if its you that had the skill and determination to play for Australia" / Its the ****s with the bad haircuts that you've got to watch out for / There's never been a popular teenager yet who's done rat's with their life. Its the ****ing dorks that give it a real go / Glenn McGrath got 5 for 50 that day" from The Parable of Glenn McGrath's Haircut (1998)

Despite being without Scott Prince, Luke Bailey and Ashley Harrison, Gold Coast put in their second straight excellent performance. The depth they enjoy in forwards in addition to their high intensity levels and fairly simple structure meant they were able to come very close to defeating St George Illawarra last week in one of the better games of the season.

Once it became apparent the Titans would be without these important players again (and for some time), Gold Coast was given next to no chance of defeating Manly, but they were just as good (at least for 60 minutes). They forced the much-vaunted Manly defence to pull out all the stops. With less than 20 minutes to go, Manly looked in trouble. Gold Coast was dominating possession, they tied the score after several minutes of sustained pressure then took the lead with a penalty.

Incredibly, Manly defeated the Gold Coast by 20. They were ultimately unperturbed by the pressure from the Gold Coast and calmly dismantled their defence. Sure, they received some help from the Titans' weak spot - their outside backs - but for an attack often perceived as having fewer options than many other teams, they gave this entertaining game a high-class ending.

Steve Menzies featured prominently in Manly's attacking outburst as well as their robust defence earlier on and was a worthy winnner of Channel 9's Man of the Match award. His longevity, consistency, class but most of all, appearance means he is of a similar ilk to Glenn McGrath (alas there is no catchy Menzies chant). However, the point of Parable could equally apply to Manly as a whole. There are many teams in the NRL with a flashier attack or better athletes or bigger forwards. But Manly's consistent execution, their frequent play at or near their potential and their hunger makes them better than most other teams.

The sole Saturday game saw the streaking Dragons travel north to take on a desperate Newcastle:

"Life is full of problems / And here's the remedy / Denial works for me (denial works for me))" from Denial Works for Me (1998)

While there is little doubt the Dragons are playing with quality and consistency not seen....ever?.... as they made it 7 consecutive wins on Saturday night, there is also little doubt they received a considerable leg-up in this game from the officials (the referee, the touch judges and the video referee).

At about the half-hour point of this game, the Dragons had an incredible advantage in possession: they had the ball twice as much as Newcastle. The Dragons benefitted significantly from a very generous Sean Hampstead, as his penalty threshold was far lower for Newcastle than it was for the Dragons. While many were happy to see Wendell back, clearly the referees were too, as they gave the Dragons a penalty for a mid-air tackle on Wendell, but failed to do the same to Newcastle when Wendell was doing the tackling.

But the two most egregious decisions were the held-up call (when Jason Nightingale was tackled into touch) and the try awarded to Chase Stanley (where Jarrod Mullen seemed to get his foot between the ball and the ground). The ball did touch the ground eventually, but it appeared Stanley's hand had come off the ball at that point.

Still, Newcastle was only trailing 8-nil just prior to half-time and were enjoying a rare period with the ball near the Dragons' line. Given the decisions against them, 8-nil down would have been considered a positive half-time score. But a poorly timed offload by Chris Houston gave the ball back to the Dragons. A few tackles later, Rangi Chase took an offload from Lagi Setu and put Brett Morris into a gap. He probably could have gone all the way himself, but gave it to his just-as-quick brother Josh for the runaway try which was a crushing blow for Newcastle.

The Dragons' lead ballooned to 24-nil before Newcastle gathered themselves (and the Dragons eased off). Two quick tries gave Newcastle a glimmer of hope, but a third try was disallowed by an erroneous forward pass call.

It hasn't yet taken place, but no-one will be surprised when referees' boss Robert Finch emerges with a patchwork justification for the controversial calls in this game. Rugby League deserves far better than for its most experienced referee (Hampstead) to be involved in a game such as this. An admission of guilt or error for more than just the most obvious mistakes would give the referees more respect for their difficult job, but instead we get the verbal equivalent of Robert Finch putting his fingers in his ears, closing his eyes and singing Kumbaya.

Sunday's first game saw Canberra try to avoid their 12th consecutive minor premierhsip loss to Melbourne. After half an hour, the upset was a fair chance:

"I’ll get onto it / When I give a sh*t / Just wait a bit / Till I give a sh*t / This time it’s legit, my sins I’ll admit, I promise I’ll quit, I’ll get myself fit / I’ll get onto it / When I give a sh*t" from Bone Idol off The White Albun (2004)

Everyone knows about Melbourne's dominance over the NRL since 2006. Prior to this season, they were even dominant in games on the weekend after State of Origin games, but in 2008, their State of Origin representation has increased while their post State of Origin performances have suffered.

To be fair, Melbourne's post-Origin opponents this year have been Souths and Canberra. Despite Souths' best efforts, Melbourne beat them with a minimum of fuss and they defeated Canberra (again) thanks to about 20 minutes of effort starting just prior to half-time. Once the likes of Slater, Smith and Inglis started trying, the gallant Raiders had no chance.

When Parramatta starts trying on a consistent basis, every team in the NRL should be scared. Luckily, waiting for this to happen is not unlike waiting for Harold Holt on Portsea Beach:

"I can predict mankind's fate / I know where there's oil in Bass Strait / All the deserts I could irrigate / All the poor I could emancipate…..But that's not what motivates me / I'm interested in apathy" from I'm Interested in Apathy off Great Truckin' Songs of the Renaissance (1988)

Parramatta is the great tease of NRL teams. When they're coming from 20-nil down against the Bulldogs, or scoring 4 tries in 12 minutes at Penrith, or when Mateo or Inu thrilled at Suncorp Stadium a few weeks back, or when they stood up to a big bad Sharks team and almost won or whenever they play the Wests Tigers, they look like premiership-winning material. But at almost all other times, they look flat and disinterested.

They almost lost to the Storm reserve graders last week but didn't heed the warning and started slowly against a very young but fearless and talented Penrith side. The result: a 16-6 half-time deficit. The score became 22-12 before Parramatta got going. Their enormous talent and potential became apparent here, but they fell just short.

While Parramatta play as if they're a top-4 team who can afford a loss of this nature every now and then, they are in fact now out of the top 8. They have won just 5 of their last 12 games at Parramatta Stadium. Of their final 9 games, only 3 will be at Parramatta, but it is not a stretch to see Parramatta reacting positively to facing adversity (in the form of many away matches): of their last 12 away matches, they have won 6.

Penrith know even more about playing poorly at home and making up for it away: they have won only 3 of their last 12 home games, but 8 of their last 12 away games. There's also the Wests Tigers' woeful record at Campbelltown since 2005. What is it with these Western Sydney teams and their lack of home-ground advantage???

ANZ Stadium is also in Western Sydney (sort of) but hosts so many teams and is so large and impersonal that it offers next to no home-ground advantage. However, Souths have now won 3 of their last 4 games there, all high-scoring matches and all featuring Souths having to overcome mistakes and other poor play related to their general inexperience:

"The pressure's on - you're off the pace / If agents aren't around your place / Bidding for your fresh young face / You ain't so hard to replace......It used to be at twenty-one / Then at eighteen the curtain come / But now at fourteen, look out son / That fork in your a*se means you're done" from If You're Not Famous at Fourteen, You're Finished off De Rigeurmortis (2001)

While Souths have experienced hardheads such as Luke Stuart, Craig Wing and Roy Asotasi in their team, their poor start to the season forced coach Jason Taylor to prematurely play a host of talented youngsters in key positions (such as Chris Sandow, Luke Capewell and Isaac Luke (in terms of playing almost a full game regularly)). Their youthful exuberance and ability has given Souths a shot in the arm over the last month or so, but not without more than a few racing heartbeats amongst Souths' supporters, officials and coaches. With their opponent last night being the almost-as-inexperienced Bulldogs, it became fairly clear early on that a game filled with inexperience-related mistakes would take place.

Not that this was a bad thing. These two lowly ranked but desperate teams provided quite an entertaining game. The Bulldogs overcame a number of mistakes, penalties conceded and much Souths possession near their line to respond with two early tries. Then it was Souths' turn to give away a number of needless penalties: the Bulldogs rather easily found room on the edges and led 18-6 at half-time.

When Capewell made yet another mistake (which directly led to a Bulldogs' try), the game looked over. But in an eerily similar way to the game against the Cowbores, Souths stormed back into the contest. Once again, they put on three tries in under 10 minutes. Craig Wing was again pivotal here, while Sandow emerged with a try, a 40/20 kick and some crucial goal-kicking.

Another Souths' mistake allowed the Bulldogs to re-take the lead, but Souths responded, showing excellent poise to hold the ball as the rain moved in. Sandow's missed conversion meant extra time (although Ben Roberts' brain explosion - in choosing to kick downfield rather than direct his forwards down field and set up for a field goal with a minute left in normal time - was perhaps the biggest mistake in a game of them).

When Jarrod Hickey took his eye off the ball as the second half of extra time started, Souths took over possession and surprised the Bulldogs by moving the ball wide (and away from field goal range). Their quick passing saw Capewell make up for his horror game elsewhere to score a try and ensure another comeback win for Souths.

Games such as this are likely to become more frequent, due to the usual suspects of the stagnant salary cap (driving more experienced players to England) and the faster, harder game (driving more older players towards early retirement). An experienced halfback like Brent Sherwin might have been driven away from the Bulldogs by criticism from supporters, but he would have been very useful for the Bulldogs.

So there can be entertaining, interesting games played at ANZ Stadium. Anyone who watched last Wednesday's State of Origin game would never have believed this. Last definitely equates with least in this case. There are several TISM songs which could describe the abomination from last Wednesday night, but all are somewhat vulgar. Queensland again looked like a completely different team at ANZ Stadium (they looked like they were backing up from a weekend game to be brutally honest), but the inept NSW team showed little in terms of innovation or effort to break them down. Even worse, whenever Queensland found the energy to put on some basic attacking plays, NSW's fundamentally poor defence meant Queensland almost scored far more often than they deserved to.

Thankfully, Feral Thurston put this game out of its misery, but we should never have to watch such a shocking game again. How about the ARL/NRL co-ordinate with the English League for ALL Australian players to be available for State of Origin games? This could be similar to the allocated days where all soccer players must be made available for their country. This might not solve the NSW halves drought, but at least we wouldn't have to watch pretenders like Turner, Quinn, Monaghan, Boyd or Stewart (who tried hard, but is not an Origin player). Something to consider...

A final TISM thought. See you next week:
"The guy who slagged the football team / Those yobs were not for him / He turns into a real estate agent / Who believes in discipline" from Greg! The Stop Sign! off Machiavelli and the Four Seasons

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