Life had been relatively easy; life had been calm for the NRL’s upper echelon teams. After a number of difficult years, where winning consistently was difficult for most, the balance of power seemed to be shifting back towards the rich and powerful. A 72 per cent success rate for the bookmaker-favoured teams between Round 4 and Round 9 was solid evidence of this; those favoured by people in the know had not enjoyed such a success rate since the mid 2000s.
However, little did these teams know what was awaiting them in Round 10. Sure, the upper echelon teams expect to be impacted by representative games and budget for injuries and/or fatigue as a side effect of the pride felt for those selected in representative jerseys and almost all of these teams played away from home in Round 10, but few expected the upsets and the difficulty the upper echelon sides would encounter. The struggling sides ALL played far beyond what they had shown in recent weeks, with only a few sides failing to translate their inspired effort into ultimate victory.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this week’s Roast takes a look at the Black Friday round and how the previously struggling teams in the NRL competition fought back against their usually much better faring tormentors.
But first, a little historical background: Friday the 13th was only known as Black Friday from the mid 19th century. It is possibly thought to have originated as a result of two older superstitions i.e. that Friday and 13 were considered unlucky.
In Rugby League, the first game on Friday 13th took place in July 1990, when Brisbane defeated Wests 30-10. The first signs of bad luck on Friday 13th in Rugby League took place here with Dale Shearer only converting 3 out of 7 attempts at goal, while anyone at this game or watching from home would have been forced to endure a youngish but still scary looking Jason Taylor in the halves for the Magpies.
Over the years, Brisbane would feature quite prominently in Black Friday games. They had a run of wins through the 1990s (against Balmain in 1993 and Manly in 1998), but their luck turned bad as the millennia changed. First up, a loss to the Roosters in 2001, before the upstart Titans won the first SEQ derby in 2007 on a Black Friday.
Things briefly turned around in 2009, when they defeated the Cowbores after withstanding a furious second-half comeback, but the losing returned in 2010 as the Eels continued their late-season run with a very good win at Suncorp.
Meanwhile, Brisbane’s opponents on Friday night — the black cats from Penrith — had quite incredibly never won a game on Friday 13th (in 4 attempts). To be fair to them, only one of these defeats was at home (2007 to Parramatta) but it bizarrely included an Ian Hindmarsh field goal: how unlucky can black cats get?!
All sorts of Gods couldn’t let this continue; Penrith just couldn’t lose another Friday 13th match and so it proved as the Panthers played like they haven’t since mid 2010 in soundly defeating Brisbane. Brisbane’s prudent strategy to rest many of their representative players after last week’s Test match was rendered almost useless by Penrith’s revitalised performance.
Sadly for Penrith, their bad luck did continue, with Michael Gordon and Timana Tahu suffering season-ending injuries. Gordon’s injury is especially cruel as it likely denied NSW supporters the chance to see his talents on a much larger stage.
For the Dragons, this was their fifth game on a Black Friday. Not only was their record entering this game on Friday 13th just one win and three losses, these losses came to some freakish Newcastle play (in 1999 and 2003) and in a golden point loss to the Storm (in 2009).
In short, they were due some Black Friday luck and many believed they received this in the first half, when Beau Scott looked tackled, but his very late offload to Matt Prior was permitted as Prior scored the Dragons’ first try.
After a now-standard Soward field goal just before half time, it looked like another run-of-the-mill Dragons win, but some Dragons tiredness and a renewed effort from the Bulldogs meant a riveting last 20 minutes. However, the Dragons did just enough to hold on and with that, the first leg of what could be a very congested representative schedule for many of their players was over.
By Saturday night, Black Friday had passed, but things remained just as difficult for favoured teams. The most unexpected result of the round (by some margin) was Canberra’s shock win over Melbourne. Clearly, Melbourne expended a major amount of effort last weekend (with so many players on representative duty but also in overcoming a stern challenge from Brisbane) and had much difficulty in finding the necessary motivation to defeat an opposition faring so poorly.
Canberra’s main shortcoming had been in attack, where Matt Awful had been primarily responsible for their anaemic play. Against the Storm and their usually resolute defence, Canberra scored twice quite early on. These were not brilliant tries, which gave the impression of fatigue on Melbourne’s part, but they reflected Canberra’s improved attitude.
It would be easy to attribute Canberra’s improved performance to the absence of Awful — and fun too — but this was a team effort especially in keeping Melbourne from scoring after the Storm eliminated Canberra’s lead. When the highly annoying, brash but sometimes talented Blake Ferguson avoided touching the sideline by millimetres in striding towards victory, the upset of the season so far was complete.
At Homebush, it was the black rabbit against the black (and gold) cat. From a bad luck perspective, Souths had suffered more than enough with their massive injury toll; hence they were deserved winners over the Tigers.
From a rugby league perspective, Souths made their own luck in a damaging first half display. They presented a much more professional attitude and intensity and repeatedly exposed the Tigers’ interior defence. Seeing Old Man Rhys Wesser striding in open space should have embarrassed the Tigers into action. It did, but not until the game was almost lost.
Meanwhile in Townsville, it wasn’t necessarily a poor start by the Cowbores, but a flaw in their left side defence was exploited repeatedly by Jarryd Hayne, resulting in Joel Reddy, Luke Burt and Ben Smith striding in open space. Parramatta took a 26-10 lead midway through the second half and the upsets looked likely to continue.
Then it was Parramatta’s turn; again, it was not necessarily poor play by the Eels, the Cowbores put THIRTY points in even time to finish with the victory and finish over the top of the gritty but overwhelmed Eels. This amazing finish capped off two entertaining games between these teams in 2011.
Contrary to the expectations of many tipsters, Newcastle was favoured by bookmakers to rebound from their recent run of bad luck and end the Warriors’ impressive run of form on Sunday in Newcastle. For most of the second half, it appeared bookmakers would be correct as the Knights held the lead and peppered the Warriors’ line but it was the Warriors who secured the win with two late tries.
In Sunday’s other game, it was perhaps not a surprise to many that the Roosters could not sustain an 80-minute effort given their patchy form so far this season. However, it was a major surprise that their conquerors were Cronulla especially given Cronulla’s losing streak and some significant absences due to injury (exacerbated by their lack of depth). Despite some poor goal-kicking, Cronulla’s excellence in defence kept the improved Roosters to just one try and consigned the favourites to yet another loss in Round 10.
Lastly on Monday night, Manly hung on to defeat the very aggressive Titans. Manly looked the far better team for most of this game, but failed to convert much of this dominance into points. Meanwhile the Gold Coast gained confidence as the score-line stayed close as well by each massive hit on a Manly ball-player looking to make a play close to the advantage line.
This mini-battle almost reached a farcical stage as Manly’s playmakers seemed to invite the Gold Coast hit-men to tackle them harder and harder: no matter how hard, they’d still get up and play on. In the end, Manly won the battle but almost lost the war as Gold Coast had the chance to snatch victory at the death (like they did in 2009).
If Round 10 is anything to go by, the representative season could deliver a host of upsets, especially as injury tolls rise and depth levels are further tested. Stay tuned…..
See you next week.
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Round 10: Black Friday Weekend: Difficult Round for the Favourites
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Round 9: Mum's The Word
A quick trivia question: In a week where Chris Sandow’s decision to switch clubs from 2012 caused tensions to rise between “senior” officials at his current and future clubs, where the NRL was slightly irked by Brisbane’s decision to rest most of their big name players, where an injury to Jamie Soward cast further doubt on to the makeup of the New South Wales State of Origin team, what is the common factor linking each of these stories?
That’s right; everyone involved has a mum. As a tribute to the mums of both Rugby League and tipping, here is the Roast for Round 9 with help from mums around the world.
Australia v. New Zealand – “Because I said so, that’s why!”
While New Zealand again failed to defeat Australia in this annual in-season match, the closeness of this game provided further evidence of the narrowing gap between these two countries. New Zealand did well to stay near Australia for much of the contest, but in the end, Australia was too good.
However, this was not a “classic” Australian victory; as coach Tim Sheens mentioned to the media in post-match discussions, three of Australia’s four tries came from New Zealand mistakes. In other words, Australia ultimately imposed their will on this match and basically decided New Zealand would not take the lead in this contest.
Country Origin v. City Origin – “You’d forget your own head if it wasn’t screwed on!”
This archaic fixture again proved quite intriguing, if only because these teams are assembled just once a season. Despite a lack of depth in some positions on both teams and an obvious lack of familiarity and continuity, this was a fairly high quality game which was decided on one play in the game’s final minute.
However, City Origin coach Brad Fittler deserves a roasting for leaving the ultimately crucial task of goal-kicking to little-used option Nathan Merritt. While the City line-up did not possess a current first-choice goal-kicker for his NRL club, Merritt hasn’t kicked in the NRL since 2008 and his career success rate as a goal-kicker is lucky to be at its current level of 58 per cent.
Statistics say Fittler had little choice but surely one of Hayne, Farah or Pearce would have been more naturally suited to goal-kicking than Merritt. There is no proof of this, but it would be completely unsurprising to learn that Fittler was more worried about trying to make an “inspired” selection (such as Adam Cuthbertson) and gave no thought to a goal-kicker until the last minute.
Still, City had a very good chance to win this game and if Hayne chose to run a little wider around Heighington on his chip-and-regather attempt, he might have drawn a penalty which could have won City the game. Instead, he barrelled straight into Heighington and Uate took the kick back 60 metres for the game-winning try.
Brisbane v. Melbourne – “I don’t care who started it!”
A somewhat cryptic mums’ saying here as the losing Broncos came very close to seeing their calculated gamble (of resting those who played on Friday night) pay off; there is very little scope to criticise the losing team in this instance.
Instead, the mums’ saying refers to the Storm’s strong links and similar path to the Brisbane Broncos. Melbourne coach Craig Bellamy served a long apprenticeship under Wayne Bennett at Brisbane (keep an eye out on old Fox Sports replays for Bellamy running the water for late 90s and early 2000s Brisbane teams), while Melbourne’s sustained run of success almost mirrors that of the Broncos in the late 1990s and early 2000s. If only those old Broncos teams had two sets of books……
Anyway, given their lofty position on the ladder and need to manage the wellbeing of their star players, it was prudent of Brisbane to rest Lockyer, Hodges, Thaiday and Hannant in this game, but it may also have improved their chances of winning. The theory here being that motivation would have been harder Melbourne and their bevy of backing-up players to summon knowing they were playing against a significantly weakened opposition. Brisbane (and their younger than usual team) gave a very strong account of themselves but fell just short of victory.
Gold Coast v. New Zealand – “Do you think money grows on trees?!”
This mums’ saying is not so much related to the game played at Robina on Sunday afternoon but more so to the somewhat bizarre recruitment the Titans are currently undertaking for 2012 and beyond. Sadly for the Titans, their opportunity to win a premiership with their current core of star players looks to have passed them by; now, the difficult process of renewing and turning over the roster without sinking towards the bottom of the NRL ladder has begun.
The importance of the spine – i.e. the fullback, halves and dummy half – is acknowledged across the NRL and the Titans had one of the better spines last season: Campbell, Rogers, Prince and Friend. Since then, Rogers retired, Friend has been injured for much of the season so far and Campbell and Prince are slipping somewhat faster down the slope towards retirement. Given their poor start to 2011, you’d imagine the spine would have been a major priority for the Titans in their player recruitment but this has not been the case.
This is not to say the Titans’ signings are bad players: Jamal Idris and Luke Douglas could have long and successful careers for the Titans. But they don’t fill positions where the Titans desperately need players. Nor do these players play in positions where cheaper alternatives aren’t quite readily available.
Meanwhile, Titans stalwarts Friend and Anthony Laffranchi will be lost to the club; both have many good years left but received pathetic offers from the Titans to re-sign. Obviously money doesn’t grow on trees, but Friend and Laffranchi might be forgiven for thinking that it does (especially if the rumours about the Titans and major salary cap breaches from last season had any semblance of truth to them).
In Sunday’s game, the Titans were missing a lot of their structure without Friend and Luke Bailey, but the Warriors were impressive, winning by 20 points. While only a few Warriors had to back up from Friday night, the team hadn’t had to back up after an in-season test since 2001 (when, coincidentally, they also played on the Gold Coast).
St George Illawarra v. North Queensland – “If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do the same?”
Despite being hit by a number of injuries before this game, the Dragons were still going to be a tough nut to crack for North Queensland. The Cowbores followed the template many other teams have used this season when playing the Dragons; a very simple game plan, try to play good field position against them, hopefully they make mistakes before you do and then a lead might be possible. If this happens, the Dragons become much more beatable.
But the Dragons have only lost one game this season, despite losing some forward punch (which would seem to hurt their chances in low-scoring games) and their defence was brilliant again in this game. They held the Cowbores out for close to 4 full sets of 6 tackles before an intercept led to a 90-metre Brett Morris try. Soon after, the now emboldened Dragons scored again, with Stanley finishing off an entertaining sequence.
Playing the Dragons in a slowdown game doesn’t feel like the equivalent of jumping off a cliff, but its success rate suggests the two events are not that dissimilar.
Manly v. Canberra – “What part of no don’t you understand?”
As the weather worsened during Monday, Canberra’s chances of ending their long losing streak improved. However, over the weekend and into Monday, their chances of winning fell back with news of a seemingly rejuvenated Learoyd-Lahrs unavailable due to injury as well as the late withdrawal of Josh Dugan with an upset tummy (the actual reason given for Dugan’s absence was only slightly less pathetic than this one).
Despite these absences, Canberra had a lot of good attacking field position in the first half, a noteworthy accomplishment given they were running into the wind and Matt Awful’s weak kicking game. But they never really looked like scoring. Canberra’s conservative game plan and lack of confidence in attack meant they never tested the Manly defence, despite much possession, so when Manly took the lead and looked much more likely to cross the line, this game was decided early on.
Eat your vegetables and see you next week.
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Round 8: Stop The NRL, I Want To Get Off: A Closer Look At The New Schism Separating NRL Teams
When Rugby League hurtled towards professionalism in the early to mid 1990s, a major drawback to this for many supporters was the increase in one-sided contests between the haves and have-nots. As a result, the outcome of a number of games was rather easy to predict for many, so while the quality of play and average strength and athleticism improved, the general viewing experience for many supporters was somewhat soured.
Due to a number of factors — some at the behest of the NRL, others due to external bodies or world economic circumstances (e.g. the greater attractiveness of being paid in English pounds in the early to mid 2000s) — the NRL gave their competition a much higher degree of competitiveness and parity by the mid 2000s, so much so that they regularly boasted of having seven different competition winners in seven seasons.
However, in recent seasons, the stronger NRL teams, those with advantages either in playing talent, wealth, ability to attract and retain player talent or some combination of these factors, have fought back. A few years ago, using all 10 interchanges in a game was done almost all the time. Some teams would even use their 10 with 10 or more minutes of a game remaining. Now, using your allotted 10 interchanges happens far less and most teams are able to carry an emergency player amongst their four reserves (as opposed to using that fourth player for more necessary interchange).
Another factor that would often severely hinder teams was a congested schedule. Scenarios such as playing the Saturday after a Monday, or the Friday after a Sunday, or having three games in 11 days (Monday then Saturday then Friday) would more often than not make it very difficult to win. Knowing a team was about to encounter such a schedule would see that team be expected to struggle to win, or to put in such an effort to win that they would be spent for some weeks to come.
But in 2011, the short turnaround, even with travel, doesn’t seem to be much of an issue, even for those teams with injury problems. Granted, the cooler than usual start to the season also played a role here and it remains to be seen whether the better teams will be able to cope with a congested schedule during representative season, but so far, it has not been a major issue.
As a result of the improved ability of teams and players to adapt with the challenges of the modern game and scheduling, we’ve seen so far in 2011 a return to somewhat greater predictability of results. Some people struggling in tipping competitions may beg to differ, but there has been somewhat of a return to the ‘better’ team (on paper) getting the win more often than they had in the last few seasons.
HOWEVER, while the upper echelon NRL teams have (generally) started the season strongly, for those in the bottom half of the ladder, their struggles and mostly grim outlook for much of the season suggests that the outcome of the NRL’s Top 8 playoffs in September is almost, at this early stage, decided.
Here’s a closer look at the teams who will almost certainly not being part of this year’s Top 8:
Canberra: For a team who had lost 6 straight games and for a team who had declared Sunday’s match against the Wests Tigers to be a ‘must win’, Canberra’s performance in Round 8 was nothing short of disgraceful. They looked sluggish and uninterested, were lacking in intensity, seemingly had little to no attacking strategy and looked surprised when the Tigers carved them up as the Tigers have for the past five years or so.
Canberra’s ‘monster’ pack was again soundly defeated by a smaller, injury-hit and much harder working opposition pack, while Matt Awful again showed little to suggest he can be anything like the somewhat effective playmaker he once was. Some unkind people suggest Tigers’ halfback Robert Lui looks to be 43 years old, but it would not surprise if Awful is actually 43 years old. There was several times on Sunday where his wind-up to kick could have been timed with a calendar; not surprisingly, the Tigers pressured his kicking game easily.
However, Awful has little to work with, both on and off the field. Canberra’s full back Josh Dugan is a great athlete, with a long and elegant stride, but if he has anything between the ears, it is lonely, while his temperament is similar to that of an infant. Canberra has other talent in the outside backs, but they rarely saw the ball on Sunday. Winger Daniel Vidot has been mentioned as a possible Origin winger for Queensland, but Awful and others decided it was not really worth trying to exploit his match-up with Tigers midget winger Matt Utai.
This was part of the ‘strategy’ devised by Canberra coach David Furner; no wonder he has sacked himself from the Australian coaching team for this week’s Test. Also, it is no wonder Tim Sheens accepted Furner’s offer; Sheens is loyal to those who helped him in the past, but even he can see Furner’s shortcomings. Luckily for Furner, his boss at Canberra is his brother, so he should remain at the helm of the Green ‘Machine’ for some time to come.
In years gone by, if Canberra needed inspiration, Alan Tongue, the undersized lock forward cum dummy half would lead the way, but time and injuries have seen Tongue’s ability to inspire fall back to that of most other players. Canberra will get Terry Campese back from injury in the next month perhaps, but he is unlikely to be anywhere near his best this season.
It is somewhat ironic: after years where Canberra was always tipped as the favourite for wooden spoon contention (due to a seemingly weak roster) and followed up with regular Top 8 appearances, pre-season expectations of a successful year for Canberra in 2011 look set to lead to a wooden spoon.
Penrith: Much like the Roosters did in 2008, it looked as though Penrith over-achieved to some extent in 2010 and that 2011 would not be as successful a season for them. They probably won’t have as bad a season as the Roosters did in 2009, but they won’t be far off, especially if Matt Elliott is removed from the coaching job as soon as possible.
Teams rarely perform well when they are set to change coaches next season, but the incumbent isn’t immediately removed. Penrith players announced they would perform strongly for Elliott on Sunday in New Zealand, but couldn’t deliver on this promise, despite the Warriors being vulnerable after a massive effort in Melbourne on ANZAC Day.
Penrith at least look capable of providing nuisance value later in the season when some players return from injury; when motivated, they have points in them. But they look little to no chance of making the Top 8 in 2011.
Cronulla: Unlike the teams above, Cronulla can at least claim to have taken a step in the right direction in 2011. They have one of the better forward packs in the NRL and when their halves and backs don’t play poorly, they can trouble the NRL’s best.
Unfortunately, Cronulla lacks the financial clout of most other teams; hence, their player depth is shallow and their playing stocks are vulnerable to attack. After a bright start to the season, they have struggled of late. Injuries have meant inadequate players are now playing first grade and surely team morale has been hit by massive interest from other clubs for their highly regarded props Douglas and Snowden.
They will no doubt turn the corner and post some more impressive wins, but they would probably be happy with a 10th place finish, such is the club’s predicament. They started solidly on Friday night against Souths, but Souths’ star power proved too much in the end. Cronulla was not helped by feeling obliged to play a clearly injured Nathan Gardner.
Sydney Roosters: A harsh — but fair — way to describe the Roosters could be that they are a rich Cronulla. The Roosters share Cronulla’s relative lack of support and ability to follow up successful seasons with those of a vastly contrasting nature (and vice versa). Also, both clubs enjoyed a period spanning close to a decade between roughly the mid 90s and the mid 2000s where they were often perennial contenders.
After a very successful 2010, their 2011 season already looks done. It might be a bit harsh to say they overachieved last season, but their 2011 form is well down in most areas. Also, off-field issues are probably affecting the team more than supporters of the team or code will know.
Many expected the Roosters to consolidate on last year’s effort — Brian Smith-coached teams often build into years 2 and 3 of his tenure — but this looks highly unlikely to happen. However as long as the key pieces remain and Todd Carney can get back on the field, they should be ready to bounce back in 2012. They looked due to end their losing streak on Saturday night, but a freak late try by the Titans proved the difference between these two struggling teams.
Parramatta: Their excellent trial form and week 1 showing against the Warriors was a false dawn and some thrashings in recent weeks have provided the Eels with a truer indication of their standing in the NRL at present. New coach Stephen Kearney is implementing a Melbourne Storm-style of play but without Melbourne Storm-style pieces; not surprisingly, his efforts will take time to bear fruit.
Their honest effort (in most matches) and ability to bounce back from thrashings means they will probably post some solid wins, but Kearney will probably be happy if he can find some young outside backs and halves capable of giving him several years’ worth of strong play over the remainder of the season. Without Jarryd Hayne, the Eels scoring no points against the Dragons was not a big surprise.
Gold Coast: The Titans have a number of players who could fit into contending teams and perhaps even the missing piece to push a contending team towards a premiership victory. However, as they stand, the Titans are a little too old (with not much talented youth coming through) and missing a few important pieces to be a good chance of making the top 8 in 2011.
The Titans’ administration seems to know this, but their signings for next season and beyond do not really address areas of need. Most teams know the importance of a strong ‘spine’ i.e. the fullback, halves and dummy half. Gold Coast’s spine took a hit when Mat Rogers retired at the end of last season and will take another hit when indefatigable dummy half Nathan Friend moves to the Warriors next season.
Meanwhile, Scott Prince and Preston Campbell, while still very good, are nearing the end of their careers and Gold Coast’s major signings — Jamal Idris and Luke Douglas — while up-and-coming players, do not fill any of the ‘spine’ positions. The Titans might struggle for a few years to come.
Newcastle: The Knights started the season well but a significant injury toll means they will probably struggle to register enough wins over the remainder of the season. Much of their current team may also have to contend with the possibility of rejection by incoming super-coach Wayne Bennett. Apart from Kurt Gidley, Neville Costigan and Chris Houston, Bennett could choose not to re-sign or could sign new players to make much of the remainder of the playing staff be forced to take on lesser roles or find another club in 2012.
They would have done very well to push the Storm into back-to-back defeats on Saturday night, but the loss of Gidley with a shoulder injury killed their hopes in this game and probably for some time to come.
With the Dragons, Melbourne, Brisbane, North Queensland, Manly, Canterbury and the Wests Tigers more than likely assured of Top 8 spots, this leaves just two teams to fight out the last spot:
New Zealand: The Warriors’ slow start to the season has now given way to four wins from their last five games. Their playing depth is perhaps the best in the NRL and is probably too much; a number of injuries has provided certainty for those remaining and has coincided with improved play for most of the team. They don’t have the star power of many of the top 8 sides, but their overall talent level is strong — especially when they have the motivation to back it up.
They have been known to follow up excellent performances with poor ones, so their win over Penrith, while not spectacular, was important. Their ‘spine’ is not great, but they are a good chance of making the Top 8, especially with so many injuries to the forwards of….
South Sydney: The Rabbitohs may not play to their potential at all in 2011, but they have such talent, especially on their left edge, that glimpses of potential may be all they need to get them into September.
However, as happened during 2010, their excellent forward pack is being depleted by injuries. Despite having Ben Ross and Michael Crocker as regular members of their team this year, injuries to Burgess, Lowe, Geddes, Stuart and now Asotasi — some of these for extended periods — might mean Souths has to sign someone like Craig Stapleton again: an emergency prop from a lower league.
Like the Warriors, Souths’ spine is under question. Coach John Lang finally pushed veteran Rhys Wesser out of the team, but his young replacement needs time to get used to first grade. Much-maligned halves Sutton and Sandow have improved over the season to date, but their performance may decline again once they sign new contracts.
Ultimately though, they have Greg Inglis and if he so desires, he can probably take Souths into the Top 8 all by himself.
Hopefully the NRL season can throw up some variety and unpredictability, but it does look like much of the Top 8 is settled. Feel free to refer this back to me in 4 months if I am wildly wrong!
See you next week.
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Round 6: Life in the NRL (guest hosted by Sir David Attenborough)
"Nothing was said, he's just a grub," Hindmarsh said. "He got under my skin and I retaliated, which I shouldn't have. I just lost my cool and I'm disappointed with that because I've been niggled by better."
In a week where the animalistic tendencies of some prominent players were exhibited, let’s take a closer look at this side of the NRL with special guest host Sir David Attenborough:
“In all my time observing the wonders of the animal kingdom, I have rarely come across an ecosystem as diverse as the NRL. This is especially so given the NRL’s relatively limited cross-pollination with other elements of the General or even Sport population.
Much of this diversity comes from the quite transient nature of many species. Some species can travel many hundreds of kilometres and become part of a number of a sub-cultures during their life. One such example, the common grub (Grubbius Ennis), in its latest incantation, spent its adolescent years in the Hunter Valley, before a rather nomadic journey saw it meander to the Illawarra, as far north as Brisbane before returning nearer to its roots in Sydney.
The common grub is a rather unsavoury creature, although their rough upbringing and advancing hairline can explain their strong competitive streak and ability to unsettle even the most mild-mannered counterparts.
(Whispers) I’m here on the sidelines at ANZ Stadium, and if we listen carefully, we can here the grub giving his mild-mannered opponent continued insults, despite they both being under discipline. It is little wonder the grub is so disliked, even though he rarely displays behaviour one would describe as nasty.”
The first game of the round was turned on its head after Hindmarsh followed team-mate Jarryd Hayne to the sin-bin. What was a comfortable Parramatta lead turned into a comfortable Bulldogs’ win. Ennis succeeded where few have in throwing Hindmarsh off his game, but it was the efforts of Barba and Idris which put many points on the board for the Bulldogs.
“In contrast to those such as the grub, there are a number of creatures not endowed with similar competitive qualities or even energy – unless there are optimal conditions, that is. One such example is the sloth (Slothius Princes). I’m here on Queensland’s Gold Coast, where the climate varies between warm and mild and also where much of Australia comes for a holiday and to enjoy itself.
Hence, it is not surprising that we should encounter the sloth in this sort of environment. The particular sloth we are investigating closely today shares the nomadic tendency of the grub, however, it is the sloth’s desire for comfort but mostly complicity with the female sloth’s wishes which determines where it will be most abundant.
As the sloth ages, it will still often retain much of its appearance, although its output and productivity will taper off noticeably. However, in this instance, perhaps because it knows our cameras are watching, but probably because many of its much harder working associates have had a successful day, the sloth is performing well.”
After a woeful start, the Titans somehow stayed in their game with the Wests Tigers and took the lead late on for an important win. Scott Prince scored a key try to tie the game, but it was Minichiello who scored the winner inside the final two minutes.
“Sydney’s northern beaches remain relatively isolated much of the rest of Sydney, but this is what can make them so interesting to study. There is the leader of the tribe, with a penchant for violence (especially destroying entrances) but who possesses stunning, thick hair, despite advancing age. Then an incredible example of Neanderthal Man, known to locals as Watmong. Watmong’s physical attributes mean his survival is not under threat, despite his lack of evolution, and he is rarely bested in competition, although his complete lack of social skills means he is an embarrassment when removed from his natural habitat.
Finally, there is the common New Zealand cat (Felus Mataii). Despite having been on Sydney’s northern beaches for some time, one wonders how he survives. He is frequently aggressive, usually excessively so, often when those who he is targeting are caught by surprise. His social association with Watmong means he has a number of enemies, while he is often temporarily injured, which suggests he is still acclimatising.”
Sadly – for the purposes of this week’s Roast – Steve Matai didn’t have much of an impact on Manly’s performance against the New Zealand Warriors, especially from a disciplinary standpoint. However Matai was part of Manly’s left-side attack which won the game for them with an excellent performance, mostly in the second 20 minutes of the first half.
“We move on now to the eastern suburbs of Sydney, where it is often seen that many of its inhabitants are prone to losing focus from tasks which put food on the table and engaging in rampant socialising, often to the detriment of others.
It is often seen that those species which move from their native areas to the eastern suburbs are most at risk of falling victim to this lifestyle, especially those native to, or even recently from, the very warm northern parts of Queensland.
A common species to all instances of distraction is the flea (Fleaus Pearceus). Like others, the flea is not a native of the eastern suburbs area, but he has been in the area since 2007 after relocating from Sydney’s upper north shore. What is amazing about the flea, but so frustrating for those wishing to utilise the talents of those new to the area, is that he is quite talented at what he does best, but spends much of his time and energy negatively influencing others or generally annoying species unlucky enough to come across this group in social situations.
(Whispers) Looking at this film closely, we can see that despite being rather small, the flea is still able to throw ice. One of the flea’s liabilities, however, is the frequent misjudging of the humorousness of such a situation. The flea has been known to find humour in this several hours after the first instance. Not surprisingly, these are times which can lead to fatal situations for his friends.”
Mitchell Pearce has not yet been reported as having any involvement in the downward spiral of team-mates Todd Carney or Anthony Watts, but his form, like theirs, has suffered markedly in 2011. Pearce received a lesson in directing a game in wet weather from Brisbane’s Darren Lockyer, who looked a long way from retirement in steering the Broncos to an easy win. The annual ANZAC Day clash could not have come at a worse time for the struggling Roosters.
“I recently alluded to the northern parts of Queensland; the dominant species in this area is the feral pig (Pigus Feralius Thurstonius). The feral pig thrives in this area and has done so for many years. Despite a hideous appearance (some have described as a cross between a horse, an elephant, a hyena and a feral pig), he enjoys the run of the area, with locals allowing him to frequently satisfy the most basic of urges.
Amazingly, however, this god-like status has not seen him grow fat and corrupt with power – except when needing to overcome disciplinary problems (often related to these basic urges). Like the flea, he has been known to find humour in annoying others long after everyone else has stopped laughing, but the pig prefers to ‘flick’ beer on others, rather than throw ice.
However, his hyena-like qualities – speed, intelligence and laughing – are probably what keep him from surrendering completely to worship and veneration from locals. This is a strange species, but one which is extremely accomplished at what it does best.”
The Cowbores won their second match in a row for the first time since mid 2009 on Saturday night, with Feral Thurston playing a key role in taking his team out to a match-winning lead in the first half. Canberra did well to come back, helped considerably without the handicap of playing with Matt Awful, but the Cowbores held on for a solid win.
“Now we come to one of the most violent, one of the narkiest species known to exist in the NRL today: the common dog (Canus Gallenus). The dog is quite loyal and can be extremely productive, but if angered sufficiently or even put under enough competitive pressure, it can respond with actions which shock long-time observers of the animal kingdom.
He has been known to prominently attack the most sensitive area of male combatants, make use of his head as an attacking weapon, insult a combatant based on his racial heritage and even attack the previously cut (and stitched) area of an opponent. Much like Watmong, his lack of social skills has also received attention.
(Whispers) Some have believed that the dog has mellowed somewhat, as he is getting on in years, but if we watch closely, we see the dog returning to old habits in competition, as he steps on the vulnerable hand of an opponent. Watch again….he pretends to look the other way, but his past suggests he knows exactly what he is doing. Not long after, he attacks another opponent in the throat.
It is little wonder the dog is so disliked by many within the NRL kingdom.”
Incredibly, Gallen’s disgusting behaviour in Cronulla’s match against Newcastle on Sunday received relatively little media attention. Instead, Cronulla’s brave comeback was the story, with poor Nathan Gardener, who didn’t receive a penalty despite being knocked over after kicking the ball through, at the centre of this sympathetic angle. It was a nice story, but if the referees had have been watching just before Gardener’s tumble, Cronulla would have lost possession, as Gallen would have been penalised for attacking the throat of Naiqama.
“Next, we examine one of the foxes of Melbourne (Foxus Slaterus). This fox has evolved significantly, cunningly adapting extremely well to his environment and developing numerous skills to aid in his ability to survive and thrive. Unlike many foxes, this one is also quite easy on the eye, which influences the ability of many to judge him for sometimes-nasty competitive tactics or flat-out cheating.”
The Melbourne Foxes – that has a nice ring to it. Penrith gave them a good game on Sunday, but they are nowhere near the cohesive unit which Melbourne is, even in their still “weakened” state. Melbourne won quite comfortably in the end.
“Lastly, we come to the weasel of Maroubra (Weaselus Suttonus). The weasel is known to congregate in large groups and to be boisterous and confident when things are going well or a vulnerable opponent is in the vicinity. However, when an opponent shows signs of competition or things are more difficult than expected, the weasel will disappear, often for weeks at a time. The weasel will still often appear in physical form, but most often, it is discovered this is an impostor taking his place.
At times, somewhat counter-intuitively, the weasel will appear in a difficult situation and even thrive. These are times when the weasel shows rare bravery in the face of almost insurmountable difficulty. However, these times rarely last long and the usual disappointment associated with the weasel returns not long after.”
For some reason, Souths often give the much more consistent and well-drilled Dragons a very good game (especially when the Dragons are at full strength) and this was the case again last night. John Sutton was one of Souths’ best (which probably means he won’t play well again until June; this is known as the ‘Ben Rogers ratio’ in NRL circles) but, as has happened in Souths’ games in recent years, a very solid 60 or so minutes cannot be maintained. In the end, it was one of the better games of the season so far, but the Dragons were worthy winners.
Some other animals in the NRL kingdom:
Jarryd Hayne – snake
Robbie Farah – rat
Feleti Mateo – peacock
Justin Hodges – goose
Matt Awful – dodo
Adam MacDougall – tortoise
Timana Tahu – leech
Ben Creagh – chicken and a bonus animal…
Chris Sandow – gnat
See you in a few weeks.
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Round 5: The NRL Twitterati
The term ‘social media’ is fairly new to the great game of rugby league. Before a few years ago, it might only have been used to describe a chance encounter with a chatty Ray Warren or Peter Sterling after a game. Now, NRL teams, players and personalities are all over the likes of Facebook and Twitter and not just to replace traditional, conservative vehicles for publicity or promotion. During last year’s finals series, Wests Tigers hooker Robbie Farah engaged in an online slanging match on the micro-blogging site Twitter with a Dragons supporter after the Tigers lost in the epic quarter final against the Roosters.
Another recent example here was Parramatta rookie Jacob Loko, who announced on Facebook last Thursday that he was to make his debut against the Storm – this was well before any rugby league media or anyone but the most devoted/fixated of Parramatta supporters would learn of this news.
To celebrate the arrival of social media into the rugby league lexicon – and the occasional circumvention of the traditional news corridor by savvy players – here are descriptions of the Round 5 NRL action from the NRL Twitterati.
Wests Tigers v. Souths – our reporter is @LoteTuqiri
What a win that was by our boys! Built on great defense.. Go #weststigers!!
North Queensland v. Gold Coast – our reporter is @birdman_013
You don't wanna know bruz it wasn't the prettiest! @thisismc: How's my TITANS goin.. No footy on in WA
New Zealand v. Sydney Roosters – our reporter is @steevprice
@ikabaaby yeah we won the Vulcans, 20's and the first's. Lewis (Brown) had a big game. He terrorized Toddy Carney. Great night weather wise
Penrith v. Canberra – our reporter is @davidsimmons84
@Jesus couldn’t have done it without you bra, 3 big ones, all for you. PS nice work with their halfback #mattawful
Cronulla v. Manly – our reporter is @gorgeousgrose
What a game! What a finish! Scoring tries is fun! I could really get used to that! #NRL #gomanly Sorry sharks but thanks for the tough game
Worst thing from last night @brendancowell and his smug grin as we walked in at half time down 7 nil, If only I saw him at full time too
Melbourne v. Parramatta – our reporter is @BeauChampion_4
Up nice and early ... 38 reasons to be smiling !!!
@CoryPaterson12 yeah lad seen u score one last week it inspired me lad !!
St George Illawarra v. Canterbury – our reporter is @RealBigDell
@mbrinky Gaz is starting to hit his straps & Beau Scott just has a red hot go,i love the way he plays #RedV....
@Shananay32 because they don't like twitter it's a personal choice & the #RedV players aren't into it.
(I guess this means the Newcastle players Bennett disposes of before next season are the ones who won’t give up Twitter)
Brisbane v. Newcastle – our reporter is @CoryPaterson12
Thanks to everyone for ur support really appreciate it. Boys gave ultimate effort just bit unlucky. Still shattering tho
@Nath_Ryan didn't do anything mate. I slipped over. Would be filthy if something came of it
Wk on the side line for nothing. Filthy!!
See you next week.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Round 4: Overheard (mX): NRL Edition
As indicated by strong crowds, excellent ratings and surging membership levels, the NRL’s popularity continues to make solid progress in the increasingly competitive marketplace. As a result, mX, the tabloid newspaper distributed at train stations, has decided to incorporate the NRL into Overheard. This is the section where humorous, idiotic and/or weird discussions are overheard and then submitted by readers for general entertainment.
Below is an exclusive preview of today’s mX Overheard: NRL Edition.
“I told the boys my ticker can’t take these close games anymore. I got rid of the crazy shirt and tie combination, but most importantly, now they’re playing well and we’re on the way to an easy win here. No red face, no heart attack on the way…..oh well, Manly just scored again, but we’re fine…..geez, another try (deep breaths) oh well ok, it’s only a few minutes to go…..I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, he knocks this goal over and it’s Golden Point!!!!! The kick is up……beeeeeeeeep” John Lang, Souths coach
After a slow start to the season, Souths look to be on the right track. But still….they probably should have won quite well against a brave Manly team, which was hit by late injuries, and an eighteen point lead with not long to go suggested a comfortable win wasn’t for off. However, Manly have shown their resilience in the last few weeks and somehow surged back into the game. Young Cherry-Evans’ late conversion attempt was unsuccessful, which was a shame for the neutrals, but probably the right outcome for the game, as Souths was mostly dominant.
Next up for Souths are the weakened Tigers; if any opposition coach can relax John Lang’s heart, it is Tim Sheens, who Lang has not lost to since 1994.
“How good is this game? It’s given me a job for years despite sweet fa amounts of success. If I coached until 2025, I’d probably still never win a final. But I’m a weirdly nice guy and enough people like me so they overlook my bizarre tactics. Adrian Purtell would struggle for a run in most reserve grade teams, but he plays first grade for me week in and week out. But as long as Petero and Luke Lewis like me, I’m here for a while yet. Sweeeeeeeeet!” Matt Elliott, Penrith coach
Brisbane has quietly put together a nice run in the early part of the NRL season so far, but taking on the schizophrenic Panthers is not easy. Even the uber-professional Melbourne Storm couldn’t put in a strong effort against a team coming off an embarrassing defeat (last Monday night) and no-one does embarrassing defeats in 2011 like Penrith does.
At half-time, Penrith had the lead and another massive bounce-back for them looked possible, but Brisbane slowly took control; Purtell again ensured collective head-shaking from Penrith supporters, while the idiotic Michael Jennings gave away another dumb penalty to extend Brisbane’s lead to 8.
As the game ticked down to 3 minutes remaining and Brisbane led by 8, some might have remembered 2007 in Round 3, when Penrith forced Golden Point – and went on to win – in Brisbane in a similar predicament. But this was never going to happen with Penrith’s make-shift playmakers; Brisbane recorded their third successive win fairly easily.
“Hey mate, hands up, Daddy will pass you the ball”
“You threw it on the roof, you idiot”
“Matt dear, I’ll gently give this priceless Ming vase to you, can you put it in the corner?”
“Sure honey….SMASH!” Matt Awful doesn’t just let down his team-mates.
After three straight losses to start the season, the Gold Coast Titans put in far more effort on Saturday afternoon against Canberra, but with one minute left in regulation time, they were still 6 points down and not in possession of the ball. Canberra again struggled to get anywhere near their best, but a win was within reach.
Incredibly, the Titans had possession of the ball less than 10 (game) seconds later. Matt Awful botched a task even he can normally complete most of the time: putting the ball into a scrum and successfully picking it up once it exits the scrum.
It was messy, but the Titans ultimately scored to send the game to extra time, where they were gifted attacking field position by an inexplicable Blake Ferguson error. At least Ferguson has talent and potential and shouldn’t be taken out and shot.
“Oh NOOOOOOO they’re gonna score….Oh COME ON HINDY, COME ON HINDY…..WHAT A TACKLE!!!! OHHHHH HINDY…..AND HE STOLE THE BALL AS WELL…..HINDYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! HINDYYYYYYY!!!! HINDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!” Tuesday Roast tipster and Eels (and Nathan Hindmarsh) fanatic Brad Chard to whoever was unfortunate enough to be within earshot.
Many expected little from the clash between Parramatta and North Queensland on Saturday night, but instead, it was one of the better games of the season so far. Parramatta was coming off two resounding defeats and gave a much better account of themselves, but the Cowbores also played very well, further damaging what was once undisputed fact in NRL circles: that backing up from a Monday night game to a Saturday night game, especially away from home, is near impossible. While the Cowbores ultimately lost this game, they showed no signs of fatigue or greater than normal tiredness resulting from last Monday night.
While there were some stars in the backlines, such as Luke Burt, Feral Thurston, Kalifa Fai Fai Loa and Jarryd Hayne, it was the forwards clash which excited supporters the most. Matt Scott and Parramatta’s Tim Mannah collided with a vicious intensity time and time again, Dallas Johnson had another excellent game leading the Cowbores, while Carl Webb turned back the clock at least five years – and the scales at least 20 kilograms – with some damaging runs.
However, it was Parramatta’s Hindmarsh who left the greatest mark on this game. Apart from his usual effort of numerous hit-ups and tackles, his trio of try or near-try saving efforts will be remembered for years to come, with his incredible tackle and steal from Glenn Hall one of the best ever.
With that said, Parramatta still found themselves behind in the game’s dying minutes, but they, perhaps somewhat controversially, found a try via Luke Burt. Burt’s sideline conversion was the difference between the teams in an entertaining game.
“Bro, it’s up to us, this is why they brought us here, we’ve had a slow start and now I’m back at five-eighth and it’s my time to shine! You’ll see it all today, my friend, offloads from every possible angle, two hands, one hand, half a hand, one hand after loop de loop. Ivan will love me so much after this, and you’ll score 5 tries from my offloads bro” Feleti Mateo to also-ex-Eel Krisnan Inu; Mateo has….extreme confidence (to put it nicely) in his ability.
After a slow start, the New Zealand Warriors produced a strong second half showing to overwhelm the gutsy but patchy Cronulla Sharks on Sunday. The Warriors adjusted their line-up, brought in extra size at most positions and physically dominated Cronulla, but it was not until midway through the second half that they got on top.
This was largely due to a quite high error count, many of which came from the highly talented but not very discretionary Feleti Mateo. One feels he would probably be better off in a magic show, where his sleight of hand and quick hands could entertain kids and parents alike, as opposed to aging his coaches rapidly with his high-risk game.
Ultimately, Mateo set up two tries, but Warriors’ coach Ivan Cleary would be far from the first to ask whether Mateo’s skills are worth the anguish.
“Geez… that’s why I’m leaving, right there. My dead grandmother would have made a better attempt than that overpaid so-and-so. So would have Jeremy Smith’s pinkie finger. Sob…I miss you Jeremy.” Wayne Bennett says more than he will ever say to media after Mark Gasnier provided Newcastle’s Cory Patterson a saloon passage across the try-line on Sunday.
“I dunno, it might be time for a new banner. No-one even gets the GST sign anymore. Wayne, what do you reckon?”
“No, you should keep it, it’s got tradition now”
“Yeh, I agree, great call Uncle Wayne!!!!!”
Wayne Bennett and the famous Dragons supporter discuss the famous Dragons banner…with some unsurprising input from Dragons lackey Darius Boyd.
It might be a new season and an improved stadium, but Newcastle’s opponents on Sunday were the same as those seen at their final home game of 2010: St George Illawarra. And amazingly, this game went in a quite similar fashion to that from last August: Dragons out to a strong lead, Knights launch a furious comeback, backed by a boisterous home crowd, but fall just short.
While Mark Gasnier helped set up one of the Dragons’ tries (in the first half), his attempted tackle on Cory Patterson in the second half was pathetic. How Gasnier believes he is anywhere near representative selection borders on delusional; even Ben Hornby’s ‘retirement’ from representative matches last year wasn’t as far-fetched. Bennett will never admit it, but the return of Gasnier probably played a significant role in his leaving the Dragons at the end of this season. Unless Bennett signs with Souths, that is. Ok ok, enough of the Bennett circus for now.
“Geez, sorry mate, but I’m just thankful you weren’t Tonie Carroll”
“Nah, I’m sorry too mate and I’m thankful you weren’t a booze bus”
Referee Tony Archer (referring to the sickening collision between other referee Tony Des Las Heras and Tonie Carroll from 2009) and Roosters’ five-eighth Todd Carney share apologies after their collision on Sunday.
The Rugby League Gods have been unkind to the Wests Tigers in recent weeks. They already had a significant injury list, which increased last week with the major additions of Lawrence and Tuqiri and had the bad fortune to run into a Roosters team due for a win on Sunday. The Roosters, not surprisingly, came ready for a big game and were very confident after their success over the Tigers in 2010.
While the Tigers had some very good chances and, on the whole, played quite well, they were no match for the Roosters, who had the better of this game, especially with their fast and hard-hitting defence. The Tigers also suffered with Robbie Farah’s dad being a late substitute for the perennial……wait…..that was actually Robbie Farah himself, and not a 60-year-old man?! You could have fooled me.
“OHHHHHHHHHHHHH what’s happened to this game? Young Goodwin, why didn’t you dive on the ball? Who cares if you were offside?! You dive on the ball, then sneak a sly right hook on his jaw when he’s not looking. That’s the Bulldogs way. Just ask Andrew Farrar. See, Cronk knows what to do. Take a massive dive, get the penalty. Turvey would be proud of you son.” Peter ‘Bullfrog’ Moore laments from beyond the grave how the game has changed.
Before this game, the Bulldogs sat alone on top of the ladder but they had a fairly friendly opening to the season. Playing their first away game, in Melbourne on a Monday night, was going to test them far more than they had been tested.
Despite Goodwin’s stupidity mentioned above, the Bulldogs settled down after a tough start and probably would have led 10-8 nearing half time were it not for Cronk’s great acting job and subsequent conning of video referee Chris Ward. After the ensuing penalty and excellent set of tackles, Melbourne instead was next to score – it was, even at this early stage, game over. The Storm ran away with a comfortable victory.
See you next week.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Round 3: The Annual Limerick Roast (or A More Popular Irish Bailout)
In a week where self-confessed weak swimmer — but born-again religious man — Jarryd Hayne rescued overwhelmed Irish backpacker Christina Caffrey from rough surf at Coogee dominated the rugby league headlines, it seems appropriate that this week’s Roast should be in limerick form…
Parramatta v. South Sydney
There once was a young man named Hayne
Who rescues chicks and teams by Plane
But faced with Souths’ pack
And their sinister attack
All Hayne could do was apportion blame
It was a relatively easy and overdue win for Souths on Friday night, led by their left-side attack of Dave Taylor, Greg Inglis and others. Hayne might have rescued one person from tough conditions last Wednesday, but his task on Friday night, while on the more familiar landscape of a rugby league field, was much more difficult. Given the task of defending Souths’ representative left-side attack was middle-of-the-road talent Ben Smith and two inexperienced players in Morgan and Uaisele. It took a little while, but Souths took full advantage here; left winger Fetuli Talanoa benefited from the inside dominance to record two tries, but Taylor and Inglis deservedly received the post-match praise.
Hayne has never been much good at covering the mistakes of others from fullback and had next to no chance on Friday night. However, his post match comments were directed at the referees, who disallowed two tries when the scoreboard still said nil-all and who Hayne accused of allowing the second half to start before the Eels were ready, which contributed to a mistake from the kick-off by Smith and then to a try by Talanoa. Hayne might have had a point, but it was difficult not to see Souths winning this game even if Parramatta was first to score.
Souths’ win was even more impressive given the loss of Issac Luke to concussion midway through the game. Veteran Mick Crocker moved into the unfamiliar role of dummy half and had an excellent game, capping his performance with a somewhat fortunate but exciting late try. One of the starting second rowers in the Tuesday Roast Team of the 2000s, Crocker lost much of the last two seasons to injury but might be capable of one last strong season before retirement.
This win continued Crocker’s remarkable run of success against Parramatta; he has not lost to Parramatta in his last 11 games and his only two losses to them came in the 2001 season.
Gold Coast v. Brisbane
There once was a young man named Friend
On whose intensity the Titans depend
They came close in Round Three
But fell short due to Hodgy
Their season is nearing a dead end
After starting the season with 2 losses, the Gold Coast Titans desperately needed to get their season going against Brisbane on Friday night. They were strengthened by the return of a number of good players from injury, including Laffranchi and Meyers, but they remained lacking from the dummy half position without the underrated Nathan Friend. They took the lead, but their attack never looked too likely to extend this lead into double figures and eventually Brisbane wore the Titans down. Long-time absentee Justin Hodges unleashed his trademark right-foot sidestep — perhaps not quite as crisply as he once did — to cut through the defence for the match-winning try.
Much has been made of the older Gold Coast Titans line-up, but they would be much better served with a few key players back in their team: Friend and the recently retired Mat Rogers. Gold Coast has yet to find a replacement for him at five-eighth and look likely to be missing his output for some time to come.
Penrith v. Cronulla
There once was a team from the Shire
Who rarely emerged from the financial mire
But they could do no wrong
Against a team of nongs
The Shire boys were on fire
This looked to be a good contest, as both teams came in on the back of strong wins. Many expected Cronulla to experience some sort of letdown after the high of beating local rival St George Illawarra, but the Sharks instead gave us some of the best and most entertaining action seen in the NRL so far this season as they demolished Penrith.
Penrith looked to have moved on from their incredibly disappointing Round 1 effort against Newcastle with a professional win over Parramatta last week, but whether it was complacency, injuries or sheer forgetfulness, something caused them to produce a near perfect replica of their Newcastle performance in this game. Their new signing Timana Tahu could be forgiven a lack of match fitness but not for some dumb plays and seemingly no knowledge about the rules crackdown.
Cronulla exploited his Tahu’s rust brilliantly, but the best part of their game, especially in the first half, was their willingness to spread and promote the ball in attack. Normally, they are amongst the leaders in the NRL in handling errors and low completion rate, but their first half contained an incredible 18 offloads and a 90 per cent completion rate. Amazing.
Wests Tigers v. Canberra
There once was a young man named Marshall
Who never lost to those from the national capital
He deceived and dissected at pivot
Despite taking a massive divot
He was infinity times better than Matt Awful
The other Saturday game saw the Tigers quite easily account for Canberra, where the Benji Marshall highlight reel lasted minutes. Canberra’s defence tried hard but had little chance against a quick-stepping, bullet-passing five-eighth in combination with a deep and fast-moving attack. A botched goal kick attempt gave the Haterz something to laugh at, but this was merely the mole on Cindy Crawford.
For Canberra, Blake Ferguson scored three tries to continue the fine family tradition of haunting teams named the Tigers, but apart from his individual brilliance, Canberra never looked likely. This is what happens when you have a halfback — Matt Awful — who missed out on selection for Australia’s Paralympic Rugby League Team.
New Zealand v. St George Illawarra
The Dragons suffered plenty of pain
Against Cronulla, after travel and in the rain
Despite being men down
They made those into clowns
Who expected two losses for Wayne
This was yet another away game for the Dragons — that GST guy must be accumulating some massive Frequent Flyer miles, just quietly — but most importantly, the Dragons’ pack appeared to be much weaker without Michael Weyman and Ben Creagh. Their opponents, the Warriors, have long been known as having one of the better forward packs in the competition and, given the template provided by Cronulla last Monday night, surely a fired-up Warriors’ pack would put all they had into a major effort?
Instead, this game was all about the Dragons and their inspired effort. They had the better of the Warriors’ forwards and had the game won by half-time thanks to two excellent tries by Jason Nightingale. After half time, the Warriors closed the gap, but only after the Dragons got bored of practicing their defence.
The Dragons would have been very happy with their effort but also that they registered a win without Weyman: in his two-plus years with the Dragons, their record without him was just 6-6. However, surely the Warriors are more distressed at their record minus Manu Vatuvei: just one win in the last 13 games he hasn’t played.
Canterbury v. Sydney Roosters
These major rivals met in the rain
Still, it was an entertaining game
The Chooks threatened to crow
But it was the Dogs who went 3-0
Thanks to that superstar….Corey Payne?!?!
These teams met in Round 3 2010, where each team’s form was opposite to what it was leading into this game. The struggling Bulldogs broke out to thrash the high-flying Roosters in 2010, so many expected a win for the struggling Roosters and an end to the Bulldogs’ strong start. An entertaining but see-sawing game looked, at times, like providing this outcome, but also another strong Bulldogs win and a close finish at different times.
In the end, the humid conditions, a physical battle and the Roosters receiving an injury after having made their final interchange meant both teams were exhausted at 80 minutes. Somehow, Rooster Kane Linnett had the energy to lift his head from the bound scrum structure, which saw the final few seconds run off the clock and the Bulldogs hang on for the win, but both teams would have been encouraged by this effort.
Incredibly the difference in the game was probably Corey Payne. Payne is little more than an average back-rower (he does have a university degree, but this can be a hindrance more than an asset) but he unveiled a quite nice offload ability in this game, setting up two tries and one long break downfield.
Manly v. Newcastle
Sunday saw the return to Brookvale
Of the Snake and the other Silvertails
Snake was strong in attack
But it was the ferocious Manly pack
Who sent Newcastle back home to ail
After their incredible effort last week against the Roosters, one had to wonder if Manly could produce anything near a repeat in their first home game of the season against Newcastle. However, Newcastle was probably also due for a defeat; there was no ‘bounce back’ in this game, only two potential ‘due for a loss’ scenarios.
Newcastle started well, but Manly was more than capable of producing very physical play again this week and got on top here. Not just on the scoreboard, but on the benches. Quite legitimately, Manly took FIVE Newcastle players out of the game, one of which had to return to the game in a concussed state.
Not surprisingly, the game lost much of its edge in the second half. Newcastle continued to try hard but was a shell of its best, with so many players out of position, while Manly had little motivation to continue with the physicality and, with an eye on the draw (they play again on Friday night), eased off and coasted to the win.
North Queensland v. Melbourne
There once was a disgusting man named Feral
Who at times can play brilliantly well
He dissected the Storm
This is far from the norm
But the media reaction left many feeling unwell
Melbourne had escaped the ‘bounce back’/upset craze of the first few rounds….until last night that is. While they lost much of their squad in order to bring their salary down to a legal level, and could perhaps be forgiven for not exhibiting the famous Melbourne consistency ALL the time, the shoddy, disjointed performance they displayed last night was most un-Melbourne-like.
However, they had three major factors against them: the weather (which more often than not seems to help the underdogs), a motivated Cowbores team and some significant injuries (which prevented Melbourne from stopping a Cowbores onslaught in the latter part of this game).
The Cowbores led 10-6 at half time; it probably should have been a much greater lead, although Melbourne, in a rare first-half attack, should have had another try. But the score blew out in the second half as the injury-hit Storm were picked apart by Feral Thurston. He might be a disgusting human being who can frighten women and children merely by being in the same room as them, but his instinctive attacking abilities (on the rugby league field, not at Coffs Harbour) and ability to evaluate in an instant when his team has an overlap are unmatched in today’s game of programmed halfbacks and playmakers.
It was fair enough for the commentators to heap praise on Feral Thurston, the Cowbores’ forwards (led by former Storm player Dallas Johnson) and coach Neil Henry’s looooooooong overdue selection of talented rookies Fai Fai Loa, Segeyaro and Tariq Sims to cut more of the dead wood out (e.g. Michael Bani), but as always, the commentators were in ecstasy over ‘Little Matty Bowen’ (is this his actual name? You’d be forgiven for thinking so) and Ashley Graham and their ‘efforts’.
Bowen and Graham do little in a game apart from benefit from the brilliance of others. Bowen wouldn’t be among the top 10 fullbacks in the game, he goes missing for weeks at a time and is not at the athlete or playmaker most teams now want at fullback, but you wouldn’t know it judging by the media hype. Meanwhile, Graham is, quite simply, a cat, someone who shies away from physical contact and celebrates like it’s New Years Eve whenever he falls across the line thanks to some Feral Thurston brilliance.
The north Queensland region suffers more than most with natural disasters, this is true, but do we really need such sycophantic toadying and hyperbole to be liberally splashed over the Cowbores and these two mildly entertaining players whenever they breathe to make up for this bad luck??
See you next week.
