Round 18: Queensrandah!

There are 6 states and 2 (internal) territories which make up the wide brown land of Australia, but of these, surely the most parochial, the most proud, the most….in love with their pathetic beer has to be Queensland. However, when you scratch beneath the surface, Queensland’s Australian-ness is not quite what it seems. Note the following unusual similarities:

* Maroon vs. Cherry Blossom
* Floods and Cyclones vs. Earthquakes and Tsunamis
* Australian Government is sending hard-earned money from NSW because they didn’t have enough insurance vs. Australian Government is sending them hard-earned money from NSW because they didn’t have enough insurance
* Great slabs owned by Japanese vs. Great slabs owned by Japanese
* Emperors (Wally Lewis), dynasties (Origin 2006-2011, National Party 1968-1989) and old dudes (Lockyer and Petero) vs. emperors, dynasties and old dudes
* Digs up lots of Aussie coal vs. Uses lots of Aussie coal
* Sumo wrestlers (fat guys everyone worships) vs. Arthur Beetson (a fat guy everyone worships)

The evidence is overwhelming: Queensland is Japan. As a tribute to the ongoing Queensland dynasty in State of Origin play, this week’s Roast will be told in Haiku.

Parramatta v. Wests Tigers

Turmoil at Tigers
Made worse by eager Eels
Benji not ready

Wests Tigers coach Shifty Sheens went into his trick bag and snuck Benji Marshall back into his team for an important game vs. Parramatta on Friday night. Usually when Sheens brings someone (or more) back from injury early, the team will often respond with a much-improved effort, but Benji didn’t look quite right and nor did his team-mates.

Meanwhile, Parramatta had to make do without Geoff Robson again this week, but Jarryd Hayne returned from Origin to play in the halves. He looked about infinity times more comfortable there than he did when last playing in the halves (early 2009) but this night was more about the Eels’ enthusiasm and effort. They worked their way to 20 points, but kept the Tigers to nil for much of the game thanks to efforts such as Ben Smith’s in chasing down Marshall just before the try-line and putting him into touch.

After a slack game last week against Brisbane, it was a return to form for Parramatta at home in this game and the top 8 dream stays alive (just). Meanwhile, the Tigers are in the thick of the race for the bottom 3 spots in the 8 but probably don’t deserve to be after their patchy last 2 months.

New Zealand v. Gold Coast

Mat the Rat came back
But left almost as quickly
New Zealand won well

After a month of losing, the Warriors turned their season around with a solid win over the Gold Coast in the early Friday night game. Despite being at the bottom of the ladder, the Titans with their still-experience-laden line-up are a threat to perform if enough players perform and the motivation to have a big game for the return of Mat Rogers figured to be significant.

Sadly, Rogers broke his foot and his career will likely end on 200 games. It was almost as sad a departure from the game as it was for his father. Time for some more kids to be played by the Titans I think.

Cronulla v. Canberra

Gallen returned
But Sharks didn’t need him
Canberra rubbish

A month or so ago, this game looked like one to miss, but the recent return to form of these teams added a little interest to this Saturday nighter. Cronulla, mostly on the back of Paul Gallen but without him last week, had won three in a row, while Canberra looked like they might have been about to start one of their patented late-season runs after a big win over the Roosters last Monday night.

Ultimately, while this game had its moments, both teams would have struggled to beat other opposition. Blake Ferguson returned to his former home ground and was booed strongly all game. While he scored Canberra’s first try after a Gallen pass went awry, he helped his old team to their first two tries by poor defensive plays. Canberra dropped enough ball to lose 3 games in the first half, but somehow was down by just two at half time. Their luck turned in the second half and Cronulla did enough to record a comfortable but not convincing win.

Canterbury v. Melbourne

Dogs in their hell
Not Adelaide, but losing
Too easy for Storm

Melbourne is always vulnerable to a loss or two during and after representative season, especially with their cut-back, salary-cap-abiding (probably) team. Pushing thoughts towards the “they’re due for a loss” side was their incredible defence in their last 5 games, where they had kept all opponents under 10 points.

However, the Bulldogs are a dead team walking. This is sad in a way; their old model for developing talent (get them in at 15 and make them loyal) was pretty much dismissed by the salary cap and some high-profile departures. So, the adaptable club that they are, they changed to a more instant player development scheme, buying solid to very good players from other teams. With 2011 rapidly going down the toilet for them, what do they do? They’ve never sacked a coach, never mind a coach from “the family”.

But the players apparently don’t care and with Michael Ennis absent after damage to internal organs in State of Origin, they were no chance in this game. The Storm even conceded three tries, ending their sub-10-points-conceded streak, but never looked like losing.

Sydney Roosters v. Penrith

A mistake-a-thon
Chooks least, smashed 13
Penrith retarded

The woeful Roosters took on the suddenly flying Panthers in the first Sunday game. After the Roosters’ team sheet did not contain the names of Minichiello or Waerea-Hargreaves, then Penrith scored the first 8 points with ease, a massive Penrith win looked likely.

However, the game went strange after that. The Roosters suddenly found confidence, quick play-the-balls, bullet-like and accurate passing and, most importantly, a hatful of points. Even though they conceded about 60 per cent of a hatful in return, they were never really threatened in this game after the 25 minute mark.

While this game featured plenty of tries and lots of speed and ball movement, it was one of the worst games of the season. Penrith gifted all the important tries to the Roosters (by the time the Roosters crossed the line without massive assistance, the game was as good as over), while the Roosters gave plenty of points as well. Has a team ever not successfully kicked for touch TWICE after a penalty on a dry, clear day? Has a team ever threatened to concede a long-range try after almost every time they dropped the ball? The Roosters showed plenty of spirit to overturn a long spell of futility, but the winners were those who had something else to do on Sunday afternoon.

Manly v. South Sydney

Manly eased off
But Souths teased again
LOL@$ouff$

The bye week coming after Manly’s tough game against the Dragons a few weeks back figured to mean they’d be right to go against Souths on Sunday afternoon. However, after starting well, Manly struggled to maintain their pace and Souths came back to take a surprise lead. This was somewhat fortunate though, as Nathan Merritt had a foot on the dead ball line when flicking it back in for a try and Greg Inglis hadn’t made a great play for Souths before Sunday and probably won’t make another one; his sharp sidestep left the unlucky Manly forward for dead and set up Merritt for his second try.

Once again though, Souths teased their supporters into thinking they might steal a win before reality returned (and laughter ensued). Kieran Foran was the instigator of Manly’s comeback, but all who tipped Manly to win by more than 13 were cheering loudest at David Williams for his try after the siren.

Newcastle v. North Queensland

No Feral Thurston
But Knights very lazy
Cowbores are tough

The injury to Feral Thurston in State of Origin last Wednesday saw most people figure a Newcastle win in the final game of Round 18 to be a certainty. It was revealed the Cowbores had won only 7 out of 25 games Feral has missed since 2005, but these are not the same old Cowbores, who were far too reliant on Thurston. The off-season signings of hard-heads Dallas Johnson, Glenn Hall and Brent Tate (even though Tate has yet to play this season) have clearly improved this team’s focus, attitude and consistency. Throw in a vengeful Cory Paterson – who was playing his first game for his new team after being told he was not part of future plans in Newcastle – and the Knights had a much tougher game than they expected.

With that said, however, if Newcastle had even a little more focus and attention to detail, they probably would have had a decent lead heading into the last quarter of this game. Instead, the score was knotted at 12 and Newcastle was staggering towards the finish line, perhaps waiting for Ryan Stig to set something up again, but the Cowbores were finishing fast.

They ran and hit much harder, but the key plays were on North Queensland kicks. Tardy tracking back by Wes Naiqama and several others saw North Queensland gain great advantage when kicks were not cleaned up adequately. There were some lucky bounces, but Newcastle really didn’t deserve the ball to bounce their way. When Paterson stormed across the line to seal the win, the boos aimed at his petulant display towards former supporters should probably have been aimed at the complacent and lazy home team.

Til next time, Sayonara.