This week's Roast was all ready to go before we learnt we would be shafted by the timing of the Masterchef grand final and there was no alternate timeslot available. Sorry guys.
So here's a brief summary of last weekend's events:
* Was it a train? Was it a plane? It may very well have been SuperHayne as Jarryd helped the Eels to a smoking start on Friday and despite a Bulldogs comeback, this was a strong win to Parramatta.
* The injury-hit Titans shocked the Dragons with a golden point win. The inclement weather probably helped the underdog but the Dragons must now prove themselves as being able to win big games late in the season.
* Cronulla started strongly coming off a big loss and a coach resignation but Canberra did enough to eke out the win.
* Both teams struggled in Melbourne, but ultimately the Storm was too much for the patchy Panthers.
* Newcastle made a late surge to force extra time, but the Cowboys scored the golden try (albeit from a pass which looked much less than golden) to get the win.
* Souths produced a brilliant second half and some desperate late-game defence to score a morale-boosting win over the streaking Warriors.
* The Tigers started strongly, but Manly held their nerve and exposed Wests' defensive frailties on their way to a fairly convincing win.
* Finally, Brisbane took an hour to get going but get going they did, overwhelming a huge Roosters' lead. But the Roosters hardly flinched and scored the match-winning try with more of their eye-pleasing play.
See you next week.
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Round 20: Masterchef Bye Week
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Round 19: Rivalry Round - Best Round of the Season (so far)
“I tell you what… this competition, and we flower it up all the time and we love the superstars, they’re great players, this is the weakest competition I’ve seen in a long long time alright. Anyone can win this, because our no. 1 team is only a very average team. But they look so much better than everyone this because at least they’re consistent and they’ve got some intensity. This is crying out for a Tigers 2005, for someone to get on a roll now and they’ll just beat everyone….it’s baying for one team now to stand up and get it done, they’ll win the comp…”
Phil Gould’s brutally honest – but quite unpopular – assessment of the NRL on Sunday could have sent many followers of the game into the foetal position. They might have wondered why they waste their time following a season for close to 30 weeks, when all that is required is to tune in sometime in August to find which team is building momentum best for a late-season run to the premiership. They may also have wondered about the ongoing prospects of a competition which has lost a good portion of its depth to England and a worryingly high portion of its star power to other sports, whilst pursuing an agenda of expansion in the not too distant future.
However, Rugby League has a long history of producing entertaining product to make its followers (temporarily) forget about the game’s deep-seated problems and Round 19 – Rivalry Round – was just another example of this. There were some cracking games, high scores, great comebacks and just enough spice to make things interesting without invoking the Helen Lovejoys (i.e. vested interests in the media pushing the AFL perspective) of this world.
The game of the round saw Penrith take on Parramatta. Most expected Penrith to bounce back after their loss to the Warriors last week, with their attack to lead the way. The Warriors kept one of the NRL’s highest scoring teams to just 6 points, which gave voice to the growing number of critics of Penrith’s attack, who accuse it of being one-dimensional (relying too much on kicks).
While Penrith’s attacking game probably needs some variation to minimise the possibility of a point-scoring drought in a key late-season game, Parramatta’s generous defence against the kick was not going to encourage any Penrith attacking innovation any time soon. Penrith led 22-nil after 20 or so minutes, with several tries coming off a poor defensive response to fairly standard Penrith kicks.
Many who wondered whether the Eels’ effort against the Cowbores last Monday night was the start of a late-season run or an easy win against pathetic opposition were answered in the remainder of the first half on Saturday night, as Parramatta cut Penrith’s lead to just 10 and probably should have cut it even further. They clearly had a great momentum and continued it after half time as Wright and an extremely calm Inu crossed for tries to give Parramatta a lead.
Most importantly, however, for Parramatta, was that their often-dormant superstar Jarryd Hayne had woken up and was involved in everything; a danger sign for whoever the opposition is when this rare event takes place. He played a key role in each of Parramatta’s first four tries then broke the game open with his spectacular 80-metre kick return. It probably didn’t deserve the orgasmic reaction it got from the commentators, but it marked the start of what Parramatta supporters hope will be an eruption lasting several months.
Penrith responded (via a kick) and some errors gave them chances to re-take the lead, but Parramatta held on for a famous win. This was one of the better games so far this season, but it was made even more memorable by a ground record crowd packed into CUA Stadium at Penrith. Sadly, this may end up leading to more Penrith-Parramatta games moving to larger stadiums, but hopefully there can be room for games – and crowds – like this at suburban stadiums as well.
Other notable games from the Rivalry Round saw the Roosters and Bulldogs square off as well as the Tigers host the Cowbores. The perplexing Roosters – who struggle against lowly teams, defeat good teams and rarely string similar results together – should have had the goods to beat the Bulldogs, but the Bulldogs’ recent momentum and confidence gained saw them jump to a strong lead after early back-and-forth of tries in the opening 30 minutes.
The Roosters – and especially Braith Anasta – seemed to lose their way as they suffered from several refereeing errors and became increasingly frustrated. Anasta already gave away a penalty for dissent after a dubious forward pass call, then he looked like he’d have a stroke when correctly denied a try soon after.
Somehow during this time, the Roosters dominated possession and mounted a comeback against the gallant but tiring Bulldogs. Eventually the Roosters re-took the lead and held on for an unlikely win. While Anasta gained (eventual) satisfaction, fellow milestone gamer Kimmorley added to his legacy of crapping the bed in big games, thanks to numerous errors and penalties conceded. Afterwards he complained of not being recognised for reaching 300 games. Hey Brett, here’s a statue of you throwing the intercept pass to Bowen, now go away.
On Monday night, the Tigers took the resurgent Cowbores far too lightly and woke up to find themselves 16-nil down. Luckily Feral Thurston missed his first conversion, perhaps due to his nasty black eye. Apparently one of his victims fought back this time…
Once the Tigers got going from late in the first half, the 16-point deficit was quickly rubbed out but the stalemate continued for far longer than expected despite both teams having numerous chances to take the lead. Actually, the Tigers had about eleventy hundred chances, most of which were Benji Marshall missed goal or field goal attempts. But then he sets up a try with a brilliant chip and chase and all is (seemingly) forgotten. Until he costs them a finals game with his erratic play that is…
Finally, the surprisingly impressive Fulton sealed the win for the Tigers, who after winning 7 of their last 8, must surely be due for a loss against Manly on Sunday.
The Warriors and Melbourne have had a somewhat heated rivalry over the years and despite Melbourne’s season rapidly losing relevance, this game stoked the rivalry to greater heights.
The Warriors backed up well after their Herculean effort to defeat Penrith last week to jump to 12-nil lead early on against the Storm, but the Storm slowly fought their way back. The Warriors’ newly found defensive resolve continued and maintained their lead, but eventually Melbourne scored. Rather than suppressing the crowd, this made them louder as a chorus of “CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT” rang around Mt Smart Stadium as Cameron Smith lined up the conversion attempt.
Melbourne almost scored in their next set of six, but ultimately couldn’t score again and the Warriors held on for their fifth win in a row – a difficult feat in the NRL this season. The next Melbourne v. Warriors game should be one to look forward to…
Friday’s game might have been more memorable in a normal round: Souths gave a very good account of themselves in almost defeating the Dragons, while Brisbane slowly but surely overhauled the Titans, with a run of 24 straight points after the Gold Coast had a 10-nil lead. The Titans were somewhat unlucky though to suffer from a dubious sin-bin for the second straight week. To rub salt in the wound, they lost Bird and Harrison to injury.
The final two games of the round were closer to Phil Gould’s description of the game than the standard from the better games of this round: Manly and Canberra jumped to massive first-half leads over insipid opposition in the form of Cronulla and Newcastle respectively.
See you next week.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Round 18: NRL Bizarro World
Hope you enjoyed that look back over a very weird round of NRL. See you next week.
And allow them they did – 24 in under 20 minutes between late in the first half and early in the second half. To the Cowbores’ credit, they didn’t capitulate and might have had a chance at winning if one or two things went their way, but in the end, it was a solid, although still far from impressive (from an overall perspective) win for the Eels in one of the weirder Monday night games of recent times.
The round finished on Monday night with Parramatta triumphing over the very un-boring Cowbores in a shootout in the Wild West of Sydney. Both teams’ attack has stuttered significantly of late but both teams enjoyed breakout attacking performances and, most importantly, brought aggressive attitudes to the game. Early on, any result looked possible, but once the errors returned to the Cowbores’ game, it was only a matter of time before the worst defence in the NRL would allow points.
This was in spite of a massive penalty count in Penrith’s favour. Perhaps Penrith was in shock; they are almost always on the wrong end of penalties, only the Dragons have any idea about how to get the most benefit out of a run of penalties. In the end, the Warriors grimly held on for a famous win. Only the great Melbourne defence of early 2008 recorded a win under similar circumstances.
From here on, Penrith had the better of the game and gradually dominated possession and field position – but could get no closer than 6 points. Penrith’s successful air attack, their kicking arsenal fired blanks all afternoon as the Warriors’ defensive intensity never wavered.
The weird happenings continued in Sunday’s late game at Penrith. It became quickly apparent that the big efforts in recent weeks – both at club level and at Origin – had taken their toll; it was a flat start from the Panthers and the Warriors jumped to a 12-nil lead. Their second try, to Vatuvei, was quite strange. Vatuvei ran through and caught a bomb almost unopposed to score in the corner (not unlike the famous Steve Gearin try from the 1980 grand final).
First up on Sunday, Newcastle recorded a solid win at home, while Cronulla struggled to perform away from home. Those outcomes are weirdness enough thus far in season 2010, but two of the game’s better performers are Ben Rogers (Newcastle) and Ben Pomeroy (Cronulla) well….Halley’s Comet will probably come again before these two hacks play another good game.
The Bulldogs took a solid lead to half time, as they had the past two games, but came close to relinquishing it as Melbourne came back strongly. Ultimately, it was a crazy ending as time expired when Billy Slater poked his head up from the clock-stopping scrum formation. A grin from Slater confirmed the weirdness of this match.
It’s an even crazier round and game when Billy Slater makes a number of mistakes at the back. Slater is usually so reliable but the Bulldogs found him out on several occasions. Admittedly, he would have done brilliantly well to stop the steam train that is Jamal Idris from scoring.
A rugby league game being played at Adelaide Oval for the first time since 1998 is bizarro enough. However, when that game involves the car crash that is the 2010 Melbourne Storm and the Storm, against all expectations, show fight and heart to come back into a game given the hopelessness of their situation, you know it’s a crazy round of rugby league.
With that said though, Canberra did put on two tries from close to the opposition line – where they had failed so miserably in previous weeks – to take a match-winning lead. Manly’s struggles and very poor home record since their awesome win against the Dragons a few months back continued.
The craziness got worse on Saturday night as Canberra turned around their abysmal performances from the last two weeks with a close but well deserved win over a still-scratchy Manly at Brookvale. We’ll never know if Canberra was going to sort out their diabolically poor attack because Canberra’s first two tries were gifts from Manly intercept passes.
The Tigers scored the game’s next 15 points – including an incredible field goal from Benji Marshall just before half-time – to grind out a match-winning lead: if they could only like this in the myriad of other games when Ellis plays a lone hand. A late try to the Titans made Benji’s field goal that much more important as the Tigers held on for the win.
Across town, the Tigers looked likely to fall well behind to the overdue Titans, but the usually sure-handed Titans outside backs dropped several passes where the try-line was in close proximity. The Tigers desperately needed such a leg-up as they were missing their best player in Gareth Ellis, but it became clear that the motivation to perform without Ellis and beat a hated rival in the process was strong.
Late penalties for relatively insignificant offences are perhaps not quite as rare as hens’ teeth, but are not much more prevalent. This was a surprisingly good game, but a slightly fortunate win for the Roosters.
Despite the Roosters coming back and dominating much of the remainder of the game, a try to Talanoa in the corner and subsequent conversion to the erratic Sandow saw Souths re-take the lead, a lead they seemed likely to hold onto until a crucial penalty to the Roosters led to the match-winning try to Mitch Aubusson.
The madness started on Friday night when Souths looked destined to score a significant win over the Roosters without their best player Issac Luke. Souths started very strongly, overcoming the physical Roosters and the difficult conditions to take an 8-nil lead.
Even in a league where consistency is rare and volatility much too common, the happenings of Round 18 were still difficult to comprehend. The downtrodden fought back, in the unlikeliest of situations, the favoured and in need struggled mightily, while those in a drought spectacularly farewelled dryness…but welcomed instead a severe loosening of standards, and finally many found they could perform despite the absence of crucial inputs.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Round 17: NRL Teams Explained to the International Football (Soccer) Supporter
The Australian professional sporting landscape has changed markedly over the last decade. After years of lying dormant with massive participation at the recreational level but little interest for the local elite competition, association football – better known as soccer to most Australians – came to life after a major remodelling and infusion of funds and corporate support.
The Australian men’s team’s qualification for the 2006 World Cup Finals – and their somewhat unexpected journey beyond the first round – saw public interest swell even further. This interest has been sustained by a much greater number of national team games (brought on by the shift to the Asian Confederation) and an unlucky, but still quite spirited, effort at the 2010 World Cup Finals.
Not surprisingly, given out penchant for hosting major events and desire to be noticed on the world stage, Australia has signalled its intention to bid for the right to host the 2018 or 2022 Football World Cup Finals. Our chances for 2018 seem doomed as all-powerful Europe is overdue for its turn to host again, but 2022 could be our time.
Unlike the xenophobic AFL, Rugby League is not openly hostile towards the possibility of Australia hosting a World Cup Football Finals tournament and could benefit considerably, with the construction and upgrade of a number of NRL-capable stadia. However, another benefit of the potential hosting of the World Cup Finals for the NRL would be to expose our great game to a huge new market. Let’s face it: if Rugby League can dominate a city as fickle as Sydney then surely anything is possible.
However, the football supporters of the world will have to come up to speed with over 100 years of Rugby League history and culture. In this week’s Roast, the first steps along this road are taken, with each NRL team’s history, accomplishments and qualities explained in terms of a similar international football team.
Brisbane is a lot like Brazil: Brisbane is the dominant team in the NRL’s second state. For long parts of its history, it had access to many of the best players in that state. Brisbane has a brilliant record in tournament finals and a long history of success, although many feel they should have done even better.
Wests Tigers > Spain: The Wests Tigers are often expected to be a great chance of success but usually fail miserably. Apart from a recent surprise triumph, their last success came many decades ago. Despite enjoying great support, they enjoy two distinct groups of followers, between whom there is much dislike and tension.
Friday night’s match featured these two teams, where an Origin-weakened Brisbane played well above themselves but failed – barely – to push home this advantage on the scoreboard. The Tigers hung on bravely to a chance of victory and somehow won in the dying minutes.
Cronulla > Scotland: Cronulla is the poor neighbour of their region’s dominant team and has never won anything of note. In fact, they rarely even qualify to play in the big matches. Some of their few devoted fans remember back to a few tournaments in the 1970s when they….weren’t quite so bad, but really, they are the laughingstock of the competition.
Canterbury > Italy: They are known as the “family club”. Hence, there is usually much tension and drama around the club, which manifests itself in the boom-bust cycle of ultimate success (or something very close to that) and crashing back to Earth with a thud. Their success is often associated with cheating or (at the very least) ‘gamesmanship’ and stretching the rules as far as they’ll go.
The lone Saturday night match saw these two clubs battle at the unfamiliar venue of Gosford, but it was Cronulla’s unfamiliar team which suffered. The Bulldogs continued their strong form from Monday night with an easy win. Ben Barba enjoyed another impressive game for the Bulldogs as a starting minute player.
Canberra > Denmark: Canberra burst on to the scene in the mid 1980s and revolutionised the way the game was played. However, by the time this once-in-a-lifetime generation of star players had aged or moved on, this small-town club fell back in the pack and now struggles for the most part. They will occasionally produce a special effort and threaten some of the very best, but for the most part, they have disappointed since the mid 1990s.
Sydney Roosters > France: This team with red, white and blue colours and a rooster as their emblem have a long, but not always distinguished history in the game. A roll call of their stars over the last 100 years is impressive, but periods of success for them have been interspersed with lengthy dry spells. Disliked almost universally by supporters of other teams and their supporters are notoriously quick to drop off when times are tough.
If Rugby League was scored on field position only, Canberra would be near the top of the competition, but sadly for them, rugby league requires some sort of proficiency at putting points on the board. Without anyone of note to organise their attack, Canberra have squandered record amounts of attacking field position over the last two games. It was a second straight shocker for Terry Campese, possibly the worst half in the game at the moment. The Roosters were solid in defence, absorbing Canberra’s ‘best’, and put enough points on for a comfortable win.
New Zealand > Portugal: The Warriors are always an entertaining team, even if frustrating to their own supporters or just plain bad. Their moment in the sun came in the early 2000s when they had several chances for ultimate success but their big-game confidence and charisma was not quite there as it was in less meaningful contests.
Parramatta > Argentina: Parramatta has one of the more unique cultures in the game today. Despite a fairly high turnover of players, their relatively fragile, potentially brilliant, often lazy style of play remains a constant. Their golden period was from the late 1970s to 1986, although their genius at the time hung around for a few more years, but with his body rapidly failing him. Their large supporter base remembers the halcyon days well and turns on their current stars and coach if the team is struggling….but will be right behind the team if they turn it around. Bookmakers always expected this team to have a great chance of success.
Parramatta’s task last weekend was very tough: travelling to Auckland in the wet minus four of their biggest stars. They probably did fairly well to stay close with the Warriors for an hour, but the Warriors ultimately thrashed Parramatta after running in four late tries.
St George (Illawarra) > England (Wales): This team which wears white and red is perhaps the most famous in the game…or at least that’s what their supporters think. Their supporters also have an amazing ability to remember rare events from decades past as if they were yesterday…but they conveniently forget about their (very) junior partner which graciously provides a nice stadium for them to play in from time to time and also a number of their players. But St George Illawarra’s most famous trait is failing to live up (usually severely over-hyped) expectations, often placed on them by the media and their prominent supporters.
Penrith > Netherlands: Penrith’s initial claim to fame was one of rugby league’s more bizarre uniform designs, but after a long time in the wilderness, they rose to prominence in the late 1980s and early 1990s with a wonderful generation of players. Brief success was experienced, but so much more was lost in a quite sad manner. A major nursery of rugby league talent, Penrith usually finds its way near success once a decade or so – but struggles somewhat in intervening years.
Both teams were considerably weakened for this game by State of Origin, but even with inclement weather, this was quite an intriguing contest. On another night, the Dragons would have found an early lead and made life difficult for the Panthers to come back, but some uncharacteristically poor Dragons attack and a Penrith try meant Penrith played from in front. With some strong defence, greasy conditions and the Dragons looking a bit out of sync missing so many players and welcoming back one former star from a two-year break, one more try for Penrith was enough for an important, but probably not ultimately significant win.
In case you were wondering, here’s the remaining NRL teams and their international football counterparts. See you next week.
Manly – (West) Germany
Melbourne – (East) Germany (or maybe Juventus)
Gold Coast – Ivory Coast
North Queensland – Turkey
Souths – Uruguay
Newcastle – Colombia
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Round 16: Repetition On A Theme (Or How Lazy The Rugby League Media Can Be)
Round 16 of the 2010 NRL season may have been the very popular Women In League round, but for far too many media types, their “concerns” (fixations is probably a better word) were with the makeup of a group who would have struggled to beat a team of young girls in their last two games: the New South Wales State of Origin team. Here is how a collection of standard Round 16 match reports in the media from over the weekend might have sounded…
“In the first of last night’s NRL matches, Jamie Soward pushed his State of Origin claims with a dominant effort as the Dragons finished with a wet sail late on to comprehensively defeat the Wests Tigers 34-10. The Dragons took a while to get going as the Tigers threatened to open the scoring, led by some incisive work from Robbie Farah, who surely must be threatening to usurp his former NSW number 9 jumper from Michael Ennis after his recent run of good form, but typically excellent Dragons’ defence and a penalty goal by Soward saw the Dragons take an early lead.
The Tigers fought back with a try to Chris Lawrence, who must be a chance for the left centre position for NSW left vacant by the injured Matt Cooper, but the Dragons pulled away again. The Tigers responded thanks to Lawrence again while a break by Wade McKinnon forced Origin prop Michael Weyman into a dangerous tackle, which will see him miss Origin 3.
But the Dragons were ultimately far too good as the likes of Soward, Morris, Scott, Creagh, Prior, Merrin, Hornby, Green and Gasnier all reminded NSW selectors of their class.
The other game saw Penrith unleash the razzle dazzle in defeating Manly. Penrith became the Pink Panthers on this night, but they may as well have been wearing blue given how many of them could force their way into the NSW line-up for Origin 3. Michael Jennings continued his great run of form, while Coote, Gordon, Lewis, Waterhouse, Walsh and Purtell will make the selectors’ jobs very difficult. Gordon’s combination of great wing play and goal kicking will make him especially hard to ignore; his 1st half try was one of the tries of the season and featured slick passing and player movement.”
“In tonight’s NRL games, Brisbane outlasted Parramatta, Cronulla came from way back to defeat the Cowbores and Souths showed the people of Perth how it’s done as they defeated Melbourne.
At Parramatta Stadium, Jarryd Hayne scored the Eels’ only try, reminding selectors of his rare combination of size and speed, while Tim Mannah made life tough for Brisbane’s forwards. Nathan Hindmarsh, as ever, was consistent; he will never be out of place in the elite level. Meanwhile Brisbane scored a solid win, despite only one player of note: Peter Wallace, who put his hand up for the uncertain NSW halfback position with a strong effort guiding the Broncos around.
In Townsville……nuh, I can’t do it. The Cowbores’ players from New South Wales are all absolute garbage, they can’t even make my pretend abnormally large group of players vying for Origin selection. Anyway, they took an 18-nil lead before the Sharks somehow fought back despite the gaping absence of Origin candidate Kade Snowden. Gallen was tireless and always lifts before Origin selection, Tupou reminded those in charge of his Origin experience and Barrett must have shown some sort of captaincy experience – or is he just old? Anyway, NSW could do worse than having a utility like John Morris on the bench, his and Barrett’s field goals got the Sharks home.
It was almost apt that the final game of night was played in Perth, because only a handful of players were eligible for the coveted NSW Origin jersey in this game. Brett Finch’s career renaissance in Melbourne continued here; selectors would remember Finch’s Origin heroics well. Meanwhile, for Souths, Colin Best had his best game in sometime. His combination of size and speed could give Inglis problems in Origin 3. Ultimately though, Souths’ traditional combination of John Sutton and Luke Stuart pushed their claims for Game 3 by leading Souths to a solid win.”
“To the NRL and upsets were the order of the day. Perhaps some were too concerned about the looming selection of the NSW Origin team for game 3? We will never know.
Earlier today, the Roosters took their home game to Christchurch to take on the Warriors and we had our first glimpse of a possible NSW halves pairing. Todd Carney and Mitchell Pearce played their first game at 6 and 7 and weren’t put off by the difficult conditions to record a strong outing. Phil Graham showed some blinding pace to help set up Carney’s try here; Graham would certainly not look out place in that hard-to-fill right wing slot for the Blues. Another performer for the Roosters was Mitch Aubusson, whose pace and utility value could come in handy for NSW.
Ultimately though the Warriors snuck home. Ian Henderson helped the Warriors stay close in the second half and his tenaciousness and speed out of dummy half could be just what NSW need.
After their Monday night struggles, Newcastle made it two wins this week as they lifted their effort and received a little luck to defeat the Titans. Kurt Gidley was brilliant as fullback and captain. Needless to say, Origin selectors would have been watching closely. Another contender for the NSW halves positions was Jarrod Mullen, who had a hand in most of Newcastle’s attack and already has had his Origin initiation.
For the Titans, Greg Bird played a virtual solo hand and would be stinging to add to his Origin man of the match awards.”
“In the NRL tonight, it was the Bulldogs who triumphed in the upset win over a disappointing Canberra. Michael Ennis proved his Origin credentials with an inspired – and typically irritating – effort, while the Blues selectors could have done worse than look to steady veterans like Kimmorley and Andrew Ryan for some consistency. Idris proved his versatility by starting this game in the forwards and giving his team some early bite against the giant Canberra pack and Steve Turner….wasn’t completely rubbish.
Canberra dominated field position thanks to the likes of Miller, Tilse and Thurling; these players get forgotten by the selectors it seems. Finally, each rubbish Canberra effort like this makes the long-absent Alan Tongue and his leadership more and more valuable.”
Meanwhile Queensland picked basically the same team (again) to no fanfare, even from Queensland media (again) and should win (again).
See you next week.
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Round 15: Surreal-ly Misused
Despite claims from rival codes that it is monotonous and predictable, Rugby League provides plenty of drama, uncertainty and excitement. How can this be stated as fact? Because it comes ‘straight from the horse’s mouth’ so to speak; it’s the players who confirm the game’s ongoing novelty factor. Here are some recent examples…
“Looking back on it now that's how it was a bit, but I'm confident in my football at the moment. Last time it was all just a bit surreal and real nerve-wracking. It's still surreal this time but I feel like I've worked for it a bit more this year." Roosters halfback and noted wordsmith Mitchell Pearce describing his return to the NSW Origin team a few weeks ago.
“That’s the first I’ve heard that ... I’m pretty happy about that. I’m still getting over that (scoring three tries). It’s a bit surreal. I’m pretty excited about it.” Manly rookie Dean Whare was quite excited after his three-try debut against the Cowbores in May.
“I didn’t think a tornado could build up on the east coast of Australia. To me it was an American thing. But now we all know it can happen and the damage it can do is surreal.” Canberra forward Tom Learoyd-Lahrs after the recent damage at Lennox Head.
Hmm…something’s not quite right here. I’ll let comedian Adam Hills explain:
“If I can only teach my god-son one thing, this is what I want to teach him: I want to teach him to learn to use the word ‘surreal’ only to describe things that are actually surreal. That is my major bug-bear with the English language, are you on board with me ma’am and fellow pedant down the front? Surrealism is like Salvador Dali pieces of art, it’s like a melting watch hanging over a tree branch that looks like a skeletal fist. It messes with your head so that you when you look at it, you walk back out in the real world and look at everything differently ’cause your sense of reality has just been altered. That is surreal! It’s not standing at a pub at 2 in the morning and some boofhead comes back from the bar and goes ‘Oh you wouldn’t believe it, just went up there to get a beer, there was already one waiting for me hohoho…so surreal’.
I read an article written by a British Airways stewardess in which she described how drunk they used to get on overseas flights. I kid you not, the article finished with her using the phrase ‘At one point, I found myself slumped over the toilet bowl, in a stewardess outfit with a captain’s hat on my head and an empty bottle of tequila next to me and I thought ‘my god, this is so surreal!’’. No it’s not! That’s just not classy! If there’d been a hippopotamus there cooking toast, that would’ve been surreal. Spreading on marmalade going ‘My god, how much have you had to drink?’ and the toilet’s going ‘Seven vodkas!’
There’s a kitchen design store outside of Galway in Ireland called Surreal Kitchens. Now I’m assuming they don’t make truly surreal kitchens, but my god I wish they did, ’cause that’s a conversation I want to hear in an Irish pub. ‘So Paddy, how’s the new kitchen going?’ ‘Oh you wouldn’t believe it Jerry, there’s a revolving head of John the Baptist in the oven’
With that, let’s take a look back at Round 15 in the NRL in language NRL players can understand:
Brisbane v. Penrith: Brisbane’s bubble burst on Friday night as the hangovers from their great win over Souths last Sunday and Queensland’s demolition of NSW (the hangover was likely more literal than metaphorical here) led to a tired effort against Penrith. Penrith was not at their best, but did enough and secured the win in the dying minutes.
Soooo Surreal: A surprisingly flat game at Suncorp Stadium. Michael Gordon had a poor night with the boot, Folau was largely unsuccessful with his AFL practicing and Lockyer and Thaiday struggled to back up in close to ideal conditions after an Origin.
Gold Coast v. Canterbury: Another week, another disappointing start by the Bulldogs and another comeback which doesn’t start soon enough. Also, another poor Bulldogs effort against vulnerable opposition, the Titans lost Bailey, Harrison and Campbell before the game and Scott Prince during the game and still got to a 24-6 lead.
Soooo Surreal: A Gold Coast team functioning quite well without Prince and Preston Campbell. With that said, however, a surrealist depiction of the Bulldogs’ defence as droopy turnstiles would not have been out of place – this made the rudderless Titans’ job much easier.
Melbourne v. North Queensland: The Melbourne season since April could be classified as Soooo Surreal, a bizarre mix of extravagant attack and thrashing less talented, constrained oppositions as well as indifference and loss of players resulting in thrashings in return. Unfortunately for the Cowbores, they have been on the end of two care-free Melbourne demolitions since late April. After Melbourne capitulated to the Roosters last Monday, their stars decided to try this week and they toyed with the Cowbores, winning easily.
Manly v. South Sydney: A see-sawing game from Brookvale, where both sides oscillated between brilliant and so-so. Both teams were looking to bounce back from losses, but Manly’s injuries problems and subsequent lack of depth resurfaced, allowing Souths a wonderful chance to come back and sneak the win. However, some blown chances and two late Manly field goals saw the home team triumph.
Soooo Surreal: This was the first game in the NRL with three field goals since Round 3 2008. This is only the 7th time in the last 20 seasons a top-level game has had 3 field goals, where each of these games split the field goals 2 to 1 (except John Simon’s 3 field goal-effort for Parramatta against Manly in 1997). This game included the equal most field goals in a match since Peter Sterling and Michael Hagan engaged in a field-goal shootout in Newcastle in 1990 (4 field goals – 2 each – between them).
Cronulla v. St. George Illawarra: This potentially tricky game for the Dragons became even more so when Weyman and Young were late withdrawals. However, despite a tight score-line for much of the game, the Dragons were always in control and padded the score late on. For Cronulla, the failure to apply (cliché alert) scoreboard pressure to the Dragons meant they had next to no chance of winning.
Soooo Surreal: Paul Gallen having a whinge – but actually being in the right. His dummy-half lunge with about 10 minutes to go was rejected as a possible try by the on-field referee but the ball was later revealed to be on the line. There might have been a double movement but a try was the likely outcome.
Wests Tigers v. Canberra: This was an unusually tight game for a Sunday Leichhardt game, although not for the lack of trying by both teams; this could have been a high-scoring shootout but for a high number of near misses. Canberra threatened another high-profile victim to further frustrate their coach and supporters (who wonder why they can’t play so well against lowly teams) but the Tigers finished strongly on the back of the home crowd for the win.
Soooo Surreal: The total match score of 26 points was the lowest at Leichhardt for a day game in over 10 years. But the most surreal sight had to be of slow-legged, ancient Daniel Fitzhenry turning back the clock in racing 70 metres for the game-sealing try.
Newcastle v. Parramatta: After the much-discussed Timana Tahu brain snap, this game reached new depths for long periods. Finally, Parramatta scored and 4 points looked to be enough. But somehow the Knights came back; an attacking kick took a lucky bounce and the game was equal. Gidley’s sideline conversion found its way over and incredibly Newcastle had the win.
Soooo Surreal: The comical, farcical cavalcade of mistakes in the lead-up to halftime. A close second was Newcastle’s inability to change the basics of their game for the conditions. Expecting forwards to hold onto short passes with the defence in very close proximity and wide-running players to hold onto long cut-out passes is most optimistic in the wet and frequently meant errors. Also, Ben Rogers: this was an awful game from him, even by his usually pathetic standards, mistakes and dumb decisions throughout. He was hooked after his umpteenth terrible cut-out pass and Newcastle went on to win without him. Rogers has the last laugh, however, this waste of space recently extended his contract with the Knights. Now that is soooo surreal!!
See you next week.
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Round 14: Treading Carefully Around A Difficult Subject
Round 14 of the NRL was another pre-Origin weekend. This meant a shortened round but also the absence of many of the game’s best players. Not surprisingly, the quality of play largely suffered.
Despite frequent disappointments with pre-Origin rounds, the NRL remains stubbornly committed to the idea of forcing many teams to compete for points without many of their best players. There have been variations over the years, but all look remarkably similar. It’s as if the NRL is borrowing from Henry Ford’s famous catchphrase: “they can have any colour they want so long as it’s…..” umm…the one colour he made it in. I forget which one that was.
The round kicked off on Friday night on the Gold Coast, where the locals were looking to avoid a fourth straight loss. Normally Manly have success against the Titans, but with a number of key players missing and coming off a tough defeat against Brisbane, the Titans were well favoured to end their losing streak.
However, Manly started well and should have taken an early lead; only some desperate defence pushed Farrar across the line before he could put the ball down. It was the Titans who scored first, but incredibly it came in a very similar manner to how they took the lead when they played Manly earlier this season. On both occasions, a Manly dropped ball was picked up by flying winger Kevin Gordon, who ran over 70 metres each time to score. I’m sure the Titans would be more than happy to make long-distance Gordon tries the new…..umm….fashionable colour for their game starts from now on.
A rather acrobatic try from Mark Minichiello soon followed and the Titans had a 12-point lead they probably didn’t deserve. From here, the under-strength Sea Eagles were always going to struggle and despite Minichiello giving up an 8-point try in the second half (a terrible decision; referee Cummins was a real…..umm…..sheep who was a different colour to the rest of the flock after this call), it was a relatively comfortable win for the Gold Coast.
The Titans’ opponents from last week, Canberra, were next up in Round 14 as they were presented the tricky task of a trip to Townsville. While the Cowbores were without Feral Thurston, they were coming off a thrashing by Souths and they were due for some success at home. Meanwhile, Canberra is usually very shaky away from home and has struggled with favouritism this season.
Not surprisingly, this game had few highlights; the Cowbores struggled but put forth a great effort to bounce back from their hiding to Souths. However, this was enough against a Canberra team uncomfortable with the burden of favouritism, not having learnt from their impressive efforts of recent weeks and missing Josh Dugan and Joel Monaghan to injury and Origin respectively. Yep, this was certainly another…..ummm….negative-coloured mark against Canberra and their chances in 2010.
On Sunday, the first game saw Newcastle host the Warriors. Neither of these inconsistent teams could pull away from the other in this relatively high-scoring game until late on when the Warriors took advantage of a penalty goal to establish an 8-point lead. Newcastle threatened a comeback when they cut the Warriors’ lead to 2 and had the ball in attacking field position but threw away this precious opportunity. Matt Hilder threw the game away with an awful long pass returned for a try by James Moloney.
For the Warriors, this was a fairly impressive effort; to bounce back from a potentially crushing defeat to the Dragons last week with an away win was commendable. However, the Knights’ baffling season continues. They have now won just 1 of their last 6 games at home; quite pathetic, really, for one of the more talented rosters in the NRL. Coach Rick Stone must be wondering if a…..ummm…..hole that sucks everything away has taken up residence at Energy Australia Stadium since Brian Smith left the team.
The late Sunday game saw Brisbane without their Origin stars take on South Sydney, who was missing a host of forwards due to Origin, representing England, injury and suspension. However, their starring backline of recent weeks was intact.
What looked like being a tightly fought game became a mismatch very early on. While the Cowbores bounced back from last Monday night, Souths suffered the opposite fate from this game (made worse, of course, by missing so many key forwards). Meanwhile, Brisbane flourished despite the absence of Lockyer and Thaiday. Parker, Gillett and Te’o were all brilliant as Brisbane tore Souths to shreds in the forwards and on the edges, while Hoffman and Yow Yeh continued their recent form.
Souths could have been forgiven for struggling without much of their imposing forward pack but what started poorly became worse, especially for their up-and-down halves combination. In particular, Chris Sandow had a terrible game, especially his attacking kicks, which almost always missed the mark completely, often fuelling Brisbane counter-attacks. He would have been forgiven for calling the……ummm…..depression hotline which is named after a dog following such a poor display.
On Monday night, what appeared to be a very even and high quality game between Melbourne and the Roosters shifted sharply towards the Sydney side from about the 20 minute mark. Melbourne was missing all of its superstars but they folded rather meekly once they fell behind on the way to a thrashing by the impressive Roosters.
However, the Storm’s capitulation – which will likely become much more commonplace as the season goes on and their massive punishment for accessing Rugby League’s …..ummm…. market where illegal player payments can be made hits home even further – was not the major talking point after the game. Instead, several baffling video referee decisions against the Roosters received post-match focus.
One could (maybe) see why the seemingly legitimate try to Shaun Kenny-Dowall was disallowed in the first half – the referees love a rule which is completely……ummm…..white and the colour completely opposite to white – but for them to allow Melbourne’s sole try when Sika Manu looked certain to have interfered with the marker was…..completely lacking in any logic.
Finally, last night’s State of Origin confirmed what has been coming for several years as Queensland belatedly put the cleaners through an abysmal, totally lacking in cohesion New South Wales line-up. The highlight of the match was probably Greg Inglis giving us one of the three or four matches where he actually tries each season. The much-discussed racism controversy may have played a role here, but probably a greater contributing factor was the insinuation that the New South Wales debutante Beau Scott had a chance of slowing Inglis down (or even shutting him out of the game).
Inglis scored very early on and took every opportunity possible to beat up on poor Scott, both in the run of play and literally as the game went on and the widening discrepancy between the teams allowed Inglis even more latitude to dominate and even embarrass Scott (and those who may have thought Scott could do the job). No doubt this annihilation will enjoy a spot in Inglis’… umm… little book where he keeps notes of opponents he has owned.
On that note, the Tuesday Roast will…ummm… fade to a close. See you next week.
See you next week.
