Round 2: An Irishman Walks Into An NRL Game And Says…

Round 2 of any given NRL season has long been recognised (by experts such as Phil Gould) as a round where unusual results can take place. Those teams which won well in Round 1 can find it difficult to replicate their form due to a lack of match fitness. On the other hand, those who lost heavily in Round 1 can often bounce back well: the motivation of avoiding zero points after 2 rounds can be surprisingly strong.

To celebrate the often unusual results in Round 2, this week’s match descriptions will come from a country and a culture which has provided the world with often unusual humour (as well as the best opportunity this year — before Origin — to get drunk on a Wednesday via St Patrick’s Day).

(Note: the incredibly dumb efforts of Canberra and Penrith in Round 2 probably qualify as more adequate catalysts for this week’s Roast than the oft-stereotyped Irish. Not only did they serve up some of the most stupid play seen in the NRL in decades, but they both wore jerseys which were very close to shamrock green! Unfortunately there is no native form of poetry to these regions)

St George Illawarra v. Bulldogs

These rivals’ games are often intense
But the ’Dogs looked weak without Ennis
The Dragons went left
And came up with success
This one was over after 20 minutes

It seems somewhat inappropriate to start a St. Patrick’s Day-related Roast with two teams whose history and/or emblem is so heavily in the culture of the English, but it also seems inappropriate that this was deemed the best game of the round by Channel 9 and instead we received another Dragons’ master class in getting to a lead and shutting the game down.

Both teams were without their hookers in this game, but the Dragons’ structure meant that even though they were forced to replace the energetic and speedy Nathan Fien with the geriatric Luke Priddis, their performance was once again brilliant. Their tendency to push most of their attack to their left hand side was far from a surprise, but it coincided with the Bulldogs’ weakest side defensively. Brett Morris finished with 3 tries, but the praise must go to the likes of Soward, Young and Prior for their excellent work in exploiting the Bulldogs’ weaknesses.

Souths v. Gold Coast

The much-hyped Souths were on show
And it looked like another tale of woe
But then a comeback and lead
They seemed certain to succeed
But another loss – bloody Sandow!

To be fair to Souths’ much-maligned half-back, the blame for this very-tough loss can’t be exclusively pinned on his shoulders. His late sin-binning was bizarre to say the least, but proved quite crucial in turning the game back towards the Titans.

But Sandow can be blamed for his role in Souths not having secured the win well before the 80th minute. Souths came back from 16-6 down to take a two-point lead and the struggling, tiring Titans appeared to have no way of coming back game bar for the referees’ late assistance.

Instead, a second straight Souths’ loss was music to the media’s ears (especially with the sight of most of Souths’ big-name forwards on the bench at the same time). Not only did they fan the flames of Souths supporters’ discontent, but it allows them to source quotes from lunatic ex-Souths players such as Craig Coleman (which in themselves can make even the most sane supporter look up the number of the nearest mental facility).

New Zealand v. Cronulla

For the Warriors, this looked easy
But simple ones often make them queasy
The Sharks bounced back
But the Warriors led by their pack
Won well; they can sometimes be a tease-y

Much has been made of the Warriors’ inability to finish off wins from strong positions as well as their inability to win in games where they’re expected to win well. Both of these propositions were tested on Saturday night, as the Warriors jumped out to a 16-nil lead, but the Sharks recovered to cut the lead to just 2 early in the second half.

This one certainly had the ingredients for another Warriors disappointment. Cronulla is probably underrated by many; a number of their players would be welcome by most, if not all, NRL teams, and they gave another gallant, if error-riddled, display here. But the Warriors held firm after Cronulla’s comeback (and despite the late withdrawal of their halfback Brett Seymour). They had the better of possession, made less errors and pressured Cronulla’s defence into conceding two tries which gave the Warriors the win.

On the whole, they looked impressive and will probably do so at other times, especially with a few wins or near-wins against some front-runners. In general though, keep in mind these exemplary efforts are largely an illusion. Potential is a dirty word for those who support the Warriors.

Newcastle v. Melbourne

Newcastle often does well against the Storm
And started with some excellent form
But the Storm held firm
Although the Knights made them squirm
Melbourne’s close win is becoming the norm

It was an intriguing match at Newcastle on Saturday night. The home team, still motivated to show the drug scandal will not affect them, started very strongly against a very good opponent but one they’ve played as well as anyone in the NRL over the last two seasons. While Melbourne is still missing a number of first-choice players, their resilience and ability to incorporate new players meant they lost little due to the forced changes, but the strong start by the Knights shocked them somewhat.

Melbourne came back into the game from here, chopping Newcastle’s lead to just two points by half-time with two well-worked tries, but Newcastle returned stronger in the second half, aided by some uncharacteristically poor Melbourne play. Newcastle, however, could not breach the still-resolute Melbourne defence and, as is often the case, the team which successfully repels waves of opposition attack scores themselves soon after.

But Newcastle would have been quite frustrated by what became the match-winning try for Melbourne, as the Storm didn’t have to work the ball downfield at all; the try came about by a typically heady Brett Finch break past a player called offside who played the role of matador and deceived (for just long enough) an eager team-mate. A late penalty goal was the icing on the cake for Melbourne, who is quietly accumulating points in their nomadic start to the season. Melbourne v. the Dragons in a few weeks should be a cracker.

North Queensland v. Penrith

The Cowbores again started slow
Penrith looked into the flow
But the Cowbores had fight
And went down Penrith’s right
Which was manned by Larry, Curly and Moe

This was perhaps the most difficult match of the round to tip. Both teams looked brilliant and shocking in the same game last week. The Cowbores probably deserved some sort of favouritism at home, but Penrith had played them well in recent years, with success coming in Townsville too.

It appeared as though more success would follow here, as Penrith jumped to leads of 14-2 and then 20-8. However, the Cowbores came back and ended up winning this one easily as Penrith capitulated any time the Cowbores threw the ball to their left. While Michael Jennings and Michael Gordon are accomplished, quite experienced players — or, at least, were once thought to be — their combination on Penrith’s right-side defence yielded disastrous results.

Each of the Cowbores’ four tries came down Penrith’s right and involved nothing resembling intricate strategy. Two of these tries were nothing short of embarrassing. The first of these saw Cowbores’ second rower Scott Bolton at dummy-half near Penrith’s line. As he picked up the ball, Gordon anticipated a pass to Feral Thurston and sprinted in that direction, providing Bolton with a saloon passage to the try-line.

The Cowbores’ final try saw Feral throw the ball wide to mediocre winger Michael Bani. Bani was in open space and approached Penrith full-back Lachlan Coote, their star back-rower Luke Lewis and Gordon; Bani appeared certain to be tackled. But when Bani merely changed direction — not even a sidestep! — Gordon, Coote and Lewis were befuddled and Bani strolled over for an easy try. Lewis subsequently left the field due to concussion; I understand Luke, I would have come up with a similar excuse if I was embarrassed like that.

Bani is barely of first-grade standard, but he carried on like a pork chop after his try. However, given the Penrith players’ ineptitude, he might as well as have knocked their heads together then spun around on the ground (“Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop!”).

Parramatta v. Manly

Manly started hot again
Getting a 20-point lead at Parra Stadium
Then Parra got on the train
Driven by Hayne
And helped by the refs in need of OPSM

What appeared to be a devastating defeat for Manly the previous Monday night, which saw them lose Brett Stewart and increasingly important prop George Rose, saw most expect Parramatta to win and win well on Sunday. Further hindering Manly’s cause was they had just 6 days to prepare for this game as opposed to 9 for the Eels.

However, Parramatta is traditionally a slow-starting team. Throw in the heavy expectations many have for them in 2010 (and even more so in this game) and it was not that surprising Manly started so strongly, jumping to a 20-nil lead early in the second half.

But as they did on Monday night, they failed to put their opposition away, and when Parramatta got some ball, they came back into the game, led initially by Moi Moi then by Hayne and his incredible 60 metre run.

Much has been made of the forward pass which cut Manly’s lead to just 2 points, but there was numerous errors by the referees on this day, including one which should made the forward pass null-and-void (Robson was in front of Hayne prior to Hayne’s chip-kick which was eventually passed to Robson).

Ultimately, Manly is playing at quite a high level, but not quite high enough to finish off games. The sight-hampered referees cannot be blamed for this.

Sydney Roosters v. Wests Tigers

On Sunday in the searing sun
The Tigers had some early fun
Until the Roosters got cluckin’;
On this day in the oven
It was the Tigers who were well done

As they did on the previous Monday night, the Tigers started strongly, this time jumping to a greater lead (12-0). But as the game went on, it became apparent they expended a lot of effort on the previous Monday night and they were vulnerable.

Meanwhile, for the Roosters, it was (in a way) more of the same as the previous Sunday. In their first game, they withstood the early onslaught from the large and physical Rabbitohs, while this time, they withstood the early onslaught from the more elusive Tigers. In both games, the oppositions had little in reserve after the early going, while the Roosters strengthened as both games went on.

In a weekend of vulnerable edge defences, the Tigers’ right side (and particularly Blake Ayshford) was punished in this game. Who knew Phil Graham could be a very good centre after only ever playing on the wing? No Tigers supporters were surprised that the experienced Daniel Fitzhenry was unable to provide any support to his under siege team-mate. The oven-like conditions would have been an appropriate time to stick a fork in Fitzhenry; he’s well and truly done.

The Tigers again finished with a heap of tries, but it was not nearly enough. A repeat performance of this nature could well see Parramatta played right back into form and off their slow start on Friday night.

Canberra v. Brisbane

At home and on Monday night
Canberra can give anyone a fright
But Brisbane hung tough
And Canberra was dumb
But the Raiders held on while playing shite

It was hardly a surprise Canberra started strongly (a 12-0 lead). At their best, they are a very capable team, with a more than willing forward pack and some amazing young talent.

But from the 10 minute mark until almost the very end of this game, Brisbane had the better of play, dominating for long periods. How they only cut 8 points of Canberra’s early lead during this time is baffling. Canberra almost always looked to make the exciting play and usually dropped the ball (although they can be partly excused for this by Brisbane’s so-so defence and that exciting play looked like paying off more often than not), while Brisbane had a lot of attacking possession and took poor last-tackle options or made errors.

It was in the second half though when Brisbane really dominated. Once they got on the scoreboard via Folau, Canberra was in trouble. But making Canberra’s situation worse was their unforced error count, their penchant for trying the exciting play (still) and Terry Campese’s baffling inability to settle his team down (with a long kick dribbling across the sideline and a slow walk to a scrum). Or, on those rare occasions they got near Brisbane’s line, for a kick into Brisbane’s in-goal area for the possibility of a repeat set.

Canberra was CRYING OUT for some assistance in the second half, yet Campese and his halfback this week (McCrone) both scored epic fails for their tiring team-mates. When Alan Tongue forced what appeared to be a pivotal and inspiring turnover with about 10 minutes to go, this excellent work was immediately erased by a brainless pass from substitute hooker Travis Waddell, which floated softly into the hands of Brisbane forward Sam Thaiday. Campese and McCrone had to be thankful for Waddell’s presence; from the moment he stepped on to the field late in the first half, his contribution was 100 times worse than awful.

In the end, the effort Brisbane needed to overhaul Canberra’s lead became too much and Canberra held on for the ill-deserved win.

See you next week.