Round 7: Extra! Extra! Headline Edition

After once being mere observers, the media is now a pivotal figure in today’s game. The media’s influence on Rugby League comes in many forms, including various issues with the scheduling of matches, constant highlighting of negative off-field incidents, petty squabbles between journalists and ex-players or coaches taking up far too much column space and, of course, that a major media organisation owns half of the NRL.

As a tribute to the various forms of media who cover (and create…?) all NRL happenings, the Round 7 recaps will be accompanied by newspaper headlines.

Parra tried hard to matta, but Brisbane continued in their Hunt for success

How the mighty have fallen: this fixture was once one of the highlights of the season, no matter how each team was travelling. How grim were Parramatta’s chances? This game was relegated behind what looked like being an extremely boring game (Souths v. Cronulla) and Ray Warren had such little faith in his team getting up he chose to commentate aforementioned potentially very boring game over commentating his beloved Eels.

While Parramatta did show signs of pride, effort and their true ability for periods of this game, they failed to take many of their chances and when their effort dropped off, Brisbane was more than happy to use this time put points on the board. Led by Karmichael Hunt, Brisbane was far too good, but their display should not be written off as a much too easy win against a struggling team. Since losing to St George Illawarra a few weeks ago, Brisbane had struggled for consistency against some of the NRL’s weaker teams, so this thrashing of a weakened Parramatta was welcome.

Speaking of media and headlines though, it appears Parramatta will soon be without Brian Smith and Denis Fitzgerald. Luckily for the Telegraph, new coach Daniel Anderson has rubbed them the wrong way in the early period of his tenure and seems certain to inherit the status as Parramatta’s whipping boy in the Murdoch Rag.

A Gallen effort by Cronulla, but Rabbitohs hold on to send Cronulla’s season further South

In contrast to Brisbane versus Parramatta at Suncorp – a traditionally exciting fixture which failed to deliver – Souths versus Cronulla at ANZ have seen two lifeless affairs, but this time a fast free-flowing game was seen. This was the result of two somewhat dysfunctional teams matching up. Both teams were desperate to win and put a lot of effort into scoring points but both were relatively unconcerned about defence.

Cronulla started strongly but failed to put any points on; when Souths finally saw some good ball, they easily put on several tries. As Cronulla have several times under Ricky Stuart, when they fall behind early and hence need to score plenty of points, their dormant attacking game comes to life. They almost reeled Souths’ large lead in but then let Souths through for some easy tries after half time.

Souths obviously thought a 16-point lead against Cronulla was more than enough and mentally clocked off for the night but Cronulla had other ideas and responded with a combination of well-run attack and some rarely-seen improvisation. The result was two tries, a third try not taken after an inexplicable dropped ball by David Simmons and a Souths team which couldn’t wait for full-time to arrive to secure a tougher-than-necessary win.

Cronulla was well led by Paul Gallen, who returned from a two-game suspension extremely eager to help his team to a rare win, but appears to be set for yet another sideline stint after a quite bad tackle on Craig Wing. Throw in another charge for Greg Bird while he’s back in Oz: making Gallen feel he has to do too much every game for Cronulla to get a win.

Roosters Soward by ANZAC experience, but Sgt Bennett says his weapon not ready for bigger battles

The annual ANZAC Day clash between the Dragons and Roosters has become one of the more anticipated clashes of the season, with a major reason being that whichever team is not in the best of form often lifts significantly to make it a memorable game. However, on further inspection, Dragons-Roosters matches in recent years favour the team who gets off to a good start, largely due to both teams being quite similar in makeup and in how they play.

A lucky bounce, a broken Roosters defensive line and some blistering Soward speed saw the Dragons jump to an early 6-nil lead. The game was basically over at that point. The Roosters tried hard but never seriously threatened to score and the Dragons carried on from their fast start.

This momentum never manifested itself in threatening attacking structure, but it didn’t really matter: Soward took more chances to push the lead to 11 then increased Roosters’ effort was repelled and returned with interest by the Dragons’ speed: Soward, Morris and Nightingale cashed in on great defence and some sloppy Roosters kick-chase to make the final score 29-nil.

And just in case the somewhat shy Soward felt like feeling too good about his effort, Wayne Bennett killed off any enthusiasm by rightly saying Soward was not ready for State of Origin. Bennett’s comments may have been partly motivated by the fact that the Dragons will have a number of Origin players already, but there is little doubt he knows the best way to get his players to keep performing. The commonly held view of some time back that he rode the coattails of some great Broncos teams is becoming more and more untrue as each day passes.

Firing of blanks in ANZAC field goal shootout left Victorians Cross

The “true” ANZAC Day match (pfft) in Melbourne looked to be an intriguing affair. Melbourne are obviously far from what they were in 2008, but when they turn up with requisite intensity, they are still a tough opponent at Olympic Park. But the Warriors are as close to Melbourne’s bogey team as there is in the NRL: could the Warriors win again at Olympic Park despite this not being the challenge it once was?

Melbourne looked a far better team than the pathetic outfit which was seen last Monday night. Part of this was due to the return of Brett White (from injury) and the first game of Brett Finch.

But while the Warriors fell behind, they were never out of the game, especially when they got the ball down their left hand side to Vatuvei against the overmatched Steve Turner.

The effects of a short turnaround after Monday night and the loss of two players to injury gradually sapped the Storm of energy as this game went on and New Zealand sensed their chance. As the game neared 80 minutes and the tied scoreline persisted, the field goal shootout began, but the wet and windy conditions – as well as poor execution – meant Golden Point.

Melbourne’s tiredness was increasing and a number of poor decisions and mistakes meant the Warriors had the best chances to win. Incredibly, Stacey Jones missed a simple field goal and botched another good chance and the game ended in a draw.

However, the “excitement” of Golden Point was once again ruined by the officials. There was the usual reluctance to get involved (no penalty against Melbourne when the final pass to Jones was affected by defenders lying in the ruck) but then far too much involvement. Did Jones dropping the ball really require video referee intervention? It was a farcical end to a good game. For the millionth time: golden try is the solution.

Cowboys back in the saddle, but Manly was all too impotent once again

The final game on Saturday night presented Manly with a wonderful opportunity to silence their critics. Had their game improved enough in the last few weeks to get a win against the struggling Cowbores without the most potent fullback in the game (a terrible pun, I know) Brett Stewart?

In hindsight, the answer to this question was Yes, but somehow Manly failed to convert a number of excellent try-scoring opportunities early in the second half. Of course we’ll never know what would have happened if Manly took the lead during this time, but their momentum looked such that a win was very possible from there.

For Manly, that they actually created all these opportunities without Stewart has to give them hope (although Robertson once again proved how poor he is at getting involved in attack from the fullback position), but…how the likes of Lyon, Matai and Stewart (Glenn) screwed up very good chances cannot be explained here.

The Cowbores did make some improbable defensive plays to hold the lead, but there is little doubt luck was on their side. When Manly fell for Feral Thurston’s dummy with 15 minutes remaining, Manly had every right to drop their heads.

In all, despite the continued questioning of Manly’s ex-Stewart ability, this was a rare game where both teams took something from it. The Cowbores showed some heart and determination whilst under attack and this was Manly’s best ex-Stewart game so far this season – by far.

Bulldogs’ ex-Qld talent creates enough warmth in icy Canberra; this BrisConnection a great investment!

You know winter is rapidly approaching when a game at Bruce Stadium contains crowd members dressed as though they just got back from the South Pole. The tough conditions and a lowly Canberra team desperate for two points threatened to make this a very tough game for the Bulldogs on Sunday.

The Bulldogs started slowly, but most importantly, gave up a number of penalties which gave Canberra good momentum and resulted in three early tries. The much-hyped Terry Campese had a foot injury and a virus but this didn’t stop him again from setting up one try and almost setting up another.

This disallowed Canberra try (where a knock-on – eventually – was correctly ruled) came just before the Bulldogs’ comeback. While Brett Kimmorley guided the Bulldogs around the park well, it was former Broncos Ennis, Hannant and Stagg who worked together and created a number of holes in Canberra’s defence, both up the middle and on the edges. By halftime, the Bulldogs incredibly had the lead, despite Canberra having the better of the half overall.

The second half was tighter than the first, but the Bulldogs gradually got the better of the game. A fairly soft try to Ennis gave the Bulldogs an eight-point lead, but Canberra’s inspirational leader Alan Tongue shrugged off a number of tackles to give his team hope. However, the experienced Bulldogs steadied up to get the win, sealed by more involvement from Ennis and an El Masri try.

Sadly, for those looking forward to a battle of the titans, it looks as though Ennis may be suspended for the Bulldogs next match against the Tigers and Robbie Farah, but as much as some may hate the Bulldogs (and Ennis), it is hard not to like their style of play at present.

Benji Marshalls Tigers to amazing win, while Newcastle is Mullen over what might’ve been

The game of the round was seen on Sunday when the Tigers hosted Newcastle. While the Tigers had given a promising effort – although the quality of their play was shabby at best – in defeating Melbourne last Monday, Newcastle was in the midst of a solid run of form after a slow start to the season, culminating with an excellent win over the Dragons.

A win for the Tigers looked to be a tough ask. They were coming off a Monday night game, consistency has rarely been amongst their main qualities for several years, they were without one of the key forwards (Heighington) and were facing a tough opponent. But you wouldn’t have known the Tigers were facing such obstacles in the early play; their size and intensity surprised and bothered Newcastle and the Tigers took an early lead.

But Newcastle came back. They had a touch of luck receiving a good run of penalties and with some chancy kicks coming off spectacularly, but they thoroughly deserved their 24-10 lead after an hour of the game. A Newcastle win looked certain.

Somehow, the Tigers lifted. Perhaps sensing Newcastle was vulnerable (they had several injuries; this was probably why they over-celebrated Mullen’s try, they thought it was enough to hold on for the win) and feeding off those rare few minutes every few months when Benji Marshall’s performance comes anywhere near his hype, the Tigers put significant pressure on the tiring Knights. A wildly side-stepping Benji set up Beau Ryan, but Newcastle’s lead was still 8 approaching ten minutes until full time.

Then the Tigers lifted again and, with some very useful assistance from the officials, completed an amazing comeback win.

How helpful were they? Collis’ second try (to cut the deficit to 4) came after Ryan interfered with Naiqama’s attempt to catch Marshall’s cross-kick. Collis’ third try came after a dubious penalty for stripping the ball against Macmanus (he merely released his arm and Tuiaki let the ball go). After Newcastle fell behind, Dureau, in attempting a bomb, was tackled after he kicked the ball and in mid-air. This was a penalty EVERY time in previous weeks and despite this happening centimetres in front of the pocket referee, there was no penalty (5 metres out, in front of the posts, which would have tied the game) for Newcastle.

Then, in the game’s final minute, as Newcastle frantically kept the ball alive in search of a late winner, Fa’aoso’s long pass (which put his team into space) was called forward. It went half a metre BACKWARDS (but looked forward due to Fa’aoso stepping back after the pass).

There is no doubt for the Tigers to even put themselves in a position where the officials could get them over the line is a significant accomplishment, and that Newcastle have every right to be disappointed in themselves for letting the Tigers get close enough. But there is also no doubt Newcastle was robbed of victory in this game.

Penrith half a chance of success with their new good Luke charm

The final game of the round saw the high-flying Gold Coast travel to Penrith. It has been a very good month for the Panthers, but a loss in this game would have seen them receive precious little reward for their, at times, excellent play.

Despite the Gold Coast looking quite threatening with the ball, both near Penrith’s line and elsewhere and making a comeback early in the 2nd half, Penrith scored a quite comfortable 14 point win. The Gold Coast certainly helped Penrith out with a number of errors and the absence of Bailey and Rogers, but Penrith’s cause was massively helped by first-gamer Luke Walsh.

The former Newcastle halfback was extremely highly rated in his rookie year of 2007, but a number of injuries and some stiff competition in the halves ranks at the Knights meant Walsh had to move elsewhere to increase his chances of a starting spot. Penrith look to be the perfect fit for him: a team with much talent but little in the area of structure and on-field organisation. If Walsh can stay fit, then the likes of Lewis, Graham and Sammut can focus on their areas of expertise, instead of trying to be playmakers and Penrith just might have a very good season.

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Round 6 - A Gathering of the Minds Part II: The Best Revenge Is Taking It One Game at a Time

Welcome to the Tuesday Roast for Round 6 of the NRL season. Despite such promise, the Gathering of the Minds following Round 3 descended into farce: a mix of bias, cliché, incoherence and bad jokes. And that was just from Mark Geyer.

So, the Minds have been invited back for another chance, but with one condition: it was to be an entirely new group of Minds breaking down the weekend’s events. The new crew are fired up to make amends and seek revenge on behalf of their brethren, so without further ado, let’s go to Peter Sterling in the Tuesday Roast offices.

Peter Sterling: Thank you and welcome to this week’s Tuesday Roast. Just wanted to say how highly I rate this work; it’s an essential part of my post-mortem on each round’s action…although you’re not running a little short of ideas are you? Nah, just kidding, love your work each week.

Anyway, on to the Round 6 action and after the rather unpredictable start to the season, things seem to have settled down somewhat and the natural order of the game looks to have just about been restored. One factor here is the jockeying for position with regards to rep team selection, but the impacts of each team gaining invaluable match fitness and some cooler weather are also important in some more predictable results taking place.

One of those teams which threatened to turn prognosticators’ pre-season predictions on their heads was Penrith, who hosted the somewhat-struggling Brisbane on Friday night. Greg “Brandy” Alexander, you were at this game, give us your thoughts.

Greg Alexander: Well Sterlo, many people gave Penrith a chance in this game after their quite impressive last month, but I was never too sure. Big Petero always plays well, but after that, you never quite know what you’re going to get. Any number of guys could have big games but it’s not usually the same from one week to the next.

So I was not really surprised when we went behind 24-6 in the first half. We were a touch unlucky at times (especially Brisbane’s first try – the burden of proof on the attacking team gets slimmer every year) but really, Brisbane is a polished unit. Their recruitment has been excellent (sob…but at least they took that loser Clinton off our hands) and their player development continues to be amongst the upper echelon in the game.

But we often seem to produce our best when our backs are against the wall and so it was in this game. Petero and Mick Jennings helped cut Brisbane’s lead to 6, but I still thought we couldn’t rely totally on Petero and our speed, we needed some halfback guidance. Brisbane ended up running away with it, even though we gave them a bit of a shock, I reckon they knew what they were doing all along.

In other words, I tried putting the moz on whoever Penrith’s opponents as I always do, but it didn’t work this time.

PS: Tough luck for the Panthers, but a word of advice Brandy: if you can ensure an ex-player can take over in charge of your club, stay there for about 30 years and annoy virtually everyone, then you won’t have to worry about any lingering feelings towards your old club. I know I don’t.

Anyway, the other Friday night game saw the high-flying Titans host the improving Canberra Raiders. Ben Ikin was there.

Ben Ikin: Thanks Sterlo, well it was a close call but the Titans got the win here with a last-minute try by Matty Rogers. It was set up by that legend of the game Scotty Prince from Mt Isa, who faked the field-goal attempt and perfectly set up Rogers.

But they weren’t the only stars for the Gold Coast. Chris Walker starred again on the wing, while Nathan Friend again made the Titans look like gooses for looking for another dummy half for so long. Ash Harrison, the former Bronco, was solid, while new Titan Will Zillman, back in SEQ after a few years somewhere else was one of the try-scorers and also pretty solid.

For Canberra, ummm Learoyd-Lahrs….no wait, he just played for Brisbane, he’s not actually a Queenslander…Logan? Ok, yep well he went great, the Brisbane product! How could I forget Shillington, the man mountain and 18th man from last year’s Queensland team!! That’s about all I think.

PS: Cheers Ben, cheque’s in the mail.

BI: The postcode better start with a 4 then! Queenslander!!!

PS: Um sure. But there’s hope for you yet: if your father-in-law can get out of Brisbane, then anything’s possible. Speaking of St. Benny, his St. George Illawarra Dragons hosted the improving Newcastle on Saturday night…..

Wendell: …and I put one-two tries on yo’ a$$!

MacDougall: But I got the win! Hello McFly! *Types numbers into phone and throws it away*

Wendell: Hahaha you goose! Get back to me when you beat me when I’m not injured!

MacDougall: Not sure I’m gonna play til I’m 100. Hey Thighs, how good was Uncle Doogs hey? Yeh you know it….

PS: …and we’ll leave it there and throw to our correspondent from this game, ABC’s David Morrow.

David Morrow: Thank you Peter, as the head of ABC Radio Sport, I am assigned to all the big games and by sheer coincidence, every big game contains St George. I mean, what are the odds of that?!

Anyway, the Dragons got off to a great start and looked to dominate as they have thus far this season and got off to an early lead, but the signs started mounting from midway through the first half that this is the still same old Dragons team and OH NO! What a terrible mistake by Ryles! Sorry, old habits die hard, but the Dragons took a solid lead to half time, but it all unravelled from there. STANLEY – what a dumb play! Dan Hunt with another poor mistake…wait, they are still here. Hmm…probably why the Dragons lost.

But it would be unfair not to recognise Newcastle’s great play. De Gois, Mullen and even Rogers again. Geez, he played two good games here and he’s played 3 good games already for Newcastle! Calm down, David, have faith in St. Benny….is this thing still on?! Back to you Sterlo.

PS: Straight from the Ray Warren school of objectivity there. Next up on Saturday night was Souths v Manly and Mario Fenech was at the game.

Mario Fenech: Thanks Sterlo, well….

PS: Mario Fenech with that report.

MF: Oh cmon guys!

PS: Ok, ok, have another crack Mario.

MF: Ok, well Souths found it backing up from and especially after they try chances. Manly was still and Stewart capitalised struggling pretty much from .

PS: Problem with your mic there Mario? *giggles*

MF: That’s it, I’ve had it , you can all go and get !

Benny Elias: Sorry Mario mate, missed that last thing you said.

PS: Now, now Benny, wait your turn, we like pretend conflict not actual stuff! Anyway, what Mario was trying to say was that Souths really struggled, not just coming off the short week, but, like every team in the NRL does, playing at a consistent level for more than a few weeks with a few injuries. Manly was good but….not that great, but they didn’t need to be.

Onto Sunday’s action and firstly from Auckland, where New Zealand hosted the Roosters, it’s New Zealand’s “favourite son” Gary Freeman.

Gary Freeman: Cheers Sterlo and it was a great game over here today. With Steve Price, Vatuvei and late addition Lance Hohaia back, the Warriors looked like good things to return to the winners list, but after a tight start, the Chooks dominated the first half.

You thought they had the game locked up but my man Stacey Jones got the Warriors back in it with a runaround try then his kicking game set up two more tries. The Roosters had every right though to be FILTHY at the final result, some dodgy penalties for the Warriors and the try to Vatuvei…no way that was a try.

Anyway, Kemp’s penalty took it to extra time and that man Jones sealed the win. Choice bro!

PS: Choice indeed. Not bad for you Wizard, so it’s not true that when you go back to New Zealand from Oz every summer that you raise the IQ of both countries?

GF: Nah, it’s more humid over here actually.

PS: Thought so. Anyway, Cronulla and the Cowboys. From Adelaide. What. A. Contest. Somehow they found eight and a half thousand people to attend this game, but I tell you what: given the rank form of these two teams, it wasn’t such a bad game. Cronulla again looked pretty good for a while but just couldn’t put enough points on. Story of their season so far. Once the Cowboys got a few tries, their confidence finally kicked into gear: it only took 5 games and 70 minutes. Still a looooong way to go for these two sides.

The final Sunday game saw Parramatta “host” the Bulldogs. Yep, this was at the Bulldogs’ home ground. Another great move there, Fitzy. Anyway, Steve Mortimer saw this one, Turvey, what did you think?

Steve Mortimer: Well as proud as I am to have my nephew almost at first grade for Parramatta, and even though the Dogs punted me from the club a few years back, I still love the Dogs and was so happy for them in this game. Parramatta had 3 days extra rest and threatened to really trouble the Dogs at various stages but the Dogs found some more energy and scored enough points to break the fragile Eels (although I don’t quite know how something without bones can be fragile hehehe). Anyway, the likes of Kimmorley, Patten, Ennis and Hannant were stars for the Bulldogs, but I do feel sorry for Parramatta, the likes of Cayless, Burt and Geoff Robinson the half back.

PS: Robson, his name is Robson. Geoff Robinson was the maniac who was your team-mate remember?

SM: Oh sorry about that, guess I got a bit confused hey? He he he.

PS: Thanks Turvey, look, mate you’re a nice guy but geez you laugh at the weirdest moments.

SM: Yeh, me and Ian Chappell, we’ll go for a beer and a laugh and reminisce about good old days and great old jokes.

PS: Why am I not surprised? Anyway the final game of the round saw Melbourne head to Leichhardt to take on the Wests Tigers. It looked to be an intriguing clash: a potentially very good attack against a potentially very good defence. Or, to put it less politely, an inconsistent rabble who put in effort and play to their potential about once a month against a shell of a great team who might as well be put out and shot but can snag a win every now and then.

Anyway, what better person to cover perhaps the worst NRL game in five years than the person with the worst command of the English language: take it away Benny! Thanks for reading, regular Tuesday Roast service will resume next week.

BE: Thanks Sterlo and may I say what a marvellous job the audio guys with Mario the Moron’s microphone! Anyway, tonight at Leichhardt…what a marvellous arena it is. It truly is the field of dreams, although they already did build it a while back so not really, but every time I go there you know the memories they come flooding back like the back of my hand and I know every blade of grass like an old pair of slippers and the Tigers looked pretty comfortable tonight disposing of the Storm. Actually, they were pretty poor really but you know what I mean.

It was a pretty soft try first up for Melbourne when Inglis stepped around Collis and set up Hoffman but the Tigers came right back when Farah set up Moltzen. The Tigers ran like the wind at their backs, not like the Storm that was looming against the Storm and Laurie Lawrence (minus the Laurie…I don’t know why he’s not playing) strolled over past the Storm’s suspect left-side defence and we led by 4.

I guess the wind out of their bum distracted them from the wind at their backs or maybe the wind off out of their hot air mouths got in the way, whatever it was, the Tigers just didn’t take advantage of the wind. I didn’t think 4 points would be enough with the likes of English, the Cronk Brothers and Michael Slater up amongst us with the wind in a minus direction, but it turned around a bit. The game and the wind I mean, but the Storm came and went. The team I mean oh and the actual weather thing.

Seriously though mate, the Storm played pretty dumb. The older of the Cronk brothers, Cooper, is usually a pretty good organiser but today he couldn’t organise a p1ssup or a bum-kicking contest in a brothel! Dead set! I reckon they were a bit unlucky when they had a try stopped for a forward pass but I guess the wind took it although not the wind at their back if you know what I mean.

But the Tigers should have done way more too. Josh Morris, I can’t believe Sheensy still picks him in the halves, dead set, he butchered a try when Anthony Quinn the actor intercepted it, but Quinn couldn’t find Jon English for the runaway try with the wind.

Finally, the Tigers wrapped up the seal and the win when a nice scrum play sent Laurie Lawrence away for a try. Not sure if they would have beaten anyone else but you know you can only have to beat the teams one at a time so I was pretty happy! Thanks Les see you next week on World Sports.

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Round 5: He Died For The Sins Of His Contemporaries: NRL Confessions

On a weekend where the Jesus of Manly was resurrected on Sunday (after being crucified for the sins of his teammates on a Friday), it seems appropriate to focus this week’s Roast on sins in the NRL. Relaying confessions of sins may be sacrosanct but given the extent of overconsumption of wine by Jesus of Manly and his Apostles, this sin doesn’t seem so bad. With that, we pick up action from the NRL confessional booth early on Saturday morning…

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Tell me your sin, my son.

It is just over five years since my last confession and I am afraid I have committed a similar sin once again. I am the new coach of an NRL team in the west of Sydney. I am known for my hardline, disciplinarian approach and I have had problems with players before, but I think I went too far this time.

Every good relationship has its problems.

I know that father, but I can’t seem but rub people the wrong way. I had a disagreement with one of our leading players, one thing led to another and now is he gone from the club. I thought we had enough talent in other areas, but our game last night….we tried hard, but we have nothing. I still believe in my coaching ability but our club could be well off the pace for sometime.

There there, my son, one man rarely makes a team.

Yep, that’s what he told me. Hi Rev!

Oh hi Denis. You know I should probably set up a confessional exclusively for you.

Anyway, Denis told me they had a similar situation a few years back, let the guy go where he wanted and then the team was back on top the next season. But this guy wasn’t a halfback.

Very true, my son. Since you are new here and not the ‘brains’ of the operation, say two hail marys and that will be fine, but Denis, what were you thinking?? I’ve already cursed your club since 1986 and getting rid of your halfback should mean a few more years of pain: I’m not sure what else I can do. But I am sure I will you see again soon…

It was a tough night for Parramatta on Good Friday. To their credit, they did put in a much-improved effort, but the Dragons were quite comfortable (save for one or two anxious moments) in holding them out and once they put a few tries on the board, Parramatta was justified in allowing their head to fall. The effort was maintained for the remainder of the game, but they had no chance of winning after the half-hour mark.

*Snoring*

Hello? Who is there?

What hey…*rubs eyes*…where am I? Who are you?

This is a confessional booth, but most importantly who are you? And exactly how much have you had to drink?

I’m Superman hahaha nah I coach a NRL team, the Roosters. We’re garn ok. And I lost count of how much I drunk after all those drugs we did! It sure was a gooooooooooood Friday maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate hahahaha.

Sir, do you have a sin to confess? If not, then get out!

What is this, Glebe Cop Shop? Hahaha. But nah, actually mate you raise a good point. Mate, I can’t believe I’m a coach. I haven’t got a clue. The game came pretty easy to me on the field but…coaching is so hard. At first it was so easy, everything went my way, but now…it’s tough and I don’t really know why. But I think most people still think I’m pretty good, or at least that I know what I’m doing.

Well my son, admitting your deficiencies is the first step. Man management is a significant part of coaching and from what I gather, this is not as much of a weakness as your tactical acumen. I do know that you have access to some of the best coaching talent not currently employed in the game. I think you need to utilise this on a more consistent basis.

But also, your youthfulness as a coach is an issue I believe, as it was for a Nathan I once knew. He had similar issues to yourself and slowly grew into his role, but had to seek employment in England. Perhaps you need to consider this.

I’ll give it some thought mate, cheers for that. What’s that?....Hey mate, this snake just offered me some fruit, it tastes great you want some??

While Roosters coach Brad Fittler may not be the sharpest tool in the shed and his team has probably fallen back somewhat from the NRL’s elite teams, the Roosters eventually gave a fairly good account of themselves on Friday night against Brisbane. That said, a close loss was probably the best they could have hoped for (unless Brisbane was right off their game).

Brisbane did show a few signs of still being affected by the physical beating they received from the Dragons last round and took a little while to get going, but once they did, they were always just too good for the Roosters.

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Tell me your sin, my….oh, hello Paul.

G’day Rev. Yeh I know, I’m back here again, but I was angry again last week and cost myself two matches on the sidelines.

Paul, Paul, Paul. Misplaced anger can be tough to overcome, but you’re supposed to be a leader now.

Yeh I know, I know. And even worse, I reckon I cost Cronulla a win. Canberra was off their game and a bit tired and dead set we gifted them two tries in the second half. I’m the leader of the team and of the defence, I would’ve made sure we didn’t concede those two soft tries!

Paul, I can see you’re sincere and I can also see a time when your passion is almost entirely channelled towards your cause and not used in anger, but for now, I would like you to…go to Adelaide for the rest of this week! BUHUHUHAHAHAHAHA!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

While the final scoreline showed a 24-14 win to Canberra and a high error count for both teams, realistically this was a game Cronulla should have won. Canberra gave Cronulla a lot of ball in good field position, but Cronulla scored several well-worked tries. Canberra, on the other hand, scored two tries from short dummy-half runs: a cardinal sin (hohoho) in today’s game.

Cronulla has a home game in Round 6 but have chosen to play the Cowbores in Adelaide. While cynics might say the crowd in Adelaide could be higher than at Fairweather Park (Cronulla’s home ground), you’d think Cronulla would likely get the win playing at Woolooware. They desperately need it otherwise Gallen’s return in 2 weeks could count for little.

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Tell me….wait, a Storm player? Bellamy hasn’t programmed you to be able to sin for years!

I know, I know, but we just suck so bad right now. I’m supposed to be the face of the game, but I’m struggling with injury and can hardly get into a sprint. I have to play though, Bellamy (and Gallop) won’t give me even a training session off. The salary cap has drained us of so much depth, if it wasn’t that we fired up a bit against Penrith, we would have lost again! ARGH it’s so frustrating (Bellamy is just absolutely filthy with us like all the time), I am so envious of a team like the Dragons, that’s who we used to be like!

Ahh the sin of envy. You need to keep faith my son (you and Mr Slater, who also seemed very frustrated at times against Penrith). Your new players are somewhat green, but will be very good in time. Sustained dominance in the NRL is extremely difficult to achieve. It will be a more difficult few years than you’re used to, but keep the faith my son, and you will be fine.

While Melbourne still have most of their superstar players from previous years, the loss of many of their excellent second-level players (and a few early season injuries) has seen them come right back to the pack. Their loss to the Gold Coast last week was a circa 2005 Storm effort and despite their intensity being much higher against Penrith, it appeared Melbourne was a high chance of losing consecutive games at home: this has been unthinkable in recent years.

Melbourne did fight hard and held on for the win, but Penrith gave them a real fright. Were it not a terrible pass with a second try to start the game on offer and a dubious forward pass call late in the game, Penrith would likely have taken the points (and given me a full round in the process).

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Hello Johnathon. Sprayed with mace again I see?

Yeh, but not by a chick this time. I’ve been sprayed at so much now that I’m hooked on the stuff, so I spray myself a few times a day. Anyway, yeh, Neil Henry told me to come by and see you cos I can’t count.

You can’t count? That’s not a sin, my son. I can arrange for the adult learning centre to send someone to you if need be.

Nah, we tried that remember and the AVO says I can’t see her anymore.

Ah yes.

Anyway, we was down 8 on Saturday night to the Gold Coast and we got a few penalties but I never even thought of taking the penalty goal to get us to 6 then going for the try and golden point.

To be fair, my son, few teams have grasped that being 8 points behind means you can eliminate the deficit with one converted try and one penalty goal and not have to score two tries. You are forgiven.

North Queensland struggled in the first half on Saturday night against the Gold Coast and found themselves down 12-nil at half-time. They cut this deficit to 8 points midway into the half and continued to dominate field position (although rarely stretching the efficient Titans defence) but never considered taking a penalty goal that was offered on several occasions. Their predictable attack was repelled by the Gold Coast until a late Feral try that came too late to allow one final chance at victory.

On the whole though, this was another well-deserved win by the Gold Coast. While most teams have lost experience since last season, Gold Coast’s older players are still at the club and play a vital role in giving this team structure and guidance. Whether this team’s advanced age will continue to be an asset remains to be seen, but they are the pleasant surprises of the NRL so far.

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Tell me your sin, my son.

To put it bluntly, I’m a tease. There’s no doubt I have ability, there are multiple witnesses to this, but I just don’t have the commitment to attain any level of consistency whatsoever. What’s more, it just doesn’t seem to bother me that so many teams have suffered trying to get me to play at my potential on a more consistent basis.

Well, you seem genuine in your feelings towards previous and current employers and I could give you various ways in which to reflect and ponder so this waste doesn’t continue, but I believe now you’re at a team where you are one of many options at your position. The time is now: if you don’t make greater use of your gifts, this might be your last chance.

Ben Rogers was again part of the three-headed halves combination for Newcastle as they took on New Zealand on Sunday and again all three performed impressively. But Newcastle was slightly off their game (perhaps due to the humidity) and failed to finish off their opposition conclusively and the under-strength but gallant Warriors almost snuck home and stole the win.

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Tell me your sin, my son.

Put simply, I’m a fraud. I’m living off past success in a massive way. People remember the premierships I’ve won but they forget the failures, or more accurately don’t blame me for them. But I’m scared I will be found out now. I’ve made one finals series in my last ELEVEN years of coaching and my team is almost full of highly rated players. I may be the emperor, but my new clothes aren’t there, just that no-one has enough guts to tell me! Help!

Funny, I just came across this before….wait, did you coach the Tigers in 2005? OH WHAT A TEAM! The speed and slick passing, the innovation, the youthful exuberance, the confidence! Benji, Prince, Payten….the memories!!!

*Bangs head against wall*

Luckily for Teflon Tim, the entire focus for the game between Manly and the Wests Tigers was on the return of Brett Stewart, but the Tigers looked sharp to start and scored an impressive try. But from then on, Manly gradually got their game going and when Stewart got involved in attack…it was almost the Manly of last year. It’s probably no exaggeration to say that Stewart is THE most valuable player in the NRL…but even still, Manly failed to go on and thrash the Tigers. They still have much improvement to go.

Bless me father, for I have sinned.

Tell me your sin, my son.

Well, I used to be a quite good player for the Bulldogs but a combination of our struggles over the last few years, me losing quite a bit of confidence in my game and my status (as of three months ago) as the first cube in the NRL has seen me become a massive liability.

That’s no sin, everyone’s game drops off eventually.

Sure, but the new coach still thinks I can play first grade. Even worse, he thinks I can play a few minutes as a forward. I wouldn’t know what a tackle is! But last night on the wing, I know it was wet, but I was dead set useless. Couldn’t catch a cold.

If your suffering is as obvious as you say, then everyone in your team knows and they are suffering with you. Sounds like it’s too late to do much about it, might as well enjoy your remaining games while the talented kids are out or there are other injuries then gracefully move off into the sunset.

The Bulldogs weathered Souths’ strong start to last night’s game and took a 12-6 lead to half-time, led by the annoying Michael Ennis. This lead was stretched to 8 points before Mathew Utai came into the game for the Bulldogs. One of the funnier moments so far in NRL season 2009 happened last week as Utai tried to play in the forwards. He replaced the injured El Masri tonight but he was just as unconvincing, providing Souths some great opportunities and a great big wide target for their attacking kicks.

Souths cut the lead to 2 but failed to attack the Big Liability in the game’s final minutes. The far safer Luke Patten, El Masri and Bryson Goodwin helped to secure the win for the Bulldogs.

The Tuesday Roast confesses that he won’t use such cheap devices for a roundup again…for a while anyway. See you next week.

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Round 4: tsaoR yadseuT ehT (The Bizarro Roundup)

That wraps up this bizarro edition of the Tuesday Roast. Hopefully normal service will resume next week, although with unpredictability in the NRL reaching new highs, anything is possible. See you next week.

But back to Matt Bowen: his game was so poor that even the usually fawning NRL media couldn’t help but criticise. Admittedly FOX’s Warren Smith is not an ex-player, so is somewhat less reticent to criticise players, but he said of Bowen “Matt Bowen, coming off a fairly serious knee injury it has to be said, they took some cartilage out, they flew it to the other side of the country, they grew it in what’s called an artificial matrix; maybe they took his confidence with them to Perth when they grew that cartilage when they put in back in his knee….” Apart from a few laughs, Smith was largely left on his own in criticising Bowen by FOX’s crew of analysts, but the Tuesday Roast heartily enjoyed seeing someone – anyone – in the media criticising anyone but the most obvious offenders or the softest targets.

The Cowbores somehow found their way to a try, but Canberra dominated the remainder of the half and led 20-6 at the break. Even though they eased off in the second half and allowed the Cowbores back into the game, they did just enough to score a well-earned 23-18 win.

Canberra’s excellent start to the game was in contrast to the Cowbores’ pathetic display. Their forward pack was dominated, Feral Thurston struggled (even muffing a simple kick for touch) while The Overrated One Matt Bowen shied away from contact, directly leading to a Canberra try.

From early on in this game, it was clear Canberra was committed to getting their first win. Their effort started with a series of stellar runs by props Shillington and the veteran Logan (just back from injury) before the likes of Campese, Tongue, Purtell and Croker converted this advantage into points. Many points in fact: 14 in the first 16 minutes.

Finally, the winless Raiders hosted the Cowbores in Canberra last night. Despite the significant difference in climate between Townsville and Canberra, the Cowbores have been known to display some surprisingly unboring play in previous encounters between these teams, but Canberra would certainly have taken a boring win in this game: they had only ever lost four in a row and two in a row at home to start the season twice in their history.

But it was an all-round bad afternoon for Manly. How bad was it? Their highlight was probably the sideline, into-the-wind conversion by Shane Rodney of a very late consolation try.

Manly did hold on for a while, but eventually Newcastle overwhelmed them. The surprise return from injury of Jarrod Mullen helped, but Newcastle hardly had a bad player. Even the much-maligned Ben Rogers was dangerous. Meanwhile, Manly had few stars. Most noticeably, Glenn Stewart continued his very slow start to the season. Does he miss the Beaver? Does he miss his brother? Whatever the reason, Manly certainly miss his ball-playing talents.

They were without Jamie Lyon and Brett Stewart – two key attacking pieces. Steve Matai was injured early on, while David Williams had a solid but not spectacular return from injury. New five-eighth Chris Bailey has been slow to adjust to his new team (this is a polite assessment of his play) and while Michael Robertson may be a good winger, he has little to no fullback skills, especially with the ball. Hence, Matt Orford was Manly’s attack: not a good situation.

However, once Newcastle received some good attacking ball, it quickly became clear their difficult first few games had not seriously affected their physical capabilities nor their confidence. They believed they were a better side than Manly and systematically beat them over the next 50 or so minutes. Their forwards neutralised Manly’s: this is a key battle in any NRL game, but more so given Manly’s lack of talent in their backline at present.

The third Sunday game saw Manly try to break their drought at Newcastle. Manly’s troubles have been well documented, but Newcastle had a difficult opening few rounds of the season, having to endure a number of injuries and games being played in trying conditions. So when Manly registered a strong opening 20 minutes, it looked to be a tough task for the under-strength and supposedly weary Knights to come back (even though they were just 6-nil down).

Next up was the Bulldogs against Cronulla. Cronulla’s cause was not helped by the withdrawal of Trent Barrett (although Dragons supporters would argue that his not playing can often lead to improved team performance). The Bulldogs dominated the first 20 minutes and almost ruined this game as part of the bizarre theme, but from here, Cronulla’s under-strength and attack-challenged team stopped the bleeding (through a combination of luck and solid defence). What appeared to be a very secure Bulldogs’ 18-point lead was incredibly cut to 6 in the second half, before the Bulldogs secured the win. The Bulldogs certainly deserved to win, but like last week, Cronulla’s determination gave them a chance to win for much longer than their ability suggested.

Still…Souths’ best hope appeared to be a Warriors’ mistake, an intercept pass perhaps or errors and penalties. In the end, the key mistake was a poorly executed cross-kick to the right, which was over-pursued by Ah Van and Kirk and returned 95 metres for a try by Talanoa. Souths were boosted by this and scored again for an unlikely win: the dominance enjoyed by the Warriors in possession and attacking field position rarely results in a losing performance.

During this time, the Warriors often found themselves attacking Souths’ line: a try here would have most likely secured victory, but the Warriors’ attack was…not quite right. Well…it was too right: too often they attacked to their right – where the new combination of Ah Van and Kirk went up against Souths’ strong defensive combination of Best and Talanoa – while their left side attackers (Ropati in particular) saw relatively little ball.

In the end, it was a very similar game to last week for Souths: a slow start and trailing their opponent well into the second half. But this week, Souths’ prospects looked somewhat grimmer. An injury to centre Shaune Corrigan meant greater use of the interchange bench, so much so that Souths’ final interchange was made with more than 15 minutes left: a very unusual occurrence.

Sunday’s action started in Auckland, where the under-strength Warriors hosted Souths. The Warriors were without a number of important players, such as Tate, Price, Vatuvei, Hohaia and Matulino. But would their best be good enough to get a win? Souths thrashed the Roosters, but lost to Parramatta and eked out a win over a weakened Newcastle: the varied form and playing strength of these teams made this a difficult game to predict.

This realisation gradually dawned on the Titans and when Bull Bailey barged over late in the half, they had a 10-nil lead. Melbourne tried hard, but never really threatened. While some of the Gold Coast’s “tactics” would have made the 1969 Tigers proud, it was nevertheless a very important win for a team often chided for lacking toughness. Melbourne looking flat and lifeless at home, Gold Coast winning away and without Prince as well as Chris Walker – of all people – not just back on the field but playing ok: what a bizarre game this was.

However, the Titans ignored the thrashings they had received in past visits to Melbourne and gave a committed display which obviously surprised the Storm. Perhaps Melbourne’s difficult start to the season (with two games in humid Queensland) took its toll on them; whatever the cause, this was not the usually dominant Storm team at Olympic Park.

Saturday’s final game saw Melbourne host the Gold Coast. The consensus view was that Melbourne’s win over the Cowbores last round was a sign that normal service was being restored; that the Storm was beginning to adjust to life without many important supporting players. Few gave the Titans any chance, especially as they were again without Scott Prince.

As Penrith failed to kill off the Tigers, increasing fatigue from Monday’s game rapidly became evident. The Tigers, led by Robbie Farah, and their momentum was such that an avalanche of points and a big win looked quite possible. However Penrith, led by Civoniceva, Pritchard and Lewis, reached down deep and pulled out some more effort: this was enough to get a penalty to retake the lead. A sin-bin really should have resulted from Hanbury’s unsubtle leg pull, but Penrith played like they had an extra player anyway and added three late tries: a very impressive effort given their obvious fatigue and the concerns about team unity and chemistry.

Penrith did struggle as their game against the Tigers progressed, but the Tigers gave Penrith a major head start: two extremely poor kick-off plays, some silly penalties and some soft defence allowed Penrith to a sizeable first-half lead. To their credit, the Tigers were not ruffled and looked threatening whenever they garnered any significant amount of possession, but they were lucky to still be within striking distance early in the second half.

The first of the Saturday matches saw Penrith host the Wests Tigers. Penrith has dominated the Tigers in recent years. However, several factors pointed to a much better chance for the Tigers this time: more size and strength in the Tigers pack, confidence of their own after their big win last round, but most importantly, Penrith was being asked by the NRL’s schedule makers to back up just five days after a physically draining win in the wet against Manly.

The Roosters may not be as bad as implied above, but they have to feel highly fortunate to play two talented teams (Canberra and Parramatta) near their worst. Consider this: both Canberra and Parramatta threatened to score a try early in their games against the Roosters but were unlucky not to; both rarely looked like scoring again for the rest of their games, despite a mountain of attacking possession (Parramatta even had more overall possession than the Roosters). Even the most one-eyed Roosters supporter would admit their defence, while solid, is not THAT good.

In fact they did and they were so disappointing that the ‘new-look’ prefix has to be questioned. This was a performance straight out of last year, when the limp-wristed Hagan was the coach. The Roosters were committed, they played to their strengths, they executed their two or three set plays well and their kicking game was excellent. But most NRL teams at anywhere near their best should be able to dispose of such a ‘threat’. Parramatta was mundane, lifeless and monotonous with the ball: the Roosters were never threatened.

The other Friday night game saw the struggling Roosters host the hot-and-cold Parramatta Eels. Parramatta appeared to have turned the corner in Round 2 when they ground out a tough win over Souths, but their soft effort against Canberra looked disturbingly 2008. Surely the new-look Eels wouldn’t post such a sub-par effort again under their new disciplinarian coach?

Even though the Dragons led by just two at half-time, the foundations of a big win were laid: Brisbane, who thrashed the large Warriors last week, could not cope with the Dragons and their dominance. Soward, Sailor, Morris and the hard-running Beau Scott feasted on Brisbane mistakes, many of which were due to their fatigue, to establish a match-winning lead. After struggling to score two tries in each of their first three games, the Dragons came up with four in this one, almost entirely due to their aggressive and intense style of play.

Hodges appeared to play the assist role again for Folau, but the try was rather harshly disallowed. In the meantime though, the Dragons scored rather easily, but most importantly, they were very definitely establishing a physical dominance.

The absence of Cooper – and the return of Brisbane’s prolific right centre Justin Hodges – was perhaps of most concern to the Dragons (as admitted to the Tuesday Roast by Dragons legend Craig Young in an exclusive interview last week). Brisbane took an early 6-nil lead as Hodges easily beat his somewhat mismatched defender (Neville Costigan) before setting up Israel Folau.

The round kicked off on Friday night when the Dragons travelled to Brisbane. This appeared to be the toughest test so far for the new-look Dragons. Despite their recent excellent record against Brisbane, they were missing several key players (Cooper, Poore and Nightingale) and had trouble disposing of the struggling Sharks last Sunday. Meanwhile, Brisbane was undefeated: their victims included two of the NRL’s more imposing teams in Melbourne and New Zealand.

Round 4 of the NRL was one of the more unpredictable rounds in recent memory, although this was not entirely unexpected. When two learned scholars of the tipping science arrive at much the same conclusion after close perusal of the rounds’ games – “It is one of those weeks where I would not be surprised to get 7, 3 or 1” and “Fhark… I could get 0 this week, or 8… who knows I give up” – one should not be surprised at the outcomes a round can deliver. With that said, only one result over the weekend was a huge shock; however, all other results had elements of the bizarre world attached to them.

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Round 3: A Gathering of Minds: Discussion between the NRL’s intellectual elite

Welcome to a special edition of the Tuesday Roast. Some of the finest minds in the NRL have been summoned to the Tuesday Roastoffices at short notice to provide expert analysis of Round 3 action.

The consensus amongst those who follow the NRL closely is that faster is better, so I won’t hold things up any longer. This NRL brains trust will be co-ordinated by Andrew Voss: Andrew, take it away.

Andrew Voss: Thank you and welcome to this week’s edition of the Tuesday Roast. It’s a larger than normal gathering for an NRL panel discussion, so of course this will see the traditional clichés receive something of a hammering, but as will be seen, the brain cell count in the room will not be much higher than normal.

Round 3 saw some of the more extreme weather of earlier rounds start to abate, but the first game in Round 3 – where the Wests Tigers “hosted” the Sydney Roosters – contained two teams still suffering from adverse weather conditions and the increased speed resulting from two on-field referees.

Our reviewers for this game are Matthew Johns and Wayne Pearce and gents, what did you think of this high-scoring and exciting – if at times low quality – game?

Matthew Johns: I think it can be summed up in one simple phrase: the coming-out party for Benji Marshall at halfback. The kid’s done it so tough since 2005, the injuries, the expectations, the burden of an excited rugby league public wanting more and now he has to deal with the complexity in steering his team around. But I think you saw how, despite the Tigers falling behind 12-nil, Benji didn’t panic. His kicking game was excellent, his decision-making was right up there and that pass which helped set up rampaging Taniela Tuiaki – ohhhh what a pass!

Takes me back to 05 at Shark Park, c’mon Vossy, you commentated that day, talk me through it mate! How did it go again? “Back for Marshall, the footwork the footwork...Benji Marshall, now the speed, the footwork again, away from Peachey, passes without looking, away for Richards back to Fitzhenry!” C’mon Vossy, finish it off! Or maybe the 05 Grand Final and that pass to Pat Richards. C’mon Rabs, I know you love reminiscing……

AV: Yes, yes, Matty, we know you love Benji, but you have to acknowledge the platform set by the Tigers forwards, don’t you? Backing up after a game in steamy Townsville to dominate the Roosters forwards takes some doing, doesn’t it?

MJ: So true Vossy. I don’t think Tim Sheens gets enough recognition as one of the upper echelon coaches in the game today. His plays from set starts: I know I mention it every time they have a set start after a penalty and nothing ever happens, but you know Sheensy has a million plays drawn up. The team speed, the ball-handling at multiple positions: big Toddy Payten, Heighington, Johnny Morris is having a solid year, Timmy Moltzen at the back…I tell ya, this is a team on the rise.

AV: So you’ve been saying since 2005. Perhaps we need a more balanced perspective here: time to welcome Wayne “Junior” Pearce on. Junior, tell us your thoughts.

Wayne Pearce: A really good game for sure. The Tigers I mean Roosters got off to a strong start but the Roosters I mean Tigers came back strong and utilised some of the weapons Matty discussed. For the Roosters I mean Tigers to beat such a courageous, proud and well-prepared teams as the Tigers I mean Roosters…well, the Roosters I mean Tigers have to have the hat taken off to them.

AV: For someone with a pretty face and a good head after so long playing this great game, Junior, you sure do talk some sh….

WP: But just on to Benji for a second, it’s just hard for most people to relate to what he had to go through with all his injuries. The shoulder is a ball-and-socket joint that has a large range of movement but not a lot of stability, which makes the shoulder joint prone to dislocation. The shoulder is particularly unstable when it is rotated outwards and the arm cocked back or 'abducted'. Any additional force in this position will cause the head of the Humerus (arm) bone to come out of the joint in a forward direction. This is referred to as an anterior dislocation.

In Benji’s case, it’s been well-documented that his shoulders were unstable to begin with. Because of the damage to the structures surrounding the shoulder, there is a high chance of recurrent dislocation. Surgery on an unstable shoulder is usually required after four dislocations.

AV: I tell you, Junior, there’s been plenty of miracles in rugby league, but the fact that you’re such a guru with anatomy but can hardly string a sentence together otherwise and believe the Roosters are not an incoherent rabble at the moment is one of the best.

Anyway, I was at the other Friday night game where the Bulldogs travelled to the Gold Coast. Aspiring media analyst Brett Kimmorley joins us for his review of the game. Brett, you’ve had a long career but not in the forwards: let’s hope you’re not as brain dead as Junior.

Brett Kimmorley: Haha good one Vossy um but yeh erk ahem Titans won by eight or ten or so I read. I think dfhkjhf Prince’s injury lkhfhhfkj a bit you know but kjkfjp umm yeh and then I put the kick through and Ainscough almost took his head off kufjkhhflj and geez Ricky Stuart was tough to play for but I had to leave because Joey was always going to be ahead of me ya know?

AV: Umm sure…

BK: Yeh and umm….Campbell and Rogers: umm klhfkhkf the Sharks? Umm I was pretty confused. What year is it again? *shakes* ummmm yeh I guess media training can’t overcome the massive loss of brain cells and the early onset of dementia can it?

AV: You said it Brett. I think the major point to be taken from this game was that the Bulldogs are still coming together as a team. They were white-hot against Manly a few weeks back but have struggled since then: give them a few more weeks. Meanwhile, the Titans obviously lacked without Prince but their general level of play and effort was still very good. They probably should have had a safer lead before the Bulldogs came back late, but it was a good win nevertheless.

On to Saturday’s action and three results not many punters expected. First up was New Zealand hosting Brisbane and we’re joined by Sky Sports New Zealand announcer Jason Costigan. Jason, what was your take on Brisbane’s impressive victory?

Jason Costigan: You’re on the mark there, Vossy, the Warriors tried hard I thought but were just not in the same class as the rapidly transforming Broncos. Still, it was an exciting night for me: I hail from Central Queensland (a big hello to all readers across the ditch, especially those from my old stomping ground, the Mackay Cutters, and old Bill Cudgell from Gladstone) and with both teams almost completely made up of Queenslanders and New Zealanders, I was in my element.

While I love to drop anecdotes about my background and insert plenty of clichés into my commentary, one common commentator’s trait I don’t share is the glossing over (or nice wording) of mistakes made on the field. In that respect, it was a shame that Manu Vat-u-vei was absent from proceedings: his propensity to demolish tacklers on a barnstorming run or inexplicably drop a simple pass gives my tonsils a major workout! Jesus, you’ve never seen someone with worse hands, he might as well have stubs for all the use they are.

AV: As a special unannounced guest here on the Tuesday Roast, Jason, I’m sure you have plenty to discuss with Mr. Manu Vatuvei!

Manu Vatuvei: (grunt grunt grunt) You think Manu can’t catch? I show you Manu can CATCH!

AV: That should be the last criticism of a player heard in NRL commentary. While the Warriors had some bad luck – especially the loss of Brent Tate with a(nother) season-ending knee injury – they were outclassed by Brisbane. Darren Lockyer and Peter Wallace built on a solid display from Brisbane’s forwards and carved up for some very well-worked tries.

Next up on Saturday night was Parramatta taking on Canberra. We’ve asked Ray “Rabbits” Warren, the doyen of Channel 9’s commentary team, to cover this game for us. Rabs, was this another bad old display of complacency from Parramatta or were the injury-hit Raiders really so resurgent?

Ray Warren: You know Andrew, I was so heartened after the boys’ huge effort against Souths last week and once again (after they’ve teased me with big efforts in the past) I fell for it again and expected them to thrash Canberra….wait, why are you asking me about this game? Channel 9 didn’t cover it and you know I’m not a Parra supporter, everyone knows that!

AV: Carry on Rabs, you’re doing well.

RW: Ahh kids today! Well anyway, as I said, I thought they’d win easily, but I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when they started slowly. They do this to me every bloody time!! Wait…you know I don’t support Parra don’t you?

AV: Yes, yes, Rabbs, we know. Continue…

RW: Good, just wanted to clear that up. But geez we stunk! Canberra was very unlucky not to be much further ahead and probably should have sealed the win early in the second half, but then Hayne took the intercept AND HAYNE STRODE ACROSS THE 20, THEY WEREN’T GAINING ON HIM, HE NEARED HALFWAY AND ACCELERATED, JARRYD HAYNE, THE TRYLINE IN SIGHT, HERBERT AND CARNEY GAINING GROUND BUT JARRYD HAYNE!!!! This was purely practice, of course, not that I was cheering for him.

Anyway, after this the boys finished strongly and had a bit more luck to finish with the win. Canberra was desperately unlucky and I felt for an old mate, John Smith, from the nation’s capital. John is 106 and been a mate of mine for 75 years. He’s been behind rugby league in Canberra since day 1 and is doing it a bit tough at the moment. But I know he was watching and I felt for him when we….I mean they…secured the win.

AV: Excellent work Rabs – now if we can just get you as excited for games that don’t involve Parramatta. Finally on Saturday, this one looked a bottler on paper: another trip into Queensland for the more vulnerable looking Melbourne Storm, this time to the far north. Matty, can you give us an account of Melbourne’s impressive win without too much dribble this time?

MJ: Hahaha you love it Vossy. Anyway you know I’d be able to be more balanced with little Matty Bowen playing for the Cowboys, but was he even playing in this game? I didn’t see him once.

AV: He certainly played Matty, but it wasn’t his best game. I’m surprised he’s near his best at the moment after that complicated almost experimental knee surgery, but you don’t suffer from the curse afflicting most commentators do you Matty? Where you’re unable to talk about an exciting player unless they do something exciting? I noticed you failed to mention Benji Marshall’s unforced turnover immediately after “that pass” from Friday’s game.

MJ: Nah not at all Vossy, anyway enough about that excitement machine Matty Bowen and onto my Storm. I admit they did look a bit sluggish in Brisbane last week, but they came within a whisker of beating the Broncos (which in hindsight looks like a great result) and they always seem to have success in Townsville. The Cowboys failed to hold enough possession to really test Melbourne’s defence (which, while not as strong as last year, is still very good) then Melbourne’s attack looked the best it has all season.

I spoke with Craig Bellamy about his side’s improved attack after the game:

“Yeh Matty at the end of the day like I said we retained many of the core elements of our attack but lost some important complemenry pieces like big Izzy and Matt Geyer so we had to like I said do a bit of changin things round ya know like I said. Youse are startin to see that now with Billy havin more of a role, Cam playin more of a halfs role but at the end of the day like I said we’re not far off we’re we was last year”

Even though I was on the phone to Bellyache, I still had to wear a raincoat HA HA HA!

AV: Ahh very good…geez it wasn’t THAT funny MG! But another rugby league wordsmith there in Melbourne coach Craig Bellamy. It was a very impressive showing by Melbourne, especially after looking somewhat vulnerable in the opening rounds.

Sunday’s first game featured Souths and Newcastle. Newcastle also looked quite vulnerable in the opening rounds of the season, due to a combination of heat and injuries, but their expansive attack surprised the somewhat flat Bunnies and threatened to take the game away from them. It was only some desperate Souths defence which kept the lead to 8 points, but both teams were suffering in the warm conditions. Eventually Craig Wing was the catalyst behind Souths’ first try; once the seal was broken, others such as Luke, Sutton and Fa’aologo finished off the good work.

It wouldn’t be a review of Sunday afternoon rugby league without the self-appointed champion of this timeslot, Mr Phil “Gus” Gould. Gus, even though many couldn’t see it, tell us all the good things that happened at Kogarah on Sunday when the Dragons hosted Cronulla.

Phil Gould: Vossy, if I told you all that was good about SUNDAY AFTERNOON – got to LOVE Sunday afternoon at the footy! – we’d be here until next Wednesday. The ‘ground full’ sign at Jubilee, the packed hill, the local derby, warming up at the school next door, not being able to park anywhere before Hurstville, beer queues stretching longer than beer snakes….I know Suncorp and ANZ are good for the big games, but this is where rugby league connects with its history, with its park footballers. You haven’t lived until you are crushed between 28 other guys on the hill and can only see the game if you’re above 6’5”!

Anyway…the game was an intriguing one. Two excellent defences and rare opportunities to score, but the scoreline was still lower than I expected. The Dragons have a steely new resolve under Wayne Bennett and, even without much of an attacking structure, had more than Cronulla in most positions, yet the game went right down to the wire. The game probably belonged more in the 80s than today, but who cares: SUNDAY AFTERNOON I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MJ: I feel you Gus, but you know Jubilee is now known as WIN Jubilee Oval. This fits nicely with WIN Stadium in Wollongong: the Dragons are clearly in a WIN-WIN situation! HAHAHA!

AV: Ok ok don’t encourage him anyone…I said don’t encourage him MG! Anyway, we’ve saved the best for last. Manly and Penrith are still well below their best based on Monday night’s game. We’ve dredged up Rex Mossop to go with Mark ‘MG’ Geyer to discuss which team was worse. Sit back, relax, get comfy and try and make sense of these two boofheads.

Rex Mossop: Well firstly I’m DISGUSTED that I’ve been kept off television for almost 20 years! Geez, I’m getting on a bit, but surely I’m no worse than some of these HACKS who preceded me!

Anyway, I’m absolutely FLABBERGASTED about Manly’s disgraceful effort against Penrith. Sure we don’t have young Stewart for a while (the less said about that filthy young man, the better) but we created so many chances, especially in the first half. Penrith put in a good effort, but we had them on the back foot many a time, but bloody Orford….how the hell did he win the Dally M? He should have split it into 9 pieces and given it to his forwards! He’s not a playmaker, his kicks are so-so, he’s a patchy goal-kicker and his lack of nous and direction was glaring. I’m DISGUSTED!

Mark Geyer: I dunno Rex, youse should be pretty happy I reckon. We shoulda murdered you guys. I’d have Orford every day of the week, Lewis and Sammut or whoever the f*** we had in the halfs was just useless. At least Orford can tell the big salt-and-pepper forwards where to go, with our guys you never know what your going to get.

RM: Salt-and-pepper: that’s pretty racist, I like it. Can I use it?

MG: No wuckers. I’ve got some sexist stuff too if you like.

RM: Ahh no son, I’ve got more than enough material in that area. You don’t know who you’re talking to……

MG: Anyway, we had Dumb and Dumber in the halfs and so many useless forwards except for Petro. Frank Pritchard, he’s fat and slow, luckily he can still play despite this handicaps. I dunno Rex, you guys are just going through a slump, we’re this bad all the time (even though we can be better). Matt Elliott, what a rubbish coach he is, sitting there with those stupid looks on his face. We need a good coach. Is Roycie Simmons available?

RM: You might be right Mark, but we’ve got half a team of State of Origin and/or Kangaroo representatives. We’ve now got a legitimate five-eighth we don’t know what to do with, Ballin and L’Estrange are making everyone pine for Michael Monaghan again….ahhhhh! I dunno, bring back Mal Cochrane or Max Krilich or Fred Jones….or Cliffy! I’m FLABBERGASTED!

AV: Some fine work there gents. That just about wraps this edition of the Tuesday Roast: regular service will resume next week.

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Round 2: A St. Patrick's Day Roast

The game of Rugby League is the product of many great ideas and concepts. However, many of these took some time to be recognised, accepted (and ultimately introduced) by the game’s administrators.

Despite ongoing financial struggles for a number of clubs (especially in inner Sydney) in the 1960s and 70s, it wasn’t until the early and then late 1980s that teams out of Sydney were introduced into top-class Rugby League and the shift towards full-time professionalism began. It was around this time that the first Saturday night games were played and despite the NBL showing how successful Saturday night games could be, it wasn’t until the mid to late 1990s that Saturday night games became a regular occurrence in top-class Rugby League.

The mid to late 1990s was a turbulent time in Rugby League, where it took more than two and a half years and many millions of dollars spent before someone realised the Super League War was a waste of time. More recently, the introduction of the second on-field referee had a gestation period of almost two decades.

In contrast, the Tuesday Roast's realisation that a St Patrick’s Day-inspired recap of an NRL round’s happenings would be a good idea came only a week after it should have happened.

Ladies and Gentlemen: presenting your Round 2 NRL recap in limerick form.

Souths v. Parramatta

South Sydney started the comp on fire
But some were worried they were too ‘high’
When Parra showed resolve
Souths had to fold
Anderson could be a great hire

Souths and Parramatta had vastly differing fortunes in Round 1, but took on opponents of vastly different quality: while Souths ran up the score (on a day when almost everything went right) against the pathetic Roosters, Parramatta threatened to be on the receiving end against the Warriors.

History pointed to a Souths’ victory in this game – given Souths usually start the season very strongly (whilst Parramatta are renowned slow starters) and Souths had a fairly easy game (whilst Parramatta had a typically tough game in Auckland) – but a number of smart tipsters had concerns. Could the somewhat youngish Bunnies maintain their focus after such an easy win? Would the five-day turnaround affect them (especially given their lack of familiarity with it)?

Normally, these concerns would have been almost insignificant, as Parramatta usually start seasons slowly and have rarely shown the desire to engage in a tough battle. But it quickly became apparent in this game that they were desperate to win; even from as early as the first minute, when Nathan Hindmarsh allowed the kick-off to run through his legs and into touch. The grin on Hindmarsh’s face and Parramatta’s ensuing tough defence on Souths signalled what was ahead.

Souths did score a few minutes (from a freak Sutton bomb) but never really threatened to score again. Souths was keen for the battle as well, but once Parramatta took the lead midway through the second half, it was going to take a mighty effort to win it back.

Could this be the start of a new era for Parramatta? An era of intensity, toughness and discipline? Reports from Parramatta were that the players were in their best shape for years; such reports can be commonplace at the start of each season, but it appears to be the truth in this case.

In the latter years of Brian Smith’s tenure and all of Michael Hagan’s time at Parramatta, their softness became increasingly apparent, but new coach Daniel Anderson’s disciplinarian style could be exactly the change this once-great club needed. To score a big win without a major contribution from their high-priced backline would have been unthinkable last year. It’s only Round 2, but Parramatta look to have a key ingredient for ultimate success in place early on.

Brisbane v. Melbourne

There once was a team from Melbourne
Who were convinced refs were against ‘em
When Gorrell knocked on
And Hoffman looked on
Wallace scored: that was (almost) the final margin

While these teams have undergone major transformations in personnel over the last few years, this remains once of the best rivalries in the NRL. Their semi-final last season was one of the best in recent memory and this game was very similar (even though the Storm is not quite the team they were from 2006 to 2008).

Brisbane dominated play for most of the first half after an early Storm try but increasingly desperate Melbourne defence meant Brisbane’s lead was just two points at half time. Brisbane took advantage of Melbourne errors and forced Melbourne into line dropouts to gain a significant edge in time in possession, but they also benefited from a penalty count in their favour, some of which were harshly called against the Storm. Anthony Quinn’s perceived forearm was little more than a reflex action and an unfortunate position of Sam Thaiday’s head, while the referees seemed to keep a closer eye on any illegal tackling techniques by the Storm rather than Brisbane.

That said, Melbourne would have been cheering to be down by just 2 at half-time, before the worst refereeing mistake of the night: a very obvious knock-on by Brisbane hooker Aaron Gorrell at dummy-half. There is a small chance the ball didn’t go towards Melbourne’s tryline, but this hasn’t stopped literally thousands of whistles being blown and knock-ons ruled over many decades in similar situations.

Obviously, Melbourne should have heard ‘Play On’, forgotten about the refereeing blunder and not allowed Wallace to score a rather easy try, but one senses the Melbourne players have had their fill of refereeing mistakes. This collective mental tiredness could become a major obstacle in their premiership path this season, as the significant decline in their depth of playing talent will mean they can’t count on just turning up to win a number of games (as they have in previous seasons). A huge effort will be needed more often than not: as it was in this game.

Luckily for Melbourne, Brisbane clocked off after Wallace’s try gave them an 8-point lead (just as they did in last year’s epic semi-final). Granted, the humid Brisbane night and the fast game (enhanced by the two referees and less use of the video referee) were also factors here, but Brisbane could have buried Melbourne with perhaps 10 minutes more of inspired play not long after halftime.

As it turned out, Melbourne slowly came back and looked more like the team we know and hate from previous seasons (although players like Proctor, Isa, Anderson and Hinchcliffe will take some time to become strong links in the Melbourne chain). After Proctor scored, Brisbane went further into shut-down mode and held on for the win (with a bit of luck) despite some Justin Hodges tomfoolery in the latter stages.

The much-hyped Greg Inglis had a poor game; injuries and the increased burden he has to carry looked to affect him. The remaining big-name Storm players will all have to shoulder a bigger load this season (after a number of years of long seasons and plenty of representative games). An injury or two could mean trouble for them. In the interim though, a tough trip to an even more humid part of Queensland awaits.

St George Illawarra v. Gold Coast

There once was a team from the Gong
Who couldn’t help but turn good things wrong
But since Bennett arrived
Their toughness has thrived
Now if only their attack could be as strong

Melbourne’s opponent from Round 1 – St George Illawarra – returned home to Wollongong to take on the Gold Coast, a team they have defeated in every match-up since the Gold Coast’s inception.

On paper, this looked to be a curious clash: the committed but struggling-in-attack Dragons against the flashy, skillsy but (for some unknown reason) softish Gold Coast. The Titans scored early after Scott Prince feasted on a wayward Ben Hornby pass, but failed to trouble the scorer for another 75 minutes despite some significant possession near the Dragons’ line.

While the Titans were perhaps unlucky not to score through Mark Minichello (due to a forward pass), the Dragons held a slim 2-point halftime lead which grew much stronger early in the second half. This occurred through more points, but most importantly more dominance of the game. The Dragons’ 12-4 lead seemed like much more than 8 points.

Prince complained after the game that his team suffered at the hands of referees who allowed the Dragons to dominate the ruck, but Dragons coach Wayne Bennett responded that the Gold Coast found it easy last week in the heat. As usual, both protagonists have a slice of truth in their comments, but the Dragons will eventually need to find some more points to win a sufficient number of games. In that respect, they will relish facing Cronulla this weekend; a team that also has a physically dominating style but rarely converts that into a high number of points.

Penrith v. Bulldogs

There once was a team from Sydney’s Far West
Whose talent was above many of the rest
But their dumbness is a major sin
So they don’t often win
They had the Dogs at their behest…

After the Bulldogs’ thrashing of Manly last week, they were heavy favourites to defeat Penrith on Saturday night. The ease with which they scored their first try in the opening minutes gave further weight to this.

From here, the game went topsy turvy. The smart, experienced Bulldogs made a number of inexplicable mistakes which allowed the talented but largely brain-dead Panthers back into the game. Penrith’s forward pack is the envy of a number of teams; Civoniceva and Waterhouse were especially effective and scored or set up several tries.

Penrith’s other weapon was their high kicking game. Despite the experienced Luke Patten at fullback, Penrith’s bombs often caused mayhem for the Bulldogs back three.

The Bulldogs’ second try was also rather easy and it was increasingly apparent that this game was fast becoming a typical game at Penrith: plenty of tries, plenty of mistakes and he who made the last mistake would suffer.

The Bulldogs overcame an 8-point halftime deficit quite quickly then the scoring stopped for a while. Penrith enjoyed the best of this period but made unforced mistakes or took poor options in their attacking zone or failed to exploit an increasingly tiring Bulldogs defence. Their somewhat makeshift halves combination was mostly to blame here, but they were far from alone.

Eventually Waterhouse gave Penrith back the lead and Penrith could very well have extended it or at least dominated possession so as to minimise the opportunities allowed to the Bulldogs in the final minutes but they did neither. Sammut’s failure to hear the referee’s call was unfortunate but far from the only Penrith mistake when the game could have been sealed.

The Bulldogs had one last chance to snatch victory and they did – albeit with an extra man on the field (why would an experienced player like Andrew Ryan run back on after being interchanged because a trainer told him to? Unlimited interchange went out many years ago) – but they should never have had such a chance.

North Queensland v. Wests Tigers

The Tigers looked impressive on Monday (hmm sorta)
Despite not really doing what they oughta
Hence the Cowbores and the heat
Combined with the short week
Meant they weren’t Tigers but Lambs (to the slaughter)

Last Monday night’s game between Wests and Canberra was fast and entertaining on a draining night and both teams suffered in Round 2 due to having to exert much more energy than necessary because of their high mistake rate.

Wests’ cause was exacerbated by having to play in steamy Townsville just five days after Monday night. That said, they trailed by only 10 approaching the hour mark of this game despite another very high mistake rate. They gifted the Cowbores a significant amount of possession and good attacking opportunities (while the Cowbores returned the favour, although not nearly as often).

This disparity was widened considerably in the game’s final 20 minutes as the Cowbores finished strongly and the Tigers wilted. Amazingly, the FOX commentators (and others, in post-match reaction) used this time to discuss the Cowbores’ top-4 prospects. It never ceases to amaze how a moment or two of excitement (usually from a perennial contender for the NRL’s Most Overrated title: Matt Bowen) can make even the most objective analysts forget the Cowbores’ obvious flaws from the last few seasons. A far better effort will be needed by the Cowbores to overcome the Storm on Saturday night.

Canberra v. Sydney Roosters

Canberra too went well on Monday (just short)
They were 2008’s attacking juggernaut
But while the Chooks tried hard
Canberra played like retards
They only barely got past naught

Once again, Canberra was near the top in wooden spoon favouritism when the betting markets were first released for the 2009 season. This seemed a crazy proposition: Canberra had a brilliant second half of 2008 and brought back almost all of the team which had such a successful run.

They were a touch unlucky to lose to the Tigers last Monday night, but Terry Campese had a wonderful game: his growing influence, in combination with a promising group of back, a very solid forward pack and a very good home record threatened to make life tough for the struggling Roosters on Sunday.

Canberra missed a great opportunity after just 2 minutes and Campese was successful in two 40/20 attempts inside the first 15 minutes (including an incredible check-side kick) and it seemed only a matter of time until Canberra’s attacking juggernaut got rolling.

But it never happened.

The Roosters were clearly a more committed team than the one embarrassed by Souths last Sunday, but Canberra’s defence asked them very few questions, none of which were very difficult. As the time without scoring increased, so did Canberra’s frustration (Campese, in particular, was seen several times screaming at his teammates: I’m sure Craig Fitzgibbon had a chuckle about this).

Meanwhile, the Roosters eventually opened the scoring, after a number of Canberra mistakes and penalties eventually allowed Anthony Minichello’s last involvement in an NRL game for several months to be a very successful one.

Canberra’s inability to score – or even threaten to score – continued and the Roosters extended their lead early in the second half. Minichello’s replacement – Ben Jones (usually a half or outside back) – played well and was rarely pressured in his new position by Canberra.

When Mitchell Pearce scored easily, the Roosters had the win sealed up with under 15 minutes to go: an embarrassing outcome for a team as talented as Canberra (even allowing for their two injured players).

Speaking of Pearce, his Roosters had every reason to be happy with their win, but they were not nearly as good as Mitchell’s father – Wayne (in the FOX commentary box) – suggested. He was almost as bad as Ray Warren calling Parramatta games.

Manly v. New Zealand

There once was a halfback named Stacey
Some had concerns he might be off the pace-y
But from his bag of tricks
Came two excellent kicks
And the 'Chur Bro’s' were in ecstasy

In 2008, Manly started quite slowly before their first home game (in Round 3): a thrashing of the Warriors. This game was only Round 2 and Manly was still without Brett Stewart, but they figured to put in a much better effort than their insipid performance against the Bulldogs last Saturday.

Helping Manly’s cause was the absence of two of the better Warriors players due to injury: Lance Hohaia and Micheal Luck (the spelling is correct: he’s the Dwyane Wade of the NRL). When Manly jumped to a 10-nil lead early on in balmy, un-Auckland conditions, a repeat thrashing looked on the cards.

But the Warriors responded and incredibly took the lead after three well-worked tries in no time (this was before Stacey Jones came into the game). Some vintage before-the-line passing from Steve Price set up two of the three tries.

Manly survived to half-time and the momentum swung back to them in the first period of the second half. They continued to attack the Warriors’ left side defence with further success and also executed well to score on the other side of the field.

But they also missed a number of other opportunities and given the speed of the game, the heat and Manly not being at their best (performance and match fitness), Manly’s 8-point lead looked vulnerable to another momentum swing. This was inspired the relatively fresh Jones, who turned the game suddenly with his chip kick and regather past a tiring Manly defence to cut the lead to 4.

It appeared Manly might hold on for the win as the clock ticked towards 80 minutes – the Warriors too were tiring and missed some possible opportunities for the win – until Jones’ final effort, a cross-kick. When Ropati came up with the loose ball and Kemp converted, this fast and entertaining (if mistake-heavy) game had its ending. One wonders if this draining game will affect both teams like the Tigers, Canberra and Gold Coast were affected this week.

Cronulla v. Newcastle

The team from the town dubbed ‘The New Cross’
Took on the Knights after a hot loss
The Game’s Greatest Thinker’s
Team put in a stinker
Their effort after Knights’ injuries was dross

Round 2 appropriately ended with an “Irish” game: Cronulla started the game against Newcastle looking fast and strong, but their performance went south once two of Newcastle’s better players (Simpson and Mullen) sustained injuries.

Conversely, Newcastle’s young side, after a slow start, picked up significantly after Simpson and Mullen left the game. Luckily for Newcastle, their side this week contained Scott Dureau as Mullen’s partner in the halves (and not the erratic Ben Rogers). Had Rogers been left as the only player in the halves after Mullen’s injury, Newcastle would have received such benefits as sloppy passes, bizarre kick options, a booming, swirling bomb (his one good play a game to make most forget about all his mistake) then more strange decisions.

That said, Newcastle was fortunate not to be behind 12-nil. A great attacking set from Cronulla threatened to result in their second try but Taulapapa’s effort was not quite as good as that seen from the indefatigable Kurt Gidley, who made up ground to nudge Taulapapa on to a small patch of white line.

From the ensuing possession, Newcastle scored then had the better of play until half time and continued this effort until their lead was 18. They had some luck with refereeing decisions (specifically on their second and third tries) but were far better than the Sharks during this time.

Cronulla did cut the deficit to 12, but got no closer due to a combination of uninspired, monotonous attack, relentless Newcastle defence and some (more) luck where a number of stoppages allowed the short-handed Knights to catch their breath. This wasn’t very lucky for Newcastle’s Cameron Ciraldo, whose foot was more east-west than north-south, but a number of other stoppages (and a cooler night at the climatically-bizarre Shark Park….?) meant Newcastle wasn’t suffering like other teams who lose players to injury during a game.

With the forecast again on the warm side for this weekend, Round 3 promises another series of games where fatigue plays a major role, but surely teams can’t sustain this pace as the heat continues, can they? See you next week.

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Round 1: Even More Evenness

In a competition where parity has become the holy grail over the last decade or so, Round 1 of each NRL season generally provides more hope to the underdog than in most other situations. This is largely due to the salary cap but also to the more traditional Round 1 levellers: a lack of match fitness, adverse weather conditions and, of course, the best and worst teams all being on an equal number of competition points.

However, Round 1 2009 was the most even first-up round for many years. The aforementioned factors contributed here but in a more extreme form (in most cases) than normal: almost all teams experienced either a significant overhaul of their playing roster, a major loss of depth (worsened by pre-season injuries), an almost irreplaceable loss of leadership/experience or a combination of these due to the salary cap. Also, the rather extreme weather in most games gave another leg-up to lesser teams (or weakened superior teams).

But the introduction of two on-field referees was another factor making for more even rugby league. It diminished the advantage enjoyed by those more physically dominant teams as well as those teams who push the envelope when it comes illegal methods of slowing down the play the ball. But the main impact of the second referee was to lessen the influence of the video referee and hence speed up the game (further). A number of teams were aided in their comeback efforts by momentum aided by the second referee (in combination with warm weather and lack of match fitness).

Curiously, the even faster game speed was warmly received by almost everyone, even though it came with a side-effect of an above-average penalty count at most games. I guess that shows the extent of dislike for the video referee in non-try situations.

In the end, six of the eight games were quite close while the other two games saw highly rated teams on the end of a thrashing. Also, most games featured a number of exciting passages of play. Close games where the outcome is uncertain, the potential resurgence of previously lowly teams, much excitement and surprisingly strong crowds: it was a very successful round for the NRL.

The opening Friday night of the NRL season is now quite the eagerly anticipated event, especially with two games taking place. However, it is perhaps most appropriate to start with these two games as they were the most even of the round.

In previous years, placing the notoriously slow-starting St George Illawarra into an opening night slot would only have resulted in an even game if they were playing someone with far less talent than them (such as the Tigers, or the Gold Coast).

But these are the new Dragons. They no longer have an over-abundance of talent or a coach far too familiar with the playing roster but not familiar enough with getting the most out of his team. The addition of Wayne Bennett to this chronically under-achieving club will almost certainly result in a more consistent performance and a much better chance at ultimate success...but could they perform in the very difficult environment of Olympic Park?

The Dragons' cause was helped by facing a much weaker Melbourne Storm lineup than in past seasons. The Storm have kept their mega-star players, but as a result, have had to wave goodbye to many (just) star players (or excellent complementary players). Players such as Folau, Crocker, Geyer, Kaufusi, Jeremy Smith, Tagataese, King, Newton and Aubusson. Throw in a few injuries and the Storm looked rather less threatening than in years past.

While the Dragons looked a bit less flashy than they have, their competitiveness and determination against a still-difficult opponent stood out and Melbourne realised they were in a struggle. Traditionally when this happens, Melbourne would fight hard then cross-kick for Folau, but without this option, they had to reach deeper into their bag of tricks.

They also quickly discovered the second referee would make their various wrestling techniques harder to execute without being penalised. After six seasons of wrestling from the Storm, almost everyone within rugby league is now familiar with the wrestling jargon. Or at least referee Gavin Badger assumed everyone was familiar. He would certainly have been forgiven for thinking Melbourne captain Cameron Smith - one of the league's worst offenders - would be an encyclopaedia on the subject, but Smith's Fat Tony-esque question to Badger ("What's a Chicken Wing?") was unexpected to say the least. To Badger's credit, he took Smith's devious question in his stride and Melbourne realised they needed something more.

This initially came from their bulked-up superstar Greg Inglis. On one of his trademark arcing runs, he brushed of Jamie Soward's attempted upper body tackle with ease as Melbourne took an early lead. But the Dragons responded - as did Soward, who stood up to Inglis next time he aimed himself at the diminuntive Dragons five-eighth - and had a half-time lead.

Melbourne enjoyed a second-half possession advantage and ground their way to a six-point lead with only a few minutes left, but a late Wendell-inspired run saw Matt Cooper score and Jamie Soward convert to send the game to Golden Point. Once again, the monotony (of the game) and the fear (of the referees) of Golden Point was seen, but thankfully the "face of the game" Inglis ended the pain just four minutes in.

The field-goal shootout was also seen in Friday night's other game, where Brisbane hosted the Cowbores. However, these teams are still quite a long way from being the finished article, so even what is normally quite a predictable part of the game was uncertain and interesting.

The rest of this game could also be described in this way. Since winning the competition in 2006, Brisbane's playing roster has undergone a major transformation and they would run on to the field on Friday night with their second-ever coach. Even though they had Lockyer, Hunt and Wallace to guide the team around, this team is much different. They showed glimpses of being a very good team, but not just yet.

For the Cowbores, Feral Thurston welcomed back Matt Bowen (from injury) and Neil Henry (from Canberra) but realised again that his team is a graveyard for semi-talented backs (except Ashley Graham, who missed this game due to injury). The latest corpses to be added to the Cowbores backline were Shannon Hegarty and Willie Tonga. Travis Burns came to life at various stages of this game to make a vigourous tackle or scream at someone, but he remained comatose for most of this game, especially when the Cowbores had the ball.

While the Cowbores, like the Dragons and Broncos, will almost certainly be a better team after their new coach has had more time, their problems will not go away overnight (like Parramatta's). The most important of these is their still-soft defence, especially in their back-row. Luke O'Donnell had a solid game after a horror 2008, but Ben Harris and Manase Manuokafoa are unlikely to spend much time this season in no.'s 11 and 12 if the Cowbores hope to have a good year.

But, as the Cowbores have in many games, Feral set up a few tries (with the standard try involving Matt Bowen that wasn't nearly as brilliant as described by the Ch 9 commentators) and was perfect with his conversions giving his team a very good chance of victory. To Brisbane's credit, their collective poise whilst under adversity is almost as strong as when their team was full of experience and they probably should have taken a late lead but for Steve Michaels' poor hands.

In the end, the field goal shootout was mostly filled with mistakes from both teams, but Peter Wallace gave Brisbane the win before we had to endure another period of Golden Point.

Speaking of mistakes, enduring poor play and late points to secure a win, Cronulla against Penrith on Saturday night provided a brilliant display of each. The early minutes of this game showed some strong running, a well-constructed Cronulla try and a Gallen head-high tackle (in Cronulla's first tackle of the season no less!) before the torrential rain started.

Penrith actually scored their only try in the game as the rain was near its worst (a side-stepping effort from Michael Jennings). However, for the rest of the night, their game consisted of inexplicably poor (even allowing for the conditions) handling, repeated bizarre logic of placing attacking kicks behind Cronulla's backs early in the tackle count (when these backs showed no signs of pushing up too quickly or being unsettled by these kicks) and poor combinations between Lewis, Sammut and whoever was playing dummy half (despite these four players being teammates for over a year now).

Cronulla tried to match Penrith in handling errors - especially Misi Taulapapa - but they were excused for exhibiting less-than-perfect combinations, given their five-eighth (Barrett) and hooker (Hughes) are new signings. They also had to cope with an injury to fullback Brett Kearney. Injuries to outside backs (which most teams do not allow for under the limited interchange system) can turn a game as the injured team has to make significant adjustments, but even with Taulapapa's poor handling at fullback, Cronulla survived.

Despite having much attacking ball, Penrith never seriously threatened and a late penalty to Cronulla meant this trying game wouldn't go to Golden Point. The several thousand fair-weather Cronulla supporters who adjourned to the Leagues Club when the rain started were very happy at this outcome.

The weather was a bit too fair on the Gold Coast at 1pm Sunday afternoon; in hindsight, this was a silly time to schedule a rugby league game on the Gold Coast in early March. Many supporters were probably at the beach and when the Gold Coast fell behind 14-0, the small group of Newcastle supporters was the dominant noise at Skilled Park.

Despite having a strong possession advantage to that point, Newcastle wilted in the final 10 minutes of the half as the Gold Coast attacking machine got going and incredibly the Gold Coast led at half time. While Isaac De Gois was one of the form hookers of last season and seemingly a very good replacement for Knights legend Danny Buderus, De Gois had a so-so game: Newcastle missed Buderus' leadership noticeably.

While Newcastle missed leadership from Buderus, they missed something more tangible from their new five-eighth Ben Rogers early in the second half: tackling. Scott Prince scored a very easy try through Rogers' porous defence to extend Gold Coast's lead. From here, the heat really affected both the quality of the game and the welfare of the players. Newcastle stayed close but when William Zillman ran 80 metres to score, it secured the win for the Titans.

It was also a near 80 metre run by a new fullback which secured the win for the Wests Tigers in last night's exciting game against Canberra. In a strange game where both teams showed glimpses of brilliance but also some very poor play on a very warm night, the Tigers' dominance of possession in the 2nd half saw them hold a slim 2-point lead as Canberra's Terry Campese chipped over the top for the flying Phil Graham.

Graham's soccer skills rescued Canberra several minutes when the Tigers were mounting attack after attack on the Canberra line and he reached the chip kick first and tried to put the ball down near the tryline, but Tigers fullback Tim Moltzen was in the way. The ball ricocheted from Moltzen into Campese back to Moltzen, who sprinted away to score. In a game full of momentum swings, the tiring but gallant Raiders were never going to be able to bridge an 8-point gap in limited time, although their enterprise in attack was seen until the game's last second.

While Campese was the best player on the ground, unfortunately Canberra's right-side defence was, to put it nicely, quite unsure of itself and was a frequent target of Tigers attacking raids. They also made a number of unforced mistakes throughout the game, most of which were punished by the Tigers. With Brett Hodgson's poise and experience, the Tigers may have been able to thrash the Raiders, but if Canberra had Colin Best or Lincoln Withers, the thrashing might have gone the other way. Another entertaining but perhaps low-quality game, with both teams capable of much more.

Most people seem to think the Warriors are capable of a very good season, even without Ruben Wiki. The signing of Stacey Jones may prove to be a masterstroke in giving leadership to a young team, but even without him, the Warriors were generally far too good for Parramatta on Saturday night.

That said, Parramatta showed glimpses of being a better team than in 2008: the more disciplinarian coaching style of former Warriors coach Daniel Anderson should improve Parra's end of season position, but he would LOVE a bit more strength in the forward pack. Parra's backs are amongst the league's best (especially with the return of Ben Smith...even with the liability known as Eric Grothe) but the platform they are given by their forwards is usually sub-par. The Warriors threatened to run up the score on them in the second half, but Parramatta responded well (albeit when the Warriors were suffering with several injuries).

The best has been saved for last: victories for Souths and the Bulldogs were emphatic and surprising all at once. In the second half of 2008, Souths was one of the NRL's better teams, but their thorough dominance of the Roosters was still something of a surprise. Who knew Sutton could be so dominant at five-eighth? Who knew Nathan Merritt could outjump noted Roosters leaper Shaun Kenny-Dowell? Who knew they could play so well without Craig Wing?

That said, the Roosters played quite poorly. You know you've had a bad game when the opposition coach says so. What was even more disheartening for the Roosters was that they were not that many players away from their full-strength team.

But Manly's poor attitude and preparation on Saturday night at Homebush was perhaps the most surprising event of the weekend. Sure, they had to deal with being the hunted (instead of the hunter), any residual effects of their England trip, the scars of their tumultuous last week and the absence of some key players due to injury.

Still, Manly frequently overcame obstacles in recent years with their intensity and a solid team framework: there was little evidence of this on Saturday night. While the Bulldogs had a much better team than in 2008 and were definitely rejuvenated, Manly's ill-discipline and, alarmingly, their soft defence (who lets David Stagg be a ball player and set up a try?!?!) meant the Bulldogs received maximum reward for their effort.

However, similar to the Souths-Roosters game, credit must be given to the Bulldogs despite the poor performance of their opposition. Their forward pack stood tall against the usually very strong Manly pack (players such as Andrew Ryan and Gary Warburton, who looked almost useless on last year's team, appeared to be the most thankful for the influx of new talent) and their backs cashed in. Much was made of their 7 new players, but a healthy Luke Patten is pretty much a new player too (given his absence with back problems for much of last year).

It's only early days at the moment, but if the Bulldogs and Souths can have strong seasons, you'd imagine the parity-obsessed NRL wouldn't mind too much.

See you next week.

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